The Shifting Moon
by bograt
Summary: The journey of Nymphadora Tonks. Follows Her life, Her loves, and Her losses through OotP, HBP and the seventh book! COMPLETE!
1. meeting nymphadora

_I do not own any of the Harry potter characters, places, spells, etc. etc. _

Tonks' POV:

I _hate_ Rufus Scrimgeour.

He's the type of man who induces worry and panic into my system, even when asking me to do the most simplistic of jobs. He has this presence, as he stands there before you, twirling his wand in his long fingers and looking thoughtful, his voice contemplating and firm as he asks you do file a paper, or write a report, or carry a message, or do some other incredibly dull and mind dissolving task invented only to bore ministry employees to death.

It wasn't only his mannerisms that frustrated me, or the way he stood, or the way he spoke to you like a child. It was his utter straight mindedness and lack of listening skills for those of a lower rank. Mainly, me. When in contact with Scrimgeour he would raise one eyebrow very slightly, and look at you as if to say "well? What can such an insubordinate species such as yourself want with my time?"

I left his office one evening later than was strictly required of my time at the ministry because of some stupid report Scrimgeour had instructed me to complete, post-haste, to be on his desk early that morning and which I had failed to hand in. Miserable and exhausted, I almost ran to my desk, ignoring the "vote Rufus Scrimgeour for minister of magic!" posters lining the office cubicles, to find a "vote RS!" badge perched on a particularly high pile of paperwork.

Glaring at it, I leant down so my nose was inches away from the badge and muttered, "say it, and I'll hex you."

"How very rude!" the miniature Scrimgeour replied haughtily.

I stacked the paperwork in a corner, threw the badge in the bin, and left the office to apparate home.

When I had joined the ministry one year ago, fresh out of training, I had never imagined myself like this: eating lunch in a crowded cafeteria with barely enough arm room to pick up a sandwich, joined by 500 other wizards and witches who equally kept to themselves and yearning for the day to end.

A wizard reading the paper opposite me snorted in disgust and said to his friend, "Look at that! Harry Potter causing more trouble!"

"What's he done now?" his friend asked, putting down his fork and glaring at the front page of _The Daily Prophet_, where the smiling face of the boy who lived stared back out at him.

"Claiming all sorts of nonsense about you-know-who returning." He said it like that settled the matter.

I clenched my teeth and rolled my eyes. "Hey, ever struck you that the boy might be telling the truth?" I asked lightly with a polite smile. "You think he _wants_ the attention? _Poor kid._"

The wizard's eyes flicked to my bubblegum pink hair and looked at me in disgust. "Of course he wants the attention. You-know-who is dead."

I noticed several people had stopped eating to watch the conflict, and I felt I owed it to myself to give a good argument. "You-know-who isn't dead. You honestly think a one-year-old kid could kill him? He's probably just in hiding. You know, biding his time."

Many of the other witches and wizards were glaring at me or whispering behind their hands. I barely paid them any attention and willed my hair to become, if possible, even brighter in order to offend as many of the non-believers as I could manage.

"Excuse me," said the wizard opposite, "but you weren't _there_. You have no idea." He stuck his nose into the air and with his friend in tow, marched out of the cafeteria.

"Neither were you." I said to his empty space. "Or you'd be dead."

I spent the rest of my lunch break in my cubicle finishing reports, and swore never to eat in the cafeteria again.

In the midst of a mind numbing report a small, delicately folded paper aeroplane skimmed through the air and into my office with a swish and a thud. Fearing the worst and knowing I had done something wrong: forgotten something or tripped over something valuable and broke it, I fully intended to ignore the note and pretend I had never got it.

Throwing it aside and into the waste paper basket next to the "Vote RS!" badge (which was still crying out it's slogan half heartedly), I set back to work. Ten minutes later another note landed on my work, and five minutes after that one had met the same fate as it's predecessor, three more speared my report viciously. Figuring that whoever could be this insistent for my attention must have fairly serious intentions, I unfolded the neared plane and read-

"_Nymphadora Tonks, you are requested in Kingsley Shacklebolt's office immediately."_

I let out a groan. Kingsley Shacklebolt was way above me in the Auror offices and was well known for keeping a strict profile and wasn't too fond of me. I've messed up way too many times to be overly popular with my seniors.

Dragging myself out from my cubicle, I forced myself down the corridor towards Kingsley's office, and had barely enough time to wonder if I should change my hair colour when the man himself burst from the door looking frustrated.

I rocked back on my heels, ready to run and looking up at him, wishing I had responded sooner. He spotted me, and smiled, a warm grin on his face as he beckoned me into his large and extensive office.

"Nymphadora, come on in, we need to have a chat."

That scared me. I would rather he just yelled, threw a report as a punishment in my face and sent me out. It was almost like being at Hogwarts again, except here I never had any fun and the food was a lot worse.

"Yes sir," I said, following him in. I heard the door click shut behind me.

On the walls, there were hundreds of photos of Sirius Black, smiling and glowering at me from every angle. Shacklebolt was the leader of the Black investigation. Perched on the desk, a thin balding man with red hair nodded to me as he wiped his glasses on his shabby robes.

"Sit down, Nymphadora," he said, getting up.

I took his place on the desk, looking between the two men.

Shacklebolt folded his arms, sealed and silenced the door with a spell, and looked down at me. "We want to talk to you about your attitude." He said quite stiffly. "And the disturbance at lunchtime."

It really was like being at Hogwarts again, how many times had I faced detention because of my "attitude"?

I cringed; I should have known this was to come up. I was disturbing the peace of the ministry, sprouting lies and causing people to panic. I felt almost proud.

"Attitude, sir?" I said nonchalantly, wishing I could return to my desk and my safe secure cubicle where no one could see me and I could hide under the desk if need be. Give me a dark wizard over an angry senior any day.

"We heard you were defending Harry Potter," the red head said, looking weary. I guessed he hadn't been sleeping so well lately.

"That's true." I said slowly. So that's a crime now? I was sure a year ago half the wizarding world was worshipping the ground he walked on.

"Why?" Shacklebolt said, leaning forward in what I hoped was not meant to be intimidating but a curious gesture.

"Well the boy's had enough problems in the past without the Daily Prophet on his back all the time. If the boy says what he saw was true, then why not? It could be. I don't think he's vying for attention, we all saw how he reacted when Rita Skeeter sank her claws into him." I finished quickly, desperate to leave and hoping I had quenched their thirst for my stupidity.

"Exactly!" roared Shacklebolt, laughing loudly and patting me on the back, "good girl! You've got it!"

"Uh…" I looked to the bald man who was smiling gently. "Got what, sir?"

"Do you believe that you-know-who has returned?" he asked.

I shrugged and thought for the right answer. I seemed to be doing okay so far… "Well it seems possible."

"Would you be willing to fight him if he does return?" I sensed Shacklebolt was one step ahead of me and I was going to either emerge from this alive and well, or fall into a deadly trap and scar my career for life.

"Of course," I said, "I'm an Auror, aren't I? Pretty sure that's what I'm supposed to do."

He laughed and said, "well then, Nymphadora, we'd like to recruit you under strict secrecy into the order of the phoenix, granted you'd be willing."

I gaped at him and said, "the order of the _what_?"


	2. meeting sirius black

**First of all, I would LOVE to thank the following people who have kindly read and reviewed my story! **

**Anne Nyltiak**

**Starrcrost**

**Dream Phantom**

**i love you guys! sniff.**

_I do not own any of the Harry Potter people, places, and spells. Etc. etc. they belong to the fantastical JK Rowling!_

"Sirius black is innocent," Arthur Weasley said to me later that week in an offhand sort of way as we walked down a grimy street past run down houses in the midst of night. "And he's part of the order." He looked at me expectantly as I blinked a few times and said dumbly, "Sirius Black is my cousin, and he's not innocent, he killed all those people."

"No, he is innocent." Arthur said as we walked, and his tone made me want to believe him. "That was Peter Pettigrew. Thought I'd warn you, because he'll be inside, and it might have been an awful shock otherwise."

I heartily agreed, and wanted to argue, but he had stopped. He passed me a slip of parchment and said, "read it."

'_The headquarters of the order of the phoenix may be found at number twelve, Grimmauld place, London._'

I looked to Arthur in question, but movement out the corner of my eye caught my attention. A house, as tall and wide as its neighbours, was squeezing out of nowhere, with a small grubby gold 12 next to the door. There were lights on inside igniting the windows but it looked cold and uninviting.

Arthur walked forwards and pushed open the door, letting me in first. He closed the door quickly, and helped me hang my cloak and robes onto a hat stand. I could hear voices coming from a room that radiated light and heat down the hall. The house smelt damp and there was a thick layer of dirt and dust on the floor and peeling walls where Picture frames hung on at odd angles, most covered with dustsheets. The remaining pictures were all very awake and alert. I thought I saw one, a very ugly and fat wizard, wink at me before I turned away.

"Be quiet now," Arthur said, leading me down the hall and a short staircase into the warm kitchen. The occupants of which looked up when we entered and the two sat at the table playing cards stood up to meet us. The bouncy woman beside the stove ran forward to kiss Arthur and stood before me with a wide smile on her kind face.

"You must be Nymphadora!" she said brightly.

"Please call me Tonks," I said as nicely as I could manage. "You must be molly."

She hugged me unexpectantly, and beamed. "Yes. You look ravished, can I make you anything?"

She looked like one of those women who revelled in cooking for other people, and I _was_ starving, so I nodded and said, "That would be lovely."

She moved aside so Arthur and I could sit down but my path was blocked by a sallow skinned, once-hansom man with long black hair, the man I recognised from the photo's in Kingsley's office.

"Sirius black." I said suddenly, a frown on my face as I faced my cousin. "Arthur told me you were innocent."

"Sure am." Sirius hesitantly hugged me. "I haven't seen you since you were a little girl, Nymphadora. How have you been?"

The fact that an escaped convicted criminal was asking me how I had been and was hugging me seemed oddly comforting. I tilted my head to the side, considered it and said, "work sucks."

He roared with laughter, (more of a bark than a laugh, really) and pushed me towards the last member of the kitchen: a worn, tired man in his mid thirties with flecks of grey in his light brown hair and papery lined skin. He looked ill.

"This is Remus Lupin," Sirius introduced him with a wave of his hand. "We went to school together."

"Wotcher Remus," I said with a nod, shaking his hand.

Remus moved aside and pulled out a chair for me, allowing me to sit down. I noticed his eyes drift to my pink hair and I almost laughed.

Sirius sat opposite me and molly pressed a mug of butter beer into my hands, which I drank fervently as I watched my cousin fiddle with his sleeves. "Has everything about the order been explained to you?" he said, looking into my eyes. Both were dark, but his were haunted with something I couldn't quite place… worry…. loneliness…. a _hunger_…maybe that's what twelve years in Azkaban did to a man.

"Pretty much. Kingsley Shacklebolt has been updating me all week. Said something about a meeting tonight." I shrugged. "I suppose if I do back out of all of this, you'll wipe my memory?" I tried to say it like I couldn't care less, but this was a fantastic opportunity and I didn't want to waste time later getting my priorities straight.

Sirius barked with laughter again and patted my hand. "We haven't had a single one back out so far, Nymphadora. You're doing the right thing being here."

I rolled my eyes and said, "Please don't call me Nymphadora. It's hideous."

Remus Lupin and Sirius exchanged looks of amusement in the dim light, but I ignored it, letting my eyes drift around the room across to molly and Arthur cuddling by the stove to the rough stone walls and the warm fire on the far wall. I noticed there were an extroadinary amount of chairs around the extended table we sat at, and I figured this must be where we were having the meeting.

"The meeting is in about an hour," Sirius said in his rough voice, as if reading my mind. "So…_Tonks_, can I ask a few questions?"

"Only if I get to ask a few in return," I said, rather more stiffly than I had intended. "I'm not the convicted criminal." I smiled to lighten the mood, hoping he wouldn't take offence.

He didn't. He laughed louder than before and shook his head. "You go first."

"How come you're innocent?" I asked immediately, "and I don't just want the answer 'because I am'."

"Tonks, I never killed anyone." He said, truth in his deep dark eyes. "It was all peter Pettigrew. I made a mistake in trusting him, we all did, and he betrayed us. I was framed." He sounded genuine enough, but it wouldn't be the first time a man had lied to me.

"Mum always said you never had a trial." I muttered.

"You have to trust me, Tonks. You're the only family I have." He was squeezing my hand rather firmly now, and I turned my palm upwards in his and interlaced our fingers.

"I believe you. And I _do_ trust you." We exchanged a heart felt smile and Sirius cleared his throat, regaining his composure.

"Do I get to ask a question now?"

"If you want." I knew what was coming; it was going to be the same questions my entire family asked at every social gathering.

"What are you doing at the ministry these days?"

"I'm an Auror." I said with some sort of pride. "Just a year out of training."

Sirius nodded and asked, "Do you enjoy it?" I suppose I had become the very person he was trying to escape.

I snorted. "No, it sucks. My boss hates me and takes every opportunity to show me up in front of the entire department." I sounded like a whiny schoolgirl. "And paperwork is _not_ what I signed up for."

"Yeah, but come on, Tonks. An Auror. That's pretty good going."

I accepted his compliments with an apprehensive look and sniffed. Sirius must have seen this, recognised the signs, and said, "well that's all going to change now, isn't it? You're doing something to actually help. You can go into work knowing you're helping when your boss is sat on his ass doing nothing."

I wanted to hug him. "Thanks Sirius." Desperate to twist the subject away from me, I said, "So how _did_ you escape from Azkaban, anyway?"

"Crawled through the bars," he said dismissively, and I heard Lupin chuckle, the first sound I had heard him make. Soft, gentle…

"You…._ crawled_…. through the bars?" I said, raising an eyebrow. "And the dementor's didn't catch you…_how_?" I looked at him, falling about with laughter, knowing he knew something I hadn't grasped yet.

"I'm an illegal animagus." He said, straightening up. "I can turn into a dog. The Dementor's couldn't sense me and recognise me for who I was, so I managed to slip between the bars, swim to shore, and north."

I stared, mouth agape. After several seconds I took a gulp of butter beer to hide my embarrassment. "Incredible," I murmured.

"How's your mother?" Sirius said eagerly, leaning forward so our faces were inches apart. "She was always my favourite cousin. Not at all like the rest of my _dear_ family."

"She's doing alright. She still talks about you, y'know. She can't believe you did such a horrible thing. I suppose I'm not allowed to tell her you're innocent?" I asked hopefully.

"Wait for the order to approach her, if they do." Sirius looked disheartened at this, but he seemed to notice me again and brightened up. He ruffled his hair and clutched his glass, shifting his shoulders in his navy baggy woollen jumper.

Remus got up from the chair next to me and I watched him cross the room to the fire. He stoked it and threw more firewood into the flames before coming to sit back down next to me. I noticed that, like Arthur, his robes were torn and old and perhaps a few sizes too big. In the flame light, he looked almost healthy, seemingly glowing in the moonlight from the small basement window. But when I looked back to him, I could see bags under his eyes and his limp hair need to be cut.

"so do you live with anyone? Have a boyfriend perhaps?" Sirius asked, and I tore my gaze away from Lupin. It was the typical question relatives needed to ask, playful banter between cousins that immediately made me blush and my heart warm to Sirius a little more if only from the sparkle in his eyes.

"No," I tried to say it dismissively, sophisticated even, like I enjoyed the solitude of an empty flat and watching my friends grow up and get married whilst I was left alone, concentrating on my career and spending some well deserved 'me-time.'

I wasn't fooling anyone, and we both knew it.

I also felt I needed to explain myself some more, to both of us, why I was desperately lonely and everyone else wasn't. "My boyfriend left me," I said, "about eight months ago. I'm over him of course, and I like being by myself. I'm not desperate to settle down anytime soon." It sounded half convincing at least, and if either Sirius decided to believe it or swallow it for my sake he let the matter ago when I said, "so how long have you and Remus known each other?"

I smiled at Remus, hoping he would be the one to answer, as I hadn't heard him speak yet. He seemed so conserved, so content to just watch and listen than join in. We were like complete opposites, so unlike in so many ways already I wondered if he already hated me from just spending several minutes in the same room as me.

"Since first year at Hogwarts." I was disappointed to hear Sirius speak and I was intent on coercing a reply from Remus at some point. "Speaking of which," Sirius said, breaking my concentration, "how old are you now Tonks? I can't figure it out, your hair makes you look younger."

I grinned slyly. "How old do you _think_ I am?"

Sirius ground his teeth together and said cautiously, "twenty five?"

I groaned and rolled my eyes. "I'm twenty-two, thank you-very-much. Twenty-five." I sniffed dismissively. "That's _ancient_."

There were several yells from molly and Sirius snorted in indignation. I laughed and said, "honestly, and I thought you said I looked younger with the hair?"

Remus chuckled and I was glad I had aroused some sort of response from him.

Then, as if on clockwork, order members began to appear through the door and the meeting began. Seemingly normal people who you have never imagined to be part of such a thing, yet when you saw them here in Grimmauld Place kitchen, they seemed to oddly fit.

**_Remember people, if you've bothered to read it, please take a few seconds to tell me how I've done! This story took time and effort, and it all makes it worthwhile when I hear your gorgeous reviews! megs.xox. _**


	3. Bill and the boy who lived

_I do not own any of the Harry Potter people, places, and spells. Etc. etc._

Mad-eye Moody was the first to arrive. He looked at me closely, his magical eye swivelling in its socket and examined me, then grunted and took a seat. Minerva McGonagall nodded to me when she entered and took her place next to a bigger chair, reserved, I assumed, for Albus Dumbledore, who would be leading the meeting. Severus Snape completely ignored my presence and waltzed into the room with his greasy hooked nose pointed high into the air. There were several others of whom I recognised the face but never the name. Amongst The ones I did know in person were Kingsley Shacklebolt, Elphias Doge, Dedalus Diggle, Emmeline Vance, Sturgis Podmore and Hestia Jones. Most of them didn't notice me as the crowd around the table was growing bigger, but a few waved or winked or inclined their heads in greeting.

Then finally, Albus Dumbledore arrived. When he swept into the room silence fell and he offered everyone a cheeky grin. He sat in the high back chair, cleared his throat, and immediately began to speak…

I don't remember an awful lot of the meeting except that it was pitifully boring and Severus Snape was shooting me death glares across the table as his eyes flicked to my hair.

Finally, as they stood to leave, Albus Dumbledore announced, "and for those unawares, the young lady with the _delightful_ pink hair is miss Nymphadora Tonks and will be joining us from now on." He inclined his head in a small bow and winked.

Minerva McGonagall fought her way through the crowd and gave me one of her rare, tight smiles. "Nymphadora," she said, almost gently. "I haven't seen you for four years. What did you finally do with yourself?"

Oh god, was that adoration I saw in her eyes? I smiled back and said, "I became an Auror, professor."

The look on her face was absolutely priceless. I had never been one of the smarter or better behaved pupils, but when it came to my exams I had studied for hours beforehand. I had pulled through my OWLs and NEWTs with grades that could only have been described as incredible. In fact, when it came to my OWLs my exam papers had been sent to ministry to be checked, so sure were the teachers that I had cheated.

"Why…that's fantastic, Nymphadora." She looked dazed, awestruck. "But I thought there hadn't been a female Auror accepted into training for years…"

I couldn't escape the smug grin on my face as I answered that. "Actually, there was one other girl in my class of twenty, but other than that, there hadn't been many before us. I almost failed, though. Lost a lot of points on tracking and stealth, but I did great on concealment and disguise. Didn't even have to study."

I knew we were both remembering my bodily transformations in NEWT transfiguration class. Professor McGonagall had set the task of changing your hair colour in large mirrors at the edge of the classroom, and five seconds after she had had spoken, I had walked to the front of the room with electric blue hair requesting a new assignment. She shook her head in amusement and wished me well before leaving the room with Dumbledore.

Kingsley slapped me on the back playfully and said, "glad to see you turn up, Tonks! What do you reckon? You in?

I nodded enthusiastically. "Definitely!"

He seemed to look satisfied. "I'll see you in the office tomorrow morning then."

I couldn't grasp completely that he was actually planning to speak to me outside of order business. The whole concept alone was unbelievable, and I wasn't sure what to say.

Life at the ministry definitely improved after the first order meeting. I began to notice the other members more around the offices, and Kingsley Shacklebolt dropped in to see me and sat on my in-tray at around twelve o'clock.

"Morning Tonks!" he boomed, with a gigantic smile on his face. "How are you feeling this morning?"

I stared at him for a few seconds processing the question. Did he actually just ask me how I was _feeling_? What the hell was going on!

"Um, fine, I guess. You?" I stammered my response, wondering what horrible gruelling task he was preparing me for.

"Not bad, not bad." He answered, flicking through the reports on my desk. "My god this is boring," he muttered, reading through an essay on the whereabouts of an ancient wizard who was suspected of spreading the word voldemort was alive and living in his back garden.

"Well I tried to use colour changing ink but Scrimgeour freaked out." I glanced up from writing and saw him laugh. "Hey, Kingsley, sir, without sounding rude or anything, but why are you here?"

"Just thought I would pop in and chat," he said. "I had an extra five minutes, thought you might like a break. But if you're busy I can go…"

"Nah, stay, I'm not busy at all." I leant back in my chair and put my hands behind my head, closing my eyes just long enough to sigh.

"If you can get off work at around sevenish," Kingsley whispered, "molly Weasley has invited you to join us for dinner at Grimmauld place. I suggest you come, it's always a great laugh."

I considered the offer carefully. I would be spending the night with strangers, my boss, and a cousin I barely knew. What the hell…

"Sure." I shrugged. "Can't be that bad, can it?"

"Well," Kingsley conjured a squashy chair out of nowhere and sat next to me, putting his feet up on the desk next to mine. "Molly might try fixing you up with one of her many children, but otherwise you should be fine."

I felt my mouth go dry and a blush form on my cheeks. I never signed up for this...

"Don't worry about it," Kingsley said, pouring me a cup of tea from his wand. "She just finds it tragic a girl of your age isn't married yet."

He shook his head in amusement at my stricken face. "But I don't want to get married," I said breathlessly. "At this age? Who would?"

The answer was, of course, lots of people. Many of my Hogwarts school friends, in fact. From a group of seven of us, I was the only one not settled down with a family, not that it bothered me _that_ much.

"Exactly." Kingsley replied. "I don't understand all this rushing business. Just take it as it goes, you know? If you fall in love, you fall in love. Nothing more to it."

"That's typical male, that is." I said sourly, rolling my eyes.

"You couldn't survive without us. You coming to lunch?" he asked, standing up and stretching.

The fact that my boss was asking me to join him for lunch seemed odd, but I agreed with a nod and we joined Arthur Weasley at a small table in the corner of the cafeteria.

"Wotcher Arthur!" I said, sitting down opposite him.

"Tonks is thinking of accepting Molly's offer for dinner tonight," Kingsley said immediately, starting on his sandwich.

"That'll be good, Bill is joining us as well," Arthur said, then added "he's my eldest son."

"Oh," was all I said with an interested look and began on my salad, unsure of what to say.

"He's about your age," Arthur continued thoughtfully. "He works at gringotts bank as a curse breaker. Really enjoys it, good money too."

"Uhm, really?" I said automatically, wondering where this was going. I stared at the limp green leaves in front of me and picked one up with my fingers, fiddling with it and tearing it into shreds.

"How's your day been so far, Arthur?" Kingsley said interrupting quickly, I think, possibly, for my sake.

"Very interesting, actually," Arthur said, seemingly happy with the new topic. "We had a bewitched copmutor come in. Big boxy thing with a flat board connected with string," he shook his head, "very odd thing, can't figure out how to get the damn thing to work. Apparently muggles sit around all day staring at it and it does something. Well I tried that, I sat for an hour staring at it but nothing happened. I think I'm going to have to get an expert in."

We finished lunch with no further mentions of Bill Weasley or his success and I retired to the office for another six and a half hours work. I left my cubicle with half a dozen reports under my arm and apparated outside Grimmauld place instinctively.

Sirius seemed happy to see me as I set the reports on the library table. He hugged me (I think he was still excited by the fact not all of his family hated him) and picked up a report. I eyed him closely…is it possible he could have been lying to me? Do I really want to be left alone with him in a house I don't know?

"Well these look fun." He said blandly. "Is this what auror's do all day, is it?"

"It's what I do all day, yes. I'm not experienced enough to actually be of any use." I took a book off a shelf that seemed to be full of powerful dark magic and began finishing one of the reports, hoping to get it done before dinner and using the book for reference it became a seemingly easy task.

"You ought to be careful with those," Remus Lupin said making his presence known in the room, almost as if he had sensed my discomfort and fear. "I was reading one, put it down for a second and it ate my bookmark."

I glared at one of the books, leather bound about Manticore's that was chewing on the corner of a parchment. I poked it with my wand and said sternly, "oi! Watch it you! Stop teething!"

The book snapped and skidded across to the other end of the table. "And don't sulk." I added.

I put the report aside and pulled another towards me and asked fairly offhandedly, "Do you guys know anything about werewolves?"

There was a long silence in which the two men exchanged looks. "We know a fair bit," Sirius said with a grin. Once again, I felt he knew something I did not. That was happening far too often these days.

I scratched my head with my quill and looked at the parchment in front of me. "Great. I have to write a report on werewolf activity in Scotland, and I don't know a thing. Scrimgeour is going to freak out."

I thought about how I should have researched this earlier, checked around in the ministry, but the thought had simply slipped my mind. Part of the reason I had left the solitude of my flat that night was to fill the silence that was now awkwardly stretching out into the evening.

"Remus," Sirius prompted, "this is your area."

I looked to him with raised eyebrows in order of a plea for help. Remus pulled my parchment towards him, squinted at my scrawled handwriting, and began to jot down notes with my quill. After about ten minutes of me watching him open mouthed, he pushed the report back at me with a tired smile on his face and said "that's all I know, I'm afraid."

I stared at the two sides of writing and read through what he'd written. "Thanks, Remus, I would never have known half this stuff."

"Well do us both a favour and change the handwriting to your own and never mention that it was I who helped." He sipped his tea with an odd sort of pride in his expression, like he had helped a younger student with their homework. God, so much like Hogwarts.

I tapped it with my wand and the handwriting changed from Lupin's curl to my scrawl. "You're the best Remus, thanks!"

Sirius cleared his throat and leant on one elbow casually. "Out of interest, Tonks, what do you think of werewolves?"

I chewed my lip as I thought and shrugged. "Dunno, never met one. I suppose I wouldn't really want to meet one during full moon, but I guess they're just normal people after that, aren't they? Wouldn't wanna be one, I heard it hurts like hell." I leant back in my chair and looked between them. "Why? Do you have a problem with them?"

Sirius laughed and shook his head. "Not at all. You're right, they're just normal people trying to make their way in the world. And you're right, it does hurt."

He stared at Remus who was pointedly staring back, keeping eye contact for an unnaturally long time. I figured there must be some sort of silent argument going on between them.

Trying to break the silence, I asked, "What do you reckon, Remus?"

"I've studied werewolves," he said, "very closely. And I would suggest, Tonks, that if ever faced with one at full moon, you forget that they are a human during the rest of the month and use every defence you can muster to run and save yourself. When a werewolf is in wolf form there is absolutely no possible means of negotiating with them, they are _no longer_ human and they will not recognise you as anything other than fresh meat."

He kept eye contact with me throughout his speech and I felt a small tingle at the base of my spine. He seemed to be trying to tell me something he could never say with words alone.

"I'm sure that if it was a loved one a werewolf could tell the difference between prey and pack," I said uncertainly, fidgeting with my mug.

Remus shook his head. "No. A human, _any_ human, is in danger when in contact."

I didn't argue, he obviously knew more about the situation than I did. "Have you ever met one?" I asked curiously.

He didn't say or do anything for a long time, only stroked his thumb across his mug in a thoughtful way. Sirius cleared his throat to gain his attention and gave him a pointed sort of look, but Remus shook his head. I didn't understand.

"I have met a few," he said slowly. "Some are bitter and detach themselves from all human life, choosing to live underground. Others choose to live as normal people. It varies really."

He spoke with the tone of voice that pleaded for the conversation to end but I didn't want it to. Something was going on beneath the surface between these two and I was curious to know what it was.

Molly Weasley poked her head round the door and announced "dinner you three!" breaking the awkward moment. We jumped up suddenly and we followed Sirius to the kitchen, Remus avoiding my eyes. How very strange.

Somewhere in between my arrival my entering the kitchen, Bill Weasley had arrived and was now sat with his feet propped up on the kitchen table fiddling with a fang necklace in his hands. His typical Weasley red hair was longer than his brothers and was tied with a leather cord at the nape of his neck. He looked up at me and grinned.

I nodded and smiled politely and said, "something smells wonderful, molly!"

She beamed with happiness and pushed me into the seat next to bill, leaving Remus and Sirius to seat themselves.

Bill took his feet off the table and offered his hand. "Tonks, I assume?" he said, almost lazily.

"Yeah, you must be bill." I returned, reluctantly looking him in the eyes. He wasn't bad looking, exactly, and the fang earring was a definite plus, but he reminded me too much of…

Oh god.

Weasley…I hadn't heard that name in years and now I know why it was familiar.

"How's your brother Charlie?" I asked casually, and I saw molly's head snap around to look at me curiously from the stove.

Bill seemed fairly stumped at this question, shrugged slightly, and said, "last I heard, he got bitten by a big black Norwegian bastard. Viscous little bugger."

I laughed, that sounded so like Charlie. He probably thought he could tame it.

"How do you know Charlie, anyway?" he asked, sipping his drink.

I took in his appearance and his clothes and noted that he was the type of man perfect for me…but oddly…. I felt nothing. He didn't seem gentlemanly enough.

Oh god. I'm turning into one of those women who needed doors opening for them. Or maybe I was just growing up a little bit.

"We went to school together," I said, yawning. It had been a long day. "Knew each other for about two years before we graduated. Then we just kind of lost touch."

"Shame that. Charlie's a good guy."

"Yeah. Owell, friends come and go, right?" I sighed wistfully and massaged my sore hand. Stupid reports. "What's he doing these days? Aside from wrestling dragons, of course."

"Uh…not a lot, I think. Don't think he has a steady girlfriend, if that's what you're curious about." He said it so suddenly, so obviously, that I hardly had time to compose myself.

Damn that blush. "Yes, I was curious actually, but don't you go getting all smart ass on me. Charlie and I were good friends, it's nice to keep track of these things." _Especially seeing that every other Hogwarts friend was settled and married now._

"Of course it is." He sipped his drink again and I scanned for something to do, desperate to get away.

I spotted molly stirring a massive pot on the stove, and asked, "anything I can do, Molly?"

She smiled at me fixedly. "Oh no, dear, you chat with bill. Why don't you tell him about your job at the ministry?"

Why do older women love to play matchmaker so much? Is it that they think that just because we're lonely we're miserable?

Maybe it was the awkward silence. Or maybe it was the fact I almost had a beacon on my head saying "SAVE ME!" that made Remus sit next to me and strike up a conversation about one of my reports. Oh how I owe that man.

In the middle of dinner, Molly announced, "the kids will be returning from Hogwarts in a few days."

More Weasley's? I think I remember Fred and George, but could there possibly be more!

"That'll be the twins, will it?" I asked politely over my plate of stew.

"And Ron and Ginny. And I imagine Harry and Hermione will be joining us at some point over the holidays." At my open mouth she added, "Harry and Hermione aren't ours. Harry is Sirius's godson, and Hermione is a muggle born."

I noticed Sirius was grinning, and Remus was smiling slightly. "Didn't know you had a godson," I directed to my cousin.

"My best mate from school, James's son, Harry."

"Oh right." I tapped my finger on the table for a few seconds until something clicked. "Hang on, James Potter?"

"Yeah."

"So…. your godson is _Harry Potter_!" I said, perhaps a little too dramatically.

Sirius grinned, "He's a very special kid."

"I'll bet." I felt breathless. I listened more than spoke throughout the meal, and barely registered what was said. Bill and I barely exchanged another word, disheartening Molly and pleasing Sirius, an emotion he didn't choose to hide gracefully.

I left at the end of the night filled to the brim with excitement that I would soon be meeting Harry potter, the boy who lived and my generation's hero.

_**first of all, a massive thankyou to all those who have read my story. But please, if you've spent the time reading it, would you tell me how I've done? It's not really fair that I write for you people and you can't even bother to rewiew…**_

_**anyhow, onto the dedications: **_

_**lupinslady…Remus is about to get a little more responsive, but I'm trying to ease him out of his shell, so to speak. He's a gentle, calm guy, so I want him to be natural…or at least, I hope natural for Remus. **_

_**Anne nyltiak…yes, it is cute! Cuteness factor all the way! I felt I had to get them speaking, I always imagined the cousins to have a strong friendship…if they don't…who cares! It has the cuteness factor!and it's my story, so I can do whatever I want! Or at least…a lot of what I want…to a certain extent. **_

_**Half-torn-butterfly-wing…yes. Yes I do. And believe me, this is going to be one long instalment, so please, keep up and tell me how I'm doing! I am just LOVING writing this so far…I wish more was put in HBP too…but hopefully book 7 will be much more fun. **_

_**Gracias amigo's! I love you all…. **_

_**Next chapter coming soon…**_


	4. betrayals

_**I know! This took forever to upload! But it wasn't me, I swear. Stupid site…**_

_**Reveiw thanks at the bottom of the page...**_

_**There will be mild swearing in this chapter, just a warning. **_

One week and into the school summer holidays (or so I was told,) I rejoined the rest of the order at Grimmauld place. I had somehow managed to be seventeen minutes late for that nights meeting so I crept through the door and hastily slipped down the corridor…tripping over a hat stand in the process.

Someone began screaming, doors slammed open around the house, and I hurried to my feet, pink in the cheeks and cursing myself.

I saw Remus and Sirius dart out from the kitchen to silence the screams of Mrs. Black and Severus Snape stalked towards me down the corridor. I felt myself tense and become even redder as he glared at me through those haunted dark eyes…

_Pull yourself together, girl! You're an auror!_

He smiled cruelly down at me through the screams and said, "Well well well, Nymphadora, you're late. Do you have an excuse for your absence?"

"I'm not one of your students, severus," I spat, trying to slip past him but the greasy git threw out an arm and held me back.

I glared at him and he glared back.

"Let go of me," I said firmly.

Snape's lips twisted into a sneer wider and crueler than the last and pushed me back towards the door. "Perhaps the order isn't made for children," he breathed in my ear.

A dung bomb hit his shoulder dead on, turning his attention away from me and up to the landing above us. There was a cry from above of "Ginny! What the _hell_?" and I briefly saw a hint of red hair hide behind a suit of armour and I grinned, elbowing past Snape and towards where Sirius and Remus were descending the stairs, my cousin looking between the potions master and I with an accusing look in his eyes.

"Is old snivelly troubling you, Tonks?" he asked, quite loudly, and I saw Remus turn away towards the kitchen behind him, hiding a slight smile.

I questioned whether I should tell him or not and settled for not having to break up a fight. "He was merely asking why I'm late," I said stiffly.

"You're not that late, nothing overly important has been discussed yet." Remus put in before Sirius could intervene. "Come back into the kitchen, _all three of you_."

My cousin hovered protectively behind me as we settled into our seats, me mumbling an apology to Dumbledore and the order as we continued.

We discussed Death Eater whereabouts and plans to catch them and who should be sent to deal with the problem in which area. We assigned shifts outside the department of mysteries in between work. Shacklebolt and I were told to question the other auror's about their views on Voldemort's return, to which we both laughed, knowing that would be pointless and a waste of time: all our colleagues had given us both enough grief to know we shouldn't talk about anything half true in public.

The meeting ended and people began to disperse. Kingsley rolled his eyes and said "see you tomorrow" unenthusiastically, patting my shoulder in a way that told me '_if I don't die of boredom from all the lies_,' and left.

Severus Snape stopped by Remus, and said loudly, "I will have your potion ready by tomorrow evening. I suggest you make it last, I haven't got time to be running around after the weak, Lupin."

And a minute later, I was left alone in the kitchen with Sirius, Remus, Molly and Arthur and mad-eye.

Mad-eye scared me. And intrigued me, in a morbid sort of way. That eye of his, I often wondered what he used it for, _really_… no. Just, _no_. And all those scars, where did he get them? He was like every Auror's hero, just brave and reckless, not caring about anything but the power of good.

He caught me staring and I blushed, looking away to the doorway as several pairs of feet came thundering down the stairs outside, banging the kitchen door against the wall and jumping down the steps three at a time.

Four red heads, no older than eighteen. Two identical, twins undoubtedly, one lanky and long nosed boy, and a pretty girl, the youngest. Four of the Weasley children, they couldn't be anything else.

The stopped to look curiously at me, draped over the back of my chair and the twins offered cheeky grins.

"Did it hit him?" one said eagerly.

"The dung bomb?" I said, "yeah, it got him on the shoulder!"

Their eyes lit up simultaneously, whilst the other boy roared with laughter.

"Who dropped it, anyway?" I asked, liking the children more and more with each the second. The twins were exactly how teenage boys should be, mischievous and taking pleasure in the misfortune of men like Snape.

"Ginny did," the twin on the right, said, sitting down at the table next to me. "But don't tell Snape, he already hates her enough."

The girl, Ginny, beamed with pride and said "so who're you then?"

I stuck out my hand "Tonks," I said, and she sat down in the chair on my other side.

"Oh, we've heard about you," said the first twin, sitting opposite me. "Is it true you can change any part of you body?"

"Sure is."

They looked at me expectantly and I screwed up my face thinking _red Weasley hair…_ the looks on their faces was enough to keep me happy for the rest of the evening and I extended the length so I could examine my new colour. "Nice," I said, nodding. "What do you reckon? Should I keep it?"

"Your eyes don't really go with it," Ginny said hopefully. "Maybe green or blue?"

"No problem."

Then, like so many conversations I'd been subjected to before in my days at Hogwarts, the requests began to roll:

"Make your nose bigger!"

"Can you make your skin purple?"

"How about feathers!"

Mrs. Weasley intervened almost immediately. "Fred, George, Ron, Ginny! Poor dear, she isn't here for your entertainment!" and she smiled at me warmly and said, "but your hair does look lovely, dear."

"I really don't mind, Molly," I said, but changed the subject anyway. You should never argue with a mother. "So do you kids all go to Hogwarts?"

They nodded. I sighed wistfully and stuck my hands in my pockets.

Sirius leant over the table and said, quite sharply, "did Snivellus threaten you at all, Tonks?"

I looked at Remus, whose face was impassive and not a lot of help. "He just asked me why I was late in that uniquely Snape-ish way." I said with a shrug. "And he tried to throw me out, but it's no problem, honestly. Ginny managed to distract him."

"You ought to be careful of Snape," Sirius said dead seriously. "Don't let him boss you around. If he gives you any trouble…"

"That's quite enough, Sirius," Molly snapped, "professor Snape wouldn't cause Tonks any harm, he's part of the order."

But Sirius gave me a pointed look full of meaning and turned away.

Desperate to change the subject I held my gaze on Remus, his features soft and tired in the moonlight. The lines on his face seemed deeper, and he was staring blankly into his teacup.

"Remus?" I said softly, not wanting to startle him when he seemed so very fragile. "Are you all right? You look exhausted, maybe you should go to bed?"

Then Fred, or George, said something that would change everything for years to come.

"Is it close to the full moon?" he asked, quite enthusiastically.

And everything made sense…just a sudden realisation that made me speechless and stare at Remus like a whole new person. The whole room fell silent and stared at Remus at I, the man in question never meeting my eyes.

Molly snapped at her children to go upstairs and they did so without complaining, knowing they had done wrong. Sirius watched me closely and Molly and Arthur shrunk back against the counter, trying to remain unseen. Mad-eye leant back in his chair, fingering his wand.

"Remus?" I said slowly, quietly. Gently, I hoped.

He sighed and raised his eyes to mine, looking more ill than I had ever seen him. "Tonks." He said. And that was it. Just Tonks.

"Are you a werewolf?" I said and I saw Molly flinch and turn away.

But I couldn't turn away as well. I had to see it, read it in his eyes and show him that I understood…that I didn't care…

"I Am." He said it with shame and fear.

Fear? Fear of _what_?

"I wish you'd told me earlier," I whispered. "I thought we trusted each other."

I stood and went to him, reaching out to hold his hand…so covered in scars….

The potion, the sickness, the knowledge…it all made sense to me now.

"I do trust you, Tonks." He said, and I saw Molly and Arthur leave, dragging mad eye with them. Sirius refused to move. "But I didn't know how you'd react."

I wasn't sure how I was reacting, either. I was scared, perhaps more because he hadn't confided in me earlier and I thought we had become closer than most others in the house, but I wasn't frightened of his condition. It just seemed to fit.

"I don't care," I said firmly, slipping my other hand into his and drawing closer to him. "I told you before: werewolves are just normal people with an unfortunate condition."

He smiled at me, sorrow in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Tonks." He said, and I wrapped my arms around him in an embrace that lasted until I felt strong enough to move again.

"When's full moon?" I asked, letting him go, somewhat reluctantly. He had been so warm…a man who wanted nothing but quiet reassurance and was willing to forgive everybody except himself.

"In three days," he replied, turning to the kettle and tapping it with his wand. The spout immediately began to emit steam and whistle.

"How long have you been a...a werewolf?" I asked, as he passed me a cup of tea. Sirius leapt to his feet and went to cupboard, pulling out a bottle of fire whiskey and pouring generous amounts into each cup.

"I think we all need a pick-me-up," he said grimly, his look lingering on Remus' tired face.

The three of us sat together at the scrubbed kitchen table like we had done so many nights before. No one spoke; we just sipped our cups and let the alcohol wash over us.

"I should go, I have work in the morning," I said, desperate to make some sort of noise. I slid my chair back and it scratched on the hard wooden floor and I was halfway to the door when Sirius stopped me.

"Are you sure you're okay in an apartment by yourself?" he asked, a pleading look to his eyes. "You should stay, Remus and I would both be grateful."

God, the things you do for friends. "If you're sure," I said, holding back a sigh. _A hot bath would feel so amazing right now…_

"But I don't have any of my clothes," I said thickly, a reasonable answer I thought, that would get me away from this place and away from the awkwardness surrounding us right now.

"You can sleep in some of my clothes and you can borrow some of Ginny's in the morning," Sirius said. "Please Tonks. Don't walk away from him." He added, so quietly that I was sure Remus couldn't have heard.

We were both so very wrong. "Let her go, Sirius. Tonks is right, and she needs to sleep. We can both see her tomorrow." Remus sounded so tired and hurt, I wanted to hug him again, heal the wounds and make it all better.

"No, Sirius is right." I said firmly. "I'll stay, but I do have to sleep tonight." And I sat back at the table and we sat in silence once more.

"Remus, really, it shouldn't be like this." I said desperately. "Why are we acting as if some one has died?"

No-one spoke, no one moved. I sighed in frustration and said, "I'm going to steal your bathtub for the next hour, Sirius. I'll take a shirt or something from the laundry."

And I got up and left them, feeling like I was leaving something behind and betraying the two men who meant the very world to me.

Getting up that very next morning was painful and worse than I had felt in months. Reluctant to disturb Ginny, a girl I barely knew, and nag her for clothes, I disappeared downstairs into the kitchen basement and searched through the baskets of neatly folded and laundered items, pulling out a set of clothes, including one of the boy's shirts to wear under my work robes.

Molly tutted at me in my mixed assortment of clothes and fussed over my skewed collar, frowning at the chequered shirt and shaking her head.

I bounded into the kitchen and beamed at everyone, despite my throbbing head and aching joints. It had been one hell of a night, what happened?

_I swear when I see him my cousin is going to pay. That wasn't a pick-me-up, it was a sedative!_

"Wotcher all!" I said merrily, my hair electric blue and as offending as I could possibly imagine.

There was a murmur of response from the twins, Ginny gave a half-hearted wave and Sirius laughed when he saw me.

"Is that my shirt!" he said, chuckling. "It's about four sizes too big!"

"Uh huh, but very comfy," I replied, pouring a cup of tea and spilling half the contents over the table and my hand.

"I thought you were going to borrow some of Ginny's clothes?" he asked, mopping my mess up with his wand. "What do you need my clothes for!"

"you offered for me to stay, I'm sharing your clothes." I said sternly, thanking Molly for the mounds of bacon and eggs she had just placed in front of me. "Besides, you gave me a hangover. I hope this shirt is your favourite because I'm going to do everything in my power to trash it!"

I set off ten minutes later, apparating to the ministry and spinning lazily in my office chair, ignoring the reports and messages flying overhead. I got little done that day, and until two o clock when I received a message from Shacklebolt had I actually achieved anything constructive.

I arrived in his office with a pounding headache and looking awful. I had slept…two, maybe three? Hours last night, and along with Sirius's pick-me-up (mhhhrrrrrr) I wasn't feeling at that well.

Kingsley slammed a report on the desk in front of me with excitement considerable force and announced. "Sirius black has been spotted in Nottingham! Come on, Tonks! We're going to go look for him!"

It took me about four times longer to process the information. "But…Sirius black…. he's…ohhhh" I put my hand to my forehead and massaged it with my knuckles.

"Oi, Tonks, you all right?" he asked, leaning down to my eyelevel.

"Mhrrr…Sirius…fire whiskey…fucking cousin…" I managed.

"Oh, haha, alright. Hangover?" he asked, pouring me a glass of water from his wand.

I nodded, and stopped. I swear it was getting worse and worse.

He pulled me up by the shoulder and prodded me towards the door. "We're going on a little trip. It will be fun."

It was certainly better than work.

Sirius black had been "sighted" in the village, and after we had interviewed the crazy old bat, we retired to the pub for a few hours.

"I'll write up some reports about how we searched the area and found nothing," Kingsley said to me over a pint. "How's your headache?"

I opened my eyes and blinked a few times to get my vision back in focus. "Mm, a little better. So is this what you do when you go on missions to find Sirius?"

"Hmm, not all the time," he said lazily, fiddling with the gold hoop in his ear. "A lot of the time I have some non order member with me and I actually have to do some work, but I think I'm enjoying missions with you a lot more." He laughed, and I brightened slightly. So I _was_ good for something more than tripping over valuable objects and breaking them.

"This is certainly a lot better than having Scrimgeour breathing down my neck all the time," I said dozily. "If you ever need a drinking partner whilst at work, just give a yell."

"You're a good laugh, Tonks." Kingsley said, and I think it was genuine.

We finished or drinks and we parted ways. I headed back to Grimmauld place via my own apartment and returned Sirius's clothes, reluctant to give back the shirt. It was damn comfy.

I finally laid my head down on the couch in the drawing room, wand in hand and curled up in a tight little ball…

There was a bang, a yell, and Mrs. Black began screaming, the noise echoing through my head like a sledgehammer. I could hear Molly outside, yelling at the children, and Ginny appeared in the drawing room doorway.

"Oh, sorry, Tonks. I didn't realise you were asleep."

"Ah, I should probably save it for tonight anyway," I said, reluctantly pulling myself into a sitting position. "What's going on out there?"

"Fred and George released a firecracker in the corridor," Ginny said, moving forward hesitantly to stand near the couch. "Mom's going insane."

"So I hear." I patted the cushion next to me and Ginny sat down. I examined her carefully, with her beautiful red hair and blue eyes. She was exactly how I loved to look at her age. Unique, and so positively herself, a challenge to those who tried to change her.

"How was school?" I asked, perching my head in my hand against the couch arm.

"Not bad," she said, drawing her legs up to her body. "The usual, really."

"can't be fun being the only sister." I said, half laughing. "I couldn't imagine being surrounded by boys all the time."

"It's okay some of the time, but it's hell when they get protective." She rolled her eyes. "It's like I can't take care of myself."

"You threw a dung bomb at Severus Snape," I said, with a broad grin. "I think you're pretty damn capable."

She smiled for a second and let it falter. "Did George screw things up with professor Lupin? He didn't mean to, I swear. We thought you knew."

I shook my head, sadness weighing me down and I shrunk back into the chair a little more. It hadn't been a drunken thought after all…

Remus Lupin was a werewolf and Sirius black had gotten me drunk to try and fool me into thinking I had an over active imagination.

"No problem," I said dryly, standing up and asking, "do you know where Sirius is?"

She shrugged. "Probably feeding Buckbeak in the attic?"

I didn't know who or what Buckbeak was, but when I got hold of my cousin I was going to kill him! I hadn't trusted him all that much before, and now I certainly didn't.

Torn between storming out of the order headquarters and never returning or murdering the manipulative bastard, I stood with one foot on the bottom stair and frowned.

_**warning, i may not be able to update as quickly now as i'm back at college and working dead hard!...cough.**_

_**Lupinslady…I'm not sure, what do you reckon? There will be no current Charlie/Tonks, but there will be a mention of a previous meeting. What do you reckon? Friends/lovers/enemies? You make the call… **_

_**Cwatty…thank you darling, keep reading! **_

_**Mamalisa…I hate it when people make her trip all the time too, bugs the hell outta me! And I wait eagerly for your reviews… **_

_**Queenquegg…I look forward to writing more, thank you for your compliments! **_

_**Ladyberit…more ego inflation! YAY! Gracias! **_

_**Jesus.lives…yes…work…. ah. School. Eek. Working as fast as I possibly can.**_

**_Dancer8428….gracias amigo, believe me I'm trying_**

_**Autumnbreeze25…yes. I do love the silence between the two remaing marauders. They're so sweet…I would make them a couple but, sigh, this is a Lupin Tonks fic.**_


	5. friendly chats

**Okies ladies and gents (are there any gents? Hmm…) I have a little request for you. Which house do you reckon Tonks was in? I need it for the next chapter. **

**And anyone who suggests Slytherin will be publicly humiliated. **

_I do not own Harry potter or anyone/anything else in the Harry potter books…_

Racing up the stairs, I marched straight past the twins perched on the landing and up two more flights of stairs. Sirius had defended me against Snape, he had treated me like a friend, and he was my cousin, and I'll be damned if I leave this place without a decent apology and explanation.

I threw open the attic door without knocking and glared at Sirius. There was a blur, and he had knocked me to my knees, covering me with his arms as I felt the floor tremble and a massive thump, like a horse stamping it's hooves. I felt air on my neck and I hesitated a look through the gap in Sirius's arm.

I'd met Buckbeak. Sirius jumped to his feet and pushed the creature back into a corner piled with straw and rat skeletons.

"Stand up, Tonks!" he yelled, forcibly holding Buckbeak back with his wand. "Walk towards him, _bow_ and _wait_!"

The urgency in his voice was enough to make me comply. I stood up, took a few steps forward and bowed low to the ground, eyeing the hippogriff nervously. There were several seconds where the beast and I just looked at each other in mutual curiosity and then buckbeak bent low to the ground.

Sirius pulled me from the room and slammed the door shut. "Are you insane?" he hissed, clutching onto my arm with a painful force. But he wasn't angry, he was scared and desperate.

"You betrayed me!" I said hotly, wrenching my arm out his grasp and breathing heavily. "You spiked my drink!"

"It was a pick-me-up!" he said defensively, towering above me.

"You tried to get me drunk so I would forget…forget Remus' condition!" I stammered, furious with him and not bothering to keep my voice down.

Sirius's brow furrowed and he ground his teeth together as he prepared a response. "Do you really think that?" he asked forcibly. "Do you really think I would stoop to that level Tonks?"

"I don't know. You _are_ a convicted criminal." I said sharply, and god I regretted it. The look of betrayal and anger etched into his tired eyes…

He made a sound half way between a sigh and a growl and I backed away, just a little bit, perched on my heels ready to run.

Then he was wasted again. An exhausted man with too much guilt and too much pain, older than his years.

Our eyes met. It wasn't awkward, like it should have been, and though there was love it was nothing physical. There was just a plain understanding, a plea for trust I had never known to be so powerful and heartbreaking in all my life.

"You have to trust me, Tonks." He said, and I wanted to cry. He was so very broken…

"I want to, Sirius. I swear I do, but…" I couldn't finish. I couldn't tell him that years of seeing wanted posters and my mother's shame had amounted to me not entirely trusting my own flesh and blood.

And there was nothing, nothing the world that could make up for the fear of a child knowing she was related to the most evil men and women in the world and knowing she might just turn out like them if forgets to love…

"I think this will take time." I murmured, breaking contact and staring at the floor.

Sirius nodded and took my upper arm in his hand protectively. He gripped hard, like he didn't want to let go and said, "I think Molly's making dinner. We should help."

But Molly wasn't making dinner, and she wasn't cleaning or doing any of her usual jobs. She was sobbing into her hands at the kitchen table with Arthur by her side, red in the face and frowning. The Weasley children were scowling and whispering to each other in the corner, Ginny had been crying.

"Molly!" I said, almost tripping down the stairs in my haste to reach her. "What's happened?"

"It's…its p-p-Percy…" she wailed, burying her face in her hands again.

I looked to Sirius with dread. "Percy?" I asked.

One of the twins stood up looking sour. "Percy. Our brother."

The other twin stood up next to him with a clenched jaw, narrowing his eyes. "He's been promoted."

"Uhm…isn't that a good thing?" I asked tentatively and immediately regretted it. What a brilliant day I'm having for saying exactly the wrong bloody thing.

"No." Ron said stubbornly. "He's spying on us."

"Now, Ron," Arthur said, "We don't think that Percy is…"

"He's working in Fudge's personal office." A twin said sharply, "and the stupid great git can't see he's just being used."

Molly wailed once more, and Arthur hugged her. I looked at Sirius and nodded my head towards the door. He took my arm and led me from the kitchen, giving the Weasley's time alone.

We sat together in the drawing room with a chessboard between us. As Sirius wiped my castle off the board I asked, as casually as I could manage, "where's Remus?"

Sirius looked briefly up at me and sighed, eyes on the board. Contemplating…

"He's upstairs. Full moon is tomorrow and he's feeling a bit worse for wear."

I bit my lip and watched my knight wave his arm in annoyance as I put him in a treacherous position. "Is he offended that I left last night?" I asked softly, not looking up.

I saw the lower half of Sirius's body shift in discomfort. "He thinks you won't look at him the same way. I mean, he never said that exactly, but I know Remus."

I swallowed and sighed. "I should have guessed, it was so obvious…"

"It took James and I longer than it took you to realise." Sirius said sternly. "And I think you need to concentrate more on how you gain Remus's trust." He shook his head and moved a piece. "The thing about Remus is, he doesn't think he's good enough for anybody. He thinks that because of his lycanthropy he isn't worthy enough for friendship or _love_." Sirius looked expectantly at me, but I didn't understand. Once more, Sirius was aware of something I was not.

"That's ridiculous." I said, ignoring my protesting pieces and saying to my cousin, "of _course_ he's worthy! Remus Lupin deserves love more than anyone I know!"

"Don't tell me, tell him." Sirius said defensively. "It took James, Peter and I months to get any information out of Remus. Anything at all. Even though we shared a dorm with each other, Remus would go to lessons without speaking to anyone, eat alone, sit alone in the common room and then go to bed. Of course, we didn't know he was a lycanthrope then, and we later discovered it was because he was trying to protect us, but not even Remus could resist friendship when we kept throwing ourselves at him." Sirius chuckled at this and shook his head again, but this time amused. "Remus was, of course, the first to mature. He was so grateful for his place at Hogwarts he was scared to break any rules at first, but we soon got him to lighten up. He has all sorts of logic, Remus. James and I always said he read too much." He pursed his lips together for a second, as if contemplating whether to tell me something and said finally, "Remus has had a lot of trouble getting jobs over the past few years. Just can't seem to hold one down, and I'll bet it has nothing to do with his working aptitude. People discriminate against werewolves, they're scared, and you can't really blame them. But Remus deserves so much more, Tonks. You wouldn't believe the opportunities he has been denied all his life."

And I wondered if perhaps Sirius didn't just mean career opportunities.

I felt my shoulders sag and tears in my eyes. I wanted to help so very much…Remus didn't deserve the prejudice he faced every single day of his young life.

_Not even Remus could resist friendship when we kept throwing ourselves at him…_

"Do you think Remus would like some tea?" I asked, standing up. "I could go fetch him or-?"

"Take it up to him." Sirius said, waving his hand. "And take his potion too, would you? There's a bottle under the sink in the kitchen."

I complied quickly, my heart in my mouth as I steadied the tray on my knee, knocking with my fist on the hard birch door leading to Remus's room. I heard a murmur of reply and I pushed the door open with my hip.

"Good evening!" I said as brightly as I could muster. Remus looked worse than I had ever seen him. Exhausted and frail, he seemed to be having trouble keeping his head up, sat against the headboard with a book in his hands. "I brought you your potion and some tea, order's from Sirius."

He smiled weakly and sat up a little straighter, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and setting his book down on the side table with his wand. "That sounds lovely, thank you Tonks."

"Which do you want first?" I asked, weighing the two in my hands as I sat down on the firm mattress next to him.

"Best take the wolfsbane first," he said, taking the bottle from my hands and unscrewing the top. "Get it other with."

I watched him down the liquid with a shudder and took the potion from his hands, hastily passing him a cup of tea. He received it gratefully and with more enthusiasm than I had ever seen a man drink tea in my life.

"What book are you reading?" I asked, sniffing the remaining potion with distaste.

"It's a book I found in the library downstairs about the ancient pure blood lines." He shut the book with a snap and said "utter rubbish. I'm going to give it back to Sirius and he can burn it with the rest of them."

"This stuff smells awful!" I said, running a finger over the lip of the bottle. "Are you sure Snape doesn't intentionally make it smell bad?" I put my finger in my mouth and almost wretched. How Remus had drunk an entire bottle's worth was beyond me.

He laughed at my expression and sipped his tea. "You may not be able to believe it, but the taste is worth the effects it has."

We sat in silence, neither daring to speak of the full moon. It was getting dark and I could see Remus illuminated in the candlelight, watching me, waiting for me to say something and not daring himself.

"I don't care that you're a werewolf, Remus." I said firmly, lifting my eyes to his. "It doesn't mean a thing to me."

"It will tomorrow night," he answered. "I won't be myself. You don't understand, Nymphadora-"

"Tonks." I breathed.

"-I'm a beast. I'm dangerous."

"So you expect me to keep my distance because _one_ _night_ a month you turn into a monster?" I asked, hands on hips, glaring at him until he dropped his gaze. "Remus, that's ridiculous."

"You might think so now, but just wait." He sighed and handed the teacup back to me. "Thank you for the tea, Nymphadora." He said, swinging himself back into bed.

I took that as an end of conversation, and I left his bedroom, left Grimmauld place, and retired to my own room at my own flat wondering how such a gentle man could be so dangerous.

The atmosphere at Grimmauld place the next day was not an enjoyable one. Molly was still bawling about Percy and Arthur was in a fowl mood, something I had never witnessed before, and gave him a wide berth. Remus was retiring in his room and was either in an incredibly deep sleep or was refusing to respond to whoever brought him food. Sirius wasn't his usual self and seemed irritant and closed-minded. In fact, I was about to give up and go home when Ginny Weasley entered the room looking stressed and tired, burying her face in her hands at the kitchen table and groaning.

"Hey, you all right?" I asked, stepping forward and putting a hand on her shoulder.

"They're driving me crazy." She hissed, emerging from her curtain of hair and looking like she would strangle the next person she saw.

I sat with her and poured her a drink. "Who are?" I asked.

"_Everybody_!" Ginny said. "They're all in bad moods, mum's crying all over the place and dad's breaking everything!"

She looked at me pleadingly and I did the first thing that came to mind. I gave her a warm hug. "They'll calm down soon enough," I said, rubbing her back. "Percy will come to his senses."

"He better." She said as I drew away. "I can understand why Sirius is in a bad mood, he's stuck in _this_ place all day. It's suffocating me."

Truth was, suffocation was the essence of Grimmauld place. From those hideous elf heads to that despicable family tree the entire place was just so hard to live in, it was like a curse, those who lived in the house had, to some extent, the happiness sucked out of them.

"It's not the happiest of places. My mum always spoke about this place, but I'm glad I never had to visit it."

Then, with a cloud of dust, Kingsley Shacklebolt emerged coughing from the fireplace. He smiled at me and announced. "Hey Tonks."

"Wotcher Kingsley."

"Listen, Scrimgeour is freaking out. Something about a werewolf report you handed in last week?" he raised his eyebrows in question.

I bit my lip. "Yeah, I did. Why?"

_Damn you, Remus, what did you put that's got me into this mess._

Kingsley was dragging me towards the fireplace. "He's in outrage, says you must have accessed the ministry lycanthrope files without permission or something. He wants you in his office _now_."

He pushed me towards the fireplace and threw a handful of floo powder into the grate. "Ministry of magic!" he said clearly, holding onto my arms.

I gave a pleading look to Ginny and a second later we began to spin, banging into each other as flashes of living rooms and offices whirled around us. We emerged, seconds later, in the entrance hall to the ministry of magic.

With as much strength as I could muster I ran after Kingsley's quick stride across the dark polished floor past the fountain and towards set of golden gates and into a smaller hall. We stepped into one of the many lifts and waited for our stop.

After several stops, we departed the lift into the auror headquarters. several people nodded or waved as we passed, but I felt too sick to respond. As we neared the end of the hall Kingsley stopped me.

"Listen Tonks," he said softly. "Whatever you do or say, _do not mention Remus_. He has enough hanging above his head without the ministry figuring out you two know each other. Got that?"

I nodded, breathless and pale, and let Kingsley knock twice on the office door.

Rufus Scrimgeour smiled at me as we entered and the door shut magically behind me. I was relieved to see Kingsley a few steps to my left, perhaps he could calm Scrimgeour down a bit.

"Nymphadora," he said, waving his hand. "Take a seat."

_**Heheheh, cliffy! **_

_**Lupinslady…. I love this fic too! And I shall take your response and make a few scenes out of it! Hurrah! Feeling honoured? You better!**_

_**Lady of the lads…. this soon enough for you?**_

_**Autumnbreeze25…I've never had a hangover either, but I've seen friends and my brother have them. I just laugh and get them a bucket. Thanks for reviewing!**_

_**Dancer8428…. gracias, update soon. College is hard; it's a whole new school. Enjoying it though. Thanx for reviewing!**_

Remember people, I need your responses! What house do you reckon Tonks was in?

**REVIEW!**


	6. letting me in

_Disclaimer: I own nothing. Damnit._

"Tonks, come on, it wasn't that bad!"

I scowled and forced myself to look at him. "_Wasn't that bad?_ Do you have any idea how long this is going to take to rectify!"

Kingsley made to clutch my arm but I turned away sharply and made to march out of the kitchen, but I was stopped.

Sirius was at the bottom step, looking between us. "What's going on?" he asked, moving closer to me.

"Tonks is in a little trouble with Scrimgeour," Kingsley said before I could.

The way he said it, like I had actually done something wrong…

"No thanks to you!" I snarled, not bothering to keep my voice down. I was fuming. I turned to Sirius, hair scarlet and eyes cold. "You know that werewolf report I had to do? Well Scrimgeour decided that I must have broken into the ministry files to get the information! And _he_…!" I pointed a finger at Kingsley who was looking almost amused. "_He_ didn't help a bit!"

"You know I can't show favouritism, Tonks." He said, stepping forward half a step. "The ministry is already asking me funny questions."

"That doesn't mean you have to give evidence _against_ me!" I yelled, hands on hips, breathing heavily. "_False_ evidence, at that! I didn't do anything wrong!"

"What do you have to do as a punishment?" Sirius asked, placing one arm around my shoulders and pushing into a seat.

"Filing." I said harshly, glaring at Kingsley again.

He sat down opposite me and genuinely looked sorry. "Listen Tonks," he said carefully in that deep voice of his. "There was really little I could do. Scrimgeour had his sights set on punishing you anyway. And we're walking on dangerous ground here. If the ministry find out we're friends outside of work they'll begin to question things. They're awfully shifty these days. By giving evidence against you I was proving to Scrimgeour we had absolutely no relationship at all."

"Yeah, well," I said stubbornly. "Did you have to be so good at it?"

He chuckled and looked at the clock on the wall. "Mind if I camp out here for a bit, Sirius? I'm technically off work now."

Sirius shook his head and said, "You can't stay tonight, full moon. The Weasley's have gone back to the burrow for the night. They'll be joining us again in the morning."

I was about to ask why when a figure wrapped in a thin blanket appeared at the top of the stairs and slowly walked down. "What's all the yelling about?" Remus asked hoarsely, settling down wearily in a chair and leaning heavily on the table.

I hurried to make him a cup of tea and get him his potion. "I'm sorry, Remus. I didn't wake you did I? Kingsley and I were having an argument-" I felt genuinely sorry for waking him, he was so fragile.

He cut me off and shook his head. "No it's alright Tonks." He turned to Kingsley and asked in mock-seriousness "she didn't hurt you, did she?"

I playfully hit his shoulder, setting the tea in front of him and pouring everyone else a cup, spilling tea over the table as I spoke. "How do you feel, Remus?" I asked.

"Full moon is tonight," he said, looking out the small kitchen window and out into the darkening sky. "I'm not feeling my best."

He seemed not to want to look at me. "I expect darkness will properly fall in an hour or so. I suggest you and Kingsley leave the house before then."

Kingsley nodded and drained his tea but I forced Remus to look at me. "I want to stay." I said firmly.

Remus stared – was that gratitude I saw in his eyes? – And frowned, looking into his teacup as he stirred the teaspoon idly round with his long fingers. "It's far too dangerous, Tonks."

"But with the wolfsbane…"I started.

"There is a chance it may not work."

"Has it ever not worked before?"

"No, but that isn't the point, I…"

"I'm staying, Remus." I said firmly, pouring my self another cup of tea. "I think you need to realise I care about you much more than you know."

Sirius was smiling and I knew that I had said exactly the right thing. Remus was scared for me, but in a way he was much more scared for himself. In his eyes, his worst fear right now would be for his friends to abandon him, discriminate against him in his hour of need…

He sighed and said, "then I suggest you arm yourself, Tonks. As Sirius could tell you, even though my mind might be my own, I tend to adopt certain…wolfish tendencies."

And I smiled, flung my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. "Thank you for sharing this with me, Remus. You don't know how much better I feel about this now."

I watched Remus in a whole new light as we played cards together for the remaining hour and making light conversation. He was letting me be a part of something so very personal, and I felt touched.

As the sky deepened and the fire lessened, Remus looked up from his hand and said, "I think it's time."

Sirius got to his feet almost immediately and I watched dumbly as Remus shakily stood up next to him. "Tonks, come with me," Sirius said, and he dragged me out the room, shutting the door and cursing it shut.

We waited patiently for fifteen minutes until we heard scrabbling and muffled groans from inside. Sirius seemed completely unshocked by this and pressed his ear to the door, listening closely.

"Remus?" he called, and there was a scratching at the door, a soft whine…

Sirius took the magic from the door and pushed it open slowly.

And there, in the candlelight was a large brown wolf with a long snout and thick fur, sat back on its haunches. It gave a low growl as we entered and Sirius held me back, one hand over my chest and pushed me back to the door.

The wolf padded forward and raised its snout towards Sirius, smelling him. An acceptance. Then the wolf turned to me…

There was one heart wrenching moment when I thought he wouldn't recognise me. Then the wolf stepped forward, sniffed my collar, his jaws so close to my face I could feel the heat radiating from him, could _see_ his dark eyes…

And I saw Remus Lupin staring back at me.

But he wasn't himself. He padded across the room looking at it in a whole new light. There was a pile of clothes by the fire, neatly folded, and a plate of meat beside it.

Sirius chuckled and scratched the wolf behind the ears, sitting in a chair at the table and picking up the pack of cards. The wolf stared at him indignantly and settled by the fire, tongue lolling out of his mouth, gnawing on the meat, blood dripping from his teeth and onto the cold stone floor.

I watched him all night; barely keeping my eyes on the card game Sirius and I were playing. Remus would occasionally rise from his place at the hearth, stretch his entire body and walk around the table, sometimes peering at our cards.

One particular time around two in the morning, Remus paused over my shoulder, looking at my hand, his long snout inches away from my nose, drawing in my scent.

Sirius sighed and stood up, putting his cards on the table. "Can't you concentrate, Tonks?" he asked irritably.

I smiled but didn't look at him. Remus had my eyes locked into his, staring at each other with mutual curiosity. Here I was in a room with a werewolf and a convicted criminal at two in the morning…

Then Sirius was beside me, and then he wasn't. A black hairy snout appeared from under the table and an enormous black dog pounced on the wolf. I stood up, wand out before I realised what Sirius was doing.

It wasn't an attack at all. The two canines were merely play fighting, Sirius had sensed Remus had been getting restless and had caught the wolf off guard in what was obviously a regular occurrence for full moon.

"_Even though my mind might be my own, I tend to adopt certain…wolfish tendencies."_

They tore at each other, snapping and biting, but never really hurting. Sirius was the first to tire, backing down in a fashion that seemed so unlike him, giving me a full indication of how much Remus could really hurt someone, how he would never tire of aggression during full moon.

Once again I looked to the fire, with the neatly folded pile of clothes and the bloody plate drying in the heat. A perfect example of the two contrasting personalities Remus shared.

Sirius wiped the sweat off his brow and inspected a minor gash on his arm. " 'S nothing," he murmured and sat back down again opposite me.

But Remus was far too worked up to simply settle down now. He bounded around the room for several minutes until suddenly he stopped…

And howled.

It was the most mournful sound I had ever heard in my life, shivering through me and breaking my heart in two.

Remus spent the rest of the night by the fire looking into the flames with empty eyes and I thought that if he could, he would be crying. Sirius and I continued our game but my heart wasn't in it. My cousin, seemingly unfazed by any of tonight's events, kept glancing out the window at the moon.

"And to think we used to find this so exciting." He said with a wistful sigh. "I suppose confining ourselves to the kitchen isn't the same as roaming Hogsmeade."

"I guess not," I replied softly, watching the flames.

I thought hours later when Remus began to shake it was my eyes falling asleep, but Sirius jumped up and threw a blanket over him. Seconds later, Remus in his human form was lying naked under a woollen blanket and the moon had waned.

Exhausted, sweating and ashamed, he lifted his head with a pained expression. "It's over?" he whispered.

"Sure is mate, lets get you into bed." Sirius heaved his friend up and helped to support him. At the door, Remus turned and said "thank you for staying, Tonks." And smiled.

I couldn't sleep that night, too filled with happiness that Remus had allowed me in, let me experience his most private moments with him. It felt…better than anything in the world and then I knew, in that instance, that I cared about Remus Lupin much more than even I had realised.

I wouldn't ever want anyone to think I didn't take my job seriously, because I did. I lived to help other people and protect them from dark wizards, and when my time came to serve, I would do just that to my greatest ability.

But sitting in a dusty room sorting files into chronological order by hand wasn't helping anyone.

My exuberance, however, lasting from this morning, had not yet died and I was itching to get home. In fact, when I appeared in Scrimgeour's office to announce that I had completed my punishment at seven o clock that evening, I was still bouncing on the balls of my feet and smiling greatly.

Scrimgeour did not share my happiness. His forehead creased at the sight of me covered in dust and cobwebs and he put down his quill.

"I'm finished sir, can I go?" I asked politely, unable to wipe the grin from my face.

He opened his mouth and closed it, settling for waving his hand in the general direction of the doorway.

"And miss Tonks?" he added dangerously.

"Yes sir?" always a catch.

"Don't ever break into the ministry files that are above your access code again."

"Yes sir."

And I bolted out the auror offices as fast as I could manage and apparated outside number 12 Grimmauld place, knocked on the door and almost ran inside.

Sirius was hysterical when he saw me, grey with dust but beaming. Molly, seemingly cheered from yesterday's occurrence, was back into her motherly role. She tutted at me and sent me upstairs to "change into some clean clothes right this instant!" and claiming we had a guest for dinner tonight.

Thinking it would be some snobby order member or Dumbledore, I wasn't overly bothered about how I dressed, so I dug Sirius's checked shirt from the laundry basket and cleaned up a pair of trousers.

I hummed happily on my way down stairs and was delighted to see Remus smiling groggily at me in the kitchen with Sirius, Molly and Arthur and all seven Weasley children.

Wait.

Seven Weasley children…. nine redheads…that meant….

Oh god.

Charlie Weasley stood up to greet me with an enormous smile on his wide freckled face, his hair hanging loose over his eyes and large burn marks on his bare arms.

"Hey Tonks!" he said enthusiastically, his arms wide.

I hugged him uncertainly, not even trying to hide my surprise. "Charlie." I said. "What the hell are you-?"

"Not happy to see me Tonks?" he asked if only a little defensively.

"I'm…shocked." I said, moving around him and sitting beside Remus. "How do you feel?" I asked gently, and put my own hand on his.

His eyes flicked to our fingers, now entwined and he smiled. "Alot better now, thank you Tonks."

Both Charlie and Molly did not seem satisfied. Charlie sat down in the seat next to me and asked, "So what's going on with you?" like we had just seen each other last week.

Things don't work that way and I'd learnt that the hard way. Charlie Weasley you'll just have to wait. You couldn't have my heart five years ago and you can't have it now.

"Oh you know," I said quickly, eager to get it over with. "I'm an auror, I'm happy, practically living here with my cousin and dear Remus. Couldn't be better."

Thinking it over and realising what that sentence implied, with me holding Remus's hand and looking all smug, any member in the room would have thought…

But no one had noticed. Arthur and Molly were talking by the stove and the other Weasley's were all so wrapped up in their own conversations to notice Charlie was looking horror-struck at me holding the hand of a man twelve years my senior.

"How about you?" I said, feeling a tad sorry for Charlie. But he didn't have my attention. Tonight, there were so many things he could never have from me.

I ran my thumb over the back of Remus's hand and I saw he was trying hard not to look at me. There were scars up and down his fingers and fresh gashes from the night before. His nails were short, so unlike the claws that had clicked against the cold stone floor and his hand was hairless…such a broken man, and I looked at him in fascination.

"…Even though it should heal sooner or later. Hey, you remember Hannah Watts from the Quidditch team? Yeah, well, she got accepted into the Worcester bears! Can you believe that?" Charlie Weasley was speaking to me. I tore my eyes away from Remus's hand and nodded a few times.

"You know you could have played for England if you hadn't decided to go off romping with dragons," I said suddenly, out of the blue. "We all thought it."

"I wanted to get out, do something that matters."

I raised an eyebrow. "Getting yourself burnt and eaten alive matters does it?"

"Hey, better than being hit by a bludger and getting a concussion."

I smiled grimly at the memory that produced, and Charlie was grinning like an idiot, seemingly thinking that my misfortune was funny.

But I laughed anyway for the old times. "You know, I'll never forgive you for that."

He laughed loudly. "I didn't do anything."

Remus put his knee next to mine under the table, whether intentionally or by mistake, it didn't matter. His face was impassive as he spoke to Sirius. Not a smile, not a wink. Not even a look of mild satisfaction. Remus Lupin was no ordinary man.

"You gave me a concussion!" I said harshly, taking my hand from Remus's and laying it on my lap as the twins joined the table. Remus shifted beside me and his knee moved away leaving my leg cold.

"You got in my way!" Charlie replied just as enthusiastically, except that he was delighted to have been talking about a more "friendly" topic.

I tried desperately not to make this harder on both of us by laughing. "_You_ knocked the bludger out the way, and it went rocketing towards _me_! Direct assault Weasley." I offered a defiant grin.

"But I _did_ catch the snitch." He said with pride. Like he _never_ caught the bloody snitch.

"You're lucky I didn't scar from that, it was a nasty bit of work."

"What happened to you?" one twin asked eagerly.

"Charlie boy here cracked my skull open in our seventh year." I said quickly. "But no worries, because he _did_ catch the snitch."

"And won us the Quidditch cup." He said lowly.

"Which I wasn't awake to celebrate."

The twins roared with laughter and went back to their corner, plotting most likely. Their scams are funny just so long as it's not me who's the victim.

"So an auror, Tonks." Charlie said, looking me up and down and shaking his head. "I never saw that coming."

"No _you_ wouldn't." I said bitterly, rolling my eyes. "I guess we both went a little off track, eh?"

"I guess we did."

Charlie Weasley and I had been friends since our fourth year at Hogwarts when I joined the house Quidditch team. Before then, we had never spoken past light conversation. He was the Quidditch stud…the Gryffindor hero. And I…. was so very different. I liked my hair in all shades of colours back then too, and practically rebelled against society. I was the only first year with pink hair when we arrived and was the first to get into trouble because of it. For many years I was considered a social outcast, I was different because I was confident enough to dress and act how I wanted. It never bothered me. I had a few good friends to rely on and I passed my grades. And when I entered the big wide world I was grateful to see that being different mattered, and I thrived because of it.

But in our fourth year I met Charlie Weasley, and it was liked opposites attracting. We were immediate friends. It turned out there was more to Charlie than I had anticipated and we began to spend more time together outside of Quidditch practice. Despite popular belief, we never dated. And when graduation came we promised to keep in touch, like so many friends do.

I think I received two scorch marked letters and that was it. And now, so many years later I'm sitting with him and his family about to eat dinner in my dark dead relatives house.

"So how come you're part of the order, Tonks?" Charlie asked, leaning forward on his elbows as if I was whispering to him.

"Kingsley overheard me telling some guys in the ministry to shove it, and he thought I had potential." I shrugged light heartedly. "How's recruiting in Romania going?"

He frowned. "Could be better, my Romanian isn't that great."

I laughed at this. Typical Charlie, live in a country for five years and don't learn the lingo.

I yawned heavily and put my head down on the table, closing my eyes for a few seconds. There was a hand on my back and Remus's caring voice sounded through my dizzying exhaustion.

"You didn't sleep a lot last night, Tonks, and you've been working all day. I think perhaps you should go to bed."

I raised my head a little. "How about you? You're not tired?"

"I slept all day, and I shall probably sleep well tonight." He put his head down to my level and peered through my arms. "You look terrible."

Not what a girl wants to hear but I smiled anyhow. "You're right. I'm going back to my flat." I stood up and announced, "I can't stay for dinner Molly, and I'll make something up myself. Thanks anyhow."

And she was there, motherly look on her face and standing right in front of me. "You look terribly tired, dear. Do you want me to come around later with something?"

She was unbelievable. I swear, solve world hunger by setting Molly loose in the world. "No, it's alright thanks Molly. I really need to go home and sleep. Early morning tomorrow and it's my turn on watch in the evening."

"Well…if you're sure." She patted my forearm warmly and I waved to the group. "See you guys tomorrow. I'm off."

Ginny waved heartedly, Arthur and the remaining Weasley boys nodded, and Remus smiled. Sirius got up and murmured something about "walking me to the door."

He followed me almost until I was stood on the front step. I turned to say goodbye and was met with an amused Sirius, holding the door open wide and leaning against the frame.

I raised my eyebrows in question but he just shook his head and closed the door.

Sometimes I think he knows more than he lets on.

_**First of all, big thanks to all those who cast their votes on Tonks's house! Turns out there will be no public humiliation cos no one said slytherin…damnit!**_

_**Hayne…she is crazy, and that's why I love her! Thank you so much, your compliments mean more than you know! I'm glad the characters are doing okay, please tell me if they start to get out of character! Muah!**_

_**Dancer8428…updating right about now…thanks for reading!**_

_**Autumnbreeze25…. Anne, I really had fun writing Tonks and the wolfsbane. Heheheh. Thanks for reading!**_

_**Slightly so…gracias! I hate cliffies too, but I needed to end the chapter. Onwards!**_

_**Mamalisa…. Tonks didn't entirely trust Sirius. It worked out okay in the end though. Tonks…brains? Yet to show themselves…Heheheh, j/k. she's very smart.**_

_**Lupins lady…. I adore him too! Aw, I want my own lil personal Remus to hug and squeeze and umm…sorry. Thanks for reading! Xox.**_

****

****

**_read and reveiw, please! this chapter took time and effort, and i do it for you, so give me a lil back!_**


	7. the best and the worst

I don't own em.

Okay, this chapter was so meant to be longer, but Owell. Just means a longer chapter coming next. Sorry this took forever!

_Dedicated to Hayne…_

I swear, a cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. I had lined the walls with posters and photo's of my family, with a large 'weird sister's' poster facing my desk, but it was almost as mind numbing and suffocating as Grimmauld place. But there, on my desk to brighten things up, a small waving photograph of the Weasley's and Remus standing with a large, hairy black dog.

This had been taken just after the full moon and Remus looked awful. He gave me a nod and a smile and Sirius barked at his feet, leaping around the group and chasing his tail. But my thoughts were still concentrated on Remus.

The thing about the British is that we thrive on being broken and making the worst out of every possible situation, of turning a positively simple situation with even the slightest amount of promise into something horrific and hopeless. And Remus was so hopelessly British. He was so sure he was some horrible monster to be feared and isolated, when in fact he was this kind, thoughtful, generous man with nothing but love to give.

An owl carrying the daily prophet skidded onto my desk and held out his leg, bringing me harshly back to earth. I gave it a marshmallow and paid it, taking the newspaper and scanning it quickly. No, nothing. Just the normal waffle about Dumbledore being a lunatic. Well, Dumbledore IS a lunatic, but I know they meant it in the bad way.

I threw the newspaper in the waste paper basket and got up, stretching my legs. Walking around the ministry offices I paused to look at two wizards levitating an old muggle stereo, which seemed to be emitting a high banshee shriek throughout the hallway. Arthur Weasley ran from his office with his hands over his ears and pointing towards his office.

He turned to look at me and gave me a long tired look. He had been on watch outside the department of mysteries last night and was seemingly exhausted.

That's going to be me tonight, I reminded myself.

My first watch for the order. The first real thing I was doing of use.

Hermione had arrived when I came home. She was a bright girl with an incredible enthusiasm to learn and had long brown bushy hair and brandy eyes. She seemed to be overwhelmed by the whole situation to the point of almost hyperventilating from the amount of gasping she did.

There was a noticeable difference in young Ronald when she stepped into the drawing room that evening, sitting beside Ginny and smiling weakly at her age-old friend. He blushed and did a kind of polite nod, turning away quickly. I didn't miss her heartbroken frown and the girl tried to hide her disappointment but she didn't do a good job.

Then Ginny was dragging her forwards and waving a hand in my direction. "This is Tonks!" she said happily. "She's an auror."

"Oh wow, I heard you have to be really intelligent to be an auror!" Hermione said quickly with one breath. "How long have you been out of training? Do you enjoy it much?"

I laughed and said, "Yeah, it has its moments." I patted the couch beside me and the two girls sat down, Ginny next to me and Hermione at the end. "Only been out of training a year."

Hermione gasped with awe and I felt oddly proud. Here was this girl with all her brains and she was impressed be me. We watched the boys leave the room, Ron almost at a run, leaving us girls all alone.

Excellent.

"So what's the deal with Ronniekins?" I asked the elder girl with a wink. "He seemed awfully embarrassed to see you."

She sighed and looked at her hands. I looked to Ginny for an explanation who was grinning widely and said teasingly, "Oh, she fancies him."

"Ginny!" she wailed, betrayal in her voice.

"Aw, don't worry, I won't say a thing." I put my hand on my chest. "Ginny and I talk about this sort of thing all the time, don't we, Gin?"

She nodded and said, "You can trust Tonks, Hermione. She can keep a secret."

She looked relieved for half a second until she and Ginny physically straightened, looking at the door.

A long sneering drawn out voice behind me said "Nymphadora. I believe it is I who professor Dumbledore has appointed to aid you on your first watch tonight. Hurry up, I don't like time wasters."

And Snape strode from the room with a dramatic flick of his cloak and I groaned, almost crying into my hands with dread. One night with Severus Snape? I won't be alive by the end of it.

Sirius was in the same frame of mind. He was yelling at Snape In the hallway whilst his mother screamed behind him at the top of her voice. It was only when I put a hand on his arm that he stopped and looked down at me with fury.

"Some one else can do it tonight!" he said fiercely. "It shouldn't be you with _him_."

"Dumbledore's orders, Black." Snape announced, putting a long fingered grubby hand on my shoulder and pushing me towards the door. I remember the last time he tried this and I wanted to curse him.

Sirius grabbed me away from him and hissed in my ear "he's a very experienced occlumens, Tonks. Be careful."

My heart hit my stomach and I clutched my wand tighter in my pocket, preparing myself for a night with a retired death eater who hates me and everyone I love.

Snape was waiting. I sighed, held myself a little higher and nodded to my cousin, following old Snivellus out the door and into the cold London back streets.

We walked briskly in the summer evening, the night warm and the sky just shifting into darkness. Twilight. And the moon was in the sky, two stages down from full moon, a brilliant white orb in the sky.

Without saying a word Snape spun and vanished. It wasn't much of a surprise; I knew where he had gone. It just disturbed me that I couldn't predict a thing he did. I doubt anyone could.

I apparated a few seconds after him, but he was a few paces ahead of me and already at the lifts, Watching and waiting for me with an impatient but smug sneer fixed on his greasy face.

I tried not to move too quickly to catch up with him. I wanted to create the aura that I was in control, that I didn't care he was in front of me or ordered to look after me like I was some child.

I thought he might announce some intentionally crushing remark when I stood next to him in the lift but Snape remained silent. I stayed as far as possible from him as I could manage without pressing myself up against the wall, I didn't want any late workers to assume that we might have arrived together.

Then he was hovering over me with a hideous smile and I fingered my wand in my robes. He threw an invisibility cloak around us both so that I was stood closer to him, my shoulders banging against his chest as the lift continued its decent.

I tried not to pull a face as we emerged at the department of mysteries, walking silently down the long corridor in front of the potions master. Reaching the door at the far end it seemed he had no intention of sitting down or relaxing at all that night.

We stood for about an hour growing steadily stiffer and colder. Snape seemed to emit no heat at all, standing in front of him. I involuntarily shivered, a childish action when stood so close to a human statue.

I thought for a moment he could have died, but that didn't disturb me in the least. It would certainly make Sirius happier.

I warmed immediately to this thought. Perhaps he did look a little paler than usual…

Then he moved. Not a large action, just a shift of his shoulders that made me think perhaps the world was out to get me.

The time continued to drip by. Hours passed and I forgot about seeming weak and kept glancing at my watch. Then, finally, one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen: Mad Eye Moody hobbling towards us without any cloak or protection at all.

He nodded in our direction and took the cloak from us. "Place is deserted," he said gruffly. "Off you go now, get some sleep."

I heartedly believe that if I hadn't been so desperate to leave Snape I wouldn't have been able to move at all from the cold. Grinning at Moody, I didn't wait for Snivellus at the lift and pressed the button quickly, running into the main entrance hall and apparating quickly.

Remus was showing Arthur how to make a patronus in the kitchen when I entered, stumbling over a crack in the flagstones and collapsing into a chair.

"Wotcher all."

"Any news?" Remus asked distractedly, with life and colour in his face.

"No, nothing." I put my feet up on the chair next to me and leant backwards, closing my eyes.

Sirius spoke from somewhere to my right. "Did Snape give you any trouble?"

"Nah, he barely said a word." I inhaled deeply the smell of home made cooking and butterbeer and opened my eyes as I heard Arthur cheer.

"Thankyou Remus," he was saying as a small white luminescent rabbit ran around the kitchen.

"It's not what he said that worries me, Tonks." Sirius said stiffly, and I saw he was wearing that chequered shirt I so adored. It didn't look right on him.

"I didn't feel him invade my mind." I said slowly. "But how good is he-?"

"Too good. Good enough that I wouldn't trust him if he saved my life." He replied quickly.

"Why are you creating pantronus's in the kitchen?" I asked wearily, looking at the small rabbit bounding around Arthur's feet.

"It's the order's way of messaging each other," Sirius said. "Remus can teach you too, if you need."

I glared. "I already can do a patronus, thanks."

"Lets see then." Sirius said, a smug smile on his once hansom features.

I rolled my eyes. I was too tired for this. "_Expecto patronum_!" I said clearly, fiercly, and a small, sliver wisp of air emitted from my wand and hung in the air for a second.

"What the hell is _that_ supposed to be?" Sirius asked, clutching his sides in laughter. "It looks like the giant squid!"

I shot him a dirty look.

Remus stood beside me and held my hand in his. A strange action I felt, until I realised he was directing my wand hand. "Find a happy memory and concentrate on it hard." He said softly into my ear, warming me all over.

I thought for a second for a happy memory. Joining Hogwarts? No, I was upset about leaving and those kids were awful… my first Quidditch match? Uhm. No. I broke my wrist trying to catch the quaffel…acceptance into Auror School? Too much like hard work….

My first morph. I wanted pink hair so badly and I was trying to curse it. I thought my spell had worked until I noticed the sheets on my four-poster had turned a violent green. However, my hair was pink and I had to be taken to Mcgonagall to get it fixed. The next day it was pink again.

I must have been smiling widely because Remus looked at me curiously. "You have one? Right, concentrate."

I wanted to say that I knew perfectly well how to produce a patronus and I had learnt in auror training but Remus's hand was on mine and his breath was on my cheek and I really wasn't overly bothered about telling him until he pulled away.

"Expecto patronus!" I announced waving my wand, and there, from the tip of it, flew a small, rather hansom griffin.

Remus nodded in approval as the beast paraded around us. "I take it the sorting hat's decision was debatable." He said, with rich amusement in his voice, the smile reflected in his eyes.

Sweet, beautiful, delicious adoration in those eyes.

I was the first to look away, blushing and looking around for something to do, but Remus wasn't so tactful. Or maybe he was just intrigued or deciding to have a particularly evil moment, because he pushed me into a seat and said:

"How was watch tonight, Tonks? I've been worried about you; you seem to be increasingly tired. I daren't say staying up for my sake helped."

Worried friendly, or worried fatherly? I wondered as I thought for an answer. "No, I'm okay, Remus. Don't worry about me."

"But I _do_ worry about you Tonks." He extended his hand tentively and ran his fingers along mine, an echo of my actions the previous night.

He seemed to battle with himself a moment and then stood up, releasing my hand. "Go home and sleep Tonks. You're exhausted."

And the moment was gone, over as quick as it had come, like Remus had gained his senses again.

"I'm not, I can run on a few hours sleep." I insisted, standing up next to him. He was by far a half a head taller than me, and I saw, close up, his worn out robes and the patches binding them. "Besides, it's my day off tomorrow. I can always sleep in."

Arthur and Molly went quickly off to bed about a half an hour later and the three of us retired into the drawing room, warming our feet by the fire as we sat on hard leather chairs talking in light conversation.

It was only when Sirius stood up to leave that my heart jumped to my throat. Remus and I were left alone.

It was only five minutes later that I realised it was only eleven o clcok, and Sirius was renowned for staying up later than most, so he couldn't be tired.

I quietly cleared my throat. "What did you do today?" I asked, bringing my feet up underneath me and watching him closely.

In the firelight, his eyes were golden and his hair was brown again. He didn't look old, -he _wasn't_ old, - he was just a tired man.

"Sirius and I managed to clear a ghoul out of one of the bedrooms," he said, gesturing upwards. "And we pulled a few of the paintings off the hall wall. They protested, but we ended up stunning them and hacking them off."

I laughed, though I had hardly heard a word he said. Our gazes met once more and I wondered if this is what it would always be, small glances by the fireside and childish handholding. I knew that if something weren't done soon, nothing would ever come of this.

But I never expected Remus to be the one acting first.

_**Reviews!**_

_**Godsgracie12: aww thanks for reading! Updating as quick as my studies allow. Stupid college…**_

_**Hayne…dear god that's the longest review I've ever seen! MUAH! Thank you thank you thank you! I love you always!**_

_**Lupinslady…there will be more than just hints, I promise you! Love you darlin, thanks for reading!**_

_**Godricgal…yay! A new reader! So happy…I hate her acting girl girly too. Annoys the hell out of me. Thanks for reading; I hope I keep up to your standards!**_

_**Dancer8428…updating! Thanks for reading! She's defiantly a gryff…**_

_**Thank you everyone! And remember…REVIEW!**_


	8. remus revealed

_Disclaimer: I do not own them. Not in the slightest. I wish I did._

_I felt so bad about making you wait years for the last chapter that I gave you this one hot off the press, so to speak. Enjoy!_

_This is it, folks. The one you've all been waiting for!_

_Dedicated to lupinslady…(for her constant support and heart-warming reviews)_

Friday mornings were by far my favourite day of the week. It was a time when the other members of my apartment block were all at school or work and the place was just so quiet and relaxing.

Of course, I wasn't at home in my apartment and there were five Weasley children running around making explosions or thundering up and down the stairs and disturbing the pictures, but it was still by far the most relaxed I had felt in a week, up to my neck in water and bubbles in the bath, my hair freshly washed and my skin supple from the heat.

I smiled as I heard Molly on the landing below, yelling at the twins for some prank or another, and I inhaled deeply the scent of the lavender soap Molly had set out for me. I had work to do but I couldn't bring myself to get up.

That is, until I heard Sirius calling my name from downstairs.

Groaning, I stood up and wrapped myself in a dressing gown, padding across the room and looking down the hall. My cousin was ascending the stairs and his face lit up when he saw me.

"Remus and I are going for a walk, you want to come?"

A simple sentence, one that shouldn't shock me, but it did.

"You're going for a _walk_?" I asked, leaning on one foot and looking doubtful. "You, the convicted criminal is going for a casual stroll up and down the neighbourhood?"

He looked thoughtful for a second and then nodded. "Yeah, that's the plan."

I blinked and must have looked awfully stupid, but I shook my head and said, "I'll be down in ten."

I won't deny that I was intrigued. I assumed Sirius would transform and we would have to escort him to stop death eaters from attacking us from behind the kiddie swings or something.

So I dressed and bounded downstairs. I was just chewing on a bit of toast when a dog barked and Sirius came pelting into the room wagging his tale viscously, his tongue lolling out of his mouth in excitement.

"Alright, alright, I'm going. Stupid dog." I added as an undertone, slipping on my purple coat and waiting in the hallway. "Where's Remus, anyway?"

Sirius barked and Remus came hurrying down the stairs. "Be patient, Sirius." He said, and smiled me. "Good afternoon, Tonks."

"Wotcher, Remus." I replied, opening to door and peering out into the sunshine. "Lovely day."

"Isn't it." Remus stepped out after me and Sirius ran past, barking and jumping over the low wall.

"Show off." I murmured, as Sirius ran down the street after a pigeon he had no chance of catching.

Remus chuckled and we set off after the crazed canine. The park was a twenty-minute walk away and in the summer sunshine it was quite pleasant. As we reached the grassy field with the strange nets muggle's used for some sort of ground sport, Sirius set off again, pulling at a branch twice his human size.

I settled myself on a swing and gently rocked back and forth. Remus watched me curiously for a few seconds and sat down on the seat next to me, but he didn't move. He just watched the children on the slide and Sirius knawing the branch and anything but me.

He sighed and I waited for him to speak but he simply stared at the floor, as if struggling.

I finally gave in waiting and spoke myself. "Are you alright, Remus?" I asked, swinging harder with excitement.

"Yes, it's just…I feel I don't know you at all, Tonks." He didn't evade my gaze this time and I immediately stopped.

_I feel I don't know you at all, Tonks._

"How…Remus, I don't understand. It's _me_. Of course you know me." But I would learn, soon enough, that words alone were never enough for that man.

"Yes, I know you." Remus swung a little, his feet still planted on the ground and I wondered where this was going. "But I don't know you how I want to."

Now I ask you, what the _hell_ does that mean?

"I-I don't understand, Remus." I said, my throat tightening and my heart quickening. Could this possibly be what I had wished for for so long?

He cleared his throat, the action more of a time filler than needed. "What I'm trying to say, Tonks, is that I think – I think I'd like to get to know you a little better…maybe, a little closer?"

I thought I knew what he was hinting at but I had to make sure, for my sake as much as his and avoid embarrassment later on. "But we are close, Remus." I said, and the look on his face confirmed everything I was living for.

"Yes, but-" his voice was weak and he was about to announce something when Sirius bounded up holding a long stick. He looked between us and sat back on his hind legs, dropping the branch at Remus's feet.

He threw the stick into the cops of trees to our left and sat back down. He stared at the ground, swinging idly, and didn't seem to want to continue.

I've been waiting for and wanting this for too damn long, Remus. "Go on." I said, perhaps cruelly, but I had to hear it. All of it.

He looked at me with a plea in his eyes and I almost laughed. Just say it! Say the words I'm not strong to enough to say myself.

"I think perhaps that I would…I think that I might…I uhm…I think I want to get a little closer to you, Tonks. Perhaps, even might begin to love you." He let out a sigh and Remus really did look younger than his years, sitting on a swing and acting like a bashful schoolboy.

It sounds so sweet coming from such a sweet man.

"I'd like to get to know you better too, Remus." I admitted, a smile on my face and my heart beating wildly in random skips and jumps. Electric shocks were pounding through my veins warming my heart and making me feel light headed.

Remus laughed in relief and I think, had Sirius not returned with that _damn stick_, he would have said or done something else.

This wasn't how I imagined it would be. We didn't look at each other for the better part of ten minutes and although Remus was smiling I couldn't even begin to imagine where we could be going from here.

A muggle man in his mid forties marched up to us in a powerful rage. "That your dog?" he demanded, pointing at Sirius.

"Uh…yeah." I said uncertainly, standing up to meet him.

"Didn't you read the sign, he should be on a lead! Get him under control!" he snapped, storming away.

I rolled my eyes and called out quite heartedly "SNUFFLES! Here boy!"

The dog padded towards me and gave the most pathetic look. "You need to be on a lead." I said plainly, turning my back from the muggles and conjuring a long piece of rope. "Hold still."

Sirius did not respond graciously. He howled and struggled and it took two of us to restrain him and eventually tie the rope around his neck. I gave the other end to Remus who was plainly stronger than I was and for the first time in fifteen minutes he looked at me.

I smiled weakly and he smiled back, equally as nervous.

Sirius tugged on the leash and we were jerked out of fantasy and back into reality with a bark.

"I suppose…we ought to start getting back then." Remus said, turning and walking slowly back towards Grimmauld place with Sirius dragging behind him.

"I guess so." I said, following after them and wondering whether anything would ever come of today's events.

It did. And quite to my satisfaction, too, I mused, sitting by the fireside with my feet in Remus's lap. He hadn't been able to avoid me when I cornered him in the drawing room and kissed him sweetly on the lips, standing on tiptoe, our fingers interlaced and his stubble rubbing against my cheek, driving me crazy.

So we sat, him sitting quite comfortably and me leaning against the arm of the couch, eyes closed and a smile on my face. Content. I felt Remus's fingers stroke my ankle and I sighed. This was simply the happiest I had felt in months. Years, even.

The thing with love is you think you know it completely until something better and more complete comes along. I had experienced what I thought was love before but nothing, whether it was just the early days of the relationship talking or just my absolute gut feeling, nothing could compare to how in love I felt right now.

"I think I might go to bed." Remus said apologetically, shifting my feet and standing up.

He paused at the door, debating with himself, it seemed. Then he said, ever so quietly, "Would you join me?"

I was so completely thrown that I just sat and stared for a moment or two. It wasn't like Remus to be so direct, and I battled with myself as to what he meant.

He must have seen my inner conflict because he raised his eyebrows and said hurriedly "I don't mean…I wouldn't want you to think-"

I stood up and took his hand. "I know Remus. Come on."

My theory that Remus Lupin was the perfect gentleman was proven when he turned away so I could change and when he got into the bed first and pulled back the covers for me. He leant over me, kissed me, and put out the candles with his wand.

I could hear Remus's rhythmic breathing through the darkness and I shifted just a little closer so I could feel the warmth radiating from his skin. Then the covers moved and Remus's hand pressed into my shoulders, pulling me forward and holding me there in a tight embrace.

It was like nothing I've ever felt before. Never in my life have I slept in the same bed as a man who had not had some greater intention. But Remus…was so damn perfect it was like a dream. Surreal. And I wouldn't have changed this moment for the world.

Work in the morning was a lot more fun when you knew what you were coming home to. Remus discretely kissed me behind the door as I left and I was still smiling when I sat down in my cubicle half an hour later.

Kingsley was the first to notice the difference but I denied all knowledge of my sudden happiness and handed him a report instead. He shook his head and let me return to my office, where I spent three hours bewitching the walls to change colour and spinning around on my office chair.

Five o'clock came and I managed to escape the office without doing much work at all. With folders under one arm and my bag slung over the other, I managed to hobble home and dump my stuff at my flat.

Remus was waiting for me when I arrived at Grimmauld place. His face lit up in a grin I had never seen before, with the happiness of a twelve year old and a bag of dung bombs. He led me into the larder and kissed me twice lightly on each cheek and once on my lips, stroking my arms with his fingers and holding my elbows to his sides, locking me against his chest.

"How was your day?" he purred, leaning back a little and examining me fully. "You look tired."

Either that was a well educated guess or his eyesight is a lot better than mine, and I have annual checkups, compulsory auror regime.

"I'm feeling a lot better now that I know what I can come home to." I said, hands on his shoulders and tickling the back of his neck. The smells of the spices from the food around me was making me happily sleepy and I felt ready to doze off right in his arms.

The larder door opened and we sprang apart. It was only Kreature.

"Filthy half breeds…" he muttered, looking at the floor and fidgeting.

"Oh piss off." I said, nudging him with my foot and trying to close the door, but Sirius appeared and peered inside.

"Now this looks fun," he said, raising his eyebrows and frowning. "Secret meeting in here or something?"

"We were looking for something." Remus said quickly, staring at the shelves.

"Both of you?"

"Yeah." I added, picking up a pot of jam. "And look, we found it."

He didn't look convinced. He rolled his eyes and opened the door wider to let us out. "You were looking for jam."

"Yes."

"Even when there's some on the shelf?"

I feigned shock. "Is there? Since when?"

He rolled his eyes again and shook his head. "You're a strange one Tonks."

The evening became more hectic after that. Either Moody was insisting he run through the emergency plan or Sirius was bugging Remus to play wizard chess or Ginny was wanting to talk; we just couldn't find any time alone together.

And so, after much inner debating, I settled for working. I sat my feet up on the couch and my shoes kicked off with my essay perched on my knees. I chewed my quill thoughtfully, staring at the report as if willing it to write itself.

" Are you alright, Tonks?" Remus asked, staring over Sirius's shoulder as he waited for him to make a move.

I jumped and grinned. "No." I said, lolling over the back the back of the couch lazily. "I haven't a clue what the goblin rights of 1743 have to do with dark magic."

He stood up slowly and rested on the seat next to me, taking the report from me, reading what I had written so far and launching into a long explanation as the quill scribbled down notes in my handwriting.

I remember the last time he did this and I almost stopped him, but here he was, trying to help, and I just couldn't intervene and make it sound ungrateful. If all else fails, I'd rewrite the report later.

Sirius watched us curiously, all the time tapping the edge of the chessboard in frustration.

I smiled as Remus handed the report back to me, blowing on the ink to make it dry. Without thinking, I leant across and gave him a hug and the kiss on the cheek.

I think we would have gotten away with it if it weren't for out guilty faces as we watched Sirius for his reaction. He sighed, and leant over the back of the chair and said:

"So how long?"

I opened my mouth to protest but Remus got there first. "Not long, Sirius." He admitted. "A day, at most."

Sirius nodded, content and I looked between the two. Could they keep any secrets from each other at all?

Then he voiced the hardest question of all. "Why?"

I went to speak and found I had no answer. "Why what?" I said, furrowing my brow in concentration.

"Why Remus, Tonks?"

Was he trying to be cruel or was he just curious? "I guess I just fell in love with him." I answered with a shrug. "Is that a _bad_ thing? Do you not think I'm _worthy_ enough for him?"

He held up his hands in protest and shook his head. "No one thinks higher of Remus than I do, Tonks. You're in good hands. It's just not something I saw coming."

"What made you guess?" Remus asked, and I noted Sirius didn't ask him my question in reverse. Typical.

"Dogs have good hearing, you know." He said, standing up and yawning.

"Of course they do." Remus shook his head, looking slightly annoyed with himself, or could it be my cousin? "Good night, Sirius."

"Night." And he left.

We sat together for another ten minutes, Remus's hand on my knee and my head pressed against his shoulder. Eventually he stood up and announced, "I think I'll go to bed."

I grinned mischievously. "Yes. I think I might follow."

_I must know. Was this chapter too fluffy? Or was it too fast, or too immature, (too _mature_!) or just not in character? Did I spoil the entire story so far?_

_I have to know. Please be honest so that I can do a better job in the future, and I do apologise if I've ruined the entire thing. I'm not entirely sure about this chapter, but it's your opinions that count! Let me know._

_Any ideas on what should happen next? Or any ideas at all…all welcome!_

_**Reviews!**_

_**Lupinslady…I wrote like a crazy person! Are you proud? Any ideas what should happen next will be GREATLY appreciated! Love you darling!**_

_**Celi…yes. Yes it WAS great. Keep R+R!**_

_**Slightly so…uhm…yeh he does kinda? Tell me how I did! And I need ideas! Eek!**_


	9. everything changes

_Disclaimer: no. I don't own them. So now you can't sue me! HA!_

DEDICATED TO _AUTUMNBREEZE25_, FOR HER CONTINUOUS SUPPORT AND REVIEWING!

_Now, again, I'm unsure about this chapter. Even is it is THE WORLDS LONGEST CHAPTER! Alright, maybe it's not, but it's my longest so far. Enjoy!_

Late nights in the office always wore me out. It was leading up to ten past nine on a cloudy august evening and I was dully twisting my quill between my fingers, biting my lower lip as I sat at my desk, staring at my flashing weird sisters poster as if in a trance.

Kingsley settled himself opposite me and I jerked out of my stupor and tried to look awake. He had a map in his hands and was running a finger over Asia.

"Pick a region, Tonks." He said suddenly, thrusting the map towards me.

I frowned and placed my finger randomly at a small city in Tibet.

"Aha. Shigaste. Nice choice, Sirius will love it there," he said quietly with a wink.

I laughed and shook my head. Twice this month Kingsley had come into my cubicle asking where I thought Sirius would be hiding.

"So what have you got planned for tonight?" Kingsley asked, marking on the map a small red dot and the date. "Something with Remus, I'll guess."

"Uh huh. _Full moon_." I mouthed so none of out colleagues could here us. No one in the ministry who wasn't part of the order was allowed to know about us, and announcing to the office my boyfriend was a werewolf was an obvious identity clue.

"You'll want to get off early tonight, then?" Kingsley said, glancing at the clock and frowning. "Oh."

I grimaced. "Yeah. I only have this to finish and I'll be off."

Kingsley was about to say something when Arthur Weasley ran into my cubicle. "Kingsley!" he gasped, leaning on my desk. "I've been…looking all over for you."

"Arthur, what's wrong?" I asked, standing up and pushing him into my chair.

Arthur smiled and took a second to catch his breath. "Harry!" he whispered. "Underage magic…cousin…expelled…"

I looked to Kingsley and said "take him back to Grimmauld place. I'll stay here and try to pick up the pieces. Find out a little more."

They nodded and left for the entrance hall immediately. I looked around me, feeling helpless, wondering what I could actually do to help.

I wandered around the office and stopped at a cubicle when I heard Harry's name. I paused, pretending to check a timetable on the wall, and listened.

Within minutes I'd heard everything I needed to know.

Remus, shockingly, was awake when I arrived at headquarters. He was looking rather pale and ill, and unfortunately, I had no time to comfort or spend anytime with him as most of the order members, including Dumbledore, had arrived, and the situation was deemed as urgent.

I pulled a regretful face as we shared a smile across the table as Dumbledore spoke. Then I everyone was looking at me and waiting.

I cleared my throat and announced, "It seems there was a dementor attack near Harry's home. He defended himself with a patronus and is now facing expulsion from Hogwarts for underage wizardry. He's due at a hearing on the twelfth of august."

"What about his guard?" Sirius asked, and I noted he looked fairly angry. I guess I would be too.

"Ah. Well, unfortunately, Mundungus was supposed to be looking after him, but Arebella Figg said he's out on some of his _own_ business." I rolled my eyes. "But it's Dung, so we can only guess."

I saw a muscle in Sirius's mouth twitch and Remus asked croakily, "What will we do now?"

Dumbledore stroked his beard and said, "We will have to retrieve him. If Voldemort-" we all flinched, except for Sirius and Remus. "-Has the dementor's under his control, he is in grave danger."

"Tonks, what about his cousin?" Hestia Jones asked at the back of the group.

"He's unharmed. Little bit shaken, I imagine though."

"What I want to know is _how are we getting Harry out?_" Sirius demanded, slamming his fist down on the table. "I don't give a damn about his cousin!"

I sighed and I saw Dumbledore raise an eyebrow. "We'll need to get his aunt and uncle out of the house in order to retrieve him smoothly and without difficulty. Any ideas?"

We sat and thought for a few minutes, everyone contributing small amounts of information.

Then Kingsley said "what about an invitation to something?"

That seemed to go down fairly well and I was about to add something when I saw Remus glance out the window and get up from the table. "Excuse me, all." He said, and hurried out the room.

Behind me, the full moon emerged from behind a cloud.

I was getting desperate. As the meeting went on I became restless, wanting to get away and tend to Remus. Dumbledore, I think, noticed this and offered me an apologetic smile.

No one was giving any help at all and I took it on myself to come up with the answer. "How about a prize?" I said drearily, staring out the window once more. "Some sort of award celebration?"

"For what?" Kingsley asked. "What do muggles win prizes for?"

I wanted to strangle him. "Anything." I said. "A lawn competition. Whatever."

Dumbledore nodded. "Well in that case I'll assign the job to you, Nymphadora. The all England best kept suburban lawn competition. You can set about the job in the morning. Good night everybody."

_What just happened?_

The order began to leave and I ran upstairs to Remus's room, unlocking the door from the many spells he'd cast and slipping inside. The wolf was expecting me, sat at the other end of the room and watching me curiously.

I smiled and stepped forward. "Wotcher Remus." I said, letting him approach me. He sniffed me and circled me twice and eventually sat back on his haunches and I swear I saw his tail wag.

I kissed his nose and lay on the bed, sitting against the headboard and fiddling with my wand. He'd insisted that if I was going to spend time with him at full moon, I was to have my wand to hand every moment. Werewolves, he explained, like real wolves, were unpredictable.

The mattress sagged as Remus jumped up next to me, setting his head in my lap as he lay down on the covers. I stroked his head, scratched behind his ears, and hoped he took the actions as loving rather than as demeaning.

An hour in, Remus suddenly stood up and growled, standing over me protectively as the door opened and kingsley stood in the door way.

"Oh. Sorry, Remus. Didn't realise it was full moon." Kingsley said, holding up his hands, one of which was holding a report. "Just wanted to pass this on to Tonks. I'll just put this-" he stepped forward and tried to place the parchment down on the bedside table, but Remus growled and barked and his hackles rose and for one terrifying second I thought he was going to rip Kingsley apart.

Kingsley, too, seemed surprised, because he retreated immediately and said, "I'll just leave this downstairs, Tonks." And left quickly.

I watched Remus in horror as he sat back down, a low growl still emitting from his throat, and I wondered what the hell was going on. He looked at me and held my gaze until he sat back down with his head on my shoulder.

Sirius arrived pretty soon after that. He looked between us and when h tried to come close Remus jumped from the bed and met him head on, growling and separating us.

Sirius looked at the wolf scornfully and rolled his eyes. "You should relax, mate. I'm not going to steal her from you."

He turned and walked out, shutting the door firmly behind him and I watched my boyfriend closely. Was that what this was all about? Becoming defensive over his "mate"?

Remus looked at me pleadingly, and I think he'd realised he'd stepped over the line this time by not allowing Sirius to enter. I sighed and slipped further down the bed so my head was on the pillow and patted the covers next to me, like I would have done to Remus at any other time of the month.

He jumped over me and the mattress sunk a few inches. Remus put his head on my belly and I tapped his nose playfully. Probably not a game you should start with a werewolf, but it was Remus, and I think he gets more playful around this time of the month.

I closed my eyes for just a second, I swear, and I felt something warm near my face. Remus's nose was an inch away from mine and his tongue darted out and licked my cheek in an act that was so cheeky I would have never had expected it of dear old tame Remus.

Then his head was on my stomach again and I closed my eyes. When I woke up the sky was red and Remus was lying like a child next to me, his head still on my lap but this time very human.

I shifted to pull the blankets over him and he raised his head, looked around dazed, and hastily covered himself up. I grinned and kissed him, pulling the blankets over both of us, and falling back to sleep.

I posted a letter off to the Dursley's for the all England best kept suburban lawn competition that evening as I walked towards old Grimmauld in the twilight. Tonight we would be discussing the finer details of retrieving Harry, a concept I knew Sirius had been greatly looking forward to.

The man, however, seemed quite relaxed as I entered and laughed hysterically as I sat down with them. Remus shook his head and kissed my cheek.

"You know, Sirius. It's people like you that make a girl paranoid. What the hell is so funny?"

He laughed and I looked to Remus for help, but he was currently avoiding my eyes. Sirius got up and left, saying something along the lines of "I'll let Remus explain".

Remus sighed and I smiled at him, holding his hand. "What's up?"

"I think we need to talk about what happened last night." He said, and I panicked. _Did_ we do anything last night?

"Uhm, what happened last night?" I asked, thinking hard and reaching no conclusion.

"Me. Being territorial over you. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have acted that way."

That's _IT_?

I laughed. "Oh, really Remus. Don't be silly. You didn't do anything."

"No, but I could have."

I shook my head. "You wouldn't. I know you. Besides, if you have a small personality change as the full moon approaches, so what?"

Remus sighed again, and I think he was becoming slightly impatient with me. I have a habit of just not understanding the important things. "My point is, Tonks, I treated you like an object, like you were mine alone. I shouldn't have been so angry that other men were trying to get close to you. I'm sorry for that."

I kissed him slowly and warmly and whispered "but I am yours. Don't be sorry. It doesn't matter."

We had exactly no alone time after that due to excitable order members barging into the kitchen and setting up camp until Dumbledore arrived, and we were back to acting good friends again. A frustrating act at the best of times.

After the meeting and plans had been laid out we sat with the Weasley's in the drawing room, not touching as we spoke on the couch. Ginny and Hermione were on the floor by our feet talking about boys and Ginny's new crush, a concept Hermione couldn't quite manage to grasp.

Ginny looked up at me and said "hey Tonks. Who's the weirdest guy you've ever dated?"

Good question. "Uh…" I looked around and saw Molly watching me as well as Remus from the corner of my eye. "Don't know, most guys I've dated were pretty normal. Well…there was this one guy who had a really dodgy taste in Hawaiian shirts, but other than that…"

Ginny looked disappointed and I pulled a regretful face. "To be honest, I haven't dated an awful lot. Not serious like."

Sirius looked up from his game of chess with Ron, -who had currently reduced him down to one castle, three pawns and his king, - and said, "you know, I don't get it Tonks. You could look as beautiful as a veela, but instead you chose to look like you do."

You know, there isn't really an answer to that. It's the same as being told, straight out, 'how is it you're so ugly?'

"I think Tonks is pretty!" Ginny piped up. "There's more than just looks you know!"

I grinned and hugged her around the shoulders. "She's right. Besides, you don't want _that_ attention. Being a veela isn't that great."

Ron snorted. "They're the most beautiful women in the world. What's better than that?"

"Being intelligent?" Hermione said icily. "Having the capacity to get a decent job?"

I love those girls, I really do. They have their heads screwed on the right way.

"Who cares about _that_?" he said, taking Sirius's castle. "They can marry someone really rich."

"What if you don't love them?" Hermione argued, and I saw where this was going. "Money and looks don't mean a thing over love."

"And I should think you were brought up better to think so!" Molly said sternly to her son.

I looked at Remus with a meaningful stare and I think that might have gotten through to him, if only a little.

The problem was, Remus's actions that night scared me more than I thought it would. In those brief few seconds, I actually believed he was going to hurt Kingsley, and not only had I been the cause of that but what if Remus became worse? What if, next time, he actually did attack someone?

I think Remus too was haunted by this thought. Throughout the following days as our mission to retrieve Harry came closer he wouldn't look me in the eye. Only when I cornered him that night in his room did he actually look at me properly.

"Do you think this is working, Tonks?" he asked, and my heart gave a jolt.

"Of course it is. Every relationship has problems."

"Yes, but not quite to this extreme. I don't think you're really understanding the severity of this, Tonks."

I took a few forceful steps forward and folded my arms. "So you're going to give up after the first hurdle, are you? Because you felt a little bit possessive?"

"Tonks, I could have killed him!" he said, raising his voice slightly. The first true sign I'd ever really seen of Remus becoming angry.

"But you didn't kill him. You didn't even approach him. That's the difference."

"What if next time-"

"There won't be a next time. Kingsley knows now to keep away at full moon."

"But what-"

I stamped my foot. "Stop this, Remus!" I took his face in my hands and forced him to look at me. "You are being ridiculous. You are not the beast you think you are."

I wouldn't hear any more on the matter. I told him we were never to speak of it again unless it became a larger issue and crawled into bed. Remus sighed and lay down next to me, not touching or giving any contact at all.

Finally, through the darkness, I felt him roll over and wrap his arm around me. "I'm sorry, Tonks." He said close to my ear.

"You never have to be sorry for anything." I replied, holding his hand in mine.

The mission came around quicker than I expected and when I arrived at Grimmauld place that night it was packed with order members. I pushed through the crowd to get to Remus and Sirius at the front and looked up to see four red heads and Hermione peering over the banister to watch us.

Sirius was looking sulky and agitated and I wondered how it must feel to watch other people be the ones helping the one you cared about most in the world whilst you could do nothing.

Remus, however, seemed overjoyed to see me. He patted my shoulder companionably and smiled before raising his voice slightly and saying "can I have your attention, please?"

The hall quietened down almost immediately and there was a slight buzz of excitement in the air. "Ladies and gentlemen, I believe the time has come that me must depart."

We apparated with our broomsticks into the well trimmed back garden of a middle class house. None of the lights were on except for the kitchen, of which Remus quietly opened the door with a spell and beckoned us inside.

The kitchen was impeccably clean. The walls were a brilliant white and the floor and counter tops were glistening. Mad eye went to slip by me and I backed away half a step, hitting the table.

There was a crash as a plate slipped to the floor.

Cursing my own idiocy, I hurriedly repaired the plate and I saw Remus sigh. _There goes being stealthy._

We moved into the hallway and Remus was about to climb the stairs when a lanky, scruffy black haired boy appeared on the landing above bearing his wand like a sword.

"Lower you wand, boy, before you take someone's eye out." Moody growled from my right.

"Professor moody?" Harry asked, leaning forward to see.

"I don't know so much about 'professor'," Moody replied gruffly. "Never got round to much teaching, did I? Get down her, we want to see you properly."

Not that we could see any thing much at all. Harry slowly descended the stairs, looking at our silhouettes in turn through the dark.

"It's all right, Harry. We've come to take you away." Remus was as calm and comforting as ever.

"P-professor Lupin? Is that you?" Harry asked and the relief was evident in his voice as he squinted at him.

This was getting stupid. "Why are we all standing in the dark?" I asked, igniting my wand. "_Lumos_." I held my wand above my head and waved at him. "Ooh, he looks just like I thought he would. Wotcher Harry!"

Harry looked slightly embarrassed and smiled back uncertainly.

"Yeah, I see what you mean, Remus." Kingsley said behind me. "He looks exactly like James."

I'd seen pictures of the infamous James potter and it was true. Harry truly was his son.

"Except the eyes," Dedalus added. "Lily's eyes."

Moody, ever the paranoid, examined the teenager with interest. "Are you quite sure it's him, Lupin? It'd be a nice lookout if we bring back some death eater impersonating him. We ought to ask him something only the real Potter would know. Unless anyone brought any veritaserum?" he added.

Remus sighed inaudibly. "Harry, what form does your patronus take?"

I hate that question.

" A stag." Said Harry nervously, and I would be too if being interrogated by Mad Eye Moody. He's bad enough at the best of times.

"That's him, Mad-eye." Remus said, and I was pleased to hear he sounded relieved. I would have hated to see Mad-eye eviscerate a teenage boy.

Harry came down a few more steps, placing his wand in his back pocket of his jeans as he went.

The entirety of my auror training went into practice to stop myself jumping when Mad Eye roared by my ear "don't put your wand there, boy! What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!"

This is something I just have to hear, whether it be through human curiosity or some sort of morbid interest. "Who do you know who's lost a buttock?" I asked.

"Never you mind, you just keep your wand out of your back pocket!" he growled. "Elementary wand safety, nobody bothers with about it any more." He muttered hobbling off towards the kitchen. "And I saw that" he added as I rolled my eyes.

He's damn creepy sometimes.

Meanwhile, Remus and Harry were shaking hands and the boy looked a little more relaxed.

"How are you?" Remus asked, observing him carefully.

"F-fine…" Harry said. "I'm- you're really lucky the Dursley's are out." He added, finally reaching the bottom step.

"Lucky ha!" I laughed, unable to contain myself. "It was me who lured them out of the way. Sent a letter by muggle post telling them they'd been short-listed for the All-England Best Kept Suburban Lawn Competition. They're heading off to the prize-giving right now…or they think they are."

Harry's face lit up with amusement for just a second before it faded and he asked, "We are leaving, aren't we? Soon?"

"Almost at once," said Remus in a voice that could only be described as fatherly. "We're just waiting for the all-clear."

"Where are we going?" he said hopefully. "The burrow?"

"Not the burrow, no." Remus gestured towards the kitchen and we followed, watching Harry closely. "Too risky. We've set up headquarters somewhere undetectable. It's taken a while…"

I noticed moody had made himself at home by sitting at the kitchen table, taking a long swig from his hip flask, his magical eye going berserk around the room.

"This is Alastor Moody, Harry." Remus said, pointing towards him.

"Yeah I know." The boy said uncertainly.

"And this is Nymphadora-"

Why, Remus? _Why_? "Don't call me Nymphadora, Remus." I said with a shudder. "It's Tonks."

"Nymphadora Tonks, who prefers to be known by her surname only." Remus said with a smile. _He's enjoying this_.

"So would you if your fool of a mother had called you Nymphadora." I muttered, looking around the kitchen with distaste.

Remus went on to introduce the rest of the guard who had placed themselves around the kitchen, Harry standing awkwardly in the midst of things and nodding to each.

"A surprising number of people volunteered to come and get you," said Remus smiling slightly.

"Yeah well, the more the better." Moody said darkly. "We're your guard, potter."

"We're just waiting for the signal to tell us it's safe to set off," Remus said, looking out the kitchen window past the high bushes from the neighbour's garden. "We've got about fifteen minutes."

"Very _clean_, aren't they these muggles?" I said wandering around the kitchen and gazing at the dishwasher. Strange device, if you ask me. "My dad's muggle born and he's a right old slob. I suppose it varies, just as it does wizards?" I asked interestedly.

"Er- yeah." Harry said. "Look-" he ignored me and turned back to Remus. I wasn't offended. He looked quite desperate. "What's going on, I haven't heard anything from anyone, what's Vol-?"

Several people hissed, dedalus dropped his hat and Moody growled "_shut up!"_

"What?" he asked.

"We're not discussing anything here, it's too risky." Moody said, his magical sticking on the ceiling. "Damn it. It keeps getting stuck- ever since that scum wore it."

And he popped out his eye with a squelch.

Emmeline Vance pulled a face. "Mad-eye, you do know that's disgusting, don't you?" I said conversationally.

"Get me a glass of water, would you, Harry." Said moody.

Harry retrieved a glass form the dishwasher, took out a clean glass and filled it from the tap. We watched him enthusiastically, as if waiting for him to do something spectacular.

"Cheers" moody said, dropping the eyeball into the water were it span maniacally. "I want three hundred and sixty degrees visibility on the return journey."

"How're we getting - wherever we're going?" Harry asked.

"Brooms." Remus said, "only way. You're too young to apparate, they'll be watching the floo network and it's more than our life's worth to set up an unauthorised portkey."

"Remus says you're a good flier," Kingsley said, and I think partly for Remus's sake. He had hardly spoken to him out of embarrassment the past few days.

"He's excellent." Remus said, checking his wristwatch. "Anyway, you'd better go and get packed, Harry. We want to be ready when the signal comes."

"I'll come and help you." I said happily, following him back into the hall and up the stairs towards his room, looking around at the pictures and furniture with interest. "Funny place," I said, examining the cream carpet that had absolutely no marks or stains whatsoever. "A bit too clean, d'you know what I mean? Bit unnatural. Oh, this is better," I said, walking to Harry's room.

It was utter chaos. Much like my own flat in London. How Molly Weasley would love to get her hands on _that_ place.

Harry began to throw things quickly into his trunk. I looked around and paused at the open wardrobe, picking at a strand of violet hair. "You know, I don't think violet's really my colour," I said thoughtfully. "Do you think it makes me look a bit peaky?"

Harry tried to look interested from over the top of a book.

"Yeah it does." I decided. I screwed up my face and thought deeply '_bubblegum pink_' and without fail, when I opened my eyes, there it was.

"How did you do that?" Harry asked in disbelief.

"I'm a metamorphmagus," I replied, staring at my reflection and turning my head to every angle. "It means I can change my appearance at will," I added, watching his expression in the mirror. "I was born one. I got top marks in concealment and disguise during auror training without any study at all, it was great."

"You're an auror?" Harry asked a slight grin on his face.

"Yeah," I said with pride. "Kingsley is as well, he's a bit higher up than me, though. I only qualified a year ago. Nearly failed on stealth and tracking. I'm dead clumsy, did you hear me break that plate when we arrived downstairs?"

"Can you learn how to be a metamorphmagus?" Harry asked standing up to his full height.

I laughed. "Bet you wouldn't mind hiding that scar sometimes, eh?" my eyes involuntarily drifted to the lightening bolt on his forehead.

"No, I wouldn't mind." He mumbled pointedly and turned away.

"You'll have to learn the hard way, I'm afraid," I said. "Metamorphmagi are really rare, they're born, not made. Most wizards need to use a wand, or potions, to change their appearance. But we've got to get going, Harry, we're supposed to be packing." I added guiltily, staring at the mess on the floor.

"Oh-yeah." Harry sighed and grabbed an armful of books.

"Don't be stupid, it'll be much easier if I – _pack_!" I waved my wand in a circular motion across the floor and the objects flew into the trunk randomly.

I frowned, as I looked in. there was absolutely no order at all. "It's not very neat," I said apologetically. "My mums got this knack of getting stuff to fit itself in neatly, - she even gets the socks to fold themselves – but I've never mastered how she does it – it's a kind of flick-" I flicked my wand hopefully, and I sock kind of jumped into the air and wiggled a little bit.

"Ah, well." I shrugged and slammed the lid shut. "At least it's all in." I pointed my wand towards and owl's cage. "That could do with a bit of cleaning too. _Scourify_." It didn't do an awful lot; a few droppings and feathers vanished. "Well, that's a _bit_ better – I've never quite go the hang of all these householdy sort of spells. Right- got everything? Cauldron? Broom? Wow! – A _firebolt_?"

I felt my jar drop as my eyes rested on a slick wooden handle and perfect tail with golen words engraved on the hilt. "And I'm still riding a comet two sixty." I shook my head in disgrace. "Ah well…wand still in your jeans? Both buttocks still on? Ok, let's go. _Locomoter trunk_."

The trunk hovered above the ground a few inches and I sent I down the stairs in front of me; the owls cage in my left hand. Harry followed with the broomstick.

When we entered the kitchen I saw moody had replaced his eye, which was whizzing around and around in his head like a demented ping-pong ball. Kingsley and Sturgis were poking the microwave buttons and Hestia was laughing hysterically at a potato peeler.

Remus sealed a letter and placed it on the table. "Excellent," he said watching us enter. "We've got about a minute, I think. We should probably get out into the garden so we're ready, Harry. I've left a letter telling your aunt and uncle not to worry-"

"They won't."

"-That you're safe-"

"That'll just depress them."

"-And you'll see them next summer."

"Do I have to?"

Remus smiled and didn't answer.

"Come here boy," moody said, beckoning him towards him. "I need to disillusion you."

"You need to what?" Harry asked nervously.

Yeah, I would be too.

"Disillusionment charm," said Moody, raising his wand to eye level. "Lupin says you've got an invisibility cloak, but It won't stay on whilst we're flying; this'll disguise you better. Here you go -"

He hit him hard on the top of the head that I was sure his skull might've cracked. But it was Mad-eye, and as paranoid as he may be; he was the best for a reason. "Nice one, Mad-eye." I said, watching Harry's body slowly turn invisible.

"Come on" moody, said, leading us outdoors into the warm summer evening. "Clear night" he said, looking upwards. "Could've done with a little more cloud cover. Right, you," he turned to where Harry was supposedly stood. "We're going to be flying in close formation. Tonks'll be right in front of you, keep close on her tail. Lupin'll be covering you from below. I'm going to be behind you. The rest'll be circling us. We don't break ranks for anything, got me? If one of us is killed-"

"Is that likely?" Harry asked nervously.

"-The others keep flying, don't stop, and don't break ranks. If they take out all of us and you survive, Harry, the rear guard are standing by to take over; keep flying east and they'll join you."

"Stop being so cheerful, Mad-eye." I said, strapping the owl cage and trunk onto my broom with a harness. "He'll think we're not taking this seriously."

"I just telling the boy the plan." growled moody. "Our job's to deliver the boy to headquarters and if we die in the attempt-"

"No ones going to die." Said Kingsley tiredly, and I was glad someone else said it.

"Mount your brooms, that's the first signal!" said Remus loudly as a jet of bright red sparks emerged into the sky.

We clambered onto our brooms and rose a few feet, my broom slightly more wobbly than before due to the extra weight.

"Second signal, let's go!" Remus yelled as green sparks followed the red.

We climbed into the air immediately, me leading the group in the first real useful thing I had done for the order. I looked down and saw Remus smiling up at me.

_**HOW LONG WAS THAT CHAPTER?**_

_**You better be grateful!**_

_**Okies, reviews…**_

_**Dancer8428…homework sucks, I knw how you feel! DOWN WITH HOMEWORK! Anyhow, thanx for reviewing! Keep reading!**_

_**Hayne…fluff doesn't have to end soon…keep reading. You'll see. **_

_**Lupinslady…there will defiantly be an angsty deatheater werewolf thing on the way, I just need to get them out fo the summer holidays first. Stupid kids. Keep reading!**_

_**Autumnbreeze25…HONESTY! That's what I like to see! Keep telling me this stuff, it's worth its weight in GOLD. Gracias amiga!**_

_**Celi…awww thanx! Keep reading! Almost perfect is the best I've down so far! Woop!**_

_**Slightly so…woopdeedoo! Not too fluffy! Yay! Coolies, thanx, keep reading!**_

_**The female nerd…how coolis your name? I love it! Keep reading, and dro a review in every now and again if you have any hints or ideas, or if I'm doing it completely wrong!**_

_**Godsgracie12…I love fluff too! Yay! Keep reading, thanx for reviewing!**_

**YOU KNOW THE DRILL. REVIEW!**


	10. come and go

_I wish I owned them, but I don't._

_Argh. I had like a whole page and a half worth of text and I just got pissed off with it and deleted it all and had to start from scratch again. Blah. I decided to completely and utterly SKIP the whole "Harry at Grimmauld place" thing and just move on with the story. It was annoying for me to write and it was probably pretty damn irritating for you to read as well. So my editor (AKA me) told me to follow gut instinct and just carry on with the story. This is SO not one of my better chapters, but, sigh…ONWARDS!_

The end of the summer holidays came around quick and unexpectedly. I had a feeling that I was going to miss Ginny and Hermione much more than they were going to miss me. I loved having young girls around he house, it had been so long since I could act like a teenager again, and those girls brought out the best in me.

Sirius whipped past my legs as he charged around on the platform chasing his tail and barking like mad before practically jumping on Harry.

"It's been great meeting all of you," I said hugging a teary-eyed Ginny and Hermione. "We'll see you soon, I expect."

Ginny gave me one last hug and dived onto the train as a whistle sounded. I waved them off as the train began to move and soon enough it had rounded the corner and was out of sight.

I sighed; feeling slightly deflated I began to walk out of kings cross with the rest of the guard.

Grimmauld place was surprisingly warm and welcoming when I entered that night, all the candles in the hall were lit and there was an unfamiliar buzz in the air of excitement.

I soon found out why as I entered the kitchen and stopped when I saw the entire order cramped around the table.

I looked to Dumbledore for an explanation and he smiled and pulled a chair out for me next to Remus. Sirius was on my other side and before he could even open his mouth, Dumbledore said, "welcome, Nymphadora. I have called this unexpected meeting to discuss our further plans for the order of the phoenix."

And so we talked. As the discussion continued I began to wake up enough to take note that Kingsley and I were to be sent on a mission into Worcester to a small muggle village to investigate a small group of wizards posing as death eaters. It was probably nothing, but as the only active aurors present, Kingsley and I were assigned incase it became a further situation.

When the meeting ended I turned to the remaining members and smiled broadly. "So, what did I miss?"

Kingsley exchanged a look with Sirius and Remus stood up. "Tonks, can I have a word?" he asked politely, and the only shred of emotion in his action was the hand he offered to help me up.

Feeling perhaps that I couldn't stand two blows in one day, I walked shakily out into the hall with him dreading the worst.

Remus looked past me into the wall as he spoke. "I've assigned myself for a mission." He said simply, quietly, either in thought of not waking Sirius's mother or trying to soften the blow for my sake. "I'll be going away for a month."

It was so sudden, so unlike Remus that my stomach gave a lurch. There had to be more to come, because with Remus Lupin there's always that little bit more beneath the surface. "What's the mission?" I asked, deadpan, not trusting myself to speak any more than was strictly required.

"I'm being sent out into werewolf territory," he said. "Trying to recruit werewolves in the south of Britain. Dumbledore needed someone to go." He spread his hands wide, looking down at himself. "And here I am, ready made."

"You can't go." I said quickly, looking up into his eyes, willing him to look at me. "You're not like them, Remus. You're different. They'll tear you apart."

He bit his lip, massaging his forehead with one hand. "It's a risk I have to take, Tonks."

"Make someone else go!" I said angrily, and immediately I knew how stupid that must have sounded. Who else _could_ go? Who was better suited to this task than Remus?

_My_ Remus.

"I'll be perfectly safe, Tonks. Just…keep safe for me, would you?" he said, placing both hands on my shoulders and squeezing.

I sighed, knowing there was nothing I could do to dissuade him. "When do you leave?" I asked, closing my eyes and looking at the floor, trying to block out the ringing silence that followed.

"A week from now." He said dully, almost a whisper.

I swallowed, tried to put on a cheerful smile and a brave face and said, "Well then, best make it last then, shouldn't we? I mean, really, what's a month?"

_A month was everything to me. A month was how long it took for a full cycle to come round, a month was one full moon to the next, a month was how long it had taken me to truly master my morphing abilities and a month was how long it had taken Remus and I to come together in the first place._

_So that's why, one whole night before Remus was due to leave I barricaded myself in my apartment and did paper work, because a month was how long it would take me to get over the fact that he had gone._

I did, however, visit him that morning. I slipped into Grimmauld place at four in the morning when I was sure no one would be up but him and crept into the kitchen where I could hear someone bustling around by the stove.

And there he was, cooking toast and bacon with his back to the door.

I padded across the room in silence, holding my breath and preparing to pounce. All my auror training went into this one attack and you can't possibly imagine my disappointment when he spun around brandishing a wooden spoon, held an inch from my forehead.

"Good morning, Tonks." He said, like it was any other morning. Like it wasn't the day it was.

I smiled and lowered the spoon, pressing my lips against his for the space of three heartbeats. "You take care of yourself, Remus Lupin," I said, and I hesitated when I heard my voice shake. "Don't you go out trying to do anything heroic. Come see me when you get back."

I smiled, and thinking perhaps that I would soon be unable to control my emotions, left for the door and apparated home.

I never thought the day would come when I was openly yearning for the contact of Charlie Weasley, a boy I had known from my adolescent years.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't feeling anything more than friendship for Charlie, it was just I needed to speak to someone who didn't know how I was feeling at that moment. I needed the refreshing presence of someone who wasn't smiling sadly at me because Remus had left.

So, I passed a message on to Charlie and waited for several days for a reply, all the time wondering what I had done or why I was doing it and questioning why I had thought of Charlie at all.

He turned up at my doorstep at 8 o'clock on the Thursday of the first week Remus had been away, a full six days. Charlie was dressed well, in a black shirt and trousers with black dragon hide boots. He smiled warmly and said, "hey Tonks. Got your message."

"Wotcher, Charlie. Thought you might wanna catch up over a drink?"

He nodded thoughtfully and jerked his hand towards the hallway. "You wanna go to a bar?"

That sounded so good. I was just so desperate to get out of this place, away from Grimmauld, and into new territory that I immediately grabbed my coat and led the way from the building.

"Mum told me about Remus." Charlie said conversationally, hands in his pockets as he took a sideways glance at me. "I'm really happy for you, Tonks."

"I wish he'd come back," I blurted as we walked, staring at the ground as the sun faded behind us. My heart was heavy in my chest and I realised just how much a friend could mean in such a lonely time.

We came to a stop outside the leaky cauldron, and Charlie held open the door for me. We took a seat in a corner and ordered out drinks. After a moments awkward silence, Charlie spoke.

"I felt we didn't really connect in my last visit, Tonks. I guess you had other things on your mind."

I laughed heartlessly, paying the waitress with a few Knuts as she handed us our drinks. "You could say that. Look, I'm sorry if I was harsh with you. I was just shocked to see you and-"

He held up his hand to silence me. "Don't worry about it, Tonks. Really. We haven't seen each other in years, I was wrong to think we could just be immediate friends all over again."

That's Charlie for you. The mr-nice-guy.

"I have missed you," I admitted, running my index finger around the rim of my glass with an odd sort of transfixed amusement. "I never forgot the days we spent terrorizing Hogwarts."

"I've missed you too, Tonks. I haven't had half as much fun since we left."

I laughed mirthlessly again and sipped my drink.

"I remember in out seventh year," he said thoughtfully. "You and I smuggling drinks in from the three broomsticks, you posing as Mcgonagall."

I grinned and swatted him on the arm. "Well it was going great until Mcgonagall turned up. It wasn't exactly my fault."

He finally began to control his laughter and through his hysterics I heard him say "we got three weeks detention for that."

I shrugged. "I'm just glad we weren't put off from doing it again."

"And you," he said, "you and that _bloody_ missing step. I swear you got stuck every time!"

I smiled grimly and rolled my eyes.

Yes. Reminiscing with Charlie Weasley had been fun. More rewarding than I had expected and far more fulfilling than I had taken him for. But I knew friends in war are dangerous. I just wish I had stopped to think about boyfriends too.

Kingsley Shacklebolt arrived bright and early at ten in the evening the Saturday following my drink with Charlie. He smiled meekly and yawned, sitting on my kitchen counter and looking around at my near empty apartment.

"I thought you were staying at Grimmauld these days, Tonks."

I looked up from my coffee and shrugged. "I come and go. I haven't been sleeping well lately, I guess I just like the quiet."

"Now that's a shocker. I thought you loved noise."

"Not when I'm trying to sleep I don't. Besides, Sirius has been awfully testy since Harry left. Now with Remus gone he's being unbearable. He yelled at me the other day for knocking over the pepper. I've had enough, I have a load of work to do and with the order contributing I just can't handle any more stress. So I left."

Kingsley nodded like he understood and drained his cup.

"You all ready there, Tonks?"

I dropped our cups in the sink and stretched. "As I'll ever be. Let's get this over with."

We apparated to our assigned points and set off up a road into a small muggle village. The streetlamps were lit and the there was a chill to air that bit into our skin and down into our lungs, making every breath more painful than the last.

We drew up to a house hidden behind a small line of trees and slipped alongside it. Many of the windows were charmed to look black and I'm sure that worked well for muggles, but kingsley and I had spent years learning to recognise these sorts of spells, especially when they weren't done particularly professionally like these ones.

As Kingsley uncharmed the window I kept lookout, peering into the bushes and listening for footsteps…or as we had been taught, the absence of sounds, something that had been delayed or smothered. Unnatural surroundings…

A flicker in my peripheral vision… a wand spark? I couldn't be sure, not until it happened again. It could have been the light on a leaf or a broken bottle in the ground or-

No. There it was again, and before I could announce this to Kingsley a haphazard arch of light was directed towards us. Just in time, I produced the counter spell, reflecting the magic back to its producer.

A small gasp of shock and then silence.

Could there be more? My mind worked furiously. Could I investigate the wizard without drawing attention to myself?

With Kingsley shadowing me, I went for it. After all, half of the most brilliant acts in history had gone on instinct. But then, the other half had gone on brains and fact.

I lit my wand just enough to pool light over a selected area. My heart thumped and I swallowed hard, the guilt swelling up on me in a grim realization.

"Kingsley, you'd better come look."

_I am desperate for ideas. I need them really, really badly! Any ideas, no matter how crappy you think they may be, send them to me and I'll try and make something from it! BOGRAT NEEDS YOU!_

**_Dancer8428…this quick enough for you? Hehehe! Thanx for reading!_**

**_Redremwhoozie_****_…HONESTY! THE GREATEST GIFT OF ALL and for that you get a cookie. Trust me, trying to get a lil more action in there from now on, I want it too. And watch my capitals in what way? Too many or too few? Hope I'm doing better! "Bloody perfect"…AWESOME! One more cookie…_**

_**Autumnbreeze25…I have no idea where I got possessive Remus from, but I liked it too. Remus is almost as dangerous as I get every month, Heheheh. Hope you liked this chapter!**_

_**Godricgal…MORE HONESTY! COOOKIIIE! Really, I had to look back to check that I did do that and you are absolutely right! I have no idea WHY I put that or why I even thought of it, it was so freakin typical of fanfics. But, owell. Hope I can make their reactions a little more human in future. Thanx for pointing it out!**_

_**The female nerd…hope you enjoyed this chappie! I'm loving writing this so far.**_

_**Lupinslady…"the perfect story"? For that, girlie, you get an entire plate of cookies for yourself! That was so lovely you made me cry. Seriously!**_

_**Godsgracie12…you're very very welcome!**_

_**Celi…nest chapter COULD have been better but I didn't think it was. You tell me, you're the reader! Thanx for reading!**_

_**READ AND REVIEW!**_


	11. becomings

_This chapter is SO dedicated to pidwigdeon 385! She reviewed a bunch of chapters within an hour, even though she didn't have to! Omg! How lovely is that? This one's for you, pidge…_

_And another for princessdza who just about stopped me having a mental breakdown…_

_And btw, THE FLUFF IS NOT OVER! (I can almost hear the hallelujah chorus from lupinslady's direction.)_

She was just a kid, no older than sixteen, as pretty as they come… and she looked dead, lying in the dry leaves with the orange glow of the street light illuminating her skin.

I leant down and felt her warm skin, feeling her neck for a pulse, a shudder, _anything_.

I let out a sharp sigh when I found her heart beating, albeit slowly.

Kingsley tugged at my arm, telling me we had to get moving, that we were vulnerable, but all I could think of was that I had attacked a young girl. Scarred her for life…

I'll lose my job.

"Tonks, let's go!" Kingsley hissed, "we'll come back for her, she's fine. We have bigger things to worry about!"

Of course, I want to say. Of course there's bigger things to worry about than this one girl, lying unconscious and still in the summer air.

I pulled myself together and stood up, shaking from the cold and the shock, wondering how long it takes someone to become as immune to this as Kingsley is.

We slipped inside with the use of silencing charms and plain luck. There was a fire lit in one room, we could smell the burning wood through the hall, the staircase hanging from wooden stakes and the stone tiles on the floor cracked and scattered beneath our feet.

The door was open just a crack and I looked inside. Teenagers, all of them. About eight in total, sitting in a circle on the floor talking with their wands in their hands. They weren't ready for battle; they hardly looked ready for the world.

The boy with his back most to the fire raised his wand and shot a wavering green symbol into the air above the circle. For a moment it looked like a circle, but then the image came into focus and got clearer and I wanted to wretch from disgust.

The dark mark. These children were practicing the _dark mark_, the symbol of voldemort and every decent wizards worst fear.

Kingsley nudged me and gave me a look that told me what to do. Orders were orders, but I couldn't kill a child, and Kingsley knew that. I think he must have felt the same.

He nodded once, twice, three times, and we burst into the room, wands raised and ready. The children faced us with fierce and absolute passion; desperate to defend themselves from who they must have thought were crazy people.

Within seconds it was over. Children, even if there were eight of them, were no match for two fully trained aurors, and had immediately surrendered or been magically bound.

Kingsley looked to the dark mark and back to the boy who had produced it and looked to me for help. He, like me, was internally struggling for what should be done. I didn't want to see these kids in Azkaban.

"They're just kids," I said sadly, looking around at each of their scared faces. One of the girls was sobbing so desperately it was breaking my heart. "They haven't done anything."

"They set the dark mark." Kingsley said in return, turning away from the girl. "That's a crime punishable by Azkaban. And that curse that girl outside cast. That was the avadra kadavra, wasn't it?"

There was no denying that, but the strength of the spell was truth in itself. "She didn't mean it, not truly." I explained. "Or it wouldn't have been so easy to deflect."

Kingsley gritted his teeth and stared at each of them in turn. "What were you kids doing?"

"Nothing," the head boy announced, his back straight, his jaw clenched. "We ain't doing nothin'."

"Then what's _that_." Kingsley stood over him and I thought the boy was rather brave to glare back unflinchingly. In all his height and broadness, Kingsley Shacklebolt was rather scary. "What is a boy like you doing casting a dark mark? You think what Voldemort is doing is right, do you? You think this is all a bit of _fun_?" he was glowering, breathing hard and furious. "Because I'll tell you kid, what you're doing here is dangerous. Worse than you can ever imagine." He looked to me for support and carried on. "What we've seen, torture, agonising screams that haunt your dreams for years to come, it never leaves you. What voldemort is doing won't bring you power and it won't bring you freedom."

Truer words were never spoken.

But the fact still remained: what to do with the kids?

We should have obliterated them. We should have sent them back several years and broke their wands, giving them new memories and allowing them to think they were muggles. This would have been all very well, of course; had they been adults, but many of the children came from wizarding families and that would mean tracking their roots back for years and that really was far too much trouble for eight kids.

So we signed on their criminal records that they had been using improper magic and swore that if they were ever seen to do this sort of thing again they _would_ have their wands snapped.

We should have sent them to Azkaban, but for our own sakes and our own consciences we didn't. After all, who needs to know they doomed eight kids to a life full of misery and defeat?

I let Kingsley give the report and I went home to sleep, still shaken badly by the girl I had left lying in the leaves for her friends to take care of. What could have possessed a sixteen-year-old girl to set an avadra kedavra curse on me?

I remember being that age. I remember the pressure from my friends to conform and more than once I remember doing just that. But surely, if you were to set a death curse on someone, wouldn't you want to mean it?

"You all right, Tonks?"

Mad-eye Moody. The infamous Alastor Moody was sat next to me in the kitchen at Grimmauld place and all I could do is stare into space. I murmured a reply, incomprehensible even to my ears and blinked a few times to snap myself out of it.

"I'm thinking," I explained, picking at my fingernails and the skin on my hands until I bled. I didn't notice.

"You brooding about Lupin, girl?" he growled at me and I looked up startled. I realised, I hadn't thought about Remus for three days straight, not since my mission with Kingsley, and I immediately blushed. I could use Remus's calming presence right now.

"Do you think I'm up to this?" I asked quietly, mumbling the sounds. "I mean, I'm hardly the most intelligent of witches, am I? And I can't run from one side of the room to the next without hitting something or making a racket."

I couldn't look at him but I saw him raise one very scarred eyebrow. "I think you've got what it takes, girl." He said finally after some thought. I guess Moody isn't renowned for his emotional points. It wasn't exactly part of his brilliance.

"What made you doubt yourself?" he asked in a scarily father like manner, his gruff voice almost kind and caring. A whole new side to a person I thought I knew.

"There was this girl," I explained, sucking the end of my right index finger to stop the blood flow. "Had to be about sixteen. Fresh out of Hogwarts, even. She set the killing curse on me." I looked at him for the first time and was intrigued to see he was watching me aptly. "I just can't stop thinking about it. It's hit me deep and I can't get her pretty face out my mind. How does a girl like that become a potential killer? That's someone's daughter, someone's sister." I dropped my gaze back to the tabletop and picked out every grain in the wood with my eyes, following the pattern with my bleeding finger. "How do you get over that? What if I have to kill? It's all very well and good saying I want to help fight evil, but what if I can't? What if I break down and never get back up again? I don't think I could have killed that girl had she really come for me."

I finished with a sigh, but I didn't feel any better. Moody tilted his head to one side and I thought he was about to say some thing useful, some sort of incredible advice that would make the whole thing better again, but he stood up and slapped me on the shoulder. "You're a good honest girl, Tonks. But I'm afraid this is something you're going to have to figure out on your own."

And that was it, he left me alone in the kitchen feeling worthless and lonely and wishing that perhaps I had followed a less dangerous career, like dragon taming.

There are some things you can't ever go back on.

There are some things that make you stop and think and wonder perhaps if what you've been doing your entire life hasn't been for the greater good after all, but for some worthless cause you don't believe in.

And there are other things, like the return of the man you love, which just makes you feel so happy you want to cry with relief and you're not ashamed for anyone to see.

Remus returned looking pale and shaken two weeks later, premature of the date he'd given me and one week before full moon. He smiled softly and kissed me just as sweetly; taking me in an embrace so tender it made my heart burst.

"I've missed you," he whispered, but I couldn't return the sentiment. My eyes were squeezed shut and I was pressed against his chest, listening to his heartbeat through his shirt and clinging on for what could have been everything.

Instead, I released a breath and whispered, "I love you."

The world was brighter after Remus returned. Infact, all my worries, all my fears that I wouldn't be able to deal with my duties just evaporated, instantly almost, as I lay in bed with Remus that night.

His jaw was rough against my cheek as he spoke and one of the fingernails on his right hand was missing as he encircled my waist and held me against his chest. He smelled of soap and his hair was still damp from the shower he'd had minutes before. I didn't know what had happened, and I knew better than to probe.

I sighed and felt his hand creep into mine, interlacing our fingers and squeezing. "I'm so glad you're home." I said softly, closing my eyes for just one second feeling his chest rise and fall against my back.

"I'm glad to be home." He replied, and kissed my temple. "You wouldn't believe how much a warm welcome meant to me after being around…the other's of my kind."

"They were defensive?" I offered.

"Bitter is more the word. They don't highly like Dumbledore, or anyone else who's magically trained. Unfortunately, that meant I couldn't use my wand at all. It's a shame, a lot of them have an incredible potential, but I suppose they're just too used to being shunned that it was easier for them for simply…fade into he background."

I waited for him to continue, and he did, albeit hesitantly. "I guess that I owe it all to Dumbledore that I didn't turn out like them. He gave me a better life."

"You would have never been like them," I insisted, hoping I was right. "You're too kind in nature."

He shook his head. Him, like me, was tired of this argument, and on our first night together in weeks we were not going to create a rift over something that could easily be discussed in the morning.

Remus was tired, so I let him sleep. But through the quiet breathing and the occasional movement, I lay awake, unable to sleep and just thinking.

Bill Weasley rifled through the papers next to me on the table and frowned, reading through a paper on illegal goblin trade and the dark magic connected with it.

He opened his mouth to protest and I held up my hand to stop him. "Don't say it, I really don't care. I'm tired, I haven't slept properly for days and this coffee is awful." I pulled a face and poured it down the sink.

"All right, but I want you to know the dates in this report are all wrong," he said defensively.

"No they're not, the book said so." I still held the childish belief that if it was written in a book, it had to be right.

"I'm telling you now, Tonks. The dates are wrong." Bill shrugged and sat down. "But if you're going to be like that."

"Yes. I Am." And I could be damn stubborn when I wanted to be.

"Saw you coming out of Remus's room this morning." He said with a sly wink. Honestly. Do all guys think with their-

"Piss off, Bill." I murmured, turning a deep red as scarlet as his hair. "It's not like your love life is exactly thriving."

And then he gave me this look that said perhaps I might be wrong. "Do tell." I said immediately.

"There's nothing to tell."

"Liar, yes there is." I grinned evilly. "Tell me, or I tell your mother."

He rolled his eyes and put his chin in one hand, leaning on the table in an act that reminded me so much of his younger brother. "All right. Fine. If you have to know. She's this girl at work, French, fresh out of school, _very pretty._" His eyes sparkled with excitement, "infact, she's part veela."

I gaped at him. "And _you're_ dating her?"

He winked and drank his coffee.

I sighed; I guess someone had to say it. "As a mate, bill. You sure you've not just gone a bit ga ga cause she's part veela?" I asked cautiously.

Bill looked at me as if I was the one gone ga ga. "I think I can tell the difference, thanks Tonks." He said, quite acidly. "I'm not some teenager who can't keep his hormones in check."

"All right, chill." I rolled my eyes. "Just…yeah. Whatever." I shook my head. "I'm late for work."

Veela annoyed me. It wasn't because they were so pretty, because, heck, I could be that pretty too, I just don't want to. I like being crazy with my hair and perhaps keeping my original facial features once in a while. It's the way they treat men as paramours, simply toying with their emotions for a cheap compliment and the attention, when the rest of the female population actually has to work to look nice for their man. Or woman, whatever.

I arrived in hell for one more day of paperwork with hopeful spirits. For once in my life it seemed the world was being kind, when I found Kingsley Shacklebolt spinning around in my office chair.

"Ready for another mission, Tonks?" he asked, quite brightly.

I felt my heart jump in excitement. "Sure am, what're we doing?"

"Sirius black mission." He winked and I knew what that meant.

_A day in the pub._

_**Little tussi…scary? Uh..coolie, I guess. Glad you enjoyed it! Keep reading!**_

_**Pheo…I liked the computer scene too! And I love it when Remus transforms! Keep reading! I love having new readers! Yay!**_

_**Pidwidgeon385…dear god, girl! Nice one! Have a cookie! Glad you're enjoying this! And thank you thank you thank you for all the beautiful reveiwing you did! Muah!**_

_**Lupinslady…no no no! More fluffy love! It's not over yet! It's going to keep going for a little while longer, at least. I will try and incorporate your idea in somewhere, any more ideas, PLEASE let me know! I love Kingsley and Charlie. I think they're highly underrated characters who need such a look into! Specially Charlie! He needs a chappie to himself…cough. Xox.**_

_**Celi…yes. I am evil. Thank you thank you thank you! **_

_**Slightly so…no, it's not Remus. I didn't even think of Remus. Good idea though, Heheheh. Don't worry. Thanx for reveiwing darlin!**_

_**Princessdza…aww! You made me cry! I swear, I'd had such a crappy day at school and I came home and read that and you just made me so happy! MUAH! I cannot thank you enough! Thanx for adding me to your C2, it's the first I'm on! Aww thank you again, you saved my happiness that night!**_

_**GOT AN IDEA? LET ME KNOW!**_

_**READ AND REVIEW!**_

_**Bograt. X.**_


	12. getting out of hand

_Disclaimer…I don't own them!_

_Dedicated to all my newest readers…_

_(/FLASHBACK/)_

A small white paper bird landed on my desk and perched its self on my spare quill looking proud as it spread its wings on the desk. I looked up, watched Flitwick write something on the blackboard and grinned at Charlie three seats in front of me. He grinned back and winked through his curtain of thick red hair and mask of freckles.

I unfolded the bird to reveal just what I had expected. I piece of gum and a small note. _I blame you for this_.

I popped the gum into my mouth and rolled my eyes, scribbling back: _stop being all testy. I didn't do anything wrong. _You_ shouldn't have sneezed._

The door on my side of the classroom clicked open and I hurriedly hid the note. Mcgonagall came striding in followed by Fred and George, the identical twin brothers of Charlie, and they were beaming.

I heard Charlie muffling laughter as the boys were dragged to the front of the classroom. "Two more for detention, professor."

Flitwick nodded, squeaked something, and said "put them in between Miss Tonks and Mr. Weasley, Minerva."

The twins marched to the back of the class to join us and sat in front of me. One of them turned around and winked seductively.

First years. _Honestly_.

I levitated the crumpled up bird back to Charlie over the twin's heads but it flew way off course and landed onto another desk. Charlie snickered.

I rewrote the note and nudged the twin in front of me. He took it from me and passed it to his brother who passed it to Charlie. A minute later, I received a reply. _I'm not testy. You're the one who's hormonal. Anyway, down to business: According to Jeremy Dodge, filch has a map in his office that can tell you where everyone in Hogwarts is. Wanna check it out?_

I scoffed. _Jeremy dodge is a liar and a creep. He tried to get me under the mistletoe at Xmas. He sure did pay for that._

I had a feeling the twins were reading the notes because I heard on of them laugh before passing it to Charlie and I think he must have noticed this too, because I received a reply of _which twin do you think is the most ugly?_

Snape entered, glowering at us from the front of the classroom as he spoke to Flitwick. I thought we were safe until he smiled cruelly and took a detour towards us, holding out his hand.

"I'll have that please, miss Tonks." He said swiftly.

"Have what, professor?" I tried to ask innocently.

"The notes. Give them to me now." Sometimes, I think he can read minds.

I sighed and passed him the small slips of parchment, pulling a regretful face at Charlie who looked devastated.

"Well, well, well." Snape raised an eyebrow and his lips curled back in some sort of feral smile. "Nymphadora, perhaps you shouldn't declare your undying love to Mr. Weasley when they might be _intercepted_." His eyes lingered on the twins who turned away obediently.

Stupid greasy git.

Charlie was looking shocked to say the least, and he had a small smile on his face. _No no no_… our eyes met and he broke into a full-blown grin.

_No Charlie._

I shook my head apologetically and bit my lip. I was in no way blind to the disappointment that clouded his face or the small shrug he tried to muster before turning away and not looking at me.

Snape went to the desk and sat down as Flitwick left. Detention just got a whole lot worse.

But still, I was in no way surprised when I received a small roll of parchment that read: _I think we should do this again sometime._

_What, detention? _I wrote back.

_Yes. But over a coffee. And without Snape hanging over us._

I felt sick. Charlie Weasley was asking me out and I hated the idea. Most girls would be delighted, but I didn't want him. He was everything to me: a friend, a drinking buddy, a fellow mischief-maker…but he wasn't a boyfriend, and I would never have wanted to call him one.

Even if the thought that someone might like me was enough to make me turn red and flustered.

_This is harsh, Charlie, but I have to say it once and for all. I don't want to date you. You're a mate, and you should stay just that. I'm sorry, please don't hate me._

The twins practically wet themselves laughing but the note did finally reach Charlie. He sunk down in his seat and I didn't receive any notes for ten minutes.

Then, finally, _who do you think will win the Quidditch on Sunday?_

Unfortunately, my sigh of relief was loud enough that Snape looked up from the homework he was marking and glared at me. "I think we are going to have to separate you and Mr. Weasley, Nymphadora. Go to the other side of the classroom now, please."

_Of course_, I thought irritably as I gathered up my books and quills. _That could never stop us._ I was now directly parallel to Charlie, and I could see him quite clearly. Stricken, to say the least. He wouldn't turn his head to look at me, and his head was in his hands, hidden behind his mass of thick hair.

Staring at the note on top of my defence against the dark arts book I knew I had make a move. Break the ice. So I scribbled quickly, _we'll win of course. The Ravenclaws don't have a chance. I'll give their seeker a good bash on the head for you, not that you need any help._ I sent it via paper airplane and a fair attempt at directing it with my wand.

That made him smile; I could see his shoulders bobbing up and down with laughter.

I never got to read his reply. Snape shot it out the air with his wand and the small bird spiralled to the ground pathetically with its wings alight.

_(/end flashback/)_

Ministry coffee was _renowned_ for being awful, but I needed the caffeine and a break from my repetitive work schedule. So I sat in the corner of the cafeteria with a mug in one hand and the _Daily Prophet_ in the other, skimming through the pages for anything interesting.

A head appeared over the paper and a smiling woman of around Remus's age inclined her head in greeting. Cordelia Lunt, an auror who works closely with Scrimgeour. "Hey, sorry, but everywhere else is full. Can I sit down?" she asked sugary sweet.

The cafeteria was blatantly not full. There was at least one spare seat on every table, some with a lot more free seats than mine. I was used to this from guys, trying to get a chat up line in here or there, but never a girl. _Something new happens every day, I suppose._

"Yeah, sure." I said, going back to the paper in frustration.

"It's Nymphadora, isn't it?" she asked, extending a hand.

I smiled forcibly and shook it. "I prefer Tonks." I said pointedly, returning to my paper again. I didn't ask her name.

"Oh I'm sorry." I felt the bench sink slightly and she sat down. "You're good friends with Kingsley Shacklebolt, aren't you?" she asked.

"I wouldn't say good friends. We talk occasionally," I said defensively. We'd discussed this; we did not know each other outside of work, for safety's sake.

"Well I've seen you talking almost everyday."

Stupid nosy cow. "He's my superior, I have to report to him." It was scary how much this woman was beginning to know about me, when I hardly knew her name.

"I saw a picture of you and a red headed family on your desk."

I didn't ask why she was looking at my desk, because I knew already. Scrimgeour had been asking Kingsley and I strange questions for months and now I realised, I'd just screwed a whole lot up by having one picture on my desk.

"Yes, that's the Weasley's." I said, still reading. "I went to school with their second son. We're quite accustomed to each other."

"The _entire_ family?" she said disbelievingly.

I shrugged. "Well, you know, you spend one summer with them and suddenly you're being invited round for tea every other Tuesday."

She laughed in a tinkling way and said "so you'd know Arthur Weasley fairly well then."

"You could say that."

There's paranoid and there's coincidence, but there was no way anyone could deny she was searching for clues about the order. Somehow she'd figured out we're all connected in some way.

"So type of things do you do outside of work?" she asked casually, and there it was -the question I knew Scrimgeour had appointed this woman to delve deepest into. If only she'd been subtler, she might have gotten away with it.

"Oh you know, anything really. I don't have a massive schedule. "

I packed up my newspaper, finished my drink and left her without saying another word. When I reached my cubicle, I immediately sent a message to Kingsley and Arthur, warning them.

Kingsley replied in the best way possible. When the office had reached its busiest, he strode into my cubicle and yelled in the loudest possible voice "TONKS, THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE! I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS TYPE OF BEHAVIOUR IN MY OFFICE! HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY DIRECT ORDERS!"

I refrained from giggling and tried to look shocked. "I'm – I'm sorry sir. It won't happen again."

"DAMN RIGHT IT WON'T! NOW GET BACK TO WORK!" he enhanced the effect by slamming a piece of parchment down on my desk, a report, due in for next week.

Perfect, Kingsley. Really perfect.

He marched out of my cubicle hissing something about amateur auror's and I noticed silence had fallen around the entire office. A few people had peered over the walls to check I was all right.

I gave them a sad look and picked up my quill.

My day didn't get much better when I received a message to go to Rufus Scrimgeour's office immediately at three o'clock. Groaning, I dragged myself to his office and knocked on the door, waited for a reply, and entered.

He smiled at me. It wasn't a pretty sight to be truthful it was more than a little intimidating. "Nymphadora. Sit down."

I remember the last time this happened and reflected humorously that at least this time Kingsley wasn't here to aspire against me. Unfortunately that didn't make me feel much better, this time I was alone.

"I've had a few reports that you've been acting strangely, miss Tonks." He said, at least for once getting my damn name right.

"Have I?" I asked. News to me.

"And I'd like to give you this opportunity to tell me something. _Is_ there something you want to tell me?"

What kind of question is that? There's a lot of things I'd like to tell you, but I wouldn't _ever_ because I'd lose my job.

"There have been certain rumours suggesting you are in some sort of unauthorised organisation." He said impatiently when I just stared at him stupidly.

"No, not unless you count me being part of the Nottingham Wolves Quidditch fan club." I shrugged. "Hardly call it an organisation though."

Scrimgeour sighed and I could tell he was getting mad. I knew that he thought there was something I was hiding from him -which, in all truth, was very true. I prided myself of the fact I had always been very stubborn.

He let me leave, albeit reluctantly, and I came to the conclusion that my paycheck would considerably drop within the next week.

Before I left that day, there was a million and one posters put up around the ministry, all stating the exact same message: "if you work for the ministry, you support the ministry. Traitors won't be tolerated."

Clearly, this didn't at all disturb me. And neither did it Kingsley or Arthur when we discussed it over dinner that night. Molly, however, bit her lip and looked at her husband with concern.

"I don't know," she said, "it does seem to be getting more serious, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, but what do you expect them to do?" Sirius said, his fork perched halfway to his mouth. "I mean, really. Quit their jobs at the ministry? That would just be stupid, and we'd be down three spies. Stick it out and if you get fired, you get fired." He shrugged and looked at me. "Right, Tonks?"

"Just keep quiet and don't draw attention to yourself." Remus said from my left. Our legs were wrapped around each other's under the table and I felt him squeeze my knee with his. "This is bound to get a lot worse."

"What was Scrimgeour wanting to talk to you about, Tonks?" Kingsley asked, cutting up his sausages with one hand. "I heard he gave you a right grilling."

"He just wanted me to confess that I was keeping something from the ministry." I looked at him and Arthur. "That means we're going to have to be a lot more careful around each other. Especially you, kingsley, Cordelia Lunt knows I was friends with Charlie so she thinks Arthur and I know each other from there. Oh, and I think it would help if you keep yelling at me," I said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I was going for the element of surprise." Kingsley laughed loudly and shook his head. "I had so many of the female staff glaring at me after that. They all thought I was being incredibly mean."

I grinned evilly. "Then by all means, keep yelling."

We finished dinner shortly after. I stood up and yawned, stretching arms over my head. "I have to get some things from my apartment if I'm staying the night again. I'll be back soon."

"Do you need any help?" Remus asked, standing up also and handing me the cloak that was slung over the back of my chair and wrapping it around my shoulders.

"Yeah, all right." I said, slightly nervously. Remus had never seen my apartment before. It was like introducing him to a whole new side of me, bringing him into something personal.

Like any auror would –and particularly those subjected to Mad-eye Moody's company for a prolonged period of time- I had cast several spells over my three roomed flat that prevented anyone from apparating directly inside. I tapped the door handle with my wand and muttered a complicated incantation and let Remus and I inside.

It wasn't much. Infact, It was hardly anything at all. It was a place for me to sleep, to study throughout my training, eat and maybe even spend my free time. Lately, I had been doing none of these things so the place had a slightly unlived in feeling.

I left Remus to stand in the kitchen/lounge as I went into my bedroom gathering up random clothes and extra parchment and quills. I threw them into a bag and slung it over my shoulder, walking back to Remus.

There were several letters on the doormat and a few on the table where owls had left them. Flicking through them I saw one from my parents, another was another rent payment and a letter from a childhood friend who had recently given birth and gotten married. I tucked them in my bag along with my clothes.

Remus was by the window examining a few photos and trinkets on a shelf. He peered at the picture of me at twelve and laughed quietly. "Is that your natural hair colour?" he asked, pointing to the mousy brown locks hanging past my shoulders in the photo.

"Yeah." I shrugged. "That was before I learnt how to morph."

"It's beautiful."

"It's boring." I rolled my eyes. "If I couldn't morph I would have dyed it another colour sooner or later."

Remus smiled. "Can I see it?"

"No."

"Why not?"

I sighed in frustration. My father and I have the exact same argument every Christmas. "Because it's not who I am. Pink hair is who I am, electric blue, violet, black, platinum blonde, anything except that colour is me!"

_Calm down, girl. This is Remus. He didn't do anything wrong. He's just curious,_ I scolded myself.

I grinned slightly to lighten the mood. "Besides, I'm saving it for my wedding night."

It was meant to be a joke. Really, it was. But Remus grinned happily and said, "I'll remember that."

**Uh…I have a lot of explaining to do, I think. The beginning flashback was mainly to show how much Charlie really did mean to Tonks and to make it clear how much _she doesn't love him_. I thought it added something to the story anyway, and my editor liked it (AKA me).**

_**Lupinsdady…oh yeah, bill is so underrated. There's gonna be a bit with fleur comin up soon…that'll be funny. Omg! They cut bill out the movie? NO WAY. And Winky too? Uh…doesn't that kinda bollocks up Hermione's SPEW thing? Won't this be fun…suppose it'll be a long movie anyway.**_

_**Aeron lefay…WOOP! New reader! Excellent! So glad you're enjoying this! Keep telling me how I'm doing! **_

_**Little tussi…your name still makes me laugh. Yes… MORE!**_

_**Autumnbreeze25…book sounds good! I might try getting a copy when I've finished my star wars books…isn't school annoying for getting in the way of things? I'm practically having a mental breakdown from the workload. Speaking of the werewolves' daughter, when will the next instalment be? I love that fic! Thanx for RR!**_

_**Princesszda…oh wow! Thanx for that! Aww you make me smile, you really do! I know not that much happened in this chapter, but I'm trying. Blah. Hope you enjoyed it.**_

_**Pinkpixie37…NEW READER!…I love exclamation marks too! Whoop! Thanx for reading, keep reviewing, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!**_

_**The female nerd…thanx darling, keep reading!**_

_**Dancer8428…updating as fast as my stubby little fingers can handle! Glad you enjoyed it!**_

**AS ALWAYS, GOT AN IDEA OR CRITISM, OR JUST TELL ME HOW I'VE DONE…REVIEW!**

**Bograt. Xox.**


	13. christmas and uncontrol

_Disclaimer…no, I don't own them. Wouldn't it be cool if I did?_

_Oh no…its chapter 13! Unlucky! EEK. It's also…THE XMAS SPECIAL! _

_This is dedicated to Autumnbreeze25 and Celi because I had a really bad day and I just cried out of thanks that someone had reviewed when I came home.. Seriously, girls, you prevented me having a mental breakdown that day, I was so close to doing something desperate._

Christmas loomed much earlier than I had wanted it to and suddenly an explosion of tinsel had erupted in the ministry and some poor sucker would soon pay for decorating my cubicle with an actual living holy bush.

The appearance of fifteen hundred mistletoe sprigs didn't overly please me either. Twice in one hour Dawlish had attempted to corner me and twice either Kingsley or some other brave soul had rescued me.

On a bright note, though, Sirius was in a scarily good mood. With the help of the kids they had put tinsel up in every available space and had even given his mother a nice pink frame of it. He was humming Christmas carols when I arrived tired and aching from the cold that night, and swung me round in an exuberant dance the moment he set eyes on me.

Remus chuckled and I settled in between his knees on the floor with my feet stretched out to the fire, eyes closed and basking in the heat.

There was a bang and Sirius gave a whoop of delight. "The Christmas tree!" he explained happily as Mundungus and Bill entered levitating the gigantic tree through the drawing room and spraying pine needles across the carpet.

"He is too damn cheery," I murmured groggily, leaning back against Remus's legs.

I heard him chuckle and his knees shook.

As had been the custom the last three years, Kingsley and I had agreed to work Christmas Eve so the ministry workers who had real families could spend time with them. Besides, as much I would have loved to spend the evening with Remus, Kingsley wasn't so bad.

Both sporting twinkling Santa hats and reams of tinsel around our necks, we sat together at Kingsley's desk finishing reports with the radio on blaring out Christmas carols. It was eleven o'clock, and we were the only ones left in the office.

"Are you spending Christmas with Remus?" Kingsley asked me over the radio.

"Nah, I'm going home to my parents." I shrugged. "I'll see him on boxing day, anyway."

"It's not like he hasn't seen you in weeks." He put in helpfully.

I sighed. "Seems like it thought, doesn't it? With all the work that's been going on."

Kingsley signed and stamped the last bit of parchment and helped me stand. It had been a long day and we were both tired and aching. "You going to come back with me to Grimmauld and wish everyone Merry Christmas?" Kingsley asked. "You can get Remus under the mistletoe."

I rolled my eyes at his sheer lack of subtlety and sighed. "I suppose if he's still up."

He was. Remus had been waiting for me in the drawing room. All the children had gone to bed and Molly and Arthur were squeezed into one chair by the fire, curled up in a loving way I think all couples should be. Sirius was still humming and beamed at me when we entered.

"Wotcher, Merry Christmas everyone," I said, settling down onto Remus's knee and giving him a long warm kiss. "I have to go soon."

"Are you sure you don't want to stay?" Sirius asked, sounding like a little child. He had been so desperate to get all the "family" together.

I shook my head, albeit hesitantly. "Sorry, but I haven't seen mum and dad in months, and I did promise."

"At least stay for a glass of sherry, dear." Molly said hopefully. She had been another eager for me to stay.

I grinned. Anything to warm me up. "Sure, that'd be lovely."

Remus pushed me off his lap and stood up. "I'll get the bottle and glasses." He said, beginning to leave.

There was a look in his eye that told me to follow.

"I'll help!" I jumped up and ran after him, creeping down the hall into the kitchen.

There was a sprig of mistletoe above the pantry door and Remus pulled me into a hug and kissed me lovingly underneath it. Then, as if nothing had happened whatsoever, he reached into the cupboard and retrieved the sherry.

I couldn't let him get away that easily. I grabbed his shirt cuff, pulled him around and pressed my lips against his.

"Now, that's not fair. Don't I get one?"

It was Sirius stood in the doorway with a grin plastered on his annoyingly happy face.

I rolled my eyes. "Absolutely not."

He descended the steps towards and impulsively kissed my lips, not half as long as Remus had nor half as lovingly, but still a symbol of his youth and how little of his inner cheeky self we really saw these days. I didn't mind, because really, it meant nothing.

"I came down for the Christmas cake," he explained not even a little embarrassed, going into the pantry and emerging with half a snow-white fruitcake, with dancing snowmen and little elves on top. "You two coming back up or should I leave you down here a little longer?" he asked.

"No, it's fine, thank you, Sirius." I rolled my eyes again and mounted the steps with Remus in tow.

One hour later and three Sherries, a block of Christmas cake and I a final kiss and I was content enough that I paid my thanks and departed for my parent's home via the uneasy travel of the floo-network.

Mum was awake when I arrived but dad was asleep in his favourite chair in front of the telly in a way that seemed so muggle-like. There was a stocking hanging from the fireplace that I remembered from my childhood and a Christmas tree in the corner and tinsel everywhere…it has to run in the Black family.

"Nymphadora!" mum said excitedly, wrapping her arms around me and squeezing in that fantastically reassuring way mothers do that just let you know you're home. The scent, the strength, everything about her called to me as home.

"You've been drinking," she said with some amusement. "Just come from a party?"

"A small get together amongst friends." I said with a smile, thinking of the convicted criminal, my werewolf, the Weasley's and Kingsley. "Sorry, I know it's late. You shouldn't have waited up for me."

"Oh, it's no problem," she said in her hushed voice. "Now, what do you think, should we leave your father here or wake him up?" she laughed softly and slightly in the dark of the room and everything about her was just so very gentle.

"Oh, I'll do it." I said eagerly, stepping over the rug and perching on his knee in a far less comfortable fashion than I had Remus earlier that evening, and shook his shoulders firmly. "Dad! Oi, dad, wake up!"

He blearily opened his eyes and smiled at me immediately. "Nymphadora!"

"Wotcher, dad. Sleep well?"

"Thanks kid." He heaved himself up and I stood. "Mmm, what time is it?"

I rolled my eyes. "About two in the morning. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get a drink of water and go to sleep, or else I will be very hungover in the morning! Night!"

I threw my bag into my room at passing, barely daring to look at it and disappeared into the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror. The classic signs I'd been kissing someone were all there: tousled hair, swollen lips, no wonder my mother had been suspecting of me.

I brushed my teeth, ran a comb through my hair, washed my face and promised myself a decent shower in the morning.

I went into my old room, so different from what it had looked like when I left home at eighteen, and pulled the covers around me, settling into bed.

Then, like my inner child was just breaking free, I began to get the familiar butterflies and excitement that told me it was Christmas.

It was perfect the next morning. There wasn't snow, but there was a cold bite to the air and it felt like Christmas should feel.

My parents let me sleep in until nine o'clock, the longest lie-in I'd had for months and I woke up feeling refreshed and beautiful, something I'm sure Sirius and molly would have never let me have.

I yawned as I padded downstairs in my slippers and dressing gown and settled at the kitchen table. My parents were bustling around, there was potatoes skinning themselves over a bin and the turkey was basting itself in the oven.

Mom kissed me on the forehead and hugged me. "It's so lovely to have you home, Nymphadora."

"It's great to _be_ home." I replied, buttering myself some toast and sipping my tea. "So you have to tell me, has anything interesting been going on lately?"

I sat and listened as my parents spoke about the people at work and the improvements on the house and various members and friends of the family.

Then we moved onto _my_ life.

"Works interesting," I said through my toast. "I've met all kinds of interesting people."

"Oh, I'm so glad you're happy," mum said, swooping down to hug me. "What with everything that's going on lately, I don't know, I guess I worry about you. All this talk about voldemort returning, it's not really something to joke about is it? Have you heard anything at work about it, I don't know _who_ to believe."

I bit my lip, wondering what I could say without revealing anything. "Just…don't spread it around mum, you'll get yourself into trouble, but I _can_ tell you… Voldemort's really back."

He gasp of horror and my father shaking his head was all I needed to know that soon they would begin to panic about me, checking up on me more than usual, being even more protective.

"And you're in the thick of it!" dad said unbelievingly. "I'm not sure I like that idea, Nymphadora."

"Dad, I'd rather be in the middle fighting than on the sidelines watching people get slaughtered." I shrugged. "It's for a worthy cause. Don't worry about me. I have plenty of protection."

That's a lie and I knew it. People died, but it was for what mattered, and that's what made the difference.

Finally, as I knew it would, came the worst comment of them all.

"How's your romantic life, Nymphadora? You spoke a lot about Kingsley Shacklebolt in your last letter," My mother said, trying to lighten the mood by changing the subject.

That's laughable, it really is. "Mum, really, don't ever speak of such a thing."

"I suppose he is a bit too old for you, isn't he?" She said with a sad smile. "Oh well."

"He's only about five years older than me," I said defensively, feeling the heat rise to my face. "Honestly, mum, that's not that bad!"

"Alright, alright, I get it," she laughed, "It's not like he's _ten_ years older than you."

No, but Remus is twelve.

I am now the proud owner of a Weasley jumper.

It's pink with a massive great big flipping yellow T on it and it's the warmest thing I've ever come into contact with.

I wore it as I entered Grimmauld place on Boxing Day and hugged Molly and the girls. "Oh you like it!" she said adoringly, and I grinned.

Molly Weasley was the exact opposite of my mother. Yes, they were both gentle and kind, but Molly was bouncy…slightly uncontrollable. Andromeda Tonks was calm, collected…sophisticated, and coming from her family, lets face it, you either grow up fast or you have a mental breakdown.

Remus, haloed in the golden glow of the fire, smiled at me in that perfectly seductful way from the other side of the room. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to feel him hug me and tell me he loved me. But there were children in the room, and there was no way we could escape, even for five minutes.

He nodded at me and said, "Did you have a good Christmas, _Nymphadora_?"

I swear, he didn't.

"Excellent, thank you, Remus. Very relaxing. And _don't_ call me Nymphadora." I added in a challenging voice.

He grinned and returned to reading his book. He didn't apologise.

I spent the remainder of the day with Ginny and Hermione talking, or in the garden with the kids and Sirius throwing snowballs –Remus joined us partially for that, but had to leave when it was time to take his potion, and didn't emerge for another hour.

Cold and wet, but beaming, we returned into the kitchen where Molly was serving round a jug of cocoa. I declined, saying I was going upstairs to change out of my wet clothes, and ran upstairs.

Remus was lying on his bed with a book in his hands and a small smile on his face. He didn't look up when I entered and kept his eyes glued to the book when I climbed onto the bed next to him.

However, he couldn't keep a straight face when I shoved my freezing hands under his collar and across his shoulders. He laughed and wrestled my hands away from him, holding them at arms length with a grin on his face as he kissed me.

"Merry Christmas, Nymphadora." He teased, my arms still pinned above my head.

"Don't call me-"

"I think I have every right to call you what I want." He said it reasonably but the look in his eyes was daring me to answer back. "And I happen to think Nymphadora is quite a pretty name."

I pulled a face and rolled my eyes. "When's full moon?" I asked him seriously.

Remus didn't answer immediately. He had bent his head down close to my neck and he had his eyes closed, inhaling my scent in a way that seemed so…wolfish.

"Four nights away." He murmured, kissing my neck and releasing my hands so he could curl his own around the small of my back. He continued to press his lips into the nape of my neck and surprised me deeply when he pulled the straps of my top down onto my upper arm and ran his lips over the tender skin on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be here over Christmas." I said apologetically, and I meant it.

"You're here now," Remus replied, lifting his head up and transferring his feather kisses to underneath my jaw line. "That's all that matters."

My hands had fallen flat against my sides. I lifted them, unsure of where I could place them and settled for laying them on his back and through his hair. Remus, usually so mild-mannered and reserved, seemed to be revealing a small sliver of a different self, a personality that was both frightening and intrigued. I'd had boyfriends who'd changed in the middle of the relationship before, suddenly become dominant or obsessive, and the thought that Remus might change too was unbelievable, _unthinkable_.

He moved his mouth back to mine more insistently. I had never known Remus to be like this. Previous encounters had led me to believe he was timid in this sort of contact, forever seeking for approval or permission.

Not now.

That night, Remus Lupin gave me the best Christmas present ever.

**Uhm…Heheheh. Cough. If you can't figure THAT out, I'm not explaining it. Go…talk to your parents, or whatever.**

_**Shadowquill…AW you're lovely, you know that? Thanks darling!**_

_**Pinkpixie37…I know! I loved winky! And Bill is a babe too! I love Bill. Thanx for reading!**_

_**Princessdza…we don't have grades in England. However, I am just starting my first college year studying English lit, English Lang, psychology and Art. Btw, college is not university; it's the two years before uni. It's hard work, but I'm getting there. This story and my reviewers have just stopped me breaking down into a miserable crying wreck. Thanx for reviewing!**_

_**Little tussi…your name is just so…funny! It's great! Tussi!**_

_**Autumnbreeze25…I love you, you know that?**_

_**Celi…thanx for RR!**_

_**Dancer8428…my stubby lil fingers are feeling much better now, and they love writing! Thanx for RR!**_

_**The female nerd…NANCY! What a pretty name! Thanx for RR!**_

**YOU KNOW THE DRILL! STOP BOGRAT HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN BY LEAVING A FEW WORDS! **

**Megs.xox.**

**And btw, read THE WEREWOLF'S DAUGHTER by AUTUMNBREEZE25. you will NOT regret it!**


	14. mistakes

_Disclaimer: no, I don't. Yes, I wish I did._

_I don't think the beginning is any good, but Owell. This chapter just kept getting longer and longer, I'm so proud. I think the ending's better, so stick with it!_

_Dedicated to: shadowquill, who's dressing up as Tonks for Halloween! I want a pic, girlie!_

I won't deny the attack on Arthur had me scared. And the ministries lack of belief wasn't exactly helping either.

As we left the children ambling up the road to Hogwarts in the cold January morning, I sighed and took Remus by the his gloved hand, wondering when –or even _if_- I would see those kids again.

We walked in silence up the street towards Hogsmeade as the snow mounted around our feet and settled on our shoulders. I moved closer to Remus, and he shifted his arm to slip around my waist, tugging me closer.

"It's full moon tonight." He whispered into my ear so the busy shoppers in the street around us couldn't hear us.

I knew that. I'd been counting down the days.

He shuffled his shoulders and looked around us. I knew he felt…_defensive_, would be the word…around busy places at this sort of time.

"Lets go home." I said, pulling the scarf around me. "It's cold."

From The look of relief on his face he liked that idea very much. Hand in hand, we apparated back to the alley way next to Grimmauld place.

Sirius wasn't in the best of moods when we returned. For the better part of the afternoon he sulked in the attic, occasionally coming down to snap at one of us for leaving a window open or letting Kreacher run amok or some other pathetic accusation.

Remus took the mood swings in good order and ignored them -I suppose, like any friend should, but it still annoyed me to see Sirius taking his anger out on him when Remus had blatantly done nothing wrong.

I became angrier as the afternoon continued and when Kingsley appeared in the fireplace with a stack of scrolls wrapped in tinsel I had just about had enough. He looked between Sirius and I, me fuming and barely containing my anger and him looking as if he'd just been told he was married to Snape, and let out a low whistle.

"I brought you your in-tray," Kingsley said, sending the scrolls toppling onto the drawing room table. "I got your message you weren't coming in today. Scrimgeour isn't happy about it."

"Scrimgeour can go stuff himself," I snapped, unwrapping on of the scrolls and scowling at it. "I worked Christmas eve and every day after boxing day when he went on a ski trip to Alaska. Why should I come in today? It's my day off."

Kingsley raised an eyebrow in indignation. "Don't shoot the messenger, Tonks. Send a dung bomb Scrimgeour's way, just don't take it out on me."

I sighed and tried to compose myself, reminding myself over and over that Kingsley hadn't done anything wrong. "You're right, I'm sorry."

All was silent for a moment until Kingsley said "and what's all this about free kisses under the mistletoe? You didn't offer me one."

* * *

A long snout appeared over the parchment and licked my fingers, his paws on my lap, his sharp claws contracted into the pads on his feet.

"I haven't forgotten you, Remus, I swear." I scratched his nose with my fingertips and kissed the top of his head. Sometimes it was hard to remember it was Remus under all that fur.

I continued to scratch away with my quill in one hand and my right behind his ears.

…_Therefore, due to previous experiences I feel it necessary to investigate…_

I'd stopped giving attention to Remus, and he didn't like that, not when he was like this. He was becoming territorial again, and work was taking me away from him.

Speaking of which, Remus stole the parchment from the desk and walked over to the fire. I watched horror struck as he gave me a scornful look and dropped the parchment into the flames.

_Cheeky bugger._

I was halfway torn between anger and amusement and settled on the decision that falling out with a werewolf, even if it _was_ Remus, wasn't my greatest idea. Besides, I had hardly written anything and I was bored of work anyway.

I dropped to my knees on the floor and cuddled the wolf around the neck, pressing my face into his warm fur. We lay in front of the fire; Remus curled up on the rug and me leaning on his back. The roll of parchment curled in the flames and turned black.

There was a soft knock on the door and Remus growled. I kissed his nose and stood up, walking to the door and opening it just a crack so I could see Kingsley's broad form stood in the hallway.

"Tonks, I need a signature on this form." He said apologetically. "I know it's bad timing."

I sighed and looked around. Remus was watching us, the growl still reverberating in his throat. "Just one signature?" I asked.

"All I need."

I sighed again and said to Remus, "I'll just be one minute."

I wasn't sure that he had heard me but I left anyway, closing the door behind me.

Remus didn't like that either. I heard scratching of claws at the door and suddenly the door had been torn down, Remus emerging from the drawing room looking menacing.

"Uh…" Kingsley stepped away from me instantly and I hurriedly stood in the wolf's path.

"Remus, stop being so territorial!" I snapped, fingering my wand at my side. This wasn't Remus's nature at all; but I still had no idea what I would do if attacked.

Sirius stood at the top of the stairs and raised an eyebrow. "What's going on?" he was covered in straw and I assumed he had been sulking in the attack again. He descended the steps quickly and stood In front of me. "Kingsley, go into the kitchen," he said sternly.

He nodded and shut the door on himself, his heels echoing down the basement steps.

"Really Moony, why so edgy lately?" Sirius asked, nudging at my arm to get back.

He must have known I would do no such thing_. I'm an auror, Sirius, in case you've forgotten. I'm not just some little girl_.

Remus growled again, but louder, more threatening, and I had the feeling that Sirius needed to move or he would get mauled.

I pushed past him and looked into the wolf's eyes and he slowly stopped growling. As if he had been told to, he turned heel and padded back into the drawing room through the broken door.

"What the _hell_ was that about?" Sirius asked disbelievingly. "He really doesn't like Kingsley, does he?"

I shook my head and shrugged. "I'd better get back to him."

Sirius followed me, an action I thought was dangerous, but nonetheless it was his choice, and he _had_ been dealing with Remus's transformations for years longer than I had.

But the thing was, Remus wasn't in the drawing room, or at least, he was hiding.

"I saw him come in here!" I said disbelievingly. "Where's he gone?"

The kitchen door opened quietly and something clicked down the steps.

My heart froze and we darted down the hall and down the basement steps. Remus had gotten Kingsley cornered, his wand at chest height. He didn't look like he wanted to hurt Remus, but really, what else could he have done?

Suddenly, The wolf pounced and was shot out of the air with a stream of silver from Kingsley's wand. He was thrown hard against the back door and tumbled into the garden, yelping with pain.

We followed with our wands drawn out onto the grass underneath the shining moon.

Nothing.

Remus wasn't there; there was no way he could be. No bushes moved, nothing made a sound except for the cars on the bypass a few streets away. In the wand light there was a glistening red liquid on the floor.

"What did you hit him with?" I demanded, glaring at Kingsley.

He didn't answer. Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Pure silver. That could kill him, you know."

My heart was thumping in my chest but there was a bigger problem, I knew. We had to find him first.

"There's an alleyway at the bottom of the garden." I said dully, thinking perhaps that if I hadn't thought of it, it may never have existed. "Just over the fence."

A werewolf, even a badly wounded one, could have easily cleared that fence.

We acted at once. We climbed the fence and jumped over the other side, splitting up immediately. Sirius ran down the opposite way to Kingsley and I, soon disappearing into the darkness with nothing but his wand tip flaring in the night to give us any indication as to where he was.

Kingsley opened his mouth to say something, -an apology, I think- but I sped off down the alleyway before he could continue. We had let a werewolf loose into a muggle village, and all I could think of was my wounded boyfriend and how much he would hate himself when he came back to his senses.

We met up with Sirius when the road connecting the alley's joined. He gritted his teeth and looked around maniacally.

"You're a werewolf, where do you go?" Kingsley asked, and I saw that he, like me, was frightened at the prospect that Remus could be _anywhere_ in London by now if he really wanted to.

Sirius, however, shrugged nonchalantly. "Go pee on a lamp post?"

I suppose to him this was just another game. A chance to escape the house. A way to relive his Hogwarts days, and deep down, I couldn't blame him, even though I knew that if Remus bit a child or Sirius got caught, it wouldn't be a game anymore. It would be Azkaban.

We split up again. Sirius took the quiet roads to our left leading to a muggle estate, Kingsley followed the road round into the centre of the town and I took the opposite route of the main road.

My parents had a car when I was growing up, my father had insisted. It was a small box like thing with four seats and it was red. My mother never used it and I had never been allowed to drive it, so it was undoubtedly my fathers.

There were cars on the muggle road, hundreds of them, speeding down the bypass quicker, I'm sure, than my old cleansweep broom could ever have gone.

Before I could even muster a patronus to Kingsley or Sirius, the humongous wolf ran across the busy road to get to me, dodging the traffic and jumping from the bonnet of a car, breaking the windscreen as the car hit his powerful back legs.

_Nothing can kill a werewolf except silver._

Despite his broken legs, Remus hobbled towards me, yelping with pain at every step but determined to reach me. The whole front of his chest where Kingsley had hit him was scarred and bleeding.

Several cars stopped and I realised just how much trouble we were in. A shocked muggle man got out of the car with the broken windscreen and looked at me desperately as Remus collapsed at my feet. I leant down and hugged him to me, whispering soothing words into his sensitive ears.

"Don't come near!" I shouted, knowing that if it came to it, Remus could still attack the poor muggle.

"Hey, missus! That your dog?" he asked dumbly and I fought back the tears burning the back of my eyes.

"Yes." I said breathlessly, stroking Remus's head. His eyelids began to flutter and I had to get him back to Grimmauld immediately.

More muggles had stopped; many of them were out of their cars and were staring on with horror. My hands were red with blood from the wolf's legs and chest, and my robes weren't much better.

"Please, just go!" I said desperately, wishing them away, needing to contact Sirius…

"I can't leave until my car is towed away and _you_ need to get _him_ to a vet." The muggle looked on at Remus with guilt and surprise that such a large "dog" could be so scared.

I set Remus's head down gently to the floor where he gave a heartbreaking moan. I beckoned all the muggles to me and drew my wand, tapping the windshield and the glass fixed itself immediately.

"Hey, how did you?"

"OBLITERATE!" I screamed, and the muggles immediately fell quiet. After a few moments of blissful peace, the first muggle looked up and said, "Hello, who are you?"

I smiled as best I could and said in my most authortive tone. "You've been driving with a broken taillight! I'll let you off this time with a warning, but if it happens again you'll get a fine!"

The muggle nodded vaguely and got back into the car. "Yes, officer. I'm sorry."

"On your way now, all of you!" I ordered, and the remaining muggles hurriedly got back into their vehicles and drove away.

Remus was all that was left now. I sent a patronus into the night, not even bothering to watch it run from sight and levitated Remus back to Grimmauld place.

* * *

If Remus woke up the next day he didn't come down for breakfast. We had fixed his broken legs and the wound on his chest as best we could, but the silver had done far more damage than the car had and there were some wounds not even magic could fix.

I didn't want to go to work, but I had to, and all knew it. I was relieved to see though that Kingsley had had enough tact to stay away from me for the better part of the day.

I knew it wasn't his fault, I really did. I probably would have done the same thing in his position, but I couldn't get the wolf's eyes out of my mind, terrified and in pain, and the knowledge that Kingsley had caused that to the man I loved was nothing short of betrayal.

I stabbed the parchment in front of me violently with my quill and gave up. I was still tired and aching from all the running the night before in the freezing cold January night and I hadn't slept at all when I got home.

I hoped Remus was sleeping.

The cafeteria wasn't as full as it usually was at this time of the afternoon and I thanked the world for that. All I wanted was a quiet moment alone with a cup of coffee, brooding over my thoughts and reflecting on what could have happened.

Cordelia Lunt, Scrimgeour's personal assistant, was sat at a table near mine and when she tried to catch my eye and smile I turned away, pretending not to see her. I didn't need this, not now.

Unfortunately, Kingsley hadn't spotted her. I assumed he had followed me here to talk and now sat down on the bench next to me.

"We should talk." He said firmly.

I gritted my teeth and hissed, "Yes, Kingsley, we should. I don't think you should come to the house at full moon anymore."

"That's strange, I was about to say the same thing to you."

I glared at him and shook my head, willing myself to see this through. "She's watching us." I said pointedly. "You should know better than to talk to me at work, Kingsley."

He rolled his eyes. "We're not exactly having a friendly chat, are we?" he slammed his fist down hard onto the table and said furiously, "one of us could have died last night, Tonks. Or been bitten. It's a stupid risk you're taking just to spend one night more with your boyfriend at full moon!"

He said the last bit too loudly, and we both knew it. He flinched, I scowled. Kingsley had once again managed to create problems for Remus and I. Anyone would think he didn't want us to be together.

Cordelia Lunt smiled at me as she got up and left, and I had a horrible feeling she had heard every word said and would be reporting to Scrimgeour post-haste.

"Now you've done it." I said acidly, getting up from the bench. "Remus has enough problems without being tagged as knowing us! The ministry already think we're plotting against them!"

"She doesn't know its Remus." Kingsley said calmly, following me out into the lift and down to level two towards the auror headquarters.

"Well it'll be hard to find _that_ out!" I said sarcastically, striding through the cubicle's to mine on the opposite side. I whirled to face him hotly. "Why the hell don't you just leave me alone, Shacklebolt!"

He raised an amused eyebrow, to which set my temper into a raging fire. I marched away growling under my breath and charmed my cubicle opening so that no one could come inside and disturb me.

Five o'clock came and went and I was still working. Six o'clock…reports almost finished…seven o'clock…extra reports Scrimgeour had sent…eight o'clock…

I reached breaking point and went home. Home being Grimmauld, of course.

Sirius was nowhere to be found, but Molly was cooking in the kitchen. She flung her arms around me when she saw me. "Oh, dear! Are you okay?"

I nodded, a lump rising in my throat. I couldn't handle over emotional situations right now; I was too tired, too emotional myself.

"Where's Remus?" I asked, feeling guilty for not asking how she was or what she'd been doing or how she'd been holding up since the kids left.

She bit her lip in a very Ginny-like way. "He's upstairs. Here, you can take this up to him."

Molly handed me a small bottle of potion that looked and smelled very akin to wolfsbane. I thanked her, running up the stairs onto the second landing where Remus's room was.

Sirius was sat beside the bed in a chair. Remus was dull and shaking under the bed sheets, asleep, I hoped.

My cousin pulled out a chair for me with his wand as I sat next to him. "What's happening to him?" I asked, reaching across to touch him but Sirius pulled my hand back.

"We're not entirely sure," he said. "The silver burnt him quite badly. You should have been here today, Tonks. He was asking for you."

I felt my heart drop and I felt sick. "I'm sorry," I said, but not to Sirius.

"Has he been awake at all?" I asked, shivering myself. Remus's face was lined and his skin was grey.

"Briefly. He hates himself, Tonks. He slipped into a fever around lunchtime and hasn't woken up since then." Sirius looked at me with grim determination. "I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't _want_ to wake up, Tonks."

"Don't say that, don't ever say that." I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream, and I wanted to sleep.

Those eyes, terrified and full of pain… 

I cleared my throat softly to break the silence. "I, uh, Molly gave me this to give to Remus." I said, holding up the bottle. "But how can he drink it if-?"

"He doesn't drink it, Tonks." Sirius said patiently, taking the bottle from my hands and carefully pulling away the sheets from Remus's chest. There was a wound like a burn on the already scarred skin and it was still fresh with blood. Sirius took the lid off the potion and began to dab the wound with material.

I watched, transfixed, as Sirius cared for his last remaining friend. I can't imagine what it could have been like –for either of them- after James and Lily had died. Sirius sent to Azkaban for a crime he hadn't even committed, the knowledge he had let his best friend down and that he was dead…

Remus… Thinking the wrong friend had betrayed him, thinking Peter was dead and Sirius was guilty… I had forgotten how much of a lonely life Remus Lupin had led. But then, had I ever really known at all?

How either of them had emerged from all this a decent person at all was beyond me.

"Have some chocolate." Sirius said suddenly.

I jerked out of my reverie and said, "sorry?"

He nodded towards the nightstand and I saw a large bar of chocolate. "Have some chocolate. You look like hell. Have you slept at all today, Tonks?"

"You sound like Molly," I said, breaking off a square and nibbling on it. "Don't worry about me, I can survive on little sleep."

"Yes, but will the rest of us?" he grinned at me and my heart lightened.

_Thank you, Sirius. Thank you so much for everything._

**Awww. Lil bonding moment there. REVIEW and give me any ideas you might have! Please?**

_**Shadowquill…I don't, I hate Christmas. I'm a scrooge. I don't have any lovely men to spend it with…cries…. Halloween will be fun though! **_

_**Fawkes309…you know what, I didn't notice that! Thanks for pointing that out! Thank you thank you thank you and thank you again for your lovely compliments. Keep reading!**_

_**Aeron lefay…hear hear! If any one deserves it, Remus does…**_

_**Dancer8428…good girl! The werewolf's daughter is a great fic; I think it deserves a lot more readers. Thanks for reading, my fingers have gotten over their writers block. Stupid things forgot how to type.**_

**_Princessdza…" the perfect romance chapter" awww, you're so LOVELY! That's like the best compliment ever! Muah!_**

_**Little tussi…thank you! Keep reading!**_

_**Celi…that's a good point, hadn't thought about that an awful lot…uh…oh I'll fit it in in a lil while. I have a small plot coming up…they are cute! I love this pairing.**_

_**Slightly so…yeh, to be honest I didn't really want to go there. It's a bit kinda…sensitive? I'd screw it up, better to leave it to your imagination. I want a Christmas with a nice guy…. it'll never happen. Oh.**_

_**The female nerd…. rolls eyes. Oh dear. **_

_**Astarte katz…oh no, you're hyper! Run! Glad you like it!**_

_**Autumnbreeze25…WELL IF IT ISN'T MY FAVOURITE PERSON IN THE WORLD! YAY! It was no problem, you deserved a recommendation. I love mistletoe too. I want a boy this Xmas! I want a Weasley sweater with a big M on it, green and red. Aww, see, I'm the youngest but my bro is really immature so I had to basically be the oldest. I know what it's like to grow up fast; looking back I didn't enjoy childhood like I should have done. Yeh, I thought Remus deserved to call her Nymphadora too. Hideous name, thought. I never mind when you send me a novel, really! Thanks darling.**_

**Well everybody, there you have it. The next chappie should be up in a few days after I get my essay written, my artwork done, and half a dozen other mindless tasks that college loves to set me.**

**Megs. Xox. **


	15. warm and cold

_Disclaimer…no. I don't own them. If I did, do you honestly think I'd be writing FANFICTION? Exactly._

_Dedicated to Wandless because WOW! Have you seen the essay of a review she sent me? Plus, she was gave me my 100th review! Whoop!_

_sorry, everyone, there was a bit i completely missed and it made it cunfusing. thankyou to sea-ess-eye for pointing it out!_

His lips were moving ever so slightly, although no sound came from them. There were circles under his eyes and his hair was drenched with sweat but he felt so cold…

The wounds on his chest hadn't healed, not in three days. Three days of writing to work, pretending my mother was ill. Three nights of sleepless concern…seventy-two hours of watching and waiting and all we could do was hope.

We couldn't even take Remus to st. mungo's. That was out of the question with Umbridge in power, they're want to know why he had gotten these wounds in the first place.

A slight clattering of teacups and Molly Weasley appeared in the doorway. She gave me a forced smile and set the tea down on the bed stand. "Are you sure you don't want to sleep, dear?" she asked hopefully. "I could prepare you a sleeping draught?"

I smiled and shook my head firmly. "No, thank you Molly. I'm not tired."

She sighed and looked to Remus. "He's looking better," she said happily, for my sake, I think.

"He's still very weak." I added. "I know there's not really anything we can do, but sometimes I still think…you know, if I stay here, it helps?" I laughed at my own stupidity.

Molly didn't seem to find anything funny. "You're exactly the woman Remus needs, Tonks." She said, kissing my forehead in such a motherly way it made me ache for my own. "A bit of life in one so stolen."

She left the room quietly and I heard her muffled footsteps descending the stairs.

I settled my face on my arms and leant onto the mattress. Remus's face was an inch away from mine, and even this close I could have sworn he was barely breathing.

"You hear that, Remus?" I whispered. "Molly thinks we're made for each other."

The fourth day I received a message from Scrimgeour telling me that if I didn't come into work that day I was fired. I knew he hadn't believed my fake story for a second, but when I turned up looking ill and bloodshot it was apparent that even he doubted if he had made the right decision.

I completely blanked Kingsley, which, even though I completely refused to admit it, made my work life a lot worse. He tried to talk to me once in the hallway but I just ignored him. When he sent me notes I blew them to pieces with my wand and sent back the charred parchment in a bag.

Kingsley wasn't my only problem. Cordelia Lunt was becoming so much of a pest around my cubicle I had to physically restrain myself from throwing my desk at her.

That's why; when lunchtime was drawing closer I was almost crying with relief when none other than Bill Weasley knocked on my cubicle wall.

"Hey Tonks, Mum said you could probably use a break." He said brightly.

I owe the Weasley's everything. They're my surrogate family when I need them. Molly was possibly the only one keeping me healthy, feeding me regular meals and making sure I ate more than just a small portion. Arthur was a complete darling in the way he kept his wife under control and looked after me at the ministry. And the kids. Bill was strong; he stood up for me and could hold up a conversation. Fred and George made my day. Ron was brilliant in the way he took every situation to hand and Ginny…she was like my adopted sister. I loved Ginny.

Charlie Weasley, though. I wasn't quite sure what to make of Charlie. He was everything and nothing to me all at once. He was this incredible man who could take my breath away in a second but I could never love.

"You look terrible," bill said, passing me a butterbeer. "I'm impressed you're still standing."

That's bill for you. Straight to the point, never misses a thing. I smiled weakly and sipped my drink, though I couldn't taste it and my throat was so constricted it was hard to swallow.

"Why don't you just go home and sleep, Tonks?" he said pleadingly. "I'm sure Scrimgeour can _see_ you're not your best."

The problem with me is that I'm too stubborn. I won't let something go, and if I started something I have to finish it.

"It's only a few hours more." I murmured. I was past the tired stage. I was running on an energy supply I didn't even know I had, and it was making me jumpy, giddy even.

"Remus woke up." Bill said suddenly, and I jerked my head upwards.

"He woke up? Is he awake now?" I demanded.

Bill calmly picked up the empty bottle I had knocked over and smiled cockily. "No, it was only for a few minutes."

"Did he say anything?" my heart was thumping loudly in my chest, whether it be from excitement or worry I wasn't sure.

"Yeah, said his feet were cold." Bill winked. "He's looking a lot better. Has some colour back in him."

My whole defence system seemed to dissolve instantly from the relief I felt. All the tension and stress from the last few days mingled with my exhaustion and I put my head in my arms and sobbed. I felt Bill vaguely patting my shoulders.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed, lifting my head and wiping my eyes on the tissue bill passed me. "I don't know what came over me."

"No problem." Bill shrugged like it was no big deal, but I saw him watching me closely. "Maybe you can make ends meet with Kingsley now?"

I sniffed and nodded ever so slightly. "I suppose." I said reluctantly.

We spent the rest of our lunch break speaking about Charlie and the dragon reserve before we parted ways, Bill back down Diagon Alley towards Gringotts Bank and me back towards the ministry.

It was well past my deadline when I reached my cubicle but no one said anything, presumably because they didn't want to be the one to upset me. I sat at my desk and mulled things over, thinking that if perhaps I were to call Kingsley now I might be able to get in a response before the end of the day.

I scrawled a message calling him to my cubicle immediately. Minutes later Kingsley had appeared in my doorway looking slightly nervous and more than a little apprehensive.

"We need to talk," I said simply, drawing out a chair for him and inviting him to sit down.

"Look, Tonks," he began uncertainly, "what happened the other night, it, um, I, ah-"

"Wasn't you fault," I said quickly in and I thought it was kind of dignified and honourable, letting it drop just like that.

He hadn't been expecting that. "No, Tonks, I think it was. I shouldn't have shot at him-"

"Nothing can harm a werewolf except silver." I said quietly, so anyone listening in on the conversation wouldn't catch our topic of interest. "You were right to hit him with that spell. I don't know what he has against you, but he sure does get territorial."

Kingsley laughed, nervously I thought. "Maybe he just doesn't like other men being close to you."

"Uhm, no, I don't think that's it. I mean, he doesn't mind Arthur or Sirius being there, does he? It's just you, for some reason." I sighed and stood up, launching a report in the form of a paper aeroplane into the air where it joined the traffic zooming around the ceiling like moths.

"Maybe he just doesn't trust me," Kingsley said lowly as I sat back down. He conjured a pot of tea out of nowhere and a tin of cookies.

"No, of course Remus likes you!" I said defensively. Infact, the thought of Remus really not liking anybody was absurd. "Maybe it's your availability."

"I'm not following."

"Well, let's face it, Sirius and I aren't exactly all over each other, and Arthur is married." I shrugged and bit into a cookie. "Perhaps he's jealous. He told me when he's transformed he adopts wolfish tendencies. He can probably smell you on me and gets very defensive, perhaps because I may be spending more time with you than I have with him."

"That's not a wolf thing, Tonks, that's a male thing." Kingsley poured me a cup and levitated it across the desk with ease. "Speaking of male things, Sirius Black." He raised his eyebrows. "Any ideas?"

Was he changing the subject for a reason? "Hmm. You found his motorbike yet?" I asked smugly, knowing full well that investigation had been given up on three months ago.

Kingsley rolled his eyes. "I was thinking more along the lines of where he's hiding."

"Still in Tibet, is he?" I said sardonically. "How about a goat farm, hasn't been to one of them yet."

Kingsley nodded and began to jot things down on a spare piece of parchment from my desk. He flipped it over to its other side briefly. "Report on stature four hundred and eighty six important, Tonks?

I shrugged. "Probably not."

We whiled away the afternoon in god spirits, almost like nothing had happened. We didn't mention Remus or the full moon and Kingsley, most importantly, I felt, didn't nag me to stay away from Remus.

The massive clock above Scrimgeour's office chimed and I packed up my bag and hitched it on my shoulder. "On that note I'm leaving." I said briskly.

Kingsley stood up and stretched. "I might come too, actually. I miss Molly's cooking."

"Best in the world." I agreed.

* * *

His tired face broke into a grin and I kissed him, careful not to touch the wounds on his chest. Sirius rolled his eyes and shook his head hair out of his face, propping his feet up on a cabinet. 

"How do you feel?" I asked, sitting on the side of the bed with my feet dangling over the side.

"Much better now," he said, but his voice was hoarse and he looked shaken. Remus leant across and reached for my hand. "How was work?"

That's typical Remus. He's close to death, in pain, exhausted, and he asks _me_ how I'm doing. "Excruciating." I said with a smile, squeezing his fingers. "How's your chest?"

"It's healing," he said with amusement.

Sirius cleared his throat and got up. "You'll be joining us for dinner, Moony?" he asked, and Remus nodded. Sirius winked and left us alone.

I kissed him again to make up for not being here. "I'm so glad you're okay." I said breathlessly. "I was so worried."

Remus sighed and looked at my hand, entwined with his. "Do you understand now, Nymphadora, how dangerous I can be?"

I wasn't going to answer that, not at all. "Why's it always Kingsley?" I said instead. "Never Sirius, he's allowed to come near me."

It was a long while before he answered, he just kept examining my left hand, brushing his thumb over my ring finger. "Sirius isn't what I would consider competition." He said simply. "I trust Sirius enough to know he would never try to take you from me. But Kingsley…" he sighed. "When I am transformed, Nymphadora, I can sense and smell things on a person. When Sirius is around you I know he wants nothing more than a friendship. With Kingsley, I can sense more of a…_rival_, you could say." His voice was barely above a whisper, but if that was intentional or not I wasn't sure.

My mouth formed an O and I realised what he meant. Then I laughed at the absurdity of it all. "Kingsley is not attracted to me, Remus. That's silly."

His look told me otherwise, and I realised that perhaps I had been giving the wrong impression all along. All those cosy little chats in my cubicle, all the playful banter and punches, what if Kingsley had taken those to mean something other than what I felt?

"It doesn't matter to me." I said firmly. "_He_ doesn't matter to me. He's just a friend, you have absolutely nothing to worry about." I gently hugged him, being careful of his wounds and rested my forehead in the nape of his neck.

Remus's hands stroked my hair and the back of neck lovingly. I loved him so much…

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll uhm…come back later." Molly bustled from the room quickly but I called after her.

"It's okay, Molly. You're not invading." I sat up and Remus composed himself better on the cushions supporting his back.

"Well it's time for dinner, but I could bring some up to you."

Remus shook his head hastily. "No, thank you Molly. We'll be straight down."

Her lips pursed for a second but she nodded. I think she was thinking the same thing I was: could Remus actually get up and down the stairs?

As if on cue, Sirius appeared with a long cane with a serpent head on the handle that looked suspiciously like it had been hacked at several times with something hard and sharp, and handed it to Remus.

Remus swung his legs out of bed slowly and heaved himself to his feet, leaning heavily to one side. I had a feeling this was one of those things he needed to do himself, so I didn't offer to help or fuss over him.

He managed the stairs with a slow but careful grace and sighed with relief when he collapsed into a kitchen chair. I sat beside him holding his hand under the table, his cane resting at our feet.

Kingsley cleared his throat and stepped forwards. "Remus, I owe you an apology," he began, but Remus held up a hand.

"You shouldn't be apologising, Kingsley. I'm sorry I attacked you, I hope you understand that I wasn't in my right mind, and that I wish you no harm."

Kingsley reached forwards and shook his hand. "Then let's agree we were both wrong doers." He smiled and Remus nodded back. A whole weight seemed to have been lifted off his mind in that one moment.

Dinner was just undergoing when Mad Eye appeared with a shower of green sparks in the fireplace. He nodded to Molly and pulled me up by my forearm unexpectedly.

"Come on, Tonks," He growled. "We've got a situation. You too, Shacklebolt."

Remus and Arthur made to stand up but Moody glared at them. "Auror business," he grunted, and I rolled my eyes.

"What's going on, Mad-Eye?" I asked tiredly, removing my arm from his grasp. I wasn't in the mood for his paranoia right now and apparently neither was Kingsley who gave me a look that plainly said the same.

"Dementors," he grunted, making a move for the fireplace. "In a muggle village."

Now Remus and Arthur had joined us, and even Sirius had stood up. "Arthur, sit down." He commanded as his magical eye swept over Remus. "Finish you dinner. Lupin, you're not well. You're in no shape to be fighting."

He didn't address Sirius and I saw him scowl at the back of Moody's head, which he must have seen. I pulled an apologetic look and followed Kingsley into the fire.

* * *

They were everywhere, hundreds of them, with sobbing muggles at their feet although I was sure they couldn't see them. 

I had heard descriptions of dementor's countless of times, read thousands of reports, but absolutely nothing could prepare you for the feeling in the pit of your stomach that spread through your core and out into your limbs, freezing every ligament and sending shivers through every nerve.

But that wasn't even the start. You felt like you wanted to die, like there was nothing left to live for and you weren't worth a thing. No one needed you and there was no one left. Things could never be happy again.

Moody's hand rested on my shoulder and his real eye was concerned and father-like. "You all right there, girl?" he asked compassionately, and Kingsley spared a look at me from his post at the window.

There were wizards out there giving a halfhearted fight, but none of them were trained. And they were losing. Badly.

I nodded and focused on the small section in side of me that was happy. The centre of all the love I felt for Remus and my cousin and the Weasley's and everyone else who was in my life, making the difference if they knew it or not.

"Good girl," Moody said gruffly, patting my shoulder and moving away.

Kingsley turned from the window and said, "We need to get out there. It isn't looking good."

_This is what you're trained for. Don't be scared, you asked for this and now you have the chance to make the difference. If you're going down, you're going down fighting._

They seemed to flock to us, so close you could almost feel there clammy hands on your skin, taste the metallic tang on your tongue. They loomed over us, hundreds of them, gathered around us cold and merciless…

"Expecto patronum!" I exclaimed, and a silver beast erupted from my wand. I could hear people around us, yelling feeble spells…

Silence.

_Work harder._

Kingsley was pressed against my back and he sounded stronger than I did. "Expecto patronum!" I shrieked, and my griffin bared its legs at the towering figure and flew at it.

My moment of triumph was short lived. Where one fled, another took its place and I felt for the first time in my life that we might lose. That there was not a chance that any of us might survive.

I was separated from Kingsley and Mad-eye and any of the other witches or wizards who might be fighting with us. There were shells of muggles lying across the floor, one beneath my feet as I hurried backwards as a clammy hand extended from the cloak to touch me.

Then, like a candle being blown out, all the hope was drained out of me when I heard a woman's voice.

"You filthy mudblood, you don't honestly think you can escape do you?"

**CLIFFIE! HAHAHA!**

**Do you know who it is? Do you? **

Wandless…-shock- bloody hell…that was one beast of a review. I'm so glad you finally got to read it, and I'm so honoured you went to all that work. It made my day, absolutely! Thank you so much! I wasn't impressed with the beginning at all, but hey, if you like it, I'm here to write for you guys. I need a job too. Stupid lack of money. Hmm, dunno if I can change the name, but I'll try! I know Tonk's and Remus's relationship is moving kinda fast, but lets face it, they're in the early stages of the relationship, so it's still at that whole "cute" stage, everything's still so romantic. And it has been six months. You're probably right though; it is moving a tad fast. Unfortunately, I don't have an awful lot of experience with relationships, so I don't know how they work. And trust me, they're not gonna split for another while yet! I did previously mention other friends for Tonks at Hogwarts, but if you notice, she feels a small amount of resentment to them. Charlie Weasley is who she remembers most, and I probably will incorporate more flashbacks with other friends. Thanx for pointing that out, though. I'll make an effort to include it more! Thank you so much, again, for reading. Your devoted writer, Megs.xox. 

_**Autumnbreeze25…Heheheh, I have a lot of guys in mind, but this is rated T, so I won't go into more detail. Guys avoid me, it's like I have a beacon on my head that I can only attract guys with severe mental displacements and guys WAY out of my age group. By, like, 5 to 30 years? I'm not going there…Nymphadora, I think, is nasty. Nasty nasty nasty. But then, I hate my name, so heh. Oooh! Silver poisoning in TWD? Does Enna perhaps eat a sickle? (Hey, that's a point, aren't sickles made from silver? If galleons and Knuts are gold and bronze…HEY! You thinking what I'm thinking?) aww, get to bed and sleep. Don't do what I do and pull all nighters. Not good at all. Megs.xox.**_

_**Devilish angel…ANOTHER NEW REVEIWER! I LOVE YOU GUYS! Hmm, any ideas for the summary? Can't think of anything, Heheheh. Thank you for your compliments! Enjoy!**_

_**Slightly so…lol! Damn. I need a hot werewolf boyfriend. Is it wrong I'm in love with Remus? He's like…uh…-blush- 22 years older than me? Aww. Damnit. How do I not see my parents approving of that?**_

_**Fawkes309…THANKYOU! I didn't actually think I had included any hints, but I read back through and low behold, there they are! So, hey! Thanks to you, I've got a whole new concept! Yay! Gracias! This is so what reader's are for, giving me ideas…(spot anything else, let me know.)**_

_**The female nerd…-shock- calm down! Wow! You been at the sugar, missy? Whatever you're on, I want some!**_

_**Celi…-snicker- I don't know, maybe Kingsley's just stupid. Or maybe he's checking up on someone? My poor Remus…**_

_**Little tussi…and your review made MY day! Thank you darling, glad to be of service!**_

_**Dancer 8428…I know! How cool? I want pink hair…stupid school rules. Thanks for reading!**_

You know the drill my fantastical readers! REVIEW! And if you spot anything amiss or a bit dodgy, or just want to give an idea, let me know!


	16. panic

**This chapter's awful. I hate it, I really do. But I've tried rewriting it and it just keeps coming out worse, so I'm giving up and moving on to the next chapter. Uh…enjoy, I guess.**

Aunt Bellatrix.

Azkaban had taken her looks and replaced them with something gaunt and stretched; like her waxy skin hadn't seen sunlight in days and her eyes had never seen love. The sun was fading and her skin and teeth looked crimson in the light.

My body was shaking with terror. The dementor looming over me stretched its grey taut hand towards me, desperate…

The cold vanished and my knees weakened. The dementor had left to find a new victim but I had no idea why until Bellatrix smiled at me.

Her eyes told me what was to come and I barely had time to compose myself, our eyes never drifting apart as We duelled fiercely, screaming and casting any spell at each other, my own more to the defensive than to kill, -my biggest mistake, but I didn't know that then- until the whole battle became a blur, an instinctive response, each spell merging together.

I hit her sharply and she stumbled to the floor. I rounded on her, unsure of what I could do, and then something hit me across the back and I lurched. My vision went white and there was pain…so much pain.

The spell lasted seconds, but it was enough to stun and shock my defences. I brought my wand hand up to strike in return but through the haze they were gone. Bellatrix had disapparated and the death eaters and Dementor's had followed.

I pulled myself back towards the town centre, swaying with each step and lurching as the ground seemed to shift on its own accord.

The majority of the order was there looking dazed and more than a little confused at the sudden appearance of the enemy in a muggle village.

Hestia clutched my arm and helped me stand upright. "Tonks? Are you alright?" she asked concernedly.

I nodded and tried to smile. I breathed heavily for a second and announced, "I want some chocolate."

-----------

"_Bellatrix_?" Sirius breathed, and I watched his features turn from anger to confusion, missing out terror completely. "When did she escape?"

"Hours ago." Moody growled, and slammed his fist down onto the table. "It was just a mater of time until this happened! We need to double our efforts! Recruit more members and have double the amount of guards working at one time!"

"I assume Albus has been alerted of this?" Remus asked, his voice portraying much more calm than I could muster.

I bit into my square of chocolate as a means of reassurance and to rid the cold I felt enveloping my entire body. There was something about the presence of a dementor that could never leave you, and that wasn't something I wanted to face again.

"I sent a message immediately," Kingsley said from the other side of the table. He seemed to be keeping as far away from Remus as he could manage, and even in my present state that irritated me.

I hugged the woollen blanked tighter around me and rested my head on my knees, closing my eyes and trying to regain some warmth. It had been a long, hard day, and it had been four days since I had gotten any proper sleep or a decent meal.

Remus's hand drew circles on my knee and his other hand pressed into my back. "Nymphadora? Are you okay?"

"Mumph." I replied, wanting to curl up in bed and cry.

"Here," he pressed a warm cup into my hand and I lifted my head to see hot chocolate. "Drink this," he said kindly, "and then you should go to bed."

I nodded and tried to swallow.

I think Sirius was almost excited about his cousin's escape. "Dear cousin Bellatrix." He said almost awed. "I'll bet Lucius Malfoy had something to do with this."

We let the others talk and come to their own conclusions and Remus and I stumbled upstairs into bed. We lay next to each other for a few minutes, until Remus rolled slowly onto his side to talk to me.

"Nymphadora?" he asked quietly.

I forced my eyes open and stared into the dim light of the evening. "Yes, Remus?"

"I want you to know," he whispered, "that if you chose to leave the order, no one will look down on you."

It felt like I wanted to, sometimes. Just live in blissful ignorance, unaware a war was occurring right in my backyard and not have to deal with the fear and the stress. But then, as I always did, I came to my senses, realised that this was what I had signed up for and I should see it through to the end, whatever end that may be. That being an auror isn't about hiding behind a veil of ignorance.

"I'm not going anywhere," I said softly, reaching across to place a fingertip on his sensitive and scarred chest.

He didn't answer for a while, and I thought he had fallen asleep until his cracked voice sounded towards me. "Do you remember the first war?" he asked.

"Of course," I answered, shifting towards his outstretched hand tickling my waist. "It's not something I _could_ forget. I mean, I know I wasn't very old when it ended, but it's something I could never rid myself of."

Remus nodded and he sighed. Then he said, lightening the mood considerably, "I remember when Sirius first told us Andromeda was pregnant." His fingers drew circles on my skin. "He said it was the best possible thing that could happen to the Black family."

"I'm not a Black, Remus." I said forcibly. "I'm a Tonks. Just Tonks."

"You're my Nymphadora." He said and I was sure he was smiling.

---------

"And the Gloucester leopards are in the lead by twenty points – Slesmith has the quaffle – passes to Heyes – ducks Kidby – throws to Slesmith - Slesmith SCORES! And it's eighty-fifty to Gloucester!"

I slammed my fist down onto the table and grinned demonically at Williamson, a fellow auror with hair down to his elbows. "They're going to win!" I said defiantly.

"No way," he said in his deep accented voice. "No way. Nottingham haven't lost a game to Gloucester for over fifty years."

I raised an eyebrow and laughed shortly. "Care to make this a little more interesting?" I dared. There was no way we could lose. Not a chance.

It was the first game of the season and both myself and a few other members of the ministry were huddled around the radio in the cafeteria listening intently.

"If Nottingham win," Williamson said thoughtfully, "you have to change your hair – no, wait." He smiled. "You have to go bald for the rest of the day. With no eyebrows. And when people ask you why, you have to reply with 'it's my new look. Don't you like it?'"

I smiled. It wouldn't be the first embarrassment I'd had in the offices and I had to admit it was quite creative.

"Deal. If the Glous Cats win, you have to you hop around the auror offices three times singing "god rest ye merry hippogriffs"." I said proudly.

We shook hands on it and as our fellow auror's as our witnesses we listened to the rest of the match intently.

"Unbelievable." Kingsley shook his head as Williamson hopped past us on his second round.

I folded my arms and smiled smugly. "Which bit? That Glous Cat's won? Or that Williamson was stupid enough to take a bet off me?"

"Both."

The papers that afternoon were packed with photos of Arran Slesmith, the Glous Cat's prime chaser, Captain, and hero of the match. I pinned his picture on my wall next to my weird sister's poster, his uncertain smile beaming out at me, reflecting in his soft blue eyes.

I'd been following the team for years, since I was sixteen, at least, and I had to admit he was the prime reason I began to support them. I even met him once after Charlie, a few other friends and I went to a match. He was a decent, shy sort of bloke who didn't quite understand how popular and hansom he really was, and he blushed crimson when I asked him for a kiss and an autograph.

It seems that in my absence Cordelia Lunt had made it her business to pry a little more into my private life. From the different accounts I received from various employees, it seemed she had been rummaging through my desk and any other items left in my cubicle, particularly the small schedule planner I kept in my top draw.

That afternoon in his office, Scrimgeour pointed one long finger onto a page and pushed the diary towards me across his desk. "Miss Tonks, I am warning you know that if you don't reveal what these signals mean, it will mean serious trouble."

I laughed out loud when I examined the page he was handing to me. It was a weekly planner, and there, in the corner of a few of the daily boxes, was a small X.

Scrimgeour raised an eyebrow at me. "Now, miss Tonks. I don't see what's so funny."

I was almost crying with laughter at this point. Scrimgeour had obviously been examining my schedule so closely he hadn't realized that those X's appeared every 28 days and lasted for five days each. Really, I wished Kingsley were here to see this.

"Sir," I said through my giggles. "That's not something I can control."

He glared at me with those beady eyes. "Nymphadora-"

"Sir," I repeated, composing myself a little better. "That's not a secret mission if that's what you're thinking."

He narrowed his eyes dangerously.

"Explain."

-------------

One of the biggest influences I had whilst growing up was the telephone.

It's a strange muggle device that you talk down to other people, and an object my parents insisted I had in my flat, just in case they wanted a "quick chat", seeing as I had no fireplace to stick your head under.

It sat unused for many years, plugged into the muggle line, the occasional message left on the answer machine from a wrong number. I mostly ignored them for a few days and deleted them, or left them until they went away.

I had never, though, heard it ring. It was an odd sound, high in pitch with a desperate tone, and it took me about two minutes to realize what was making the noise.

I picked it up uncertainly and held my face to the mouthpiece. "Hello?" I asked, not really sure I was going to get an answer.

"Nymphadora!" my mother, she sounded distressed. "Thank god, I've was about to apparate over there and check you were-"

"Mum, what's happened?" I asked impatiently, speaking, perhaps, a little too loud.

"Bellatrix," she said suddenly, and my heart froze. "Turns up at the house, tells me it isn't too late if I want to rejoin the Black family and regain my honor!" she was almost hysterical. "Of course, your father and I told her she had to leave! And she did so, quite willingly, which is strange, but I can't help but feel we should have done something more, restrained her or-"

"Mum, don't go after her." I said desperately. "Pack a few belongings and _move_."

I heard something akin to a sob from the other end. "Oh, Nymphadora! Surely you don't think-"

"MUM!" I shrieked. "Have you not been following the news? She's dangerous. Pack your belongings and go somewhere else. It doesn't matter where. Just go." I closed my eyes and sighed. "And don't tell me where you're going." I said reluctantly. "Just…at least until it's safe."

Andromeda Tonks made a frightened sound. "Darling, do you really think that's necessary?" she asked desperately.

The thing about people who don't work directly against the enemy is they just don't understand how serious the matter is. "Remember what I told you at Christmas?" I said in my calmest, most patient tone. "Well it's true, and she's _his_ main supporter."

"But I thought Sirius-"

"Don't listen to the news, listen to me. Trust me."

She finally agreed to leave for a little while at least and we hung up.

The most terrifying part was that Bellatrix Lestrange was cocky enough to turn up at her sister's house and threaten my family and still my mother didn't truly believe that Voldemort had returned.

**I'M SO SORRY. Oh, this was so bad.**

**This chapter was weak. I didn't like it, not at all. It didn't flow, it had hardly any action, and nothing felt right. I apologise and will try to make the next chapter much better.**

**Request…how do you pronounce Nymphadora? **

**NIM-FAD-OR-A**

**NIMFAD-ORA**

**NIM-PAD-OR-A?**

**Or some other version? I want to know these things!**

**Jocemum…why thank you. You're very kind. Xox.**

**Autumnbreeze25… Aloha! Guy's suck anyway. The fictional ones are much better. Hmm, is it Sarah? That's very common. I don't really care about giving out my first name. I mean, what's someone gonna do? Look up all the people in the world with my name, hunt them all down and kill them until they get to me? Meh. Guess I just don't care about security. Ooh liquid silver? Malfoy spikes her drink or something? Heheheh. That would be funny. Well, not for Enna of course. Damn, that's a lot of studying you gotta do! Good luck with it all. I've got my favourite day tomorrow. I have a two-week timetable and week 2 Thursdays I have one lesson all day! Ka-ching! I love Remus. I want a Remus all to myself. God, he's way too old for me. It's probably better he doesn't exist, or it'd be illegal. Good luck with everything! Megs.xox.**

**Fawkes309…oh I am sorry. I use Microsoft word and its fantastic spell checker. Guess I just breezed over a few things whilst rereading it. That's the trouble with being your own beta reader, but at least it's quicker for you guys. Glad you enjoyed, hope you don't hate me too much for this pile of ---- I produced. **

**Little tussi. Yes. Yes it is. Are you surprised? …Nah didn't think so, but whatever. Glad you enjoyed!**

**Princessdza…aww, did you have a good holiday? I don't really strategize. I mean, I have a small list of things to happen, but it's random and not organized. Wow…I don't have a job atm, (can you tell!) so I don't know about how realistic her work life is. I suppose spinning round in your office chair for 5 hours counts as work. Hmm…yeh. Dementor's. –Cough- uh…that's because…uhm. The ministry denied it? I have no idea. Sorry, complete dumb moment on my behalf. Huh. Wolf's claws don't retract. I didn't know that, how useful. Thanx, I'll keep that in mind. Thank you for enjoying it so far, I hope I didn't complete screw everything up with this chapter. Heh. Megs.xox.**

**Wandless…I'm so glad I made you smile. I like it when people smile, they don't do it enough. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (For yesterday. Oops.) But wow! Happy birthday! I love mess. It's what makes a house cosy. Life sucks, I love my imagination. It's my best friend. Lol, I didn't notice you spelt defiantly wrong. Heh. But then, spellchecker is a miracle. I'd be screwed without it! Hope your studying goes well! I have tons of coursework and homework to do, but I'll do it tomorrow. Cannot be bothered right now! Megs.xox.**

**Sea-ess-eye…thanks for pointing it out! I went back and replaced the chapter because of it, so thanx! It was very confusing, and I forgot that takes out all the double spacings I put in for a change of scene. Thankyou! Megs.xox.**

**The female nerd…lol, Chocolate in a jar! AWESOME! It's probly just an American thing though, right? Us brits don't get anything fancy like that! **

**Dancer8428…Heheheh. I have my moments of evilness, makes the day go by quicker. I hate school and all its rules. What's even worse is now I CHOSE to go to school, so I know it's my own fault. I want pink hair! **

**REVIEW! And, any idea, lemme know!**


	17. breaking point

_Disclaimer, I don't own them, yadda yadda yadda._

_i know, it's shorter than usual but i had to leave it where i did because...just cos!_

The situation for the order became steadily worse for us over the next few months, as it had done for the previous Order of the Phoenix in the days when the Potter's were alive.

I think a part of Remus stopped living when James and Lily died, when Sirius had seemingly betrayed them all and Peter was "dead". I can't imagine how it must have felt for Remus to know that he was all that was left, the last marauder.

Our relationship, no matter how much I adored and loved Remus, wasn't what I had originally planned or wanted it to be, and it had me wondering that if perhaps we had fallen in love in better times things might have been different. Picnics in the park, muggle theatre viewings - all those romantic moments you take for granted until you find they can't exist in the world any longer.

That didn't mean I wasn't happy. I lived for the days when the war ended and we could spend our days together in some idealistic future and grow old and even more in love everyday. I was tired of the weeks we spent separated whether it be because we were on missions or breaking under the workload or just too exhausted to spend any moment of our free time not sleeping.

It seemed our only sanctions were meal times, which were sporadic and far between, but nonetheless a joyful and refreshing experience for all. We would sit side by side, whether it be with the majority of the order or just the two of us and Sirius, holding hands on the table, him eating with his right hand and me eating with my left in an act that seemed so beautiful and romantic in itself.

There was a succession of three days, though, in early-May, that no one in the order had suspected would ever happen. Dumbledore was sacked from Hogwarts and seemed to disappear off the face of the earth, constantly keeping in touch but doing his "own business." Then a few days later not only did Harry's head appear in the fire at Grimmauld place but Fred and George Weasley appeared on the doorstep with beaming smiles on their faces and their trunks beside them.

I just gaped at them as they passed me through the hallways and flinched when I heard Molly's shriek when they entered the kitchen. Eager to know exactly what had happened, I followed down them into the basement.

This had to be the end of an era or something.

"We've quit." Fred said proudly, his twin mirroring his pose. They looked strangely…adult about the situation.

Molly placed her hands on her hips. "You most certainly have not! You're going to go back to school right this instant and-"

"We don't think so, mum," George said quickly, with not a trace of fear in is voice. "We've got plans and premises in Diagon Alley. We're setting up a joke shop-"

"-And there's nothing you can do to stop us." Fred finished triumphantly, and I have to admit, it was an intriguing idea.

The argument that followed lasted for at least three hours, in the midst of which Molly received a message from Dolores Umbridge about some sort of swamp and damage to school property. Sirius, Remus and I didn't help matters much when we laughed and congratulated the twins on a legendary ending, and nor did Bill when he slapped the twins on the back and told them they were probably doing the only thing they'd truly enjoy anyway.

Everyone kept out of Molly's way for at least the next twenty-four hours and the twins left for Diagon alley the next day, leaving us to pick up the pieces.

The One Thing that seemed strictly apparent to us was that Voldemort would be acting soon and striking us hard. And in light of the current situation, Mad-eye Moody saw it as necessary to "brush up" on my defences.

Defences meaning a review session of all the advanced auror spells. I just wished he'd told me what he had been planning.

I was peeling potatoes for Molly by the stove and I suddenly felt very calm and happy…. floating almost. Then Moody's voice floated through the din and said very forcefully _hop around the room…hop around the room…_

I felt my leg lift up and turn to the room until my subconscious corrected myself. No, it said. I'm peeling potatoes.

_Hop around the room._

But I'm peeling potatoes. I can't hop and peel potatoes at the same time, and I'm hungry. Molly's waiting for them.

_Hop around the room!_

No. No, I'm peeling potatoes.

And very vaguely, I picked up the potato peeler and shook myself, sending the last remnants of his voice from my mind.

When my mind came back into focus so did my temper. I threw down the peeler onto the counter, shocking Molly who was testing the gravy, and whirled on Mad-eye, who was nodding in approval. The rest of the room was looking at me strangely in my sudden outburst.

"What the _hell_, Mad-eye?" I demanded, pointing a finger at his chest and jabbing him harshly. I'm not afraid of him. "What do you think you were doing?"

"Practicing, Tonks." He explained gruffly with a wink. "And congratulations, you passed."

I made an angry noise and stormed back to my potatoes, skinning them viciously, cutting my fingers open but not actually feeling it.

Mad-eye still hadn't left the room. I huffed and turned to him again and said "if you dare use me for 'practice' ever again I'll-"

"You'll what, Tonks?" he said asked cockily. "Use an unforgivable curse on me?"

"I'll replace the whiskey in your hipflask with gone off milk." I said defiantly.

The rest of the room was watching me closely. Remus raised an eyebrow over his newspaper, smiled and shook his head, and went back to his article.

Sirius sniggered and I shot him a dirty look. "if I throw a bone will you go away?" I asked dryly and he smirked.

On a good note, the twin's business, even after a month of leaving Hogwarts, was thriving, and it seemed Molly and Arthur calmed down slightly when it came to the twins career choice. They even went to visit them and when they returned Molly was crying with pride that her _"little boys were all growing up!"_

A few weeks before the end of term and the beginning of the summer holidays, however, we were awoken at midnight by Sirius thumping into Remus's room panting and announcing suddenly: "Minerva and Hagrid have been attacked!"

We were out of bed immediately, slipping our robes over out heads and rushing downstairs. I apparated to the ministry and joined Kingsley and the rest of the auror office where he filled me in on the details. He shook his head and bit his lip and said in my ear, "Dawlish is in St. Mungo's."

Nothing could have prepared me for that. I had never thought that Hagrid would attack Dawlish when he knew that he was part of the Order, but I suppose it added to the effect, and Hagrid _had_ been incredibly angry. I know for sure I wouldn't have had the guts to take on a half giant, though.

No one spoke, no one moved. We sat at the kitchen table hugging our mugs of tea and staring into our cups. Eventually, I looked up and said softly "Minerva will be alright."

The words burnt my dry throat and I wanted to cry but I held back my emotions and stared into my untouched cup once more. No one offered any words of condolences, we were all thinking the same thing and we were all in a similar state of shock. The thought that Minerva Mcgonagall, one of Hogwarts greatest professors and undoubtedly one of the most brilliant women in history could have died tonight was terrifying…because if she could die, that meant the rest of us could too.

But there was nothing, absolutely nothing in the world that could have prepared me for the following evenings events. Nothing in the world could make up for what happened that night and the acts of pure injustice and evil that occurred.

The department of mysteries had been breached, the death eaters had found a way to get in, and Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and two other children were in there with them. My heart broke to think of them in danger or worse-

They could be dead. The boys… Ginny and Hermione, my two darling surrogate sisters… could already be dead.

Everything seemed to happen in a blur. Sirius, Remus, Mad-eye, and Kingsley and I apparated to the ministry immediately and forced out way past the spells that bound the door. Had I been in a better frame of mind I would have perhaps noticed the strangeness of my surroundings and seen where Moody was leading me. But my own curiosity was halted by the desperateness of the situation, and my heart hammered in my ears as we ran, all fearing the very worst.

And we knew this had to be it, the end of something, because there are some things that can't go on forever.

Like the dementor attack there was death eaters everywhere. Spells darted past our bodies as we scattered, looking for the children and entering the fray of the battle.

Bellatrix stood before me, her tight skin stretched back into a feral smile. "Nymphadora!" she announced, raising her wand high. "What a pleasure once more-"

For the second time we duelled, and this time it was for death. I saw no point in preserving her sickly existence and took my revenge in advance for what she would do to me, to Sirius and to Remus and to everyone else. To gain back a little sanity in a life of madness, for my cousin's sake and the Longbottom's and all her victims over those horrific years.

But Bellatrix was much more advanced than I was in the dark arts – for there is only so much you can learn without becoming dark yourself. She took pleasure in my pain when I screamed and smiled like it was a game when I returned her shots as best I could.

I had barely wounded her when she shot a jet of green light towards me and cackled in delight. The _avadra kedavra_, I knew, and I did my best to repel it but my spell was weak against hers.

_And then I was falling…_

**Omg! Cliffy. God, the end of Order of the Phoenix came around quick, didn't it? Blimey, that happened before I even realised it. Not complaining though. The plot gets a little more interesting from now on, or at least I hope it does.**

**Princessdza…yeh all the death eaters were there, but Bellatrix was like the leader. I know, I didn't mention them at all, my bad. Owell, it's done now and things are about to get a lot more angsty. AWW! Thank you! I was proud of the office scene, though I thought it was slightly sloppy. Whatever, most writers don't like their own work anyway. Thanks for reading!**

**The female nerd…uhm….crepes….thanx for reading!**

**Devilish angel…huh? What do you mean, "How did Lupin and Tonks land up together?" uh….huh? thanx for reading! **

**Little tussi…yay, big smiles all round. Awesome. Keep on reading! There's loads more to come!**

**Sea-ess-eye…another person who liked the scene with Scrimgeour! Hmm, I thought that was weak, but you know…whatever. You're the reader, it's your opinions that matter. Hmm, good point, "gift of beauty." Really really good point. Nice one! **

**Fawkes309…no I didn't either, but apparently a lot of people out there pronounce Nymphadora differently. Tomato tomata I guess. Thanks for reading!**

**Aeron lefay…I can complain if I want! Best bit? I'm the author so you have to put up with it! Hahah (almost wrote AUROR instead of author then. Damnit. Wish I went to Hogwarts.) Thanks for reading!**

**Dancer8428…I love Bellatrix! She's so cool and evil and stuff. Just the perfect bad guy! And she's female! You hardly EVER get an evil woman. Yay, it didn't stink! Megs.xox.**

**Autumnbreeze25…hmm..Irish…is it Chloe? Or Shauna? I could guess all day, couldn't I? Oooh? Is it Hannah? Okay, I'm done now. I hate homework, I have eight pieces to do this weekend and four of them are essays! Damnit. I have a complete breakdown every cycle, mostly from the pain. It's becoming better lately though, thank god. Nice one on the werewolf's daughter, btw. Still absolutely loving it. Mrrr, well it's 11 o clock here and I'm dying of exhaustion, so I'm going to bed. WEEKEND! Megs.xox.**

**Katesmaster…nah, I'm 16. Not an adult yet, Heheheh. I'm English. And yeh, there's few of us around. Sucks really. Oooh! Rabid cockerel! Coolies! I want one! And may the force be with you too. Xox.**

**Celi…glad you enjoyed it! Xox.**

**REVEIW! any ideas? lemme know!**


	18. breaking down

_Disclaimer: I don't own it, and neither am I making any money whatsoever off this._

_**this has to be an update record or something...**_

The world was white, and it hurt.

There was a faint buzzing in my ears, like a fly batting its wings against my eardrum and my arms were cold. My head felt heavy and subconscious told me that keeping my eyes shut was probably the best course of action.

It took several seconds for me to really wake up and realise the pain wasn't going to go away and therefore I would not be sleeping again for some time. I wrenched my eyelids open and stared at the pearlescent ceiling with interest.

Someone came into my line of vision and I realised immediately I must be in St. Mungo's. The healer smiled down at me with a forced grin and said "miss Tonks."

She readjusted my pillows and went away.

I let my head fall to the side heavily and stared at the doorway. No one seemed in any hurry to tell me what had happened so I lifted my head slightly to look around.

The buzzing in my head increased drastically until it sounded like sand falling from a high building and hitting a stone floor. I let my head fall back to the blankets and tried not to feel too impatient at my lack of service.

One thought that didn't occur to me for quite some time was _why_ I was in St. Mungo's, and for that I was ashamed. I had completely forgotten about the battle and the kids and Bellatrix Lestrange….

Bellatrix. This was all because of her and I hoped she was dead.

A healer emerged in the doorway to tend to me and helped me tilt my head up to drink a ghastly potion that smelled and tasted a little too close to wolfsbane for my liking. But, of course, I knew that was absurd because it was at least three weeks until full moon so I couldn't have been bitten.

Remus. Was he okay? Was he hurt too? Did he miss me? Was he waiting for me to wake up?

And the kids. My heart thumped and I felt my throat tighten. Were they safe? Had they been harmed? Was the dark lord dead and all of his minions with him?

I felt like asking the healer for answers before I quickly reminded myself she probably didn't know the finer details and in my dozy state I was probably far too close to revealing secrets of the Order anyway.

The healer nodded as I drained the cup haphazardly and took it from me warmly. "Miss Tonks," she said softly, like healers should all sound. "You've suffered multiple injuries, and until you're fit we advise you not to leave the hospital. You should be in here for a maximum of three days."

I hardly heard a word she said. I didn't care about me, I knew _I_ was alive.

"Thank you." I said briefly.

"You have visitor." She said enthusiastically and my mood brightened. This meant answers…

"He's been waiting here for a long time." She said over her shoulder as she disappeared out the door again. Moments later the one man I wanted to see entered the room and I felt myself beam.

But he wasn't smiling. He looked downtrodden and tired and perhaps even that he had been crying. He looked like it was full moon, and that made me question how long I had been asleep.

"Remus," I said thankfully as he sat down on the edge of my bed. He leant over and placed a desperate kiss on my lips, as much for my sake as his, I thought.

"Nymphadora!" he said breathlessly. Distressed "I'm so…when you didn't wake up…we thought…cruciatus curse…" his words were blinded by tears and he was clutching my hand in a sort of desperate child like way and I realised for the first time, Remus Lupin was breaking down.

"Hey, it's alright," I said, stroking his cheek with my cold numb hand. "What's wrong?"

He took my hand and held it to his cheek. He checked for healers in the room before carrying on. "Sirius," he said with a choked voice, his eyes closed and his head bowed. "He's…dead." He struggled the word out with a pained expression on his lined face.

It was like someone had dropped a lead weight in my stomach and I just stared at him for the longest time ever. Then all at once my breath faltered and I cried, harder than I had ever cried in my life. Remus took me in his arms and let me cry, his shoulders shaking and I knew he was grieving too.

For once in my life, I wasn't happy to be in Remus's arms.

I should have been dead. Bellatrix had aimed an _avadra kedavra_ curse at me, and I should have been dead.

The healer, when I asked her, smiled at me and said quite heartily. "Oh, don't be silly. You weren't hit with the killing curse."

I gave her a blank look and she smiled, quite inappropriately, I thought. "You were hit with a stunning spell."

That explained a lot. Why I was alive, for one.

"So the spell I used to deflect it-" I began, cursing my own stupidity.

"Magnified it." She said, shaking her head. "A common mistake, I'm sure."

Don't patronize me, I thought grudgingly. It was a mistake only I could make. And to make it worse, I knew I could have deflected a simple stunning spell, had I used the right counter-curse. As an auror, I should have known better.

I think, had things been different and I had never joined the order, I would have probably read about his death in the newspaper. I would have raised my eyebrows slightly and said, possibly to Kingsley or someone else in the office, "well will you look at that. He's finally dead."

And they would have agreed with some sort of worthless expression and no one would have questioned that I was his cousin or the fact that perhaps someone might have loved him. No one would have ever doubted that Sirius black was an evil wizard who had betrayed the Potter's all those years ago.

I was released from St. Mungo's a few days later but was refused the option to go back to work for another week. I was glad. By that time most of the excitement would have died down and perhaps I wouldn't have to deal with the auror's in the cubicles around me saying things like "well I'm so glad he's dead! _At last!_"

Remus wasn't in a much happier mood than I was, although he masked it slightly better. We hardly talked; we just sat in silent thanks that the other was there and still alive and around when we needed to talk.

I felt worse for Remus than I did for myself. He was the last marauder. James and Sirius dead…Peter betraying them all…and then here was Remus. This broken, fragile, beautiful man with so much to give the world and all he'd ever received was pain and rejection. Pain after pain after pain. He hadn't just lost one friend, he'd lost three. He'd lost Sirius twice, but this time, there was no way he was coming back.

Sirius was never coming back.

The only bright spark in what seemed like a lifetime of darkness was that the kids were coming home for the summer soon. We tried to put on our happiest faces and arrived at kings cross-station with Molly, Arthur, Fred and George and Mad-eye, waiting for the train at platform 9 3/4.

We stood beside each other, our hands entwined beneath our robes. Remus leant down and kissed my ear, his lips whispering some heart felt sentiment and he pulled away just as the train pulled round the corner into sight.

The kids left the train and I grinned –actually grinned- at their shocked faces.

Molly ran forward to hug the children and Ginny bounded forwards to give me a hug. "Tonks!" she said excitedly. "You're okay!"

"Of course I'm okay!" I said, hugging her shoulders and spinning her round in an exuberant dance before grabbing Hermione too. "I always pull through, don't I?"

Moody gave me a significant look and I detached myself from the girls and followed him and Arthur and Remus towards Harry's aunt and uncle at the back of the platform. "Good afternoon." He said pleasantly to the big balding fat man with that hideous moustache. "You might remember me, my name's Arthur Weasley."

Their son hid behind the thin bony woman immediately. I didn't feel the slightest bit sorry. I'd heard stories of Dudley from the kids.

"We thought we'd just have a few words with you about Harry." Arthur said with a fixed smile on his face.

"Yeah" moody said with a growl. "About how he's treated when he's at your place."

This really was too perfect, and I felt my spirits lift as I watched the muggles shy away from Moody's glare.

"I am not aware that it is any of your businesses what goes on in my house-" the big beefy man started, but Moody cut him off.

"I expect what you're not aware of would fill several books, Dursley." Moody snapped.

"Anyway, that's not the point," I said, making my hair as bright as I could manage. Mrs. Dursley seemed to dislike it particularly. "The point is, if we find out you've been horrible to Harry-"

"And make no mistake we'll hear about it," Remus said happily, finishing my sentence for me.

"Yes," Arthur said, "even if you won't let Harry use the fellytone-"

"Telephone." Hermione whispered from my left. I grinned.

"-Yeah, if we get any hint Potter's been mistreated in any way, you'll have us to answer to," Moody said menacingly, and I have to admit, I wouldn't challenge him.

"Are you threatening me, sir?" Dursley asked loudly. Stupid man.

"Yes I am." Moody said quite happily.

"And I do I look like the kind of man who can be intimidated?" Dursley said in outrage.

Very silly indeed…

"Well," moody pushed back his ridiculous bowler hat to reveal his spinning magical eye. I love that thing, I really do. Dursley jumped back in surprise and nearly toppled over the luggage carrier. "Yes, I'd have to say you do, Dursley." Moody concluded.

He looked at Harry with interest. "So Potter…give us a shout if you need us. If we don't hear from you for three days in a row we'll send someone along…."

I want that job. How fun would that be? Turning up at the doorstep of the frightened muggles and seeing how long it takes to make them blow up in fury or terror?

"Bye, then, Potter." Mad-eye growled, patting Harry's shoulder forcefully.

"Take care, Harry." Remus said quietly "keep in touch."

I hugged the boy quickly and stepped back with a wink, letting everyone else have a fill and his friends say goodbye.

Harry raised a hand to the air in a farewell and turned and walked quickly from the station, his aunt and uncle in his wake.

I let out a breath and smiled bravely at Remus and we followed the Weasley's and Granger's from the station after Harry, his hand wrapped in mine hidden beneath his coat.

**I kinda liked this chapter. Which probably means it was awful, but I liked it.**

**Writing's hard right now cause I'm a bit ill and I have that oh-so-joyful curse that all women have right now. So I'm curled up at my keyboard with a hot water bottle and trying to get on with an English Language essay for school. Woopdeedoo.**

_**Lupinslady…aww, glad you're back, you were missed. I'm glad you're still enjoying it! Xox.**_

_**Wandless…I thought dawlish had been part of the order at this point? Aww, not again. Sorry, got my facts muddled. Stupid brain. Do I have a fic in my favourites called werewolf and metamorph? I don't think I do…I think you're thinking of seducing a nymph, but I can't see how they're in any way similar. Gee, I hope it doesn't get boring. I am trying my best. It is going to be a long instalment; I still have another book to go through and a bit after that. Uhm, keep happy, I guess. Xox.**_

_**Sea-ess-eye…yes, bring on the mortal peril! –Cackles- I'm so glad I finally reached the end of ORDER! Whoop! No I can make up a little of my own stuff…. not that I've not been doing that the entire way anyway. Heheheh. Bring on the depression…Xox.**_

_**The female nerd…. just keep reading my friend, you'll see. Xox.**_

_**Katemasteer…that's a good question, maybe it's my maturity. –Cough- maybe not. BADGES! I want a badge! I want a rabid chicken; it could help me control the twats at school. Yes, do introduce him to mad-eye; they'd be great together. I always felt JKR missed that bit out too, but I loved writing it. Ahhh, not Errol! Glad you enjoyed it, keep on reading! Xox,**_

_**Dancer8428…never read a Bellatrix fic myself. Perhaps I should. There are lots of weird fics out there, no matter who's in them. Some of them are quite disturbing. Gracias amigo, keep reading! Xox.**_

_**Autumnbreeze25…yay, its my favourite person! I've done four of the homework's, still got three essays and a chapter to read though. Grrr. Aww, hurry up with the silver poisoning! Yes. I am ahead of you time wise, which sucks supremely because I have a lot of net friends in America and Australia so can't speak to them at a reasonable hour. Stupid time differences. Tests suck, I hate them. Got a load to do in January. Monarchs of the glen? Dear god! They're not showing that crap in America, are they? Haven't seen it for years. Wow. Anyhow, thanx for reviewing! Xox.**_


	19. going away

Disclaimer: don't own em. Leave me alone. 

Remus left me the day after we collected the kids from kings cross to join the "others of my kind," as he called them. It was the night before full moon and it would also be the first full moon since the night he had attacked Kingsley.

"I'll only be gone a few days," he said insistently and I smiled hopefully. Forcefully.

"That's far too long, Remus." I said, and there was nothing I could do to keep the sadness from my voice. "I worry about you so much when you're away."

He smiled and kissed the tip of my nose. Remus sighed, picked up his bag, and kissed my lips. "I have to go." He said, taking a long look around my apartment. "It's only be a few days, I promise."

I nodded and sighed, trying to smile. He blew a final kiss and apparated with a faint pop.

The whole of my apartment suddenly seemed empty. I didn't want to be so far away from Remus at this time, mere weeks since Sirius had died. The pain I felt inside was still raw and my physical wounds hadn't quite healed. And aside from my own problems, I worried about Remus more than I chose to admit to anyone. He had taken Sirius's death harder than any of us could have ever imagined and became reserved, more quiet than usual and it broke my heart to see him so distant.

I looked around, taking in my environment, the space we shared now that Grimmauld place had been deserted. It had that lived in feeling it hadn't held for months and there were reminders of Remus everywhere, from his drained teacup by the sink to his threadbare coat over the foot of our bed.

Giving in to my own misery, I apparated to the Burrow. It was around dinnertime and I didn't particularly want to cook for myself tonight so I took Molly up on her offer.

I sat in the kitchen with her as the potatoes peeled themselves and the stew cooked on the stove. Molly was smiling and grateful for the company and who could blame her? She lived for social contact of the young, and I guess I was just one more of her adopted children now.

The boys, minus Fred and George, entered the kitchen and helped themselves to drinks. Bill nodded to me and Charlie smiled, grasping my shoulder as he passed. Ron barely looked at me.

He examined the scars on his wrist and arms caused by the brain and said thoughtfully, "You reckon Pomfrey can these cursed off or something?"

Charlie looked at him as if he was insane or something. "Are you bloody serious, Ron? Chicks love scars!"

I laughed into my cup. That really was the stupidest thing I'd heard all week.

Ron's eyes widened in delight and he looked at his arm in approval, nodded, and left, taking his glass with him.

"If scars are such a chick magnet, then how come _Tonks_ won't give you the time of day?" Bill asked, rolling his eyes and winking at me.

"Well that's obvious," I said sarcastically. "Remus has a _lot_ more scars than Charlie has!"

We sniggered and Charlie glared at me in betrayal.

"Bill, dear. When's Fleur getting here?" Molly asked, straightening her apron and tucking a loose strand of red hair behind her ear.

"'Round sevenish." Bill answered and I smiled at him. Apparently Fleur Delacour hadn't been taking him for a ride after all.

"I'll go then if you've got guests," I said immediately, standing up but Molly pushed me back down into the chair.

"Don't be silly, dear!" she said, shaking her head in disapproval. "You're _always_ welcome!"

"Really, Molly, I don't want to be a nuisance." I said, thinking, begging for her to tell me to stay. I couldn't be alone tonight, not after what had happened.

"Stay for dinner." Molly said sternly, and I didn't fight back again.

"Where's Remus tonight, Tonks?" Charlie asked, sitting down beside me and taking a bite out of a biscuit from the plate in the centre of the table.

"He's on a mission." I said dully, stroking my cup. "He left about an hour ago. Went back to the werewolves."

There was silence and I knew they were all struggling for things to say. I forced a smile for the second time that day and said, trying to be bright, "he'll be fine though, I'm sure."

"Of course he will!" Molly said in her motherly voice. "He won't be gone long, it'll fly past!"

She turned awkwardly back to the stove and bill and Charlie avoided my eyes.

They were saved seconds later, however, when there was a loud bang on the front door. It was odd because anyone who was a regular at the Burrow knew to use the back door.

Bill jumped up at once with a broad grin on his face and disappeared. He reappeared, however, with a beautiful girl of around twenty with shining silver hair and precious skin, and I knew this must be Fleur.

Charlie was gazing at her with an open mouth and his eyes looked all frosty. I rolled my eyes and jabbed him in the leg with a fork to wake him up. He smiled sheepishly at me.

Molly ran forward to greet her, her apron still on and her hair in its untidy bun. She looked even more perfect than Fleur, I thought, comparing the two women. There was nothing more lovely than a mother caring after her children in a house built from love.

"You must be Fleur!" she said happily, wiping her hand on her grubby apron and offering it to the veela. The girl looked at in disgust and carefully shook her hand.

Molly must have seen this as some sort of acceptance because she hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek. "Welcome into the family!" she exclaimed.

I looked at Charlie in surprise who leant over and whispered. "They're engaged. Lucky bugger."

I almost laughed. The thought of this pristine girl joining the Weasley family was amusing, and I felt my sprits sag a little more at the thought of seeing her more often than I would have liked.

Charlie nodded at her in greeting and I extended my hand. "Nice to meet you," I said. " And Congratulations on the triwizard, tournament, by the way, I would have loved to have done that."

She smiled and laughed. "Per'aps, but I don't think you could 'ave. It was very difficult." She said sweetly.

Molly's eyebrows creased. "Tonks is an auror," she said stiffly. "I think she would have been quite capable of-"

"No, really, mum." Charlie interrupted. "She would have tripped over her cloak or something, wouldn't you Tonks?" he joked.

I elbowed him in the gut sharply.

"Bill, dear, why don't you give her a tour of the house?" Molly suggested, and I felt she really just wanted a bit of peace.

The couple left hand in hand, spreading kisses all over each other. It was quite sickening, actually. I vowed Remus and I would never be like that. No one else wanted to see such an obvious display of public affection.

"Well really!" Molly fumed, stamping her foot on the ground. It was easy to see where Ginny got it. "How rude!"

Charlie shrugged and I enveloped Molly in a warm hug. "Anything I can do, Molly?" I asked, braking off. Sometimes a hug is all you need to calm your nerves and I damn well wasn't hugging Fleur.

"You can go get Ginny and Hermione from the stream at the bottom of the garden." Molly said, pointing out the window to a small pathway that was worn into the grass.

I nodded and let myself out the back door. I clucked at the chickens as I passed and pushed past the bushes obscuring my path. A gnome ran out from the shrubbery, saw me, giggled, and jumped behind the chicken feed.

I always loved the Weasley's garden. It wasn't tamed in any way and it was purely for the children. I remember summers and summers ago, playing Quidditch with Charlie and the boys on old broomsticks and with makeshift hoops and quaffles. We used to throw apples to each other, Charlie diving to catch them and me batting them back into the orchard with a spade.

The girls were sat on the bank with their shoes and socks off, dabbling their toes in the water and talking animatedly. Ginny jumped up when she saw me approaching, leaves and soil sticking to her wet feet as she ran the small distance towards me.

Hermione followed soon after and we were hugging and greeting each other like long lost friends or sisters.

"It's time for dinner," I said, placing an arm around their shoulders companionably. "And Fleur's arrived."

The girls smiled eagerly. "We've been waiting to meet her properly for _ages_!" Ginny said enthusiastically, running back to the bank and grabbing her shoes.

"What's she like, Tonks?" Hermione asked.

I thought of a few things I would have liked to say, but shrugged instead and said, "I haven't really talked to her yet."

Dinner was being served when we arrived back in the kitchen, the smells of Molly's cooking inviting us to the table and we sat down, the girls one side of me and Charlie on the other.

Fleur swept into the room, her hair cascading down her straight back and she sat at the table gracefully. Her posture was perfect. She didn't hunch and her elbows were by her sides rather than on the table like mine.

"It smells delicious, Molly," I said, my stomach echoing the compliment. I hadn't eaten since breakfast and I was absolutely ravenous.

"Why, thank you, Tonks," Molly said adoringly, ladling stew onto each plate. Fleur sniffed when her own was placed in front of her.

"I 'ave always thought ze eenglish overcook zeir meat!" she announced in what might have been a helpful way, but I doubted it.

Molly smiled graciously and lifted a hand in gesture and we began to eat. Halfway through the meal, Charlie nudged me in the stomach.

"pass the salt, would you?" he asked.

I reached across the table, knocking over the vegetable dish as I went. I heard groans and laughs around the table and I pulled an apologetic face. "sorry, Molly."

"don't worry, dear." She said in a tiresome way. "you're awfully distracted this evening."

I smiled heartlessly and continued to eat.

"so 'ow long 'ave you two been a couple?" Fleur asked, and I looked around the table. Charlie laughed and shook his head. "Tonks and I aren't dating," he said.

"We're, uh, old friends." I said pointedly. "knew each other from Hogwarts."

Things got considerably worse from there onwards. Not only did Fleur anger Molly to the point of her snapping back, but Bill seemed blissfully unaware that his girlfriend wasn't making too much of a good impression.

I left immediately after desert, saying my goodbyes and thanking molly for dinner.

I apparated back to my lonely flat and took the threadbare coat from the bottom of my bed, wrapping it around my shoulders as I slipped into bed.

It wasn't Remus, but it would have to do.

**I like this chapter. I like it a lot.**

**I think it was pretty necessary to have this, show how close she is to the Weasley's, introduce her to Fleur and show her and Charlie are still friends. Also, it's the calm before the storm, you could say. It's about to get a lot more emotional. Please, I must beg you not to cry.**

Little tussi…. thanks! Hope you enjoyed this chapter too! Enjoy! And I love sixth year…oh this is going to be fun.

_**Wandless…hmm, I'll try reading it sometime but I don't have time now. Not if you want chapters up. Plus I try and say away from Remus/Tonks fan fiction right now so I can't subconsciously steal people's ideas. It's not fair to say its mien when its not. Yeh, I liked that. Had to fill in a gap somewhere too, so it fit. I'm doing the summer hols, defiantly.**_

_**Pinkpixie37…long time no see, good luck in your exams. I hate exams, they annoy the hell outta me. Glad you enjoyed it, keep R+R! Xox.**_

_**The female nerd…I expect many more too, Heheheh. Glad you enjoyed! **_

_**Sea-ess-eye…another quick update. Oh yes. Have to explain why it's an angst fest, so I guess I'll be doing the in between. Glad you still like it! Xox.**_

_**Dancer8428…thank you! I like this chapter more, no idea why. Guess I was just so desperate to write. Keep on reading. Xox.**_

_**Katesmaster. Whoop, a badge, and thank you for contacting he Guinness book of records. They said they're very proud. Yay! A song! How perfect. You sing it, I'll hum it. Haha, how can I possibly get Tonks to beat up the Dursley's? Come up with something (decent) and I'll put it in! Heheheh! Alas, two updates in one day just isn't meant to be. Nice try, though. Xox.**_

_**Autumnbreeze25…nice one! Well done! Very proud of you! Stupid essays finally finished. Siblings suck, I have an older brother. I adore him, but he gets on my nerves a lot.aww I'm sorry I interrupted you, hope it was worth it.yay, I'm a lovely reviewer. Someone thinks I'm lovely…wtf is going on? I want to huggle Remus and make it all better. CHOCOLATE! I live for chocolate. It's like the ultimate snack. Keep happy! Xox.**_

**Right, well, it's half eleven and I have to be up at seven in the morning, so I'd better have lots of reviews when I wake up tomorrow. I'm falling asleep here; I can hardly see the screen anymore. And I have a cold. REVIEW! And enjoy…**


	20. the darkest moon

_Disclaimer: I wish I owned Remus Lupin, but I don't. And I don't own the rest of them either._

_THIS CHAPTER WAS INCREDIBLY HARD TO WRITE, I'M SO GLAD IT'S OVER!_

The darkest moon… 

He didn't return until a few days later, looking sombre and ill in my bedroom. I went to fling my arms around him but he pushed me away gently, and returned to his bag.

He was packing. My heart dropped. Why was Remus packing?

"Where are you going?" I asked, trying to keep my voice light and free of worry. I didn't do a very good job.

"I have to leave." He whispered, but he didn't talk to me. He stared into his bag, looking at the few possessions he owned but his hands weren't moving.

"But you've only just gotten back!" I said angrily. It would have been a lot less aggravating if he had just looked at me. "Where are you being sent off to now?"

He shook his head sadly, still staring into his bag. "I think we have to end it, Tonks." He announced, like it was something he had been practicing.

"End it? End _what_, Remus?" I asked, slipping my arms around his shoulders and hugging myself to him.

"Us." he choked out, and like he had received a fresh burst of adrenaline, began grabbing more of the shirts draped across the bed and shoving them into the bag in a very un-Remus like way.

I could hardly stand. My heart was thumping in my ears and I fell onto the bed heavily, just watching him pack his life into one suitcase.

"How can it be over?" I said breathlessly. "I-I don't understand. How can it possibly be over?"

He didn't answer, just stared at the pictures on the bedside table.

"Something's happened," I said suspiciously, watching his features carefully. "What's happened, Remus?"

He let out a breath of air and shook his head at the memory. "I killed a man." He murmured. "A werewolf attacked me and I killed him. I should have just fought back, but it was like a whole new game to me." His eyes were glinting when he looked up at me. "And I slaughtered him."

"Oh Remus." I gasped, all the air leaving my lungs and I bit my lips, unsure what I could say to make it better. "It wasn't your fault. You didn't have the wolfsbane." I said surly, desperate to bring the old, innocent Remus back to me.

One look told me I was wrong and I couldn't take it any more. I dissolved into tears, my head in my hands. "This can't be happening." I pleaded to no one but myself.

Remus clasped the suitcase shut and lifted it with his wand so it hung in the air behind him. "I'm so sorry, Tonks." He said and he sounded it. His features echoed the pain I was feeling and I forced myself to get up.

"Don't leave me, Remus." I cried. "Please, don't leave me."

"I'm too dangerous," he answered, looking at the floor. "I've been saying it all along but you just wouldn't listen."

"But I love you." I whispered, and for just a moment he looked like he wanted to say so too.

"I have to leave." Remus directed his wand towards the front door and it landed on the doormat waiting patiently.

He looked around our bedroom one last time, sighed, and turned for the door.

"Remus, I have to know," I called after him weakly. "Did you date me only because Sirius wanted you to?"

He winced at Sirius's name and for a moment said nothing. "I do, honestly truly love you, Tonks." He said much stronger than I felt. "But I love you too much, and I want to protect you."

He nodded once and opened the door and then he was gone.

Only after he had left did I realise that for the first time in months he had called me Tonks, and the name had never sounded so vile.

Almost like it had been waiting to happen, everything seemed to get worse all at once.

Remus left. He went back to the werewolves and there wasn't one day I didn't worry about him. It was like a dementor had sucked all the life and happiness out of me and I drifted through my daily acts like a dream. I skipped meals; I hadn't visited the Weasley's in over a week and kept to myself in my cubicle at work. The tiny Remus in the photo on my desk had left too.

When Sirius died it was like my entire world was about to break down. Here I had been, taking for granted that this wonderful man had been introduced into my life and then fate went and stole him away. I knew then, however, that I could handle it because Remus was there to help me through. Now, though…

Remus wasn't here and I felt myself losing grip steadily on everything that had once seemed so stable.

The only thing that made me slightly grateful in the world was that Scrimgeour had been made Minister for magic. In the long term, it was an insult to our kind, but for the moment I was grateful to be rid of him…directly, at least.

"Tonks, I want a word." Kingsley announced, when I was walking past him to get to the cafeteria. I turned to look at him, trying to communicate without words I wasn't in the mood for one of his fake arguments designed to protect our relationship from the work place.

"Sir?" I asked disinterestedly. I felt that one more prod to my already bruised self esteem and I would shatter.

"That report you did on Azkaban?" Kingsley slammed the parchment down onto the wall of the nearest cubicle. "It just isn't good enough! When I ask you to-"

I wasn't listening. I just stared at his face in silence and nodded. "Yes sir." I kept saying blankly, "Yes, sir I won't do it again."

He continued to yell and people began to gather all around, watching interestedly. "In future, if you EVER – Tonks, why are you crying?" he stopped and looked at me wide eyed, his passionate speech lost into thin air.

I hadn't realised it but there were tears down my cheeks and it seemed that everything had exploded inside of me, and I couldn't stop. I wiped at them with my fists, turning and pushing my way through the crowd with as much dignity as I could manage.

I heard howlers exploding in Kingsley's office all day but I was in no mood to find the situation amusing. I charmed the opening into my cubicle to bar anyone entering, not that they didn't try. I had women peering over the walls all day and asking me if I was all right. Only when Kingsley appeared looking stricken did I let him in.

"Tonks, I didn't realise, I had no idea It was getting to you so badly," he began softly, his features clouded with guilt and my heart went out to him. Did he really believe that he had caused my moment of complete and utter emotional breakdown?

"It's not you," I stammered, wiping away the fresh lot of hot tears. "It's…Remus left me."

The silence that followed was one of the worst ever and I knew this was something that I was going to have to get used to. Remus and I had seemed so stable, so perfect for each other that even innocent bystanders couldn't believe that we had broken up.

"You do mean he's gone back to the…you know. Others of his kind?" Kingsley asked uncertainly, keeping his voice low.

I nodded and sniffed. "But we broke up."

He gaped and sat down, transfiguring a ruler into a tissue and passing it to me quickly to stem the fresh tears. "Tonks, I'm so sorry. _Why_?"

I'd been asking myself that very same question every single day since he left. "He said he was too dangerous for me." I answered, and gritted my teeth at Kingsley's flicker of understanding. He had been supporting that view all along.

He nodded sympathetically but all I really wanted was a hug, something I could never have from Kingsley at work.

So I waited until the end of the day, but when It came to it, I couldn't really face the Weasley's all asking why I was crying at every opportune moment and waited until It was well past ten o clock to apparate to the Burrow.

Ron was in the kitchen when I arrived, delving into the larder for something I couldn't see. His eyebrows rose immediately and he stumbled back in surprise.

"Hey, Tonks. What are you doing here?" he asked suspiciously. "Is anything wrong with the order?"

I shook my head and tried to smile. It was a hopeless attempt. "Is Charlie around anywhere?"

"Uh, he left for Romania yesterday morning." Ron said hastily.

"Oh. Well, no worries." I turned back to the door. "See you, Ron."

I had really been depending on Charlie being there. I was in no mood for Molly's mothering and Charlie would have been perfect. He was a refreshing change from the other men in my life and right now I realised that I needed my oldest friend more than I had ever done before.

Emmeline Vance died the next day and suddenly she was just one more innocent victim to the war. I recalled numbly that I had never really taken the time to know her. Talked with her, yes. But never made the effort to find out if she was happy, if perhaps she would have someone somewhere who would miss her. Children, even.

It didn't matter to Bellatrix or her Death Eaters who she killed. Muggles, wizards, children, it didn't matter to them, just so long as they felt more pure and "whole" because of it. It wasn't just about whom you believed in anymore, it was if you had the right blood.

I had never really thought of that before, that I might have two types of blood in me. That I was a link into both worlds, magical and non-magical. But then, it had never really mattered before. I was proud either way.

The lead weight in the bottom of my stomach that I had become so accustomed to soon became a part of me, and soon it had spread to the rest of me. It was like I was always cold and my heart strained, dragging me down an endless path of depression and isolation.

I woke up one morning and stared at myself in the mirror. I had let myself go, not bothering to morph myself to my usual appearance. I had become thinner; no doubt about it, and my hair was a lank, mousy brown. I squeezed my eyes shut, thinking of the black, shiny hair Sirius had once possessed and opened my eyes.

Lank, mousy brown hair.

I tried again and again until I had convinced myself I couldn't do it and sat on the cold tie floor of the bathroom, crying into my knees. The only thing in my life I could be sure of had vanished. The only thing that made me more than just another face in the crowd. Vanished, like the many lives just ripped away from this world every single day.

I gave in waiting for Charlie's response and eventually knocked for Molly instead. Either way I owed the Weasley's everything.

We sat at the kitchen table, the time drawing up close to midnight and I told her everything, right from the beginning, details Sirius could only have heard from Remus and no one else in the entire world would ever be entitled to.

Molly frowned when I finished and shook her head. "Oh, Tonks. Dear, how _awful_."

I smiled gratefully at her.

"Well you know what you have to do, don't you?" she said stubbornly.

I put my head into my hands and sighed. "I know. Move on."

Her eyebrows shot up. "Now, come now, Tonks. Where's that spirit gone? When have you ever been known to give up?"

I looked at her in amazement. "Are you saying I should honestly keep trying to turn him round?"

"Well, he said he loves you, didn't he?" Molly patted my hand and smiled. "You're a lovely girl, Tonks. A darn sight nicer than _some_." She sniffed, and I knew she meant Fleur. "And I really think that if you love him you should keep trying. He's bound to give in sometime. And if he doesn't then you know you didn't give up without a fight."

Inspiring words, but only good in theory, I thought. But then, was I likely to be moving on any time soon?

There was movement outside and Molly jumped up. Three knocks on the door…

"Who's there?" she asked nervously, glancing in my direction. I guess my lack of movement wasn't making her very any more secure. "Declare yourself!"

"It is I, Dumbledore, bringing Harry."

Molly wrenched the door open at once. "Harry dear! Gracious, Albus, you gave me a fright, you said not to expect you before morning."

"We were lucky," Dumbledore said, bringing the teenager forward. The boy looked at me in surprise. "Slughorn proved much more persuadable than I had expected. Harry's doing, of course. Ah, hello, Nymphadora."

I nodded, feeling as if I had intruded on something. It made no sense to stay now, getting in Molly's way as she fussed over Harry. "Hello, professor. Wotcher Harry."

"Hi, Tonks." He answered immediately, looking at me curiously.

"I'd better be off," I said quickly, pulling on my cloak and standing up. "Thanks for the tea and sympathy, Molly."

"Please, don't leave on my account." Dumbledore insisted. "I cannot stay, I have urgent matters to discuss with Rufus Scrimgeour."

I tried to look mildly interested but failed. "No, no, I need to get going." I said, avoiding his eyes. He was the one who had sent Remus away. "'Night."

"Dear, why not come to dinner at the weekend, Remus and Mad-eye are coming-?" she began but I couldn't face a big crowd. I couldn't face _him_.

"No, really Molly…. thanks anyway…. goodnight, everyone." I almost ran past Dumbledore and into the garden, twisting on the spot and thinking of home.

I owed the Weasley's everything in the world.

_**Did you cry? Man, I think it really helped that I was depressed whilst writing this. It helps that I'm alone, as well. I have no one to call my own. –Sigh- **_

_**Anyhow, I liked this chapter. Like, really damn proud of it. What'd you think?**_

_**Little tussi…haha, right about now. Xox.**_

_**GGEgirl…most defiantly. That's the fin bit, isn't it? I have a few plans in store. Muahahaha. **_

_**Katesmaster…good plan, unfortunately I had already had something lined out. I'll try and incorporate a bit of Dursley bashing in there somewhere though! Gracias amiga! Xox.**_

_**Fawkes309…I almost cried. Didn't quite though, I think it's easier if you know what's coming. I don't expect anyone to cry, I'm not that good. Xox. Keep on reading!**_

_**Wandless…oh come on, her quote to Harry was "zer is nothing to do here, unless you like cooking and chickens!" she's hardly enjoying herself, is she? Meh, whatever. I suppose she could have been nicer. Ooh good luck on the job. I almost applied for waitressing, but I'm like Tonks, I'm dead clumsy. Until next chapter! Xox.**_

_**Princessdza…gracias, I liked her. I know they've already met her, but not really in DETAIL. I dunno, probably just my mind playing tricks on me again. Stupid brain. And yeh, Hermione's there a bit early. Uhm…yeh, I have no defence for that one, my bad. Thanx for reviewing! Xox.**_

_**Sea-ess-eye…GOOD IDEA! I love you! And another good idea…uh, keep them coming? Even subconsciously? Thanx! Xox.**_

_**The female nerd…so glad you did! Yay. Hope you like this chappie as much! Xox.**_

**REVIEW! XOX.**


	21. Charlie

Disclaimer: no, they're not mine –sniff- I want Remus… 

_Dedicated to anyone who cried at the last chapter or is going through heartbreak right now…_

_/FLASHBACK/_

There had been a notice up about Quidditch team tryouts all week, but I hadn't done more than stare at it wistfully for several days.

Thinking perhaps at the least I would be watching the Quidditch team practice and perhaps pick up a few tips, I trudged down to the Quidditch pitch and settled myself on the seats nearest the hoops, away from the gaggle of students at the side of the pitch, talking excitedly.

There was that, and Charlie Weasley would be there.

We were in the same year, but in four years of education, I don't think we had ever extended conversation past that of polite speech and forced requests. It wasn't that we had any type of dislike towards each other, it was just our paths had never crossed. We were from two different worlds.

It wasn't a warm day. I had a scarf wrapped tight around me and a big heavy jumper over my t-shirt. The girls around me sported the same Gryffindor scarves; although a few of them I recognised to be from other houses.

Charlie came out of the changing room with his broom over his shoulder. I watched and waited as he recruited a keeper and another chaser from the group.

He eyed the crowd that was left and raised an eyebrow. "You girls all here to recruit?" he asked.

A few of them stepped forward, though I'll bet they didn't have any idea they were volunteering to be a beater. I stood up as well, though stood at the back of the group, watching silently as Charlie became increasingly frustrated.

"Look!" he said with an air of someone not meaning to be offensive. "If you're not here to try out, go. Please?" he added as an after thought, and a few of the girls gave up and went back to the castle, still giggling.

He glared at the rest of the girls, including me, but I just stared back in equal annoyance. I hated girls like that, overly obsessed about their looks and boys, and didn't give a damn if their grades were failing or if they only just scraped by their exams to reach the next year so they could giggle and gossip all over again.

Charlie smiled lightly and shook his head. "Don't know why they even bothered to come." He said with a shrug, and turned to bolt the case of balls shut. "Are you waiting for someone?" he asked suddenly, turning around quickly as I advanced.

"No, I came to try out." I said simply. Just because I didn't have any decent friends and kept at the back of the classroom, keeping to myself, did not mean I was shy. I just didn't offer my opinion when I felt it wasn't wanted.

He looked me up and down and nodded. "What position?" he asked. "You'd make a good chaser."

"I'm a beater." I said, and didn't offer any more information. Mostly, I just liked to hit things.

He grinned; passed me a bat, and I took it, holding it to the side of me. He stood a fair way away, and released one of the black cannon ball like bludgers into the air.

I came hurtling towards me and I raised the bat, aiming for the retreating girls who had just leaving the stadium. It hit the stand to the side instead and one of the girls shrieked.

Charlie tried to hide his smile but failed. "What were you aiming for?" he asked seriously.

"Jessica Hayes." I said sharply as the bludger boomeranged back towards me. I hit it harder than I had before and sent it flying off towards the hoops.

On its return shot, I pounced on it and wrestled it to the ground. With Charlie's help, we managed to secure it safely in the box again and sealed it shut.

"It's Nymphadora, isn't it?" Charlie asked, extending a hand.

I looked at it for a few moments warily and then shook it hesitantly. "I prefer Tonks." I said with no emotion at all. It was easier to deal with the world when they thought you didn't care.

"Oh. I'm Charlie." He said pleasantly. "You can call me Weasley if you want."

I shrugged and thought for a moment about telling him I knew perfectly well who he was, and that he should have known who I was too, but stopped myself.

"You're in a few of my classes, aren't you?" he asked clearly trying to make conversation as we walked, a fair distance from each other, back towards the store cupboard.

"I'm in _all_ of your classes." I replied, and his mouth made a small 'o'.

"I never noticed," he said truthfully, and I later learnt that Charlie Weasley had a massive problem with saying a little more than he intended.

We continued to walk, saying nothing. When we reached the common room, he turned to smile at me and said brightly, "So training is after school on a Wednesday and Saturday afternoons. We'll sort out your uniform then."

I nodded, my usual response, and smiled. As he walked away, he turned to look at me and said, "and I'll see you in astronomy tonight, right?"

Charlie Weasley made an incredible thing happen that day. I knew that if I had taken control of the situation, I would have never spoken to him outside of Quidditch practice, but he genuinely made an effort to get to know me during lessons and even in our free time.

I was in for a great shock the next transfiguration lesson when he smiled and sat down next to me, his bag resting on the desk. "Hey, Tonks." He said as if it was nothing different. Like it was some sort of normal arrangement we had both discussed and agreed to.

"Wotcher, Charlie." I said happily, moving my books aside to make room for him.

We sat in companionable silence until Mcgonagall entered and took out her teacher's notes. "Human transfiguration," she said crisply, "is a delicate process. You will line up against the mirrors on the left side of the wall," – she waved her wand and a line of mirrors appeared from nowhere- "and transfigure your hair into another colour."

She caught my eye and offered a tight smile and I grinned, jumping up. Any chance to decide on a new hairstyle. "Come on, Charlie!" I said enthusiastically, and he grinned too, escorting me to the mirrors looking surprised at my sudden emotional mood swing.

I stared at myself in the mirror. When the teachers had found out I could change my appearance, they had asked me not to create a fuss by remaining my natural state in lesson time. I was more than willing to agree, and not wanting the attention, mostly kept my appearance the same throughout the day.

"What's your favourite colour?" I asked Charlie light-heartedly, loosening up slightly now that I knew this was something I had no ability in embarrassing myself on.

"Blue." He answered. "What's yours?" he asked politely back.

"Purple. What kind of blue?" I asked suddenly, and he looked slightly taken aback and shrugged. "Light blue?" he said unsurely.

I had this vision of myself with short, electric blue hair, just long enough to cover my eyes and fixed the image in my mind, concentrating and screwing up my face as the familiar, warming sensation washed over my senses.

I opened my eyes and knew it had worked. Charlie gaped at me soundlessly and eventually mustered a "how did you _do_ that?"

Other people in the class were beginning to stare as well now and I smiled weakly. "It's something I can do." I muttered, turning to admire my new look in the mirror.

After changing it into several different lengths and colours I got bored and stopped to watch Charlie instead. He was having trouble with the spell and had somehow made his hair turn all frizzy, like he had stuck his finger into an electric plug socket.

"Well it looks a little yellowier." I said sheepishly, feeling stupid just sat on a desk watching him endlessly. He must have thought I was the leader of his fan club the way I was staring at him.

"It's nowhere near as cool as yours." He said, turning and looking at me appreciatively. I blushed. "I had no idea you were so talented."

"It's not a talent, it's something I was born with." I said, examining my fingernails.

"Well, you could be _anything_!" Charlie said, looking me up and down. "What else can you change?"

I shrugged, like it was no big deal. But the fact that Charlie Weasley was talking to me and found me interesting was a very big deal for me. "Anything to do with my appearance."

"You could be like a model or something." He suggested.

I fought hard to hide the disgust in my voice. "A model? What'd I want to be one of them for! I want to do something worthwhile."

"Like what?"

I examined the grain on the tabletop closely. "Like an auror." I said softly, looking up quickly, expecting to see him laughing.

He shrugged. "Cool. Nice one." And turned back to trying to turn his hair another colour.

Professor Mcgonagall approached me with her tight smile. "I see you've completed today's assignment, miss Tonks."

I tried to look proud, but I was still so nervous about being so close to Charlie it was setting my nerves on edge. "Yes, professor."

"Very good, miss Tonks." She said, glancing at my hair. "Although, I personally preferred the blue." She turned away and began to lecture another student.

I laughed and shook my head.

-----------------

"I'm bored. Tonks, tell me something interesting." Charlie said, scratching at his stubbly chin with one long finger.

I chewed the end of my quill and stared at him thoughtfully. "Here's something interesting: I'm going to fail my NEWTs if you don't stop bugging me."

He scoffed and rolled his eyes, standing up from his place on the floor and stretching to his full height. "No you won't. You'll pass exceptionally well, just like you always do."

"I won't if I don't learn what the main components of a love potion are for Snape."

He laughed, but I couldn't see what was so funny. "Thinking of taking him to Hogsmeade next weekend, Tonks?"

Oh, haha. How witty. "That's disturbing." I said plainly and I flicked my inkbottle cork at him but it flew over the heads of a few second years by the window and missed him entirely. "The ministry of magic wrote back." I said, trying to sound casual.

Charlie immediately perked up. "Oh yeah? The auror job, right?"

"Uh huh." I stared at my page. "They want nothing under exceeds expectations…"

"You'll have no problem, Tonks."

"And then I have to undergo further tests and exams. If I pass those, I can go on to do three years of training, with an exam at the end of every module. If I fail a module, I can retake it, but only once. If I fail it again I'm off the course." I couldn't look up. Couldn't face his shocked features. "No problem, right?"

I saw him grin meekly. "Sure, Tonks. You'll do fine."

I nodded in thanks and returned to my essay.

"What's the name of the guy who wrote back to you?" Charlie asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Kingsley Shacklebolt." I replied, and I was glad at that time I had no idea the kind of trouble that man alone would lead me to.

/END FLASHBACK./

"Thanks for coming." I said weakly, head in one hand, bloodshot eyes staring at him with my mouth set into a grim smile. "I really needed a friend."

Charlie smiled back, but I could see the concern in his eyes. "Mum told me what happened with Remus." He said. "He'll come back to you, Tonks. You mean to much to him."

I nodded, but it was an instinctive reaction, a way of shutting them up. It stopped me having to explain time and time again that I knew Remus wasn't coming back but was slowly adapting. Or at least, I kept telling myself I was adapting.

"You do _want_ him to come back, Tonks. Don't you?" he asked curiously.

Stupid question, really. Would I have been crying my eyes out when I woke up in the morning and found he wasn't sleeping next to me if I didn't?

"Of course." I answered. The busy London Street outside my flat window glinted with car headlights and somewhere far off I heard a horn sound. In the night sky, a large silver disk told me it was full moon and all I could think of was him.

And the world had chosen to be particularly mean to me by having Charlie turn up at my doorstep, having received my grief stricken letter and apparated here all the way from Romania. Tonight. On full moon.

How bloody convenient. It was the only night I didn't want to see him, when I wanted my thoughts to myself.

"How you holding up?" he asked, laying his fingertips on mine and looking deep into my eyes.

"I've missed you Charlie." I said, avoiding the question. I've seen that pity far too much lately; I didn't need it from Charlie too.

The boy, however, was thankfully tactful enough to pick up on my sudden topic change and took his hand away, looking around my apartment with interest. "I've missed you too, Tonks. Wow, it's a real nice place you've got here. Did well for yourself. Nothing like my small box of a room in Romania."

"You don't have your own place?" I asked, glad for the distraction. "Really, Charlie. You're _how_ old?"

He shrugged, got up and walked over to the window. "It's cheaper. Sure, I get my room mates bugging me at all hours of the night and screaming babies at three in the morning, but it's quite comfortable, really."

"At least you're happy. How're the dragons?"

"They're good. It's that time of year, you know?" he turned to look at me and snapped his jaw shut with a click of his teeth. "They're teething. Chewing on anything in sight." He held up a bandaged index finger. "Mainly me."

That was funny. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been laughing at his misfortune, but I couldn't stop. The thought of a little green fat dragon hanging off his finger was amusing to the point I had collapsed against the tabletop, clutching my sides.

Charlie rose and eyebrow. "Gee, Tonks. Calm down."

I controlled myself, wiped the tears from my eyes and shook my head. "You're funny, Charlie."

"Tell my room mates that." He shifted his shoulders and I knew he was verging on asking something serious. "How's work, Tonks? You keeping up all right?"

"Kingsley's looking after me." I mumbled. "It's all right, though. I'm leaving for Hogsmeade soon. You know, to help protect Hogwarts. Dumbledore believes an attack is inevitable."

Charlie bit his lip. "Be careful, okay?"

I rolled my eyes. "Charlie, I've been trained for this sort of thing. I'm not completely incapable. Just because I'm clumsy and can't handle a social life does not mean I'm weak! I passed the tests; I do dangerous stuff every single day. You wouldn't believe some of the things I've seen-"

He held up his hand in surrender. "Hey, calm down. Really, Tonks. I didn't challenge you. I never said you're incapable."

I gritted my teeth and stared out at the full moon again. I shrugged. "No, but everyone's implying it. I know what they're all thinking, Charlie. I'm not stupid."

"No one thinks you're incapable." He said calmly, and I admired his ability to keep his cool when I was moaning. "It's just overwhelming for the rest of us. We all go back to our safe little secure jobs and you're out there dealing with dark wizards and living the war every single day. We worry about you."

"Well don't." I snapped, standing up and dropping my cup into the sink. I tapped it with my wand and the basin filled up with water.

Charlie came to stand beside me and placed his cup into the water more delicately than I had. "Don't shut everyone out, Tonks. You need us as much as we need you."

I sighed distractedly, washing the dishes the muggle way as I though about what he'd said. I didn't want to surround myself with people. I wanted to wallow in my own misery and turn back into that fifteen year old girl again who didn't need social contact and never needed to feel loved just to get through the day.

Because, whether you like it or not, men change everything. And when it all boils down to it, it's always their fault.

**Yeah, I know, that chapter was mostly based around her friendship with Charlie, but I want this fic to be a well-rounded piece, you know? I promise Remus will come back into her life very soon. **

**I personally enjoyed writing this chapter. It was fun, returning to her memories, it's been something I've been intending to do for a while and I thought it just broke it up a little. Stopped the story becoming monotonous. Anyhow, lemme know what you think. You're the ones that matter.**

_**GGEgirl…I'm so glad! I wanted to inspire emotion, I'm so glad you were touched. Xox.**_

_**Little tussi…yes. MORE. Updates may not be so fast lately. But, meh. You'll get used to it! Heheheh. And no, of course she won't give up! She's much stronger than that. **_

_**Fawkes309…aww I'll try. Bout to get a lot more angsty though. Only last a few chapters, though. I swear. I liked the bathroom floor scene. The amount of times I've done that.**_

_**Wandless…yeh, I think it was the best too. Hopefully a lot more like that one to come! Nah, I enjoyed it thoroughly when Dumbledore and Sirius died. I'll never be able to trust anyone again, but I enjoyed it. I'm a leftie too! Go lefties! Always annoying in sport, people do things the RIGHT way. It's like, screw you! You're strange, dudes. Lefties are the way forward. Ooh, pride and prejudice. I want to see that. Probly won't, though. Aww, I want to be a journalist when I leave school. Never really thought of writing for teen mags – good idea though! Might try it. I'm on the editorial team for the school magazine, so that's fun. Get to write a lot for that. Megs. Xox.**_

_**Sea-ess-eye…I will expand on what happened, promise. Remus is just keeping his distance at the moment, trying to block the world out. Bit like Tonks, really. Too old and too poor are coming into it soon, I swear. It's all going to come together. Oh hell yeh, he was so thinking bout Tonks at Christmas! Bet he felt really guilty when Harry asked him about her – how cool was that scene? I love JK Rowling for that scene alone! Thanks for reading darlin, your reviews mean everything. Xox.**_

_**Princessdza…Yay! I made you cry! Lol, worried for a second when you called it a perfect disaster, but I got there in the end. Lil bit slow right now. Not enough sleep, too much writing and homework. I absolutely loved that chapter too, my most favourite yet. I'm trying to follow the books as closely as I can, although unfortunately I do miss things occasionally. Aka, dawlish and Dementor's. Ooops. Whatever. It's all fun and games. Xox.**_

_**The female nerd…aw! Darlin! Cheer up; have a mini Remus to cheer you up! **_

_**Autumnbreeze25…oooh! TwD! Goody! I can't wait for the next chapter! I can't wait till Tonks and Remus resolve it. It's going to be gorgeous! You get working and I'll get working too. Another chapter up before the weekend, you reckon? Xox.**_

_**Katesmaster…I know, I'm sorry. It'll get happier soon, I swear. Really, I do. Keep happy, and keep reading.**_

_And for the record, I'm in an anti-men phase right now. I've met the guy of my dreams, but he's in a serious relationship with one of my friends. Bollocks. Which means, even if they do split, I can't date him. Stupid romance rules._

**REVIEW!**


	22. escape

_Disclaimer- don't own them, wish I did._

_PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT- as it was clearly pointed out to me by about sixteen people, Dawlish was not part of the Order, as I previously mentioned. I apologise for this, please ignore my previous reference and pretend that I never brought it up in the first place…-runs and hides from the ensuing fruit throwing. -_

"All I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid of fighting for you."

I stood with my chin held high and my jaw set, determined to come out of this encounter with my nerves still intact and my emotions all accounted for.

Remus shook his head in a gesture that seemed so defeated and ran a hand through his hair. "Why are you doing this, Tonks?" he asked confused.

"I love you." I said defiantly, and I gave him a look that said I wasn't playing with his feelings. I meant every word of it.

Remus sighed and looked back to the crowded room, filled with order members and back to me. "I'm a monster, Tonks. You deserve someone better." He gave me a look that tried to convince me he was right.

"I don't want someone better." I went to reach for his hand but he pulled away and stepped backwards to arms length.

He opened his mouth to say something but shook his head again and turned back to the meeting hall.

"You said you loved me." I called after him, not even trying to disguise the pain I could hear in my voice and he stopped, his back to me and his shoulders sagged.

I heard him sigh. "I did- I do…" put on hand up to his face and his body slouched. "Tonks, please, I beg of you. Don't do this. Just forget about me."

"But I can't forget about you!" I shrieked, and the meeting next door turned oddly quiet in that way that could only mean they were listening. "You've affected me far too much for that. You've changed me and my life was better for it, and now you've gone and ruined it all, just because you're so insecure about your lycanthropy that you block everyone out." He turned his head and opened his mouth, but I held up a finger and scowled. "You can't just expect me to _move on_, Remus! It doesn't work like that! It's your fault I fell in love with you, and then you give me some stupid excuse! If you don't want to be with me, just say it! But I _cannot_ wait by in silence whilst you get your problems in check. They won't go away, and neither will I!"

He stared at me in silence, like my sudden outburst was something unusual, something he hadn't grown used to in our relationship of just under a year.

"Nymphadora, don't make this harder than it has to be."

"I'm not the one making this hard!" I yelled, louder, perhaps, than I should have done. "You're the one being difficult!"

He whirled to face me, hurt and anger mixed in his soft features. "You have no idea what happened, Tonks. You couldn't understand."

"You're not the only one who's killed without wanting to, Remus." I snapped, my blood boiling. He wanted to block people out, but he seemed so desperate for human contact. I wish he'd just stop doing the "right thing" and let me in.

He stared at the floor, his features gentle again. He could never stay mad for long, that man. "I woke up covered in blood." He said sadly, his eyes half closed. He reached out to press his fingertips against mine, a loving action that meant everything until he pulled them away harshly, as if he'd been burned. "And I had this… _thirst_ for fresh human meat I haven't had since I was a teenager."

"Separating yourself from everybody won't solve that, Remus," I said pleadingly. "Just come home, we'll sort this out together."

He swallowed and headed back towards the door. "The meetings about to start," he said hoarsely, and disappeared into the crowd.

-

Our brief encounter disturbed me more than I cared to admit. Gentle Remus had always been the most tender man I knew and imagining him covered in blood and desperate for meat was terrifying for me. It meant that even the loveliest people had dark sides, things they couldn't control to some degree of or another.

I knew I needed to get on with my life. Keep busy, take my mind off things, but it clearly wasn't happening.

Kingsley took good care of me at work and Molly ensured I ate decent meals and had regular sleep to the point I felt I was suffocating on my own breath. I knew if I didn't get out, get a bit of me-time, I wouldn't escape from this bottomless pit Remus had inadvertently thrown me in.

So being stationed Hogsmeade was like a breath of fresh air. Even with the company of Dawlish, Savage and Proudfoot dragging me down and forever making jokes about my womanhood and therefore "incapability" to perform certain tasks (a lot of which I was fairly sure I could do better than them anyway, just wasn't in the mood to prove it), it was an almost enjoyable experience.

I sat in the Three Broomsticks one night with a bottle of butter beer in my hand. My shift had finished minutes before, but I wasn't tired enough to go up to bed and stare at the ceiling. My mind was far too active and I couldn't face the constant replay of mine and Remus's last argument tonight.

There was a couple sitting in the corner of the bar and I turned away from them sharply, the lip of my bottle resting against my temple as I tapped my head thoughtfully.

We could have had that, I knew. Romantic rendezvous' late at night and small weekend breaks in Hogsmeade. I didn't ask for much, nothing special or expensive, just a little love and attention when I came home from work and someone to hold when times got rough or the nights got cold.

I rifled through the Daily Prophet I found on the chair next to me. On the front page I watched Scrimgeour give an over exaggerated speech for a few seconds but I turned quickly away from it. Men ruined everything.

Madam Rosmerta appeared as smiley and gorgeous before me. "Hey, stranger," she said pleasantly. "You're an auror staying upstairs, aren't you?"

I nodded with absolutely no incentive to talk to anyone tonight.

"You have to spend time with those other three?" she jerked her head to the doorway and I knew she meant the other auror's.

Again, I nodded, but pulled a face to show I agreed with her disgust. I continued to tap the bottle against my temple in a repetitive rhythm, hoping perhaps that if I did it long enough it might break through my skull and I wouldn't have to deal with _anything_ anymore.

"I feel much safer now I know there's auror's around the town," she said with a smile and a few of the residents around the bar nodded and raised their drinks in thanks.

I tried to smile, but I think it came out more like a grimace.

"And personally, I think you're an inspiration." Rosmerta announced. "You don't see many female auror's these days. I like the idea of having a few girls in the forces." She smiled perfectly again and set a drink onto my table. "It's on the house." She announced and disappeared back behind the bar to deal with one of the men trying to catch her attention.

It was a quiet night, with the children arriving tomorrow evening. I was looking forward to seeing Ginny and Hermione again, although I knew that would bring around a fresh new round of guilt. I had readily neglected my promise to spend some time with them over the holidays, choosing work over them, but the truth was I had reached the point that I couldn't face anyone. I yearned to be left alone with my own thoughts and think about things, and how I had been changed.

What was strangest was being so close to Hogwarts again. The castle seemed bigger than I remembered it, like it was now just some sort of stranger or long lost friend I hadn't seen in years.

The next day came quickly, and we lined up around the platform as the train approached. I blended into the background, watching carefully for Harry to emerge from one of the carriages, as was my mission.

Ron…Hermione…Ginny…

No Harry. Where was he? Shouldn't he have been with his friends? I scanned the crowd again and when the whistle sounded I took matters into my own hands and pushed myself onto the train through the crowds.

Typically, there was litter everywhere. All the carriages, however, were wide open as I did my search. There was one, however, with all the curtains shut, the door closed…

The train lurched just as I wrenched open the door and I saw half a trainer laying on the floor. I reached forwards and pulled the invisibility cloak from Harry's stiff form.

"Wotcher, Harry." I announced, unfreezing his body and helping him to stand up. "We'd better get out of here, quickly." I said as steam clouded the windows. "Come on, we'll jump." I slid the train door open and we launched ourselves onto the moving platform.

Harry tripped slightly as he landed on the hard platform behind me and I was glad for once in my life that I had managed a fairly graceful landing. We watched the scarlet steam engine disappear out of sight and then I turned back to Harry, handing him back his incredible cloak.

"Who did it?" I asked directly.

"Draco Malfoy." He spat. "Thanks for…well." He stammered and I took pity on him immediately. It couldn't have been the proudest moment of his life.

"No problem," I replied unemotionally. I didn't feel like gushing with excitement; the whole boy-who-lived thing had lost its value and now he was just Harry. "I can fix your nose if you stand still," I said helpfully.

His eyes betrayed a little bit of hesitance but he closed his eyes none the less. "Episkey." I said steadily, and his nose cleared itself of blood and mended quite neatly. I admired my handiwork with detached pride. Basic auror training year one, I remembered.

He reached up to feel his nose, probably to check it was still there and his face broke into a smile. "Thanks a lot!"

"You'd better put that cloak back on, and we can walk up to the school." I said, avoiding his thanks. I didn't need to hear it.

I waved my wand and a large silver wolf ran from the end of it, sprinting up to the castle looking enthusiastic. I wasn't surprised in the least. In our last auror review session I had discovered my patronus had changed to none other than Remus. Another bitter reminder of how much I missed him.

"Was that a patronus?" Harry asked, watching it leap through the gates and run to the castle.

"Yes, I'm sending word to the castle that I've got you, or they'll worry. Come on, we'd better not dawdle." I said, setting off for the castle with Harry in tow.

"How did you find me?" Harry asked, making conversation, I guess.

"I noticed I hadn't left the train and I knew you had that cloak. I thought you might be hiding for some reason. When I saw the blinds were drawn down on that compartment I thought I'd check." I shrugged, but Harry looked impressed.

"What are you doing here, anyway?"

Why do kids ask so many questions? I'm not _that_ interesting. "I'm stationed in Hogsmeade now, to give the school extra protection," I said nonchalant.

"Is it just you who's stationed up here, or-?"

"No, Proudfoot, Savage and Dawlish are here too."

"Dawlish, that auror Dumbledore attacked last year?"

_And may we forever take the piss out of him because of it. _"That's right." I answered.

We walked in silence, and for that I was thankful. Harry kept eyeing me closely and I think he can't have known I saw this because usually the boy wasn't one to stare. He seemed to want to say something every now and again, but opened and closed his mouth several times and no sound came out. We just walked, and I wrapped my long travelling cloak tighter around me as it became colder.

We reached the gates and Harry confidently pushed on the gates. "Alohomora!" he tried, but stared at them quizzically when nothing happened.

"That won't work on these." I said, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. He really hadn't listened to a word Hermione said to him, did he? "Dumbledore bewitched them himself."

He glanced around. "I could climb a wall," he said flatly.

"No you couldn't," I said tiredly. "Anti-intruder jinxes on all of them. Security's been tightened a hundredfold this summer." I knew because it was up to me to do a lot of it. The boys had all disappeared to do "other tasks" and left me with the security job.

"Well then," Harry said, glancing at me in irritation. "I suppose I'll just have to sleep out here and wait for morning."

I swear, men don't observe their surroundings and they don't ask the right questions. "Someone's coming down for you." I said pointedly. "Look."

The glow from a lantern appeared at the front doors of the castle and Harry looked more hopeful. The owner seemed to take an age to reach us and I scowled when I recognised the greasy haired potions master approaching us. I was not in the mood for Snape's leering.

"Well, Well, well." He sneered, tapping the padlock with his wand so the chains released the gates. "Nice of you to turn up, Potter, although you evidently decided that the wearing of school robes would detract from your appearance."

Git.

"I couldn't change, I didn't have my-" Harry began, but Snape cut across him.

"There is no need to wait, Nymphadora. Potter is quit –ah- safe in my hands."

The use of my first name was a direct insult. There were only a select few people who I allowed to use my name and that was Dumbledore, Mcgonagall, my parents and Remus. Anyone else was exempt.

"I meant Hagrid to get the message." I growled dangerously.

"Hagrid was late for the start of term feast, just like Potter here, so I took it instead. And incidentally," said Snape, allowing Harry to pas through the gates. "I was interested to see your new patronus." He slammed the gates shut but I didn't flinch. He tapped the padlock and it resealed itself. "I think you were better off with the old one" he said in that slimy way. "The new one looks _weak_."

I bit back a retort but gripped my wand under my robes, narrowing my eyes with anger. Then the lantern was taken away and I was left in darkness, glaring after him with incredible hate, stronger, I think, than I had ever felt before.

"Goodnight." Harry called through the evening light. "Thanks for…everything."

"See you, Harry." I said dully, and turned my heel and trudged back to Hogsmeade, thinking perhaps this was going to be a long school year.

**Could have been better, but I enjoyed writing it. I promise, she's going to cheer up soon, just remember I can't completely ignore the entire year.**

_**Katesmaster…I love Charlie. I want a Charlie look-alike – more in my age limit, for a start. NOT ERROL! I swear, I'll be good…**_

_**Sea-ess-eye…I'm honoured, what movie was it? I think Charlie has grown up a bit. He used to be interested and he's just kinda like "oh, okay. I have a friend who's a girl…. DRAGONS!" good idea might have to include that somewhere! Xox.**_

_**Lupin-n-tonks101…ooh. Coolies. I could never see why she'd be obsessed over him for such a long time if he'd shown no interest, plus I loved the romance scenes, so it was just adding two and two together and getting eight, really. Hope you likie!**_

_**Fawkes309…men suck. I hate them. Liar, no I don't, they just don't cooperate like I want them to. I needed a break form the angst; otherwise it would just be too much. (And what's whimsical mean?) **_

_**The female nerd…I like childhood. People don't focus on it enough in fics. I think it gives more freedom and depth. Thanks for reading, and hoped you enjoyed this chappie!**_

_**Autumnbreeze25…you didn't flop the chapter, it was great. I saw it in my inbox in the morning but didn't have time to read it so I read it when I came home –well worth waiting for! I love Charlie. Yes, I have YIM. My username is . Hope to see you online soon!**_

**REVIEW! Please? For me?**


	23. a wolf is for life, not just for xmas

_Disclaimer: don't own them. Of course, if JK would like to GIVE me them…_

_Okay, it's getting depressing now, and it can't be real fun for guys to read, so I'm just going to kind of whiz through the whole "not together" thing. Only a few chapters more and it'll be the end of HBP, okay? So stick with me._

**A WOLF IS FOR LIFE, NOT JUST FOR CHRISTMAS...**

Weasley's Wizard's Wheezes was booming with customers when I entered. The shop was packed with wizards and witches, some looking so old I thought they wouldn't have known what a joke was.

I scanned the shelves lining the walls and spotted a twin sitting on the countertop. He waved and beckoned me over. "Hey Tonks!" he said brightly, "haven't seen you for a while!"

Another red head appeared behind the counter. "Tonks! Long time no see!"

"Come on boys, cheer me up." I said, staring at the products on the counter.

"Well if you're going to be like that, Tonks."

I rolled my eyes. "You know what I mean."

George, I think, jumped off the counter and with a flourish showed me a shelf. The crowd parted to let him through and I followed obediently. "Skiving snack box." George announced proudly. "Gets you off work." He opened one of the boxes up to show a few coloured sweets. "Bite one end, you'll start vomiting or get a nosebleed or come out in a fever. Completely harmless, and tastes brilliant. Chew the other end once you've escaped and you'll return to a vomit free afternoon."

I laughed but shook my head. I didn't see work falling for that, somehow. "What else you got?" I asked.

"Plenty. Follow me."

"Trick wand?" he offered. "Changes into a variety of different hilarious objects when waved."

"Hmm," I examined it thoughtfully but shook my head. "No, I don't think so. What if I accidentally pick up the wrong one? That'd be disastrous, I'd be waving a rubber chicken at a death eater."

He rocked his head side to side in understanding and led me further round the shop. "Self inking quill? Self spell checking and smart answer varieties."

"Will the spell ever run out?" I asked interestedly.

"After about six months of constant use." He said brightly. "Then it can get a bit dodgy and start spelling rude words on the page…"

"That would be even worse than the rubber chicken," I said seriously. "Can you imagine me handing in that sort of report?"

"Good point. Daydream charms?" he asked hopefully, and took the box off him interestedly.

"Thirty minute, realistic daydream." Fred said from beside the counter. "Something to get you through those boring meetings at work?"

"What does it take to wake you up from one?" I asked warily. It would be just perfect if I woke up from a daydream to find myself in the hands of death eaters.

"A sharp noise." Fred said. "Or you can force yourself out of it if you think it's a bit dodgy."

I shrugged. "Why not? I'll take one."

I paid from a small pouch on my belt and Fred took the money from me. "How's work going, Tonks?"

I shrugged, "brilliant. So great I only cried for ten minutes when I found out I had a day off." It was meant to sound warm and amusing but it came out bitter and grief-stricken instead. I smiled and nodded to the shop around me, a quick change of subject. "Business is going great, boys."

"Sure is. Hey, Tonks? You coming home with us for Christmas?"

By "us" I knew he meant the Weasley's. Molly had asked me, of course, but I'd refused, several times.

"No, I don't think so."

Fred pulled a regretful face. "Aw, well. Worth a try. We'll see you in the holidays, of course?"

"I'm sure." I promised, moving aside so a kid could access the counter. "I'll see you boys around."

They nodded and waved and I disappeared out onto the street of Diagon Alley and melding into the crowds.

-

As my companions in Hogsmeade had families to return home, I volunteered, for the second year running, to work over Christmas, only this time I agreed to keep a lookout over Hogwarts on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day _and_ Boxing Day. It was dull work, no different from any other day, unless you counted the hundreds of witches and wizards flitting through the streets and the Three Broomsticks wishing you happy Christmas at regular intervals. But for me, it was just another day on the calendar.

Molly made a point of inviting me again on Christmas day, but I refused once more. My parents wrote to me asking if I wanted to join them, but I made up an excuse that it was my turn on the rota to work the holidays. They took it lightly, wishing me well and saying again how proud they were that I was contributing so greatly to the war effort.

As it always did, it snowed on the few days drawing up to the holidays. As pretty as it was, with Hogwarts and the town framed in picture perfect snow with the mountains behind them and the forests dotted around the countryside, it was an unpleasant experience. I stood for hours upon end at the gates to Hogwarts, waiting for someone to do _anything_.

Several of the locals came out to wish me merry Christmas, some even invited me into their homes, and one of them, when I refused for the third time, reappeared with a three course Christmas dinner in a box for me to eat for lunch.

Cold, bored, and generally fed up, I returned to my apartment on December the 27th to a massive pile of presents waiting on the floor beneath my open window.

Molly sent me another Weasley jumper and a pair of woollen socks for when I was on patrol in Hogsmeade. They were green with pink stripes and the jumper had a massive T on the front like the last one, except this one was pink and purple.

My parents sent me several books to read, one of them, a romance novel, I set aside for brighter days. Charlie gave me a candle (it was an ongoing tradition carried on from school. Charlie had once asked me what girls liked for presents and I had told him you couldn't go wrong with a candle. Every year since he had sent me the same gift). Some old school friend had sent me a pack of photographs, some of us from school and a few others from the present, with her and her family all waving and happy and smiling at me, like a constant reminder of what I didn't have.

Remus hadn't sent anything, not even a card. I suppose, with him being underground, the only real present I needed was to know he was safe.

-

A few days after New Year, when the kids had left, I made a visit to the burrow. There was no one in the kitchen when I arrived, and I couldn't see Molly in the garden.

Knowing she wouldn't mind, I wandered round the house, admiring the Christmas tree and the decorations and looking for her. Turning through the door into the study where Arthur did most of his work, I was faced with none other than Remus Lupin.

He stared at me in shock but composed himself quickly and more graciously than I did. He cleared his throat, held his book to his chest like a shield and smiled. "Merry Christmas, Tonks." He said weakly.

"You too, Remus." I tried looking everywhere else but him but he was standing taller than I had ever remembered. "I, uhm, did you have a nice Christmas?"

"Oh, yes, thank you. Did you?"

"It was-" there was no point lying to him. "It would have been much better if I spent it with you, Remus." I said softly.

He swallowed and looked away. "You've heard my reasons, Tonks. You know why we can't be together. You deserve someone better than me."

He pushed past me through the narrow doorway and for half a second I could feel his body against mine again, his smell…

"Don't you understand I don't care, Remus?" I followed him back into the kitchen. "It doesn't matter to me!"

"We've been through this." He said in a strained voice, the closest he ever got to becoming angry. "You're far too good for me."

"No, you're not!" I cornered him so he had to face me, look me in the eye and see how much I needed him. "God, Remus! Why do you always think so little of yourself?"

"I-" he ran a hand through his hair. "Tonks, how do you expect me to support you? I have no money, I live-"

"I don't care about the money! Do you think I fell in love with you because I needed to money grab off someone? I have _more_ _than enough_ money for _both_ of us!"

"Tonks, you're young, don't throw away your life away on a broken old man!" his voice raised and he tried glaring me down, but it didn't work. He quickly dissolved into sweet gentle Remus again. "I'm not worth that, Tonks."

"You're worth _everything_!" I breathed. "Please, Remus. Just come back to me. I don't care. I just want you back."

He stared at me and I saw love and want in his eyes, but he shook his head. "Molly's in Ginny's bedroom. I assume you came looking for her." He said, turned on his heel, and disapparated.

**Right, hardly anything happened in that chapter, I am sorry. It's about to get better. I hope. I'm just whizzing through the general plotline so I can get over the whole "I'm depressed, I hate life thing" that Tonks is trapped in at the moment. **

_**Shadowquill…lol, glad you came back to a happy inbox. I love my reviewers COOKIES FOR ALL!**_

_**Hyperdingdong39…awesome name, dude. Love it. Thank you! The biggest complement anyone could ever give me is on my writing, so gracias! Glad you like it and keep reading!**_

_**Dancer8428…glad you liked them, no worries, as long as you're reading them! **_

_**Katesmaster…I tried to make the bits I took from the books interesting as possible. Sometimes it's hard, though. NOT ERROL! I'll be good, I swear!**_

_**Autumnbreeze25…do it quickly! Can't wait, of course. Xox.**_

_**Wandless…I do try; sometimes it's hard though. Frankly, if I can write for anyone, I'll be happy. But teen mags do suck. I hate them. Thanks for reviewing! **_

_**Sea-ess-eye…ooh, GOLD was it? Thanx! Go girl power! Yeh, that annoys me. I mean, come on! Sure, she messes around, but gimme a break! Every woman is tough when it comes down to it. Just take away her chocolate and see what happens –demonic grin- oooh pride and prejudice! I love that film/book, I wanna go see it, I think my mom will take me at some point.**_

_**Lupin-n-Tonks…thank you! I thought that scene was necessary. Yeh, Harry thought she was being irritating, but I think she was just depressed, and I wanted to portray it. Like, some days you just don't wanna talk to ANYONE! Angst is fantastical.**_

_**Fawkes309…of course men don't cooperate, that would be too convenient. Whimsy, I like it! JK better do something with it! I wanna see a lil baby Remus running around, tripping over stuff…**_

_**The female nerd…sure, will! Hope you enjoyed!**_

**Okay guys, (um, girls) you know the drill! REVIEW! And tell me if this is getting boring, would ya?**


	24. all at once

_I'm recovering from food poisoning so if this chapter isn't my best it's because I'm not feeling my best. I can so sympathise with Ron…blagh._

_Wow, we're actually nearing the end of the story. Reckon it'll be done within two weeks. If that. I think I'm gonna cry…_

_Right, due to popular demand, I'm really whizzing through the HBP. Enter…**the end battle. **_

Dumbledore had left the castle for a few hours, and he had taken Harry with him. We thought we had everything covered: all the secret passageways blocked, no one could fly or apparate in, there were enchantments across every entryway into the grounds…

All the professors, Bill, Remus and I were told to patrol the corridors. We were given an area, and it was our duty to stop anyone getting in. we were sure it had been safe, there was no way…

Everything was completely silent. The children were locked away in the common rooms and no one seemed to dare speak. Lesson one of auror training: constant vigilance. Remain alert at all times, do not distract yourself with unnecessary situations, amongst those included was polite conversation.

Shouting, running footsteps, a scream…

I bolted towards the seventh floor, sprinting up two staircases to find Ron, Ginny and a round shaped boy all yelling things at Bill all at once in panicked voices.

"What's happened?" I demanded, holding up a hand to silence them.

Ginny, breathing heavily said "Malfoy…brought death eaters into the castle…astronomy tower…"

We didn't stop to ask how they knew. Remus and I bolted towards the tallest tower, alerting the rest of the Order and the professor's as we ran.

The death eaters, despite our advantage of surprise, recovered quickly and they were ready for us. We fought a nasty fight, killing curses rebounding off walls, spells hitting the wrong people.

It was nothing short of chaos. I barely heard someone; it could have been Bill, yell to me that Gibbon, a death eater, had escaped up to the tower. We struggled towards the entrance, but whenever one of us got closer we were torn back again.

He emerged almost instantly as Remus dived for the spiral staircase. There was a heart stopping moment when I though Remus had been hit, but Gibbon fell to the floor moments later and Remus returned the shot to the death eater who had tried to hit him.

They were fighting to the death and with a passion we could never possess. Snape arrived suddenly looking dark and threatening as ever but at a second glance he was gone, and I questioned if he had ever really been there at all.

Remus ran towards the entrance to the tower but was thrown backwards thirty feet into the air. I wanted to reach him, wanted to check he got up again…

He jumped to his feet instantly and my eyes were forced to leave him as the roof fell down on top of us…a shield charm and the dust and rubble rebounded off me, hitting those unprotected whether they be good or evil.

It didn't matter. The barrier was broken and we were gained access to the tower. We ran forwards as the dust settled, decreased by half and took the death eaters head on. Snape and the blonde boy darted past us, Snape yelled something indistinguishable and the fighting lessened somewhat as the death eaters began to depart.

We tried to stop them but it was a losing battle. There were too many of them, too few of us…

And then, like it had never started, it was over. And Bill was lying on the floor, covered in blood and dust and shards of stone…

Don't let him be dead… 

I crawled towards him, shaking him and trying to wake him up. I tried a few reviving spells but nothing seemed to work.

"We need to get him up to the hospital wing." I said sternly, levitating him into the air. I stumbled and someone caught me around the waist. Remus.

"I'll take him." He said.

-

Dumbledore was dead.

It was like everything from the past few years, auror training, joining the order, fighting so hard, was worth nothing. Like we'd tried so hard to achieve the death of a brilliant man.

And Bill had been bitten, but we didn't know how bad it was truly going to be. Now he was just another casualty of a war we should have never been involved in.

We recounted the story to the others, piecing the jigsaw together quickly and discovering where we went wrong. Snape, it seemed, was no longer on our good side. I doubted if he had ever been.

We sat together in the hospital wing in shock, taking it in turns to speak and we weren't ashamed to cry. I watched Remus break down opposite me and I yearned to go to him. If only he could realise how much pain he could heal by just admitting he loved me.

Molly, Arthur and Fleur burst into the room, pushed their way past Mcgonagall and Pomfrey and surrounded Bill. We jumped up from our seats to let them sit down and I hovered at the back of the group. I didn't want to stay here. I needed to spend some time alone, mull things over, but I knew there was more work to be done. There was always more work to be done.

Molly began to spread a foul smelling ointment over her eldest sons wounds and all I could think of was how glad I was it wasn't Remus. I hated myself for thinking it, but love is strong and selfish.

She began to cry, sobbing uncontrollably as she tended to her son. "Of course, it doesn't matter how he looks…its not r-really important…but he was a very handsome little b-boy…and he was g-going to be married!"

Fleur practically exploded and my throat tightened to watch her fight so hard for her fiancé. Bill was proof that being bitten wasn't the end of the world. That love really could heal all the wounds…

"You see!" I forced out as Molly and Fleur began to hug each other, crying into each other's shoulders. "She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't' care!"

Remus tensed and didn't look at me. "It's different." He said lowly. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely-"

I grabbed the front of his robes in anger and shook him. I had to make him see, why couldn't he see? "But I don't care either, I don't care!" I cried. "I've told you a million times…"

"And I've told _you_ a million times," Remus said, not looking at me. "That I am too old for you, too poor…too dangerous."

My throat was tight and I didn't trust myself to speak, I just glared at him pleadingly. _God, Remus. Don't do this…not now._

"I've said all along you're taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus," Molly said sternly, and I silently thanked her once more.

"I am not being ridiculous," he said, far more composed than I was, more stuck in his argument than ever before. "Tonks deserves somebody young and whole."

"But she wants you," said Arthur. "And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so." He glanced at Bill, and I felt a fresh wave of tears start to fall.

"This is…not the moment to discuss it." Remus said, not looking into my eyes, or indeed anyone's, as he glanced around. "Dumbledore is dead…"

"Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think there was a little more love in the world." Mcgonagall said gently.

Hagrid entered, but I hardly heard a word that was said. I was staring at Remus with one last hope in my heart.

Harry left and the hospital wing was left in silence. I swallowed, looked around at their mourning faces, and turned on my heel. "I should report back to the ministry." I said sadly. I had to get out. "Give my regards to Bill when he wakes up, I'll see you all at the funeral." I marched from the room in silence and down to the entrance hall.

The evening had turned dark outside. There were crickets in the grass and everything seemed so unnaturally quiet. It seemed the world had stopped to mourn and the night turned cold because of it.

Footsteps behind me. I stopped, not caring to draw my wand like I had been trained so rigorously to do. I stood and I waited without turning for whoever it was to approach me.

Silence, then, "Nymphadora."

"Remus." Was he going to berate me for making a scene? Was he going to lecture me because I wasn't taking it seriously? No. Of course he wouldn't. Remus wasn't like that. He was calm and gentle and _broken_…

"Don't leave." He whispered, but it sounded so loud in the deadened night. "Do you have to go?"

I swallowed and my parched throat felt like it would break if I tried to speak. "I have to report back…"

"Let someone else do it." I felt his cold hand on my waist and his other caught my hip. His head came to rest on my shoulder and I could feel his breath against my neck. "Please…don't go tonight."

I closed my eyes to stop the tears falling down my cheeks and I felt, very briefly, my lips inadvertently smile. "What about what you said?"

His body was shivering and his hands grew tighter. "Take me back." He breathed. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry."

"I've missed you so much, Remus." I held his hands to me, shaking all over.

"Come back up to the castle," He said. I turned to face him and just fell into his outstretched arms.

"Don't ever do that to me again, Remus." I murmured as we walked, hand in hand, back up the slope into the entrance hall, climbing the marble staircase.

"I'm an old fool, Tonks." He said warmly. "Forgive me?"

"Only if you call me Nymphadora."

**SQUEE!**

**Collective AWWW? Okay. No flames please, this chapter was damn hard to write, and I'm really ill. So, if you don't like it, at least try and understand why it was so non likable? …Or whatever.**

**I will be away from Tuesday to Friday. Do not get pissed off when I don't update, I won't be here. THIS IS BY NO MEANS THE END OF THE STORY. DO NOT PANIC.**

_**Little tussi…Yay, glad you loved them! Keep reading, almost there!**_

_**Fawkes309…of COURSE I'll write it! That's what I love about this story...FREDOM. I tried to get the whole "take me back" "NO" period thing over quickly, but I didn't really want to shove an entire year into one chapter, you know? Aww, well. It's over now. Keep with me!**_

_**Katie2310…ooh, new reader, awesome. Spelling and grammar is hard. Me no likey. Thank you, thank you, and thank you again, you joined us at the end but it's the contribution that counts! Every review is an ego boost and a reason to write faster! Xox.**_

_**Padfootbabeinblack…new reader? Oh…. coolies. Thank you! Updating as fast as my stubby little fingers will let me!**_

_**Dancer8428…. cookie! Aww thanks! I'm impressed, I wrote this in like four hours. Usually, can do it quicker, but it was a BLAH moment.**_

_**Kates master…no, I don't think twins know. They're not part of the order. Errol scares me, he sounds demonic. Xox.**_

_**Wandless…sure, why not? I like Hermione and Ginny; I'll jam in a few convos. And most defiantly some HG, RHr. Just one pimple? Lucky---- I have about twenty. You learn not to care.**_

_**Sea-ess-eye…Yay, and it cheered me up to see your review! It's a deal! Of course. I'm thinking sometime in the office. I want a wand first, screw the chicken one.**_

_**Autumnbreeze25…is it done yet? –Whines- why not have both? I want a daydream charm, so useful in school. Glad you enjoyed it! And you'd better get TWD up soon, girly. Or I'll…do something…uh…hex you? Heh.**_


	25. he's gone

_Disclaimer: don't own anything. _

_Uh…okay, I'm scared. It's all my own work now (except the funeral, of course. Yada yada yada) so I'm going on my own plotlines…. uh. Hold on tight, kids. It's going to be a bumpy ride._

_Sorry for not updating as quickly as I usually do…I went away and came back to a hell of a lot of homework…sorry…_

The funeral had been set for a few days later and until then, no matter how selfish it seemed, Remus and I were going to enjoy our time together. That, and we were going to patrol Hogwarts, supervise the children's departure on the train and perhaps in the midst of all this I would find the time to slip back into the ministry and gain a head start on the whereabouts of the death eaters.

Remus and I parted ways the morning after Dumbledore had died. He was going up to the infirmary to see how he could help with Bill and I was set the grisly job of returning the castle to its prior state.

In the process of repairing the ceiling beneath the astronomy tower I heard faint footsteps approaching me from the steps at the bottom of the corridor. I paused, wiped the tears straining my cheeks and turned around to face my companion.

Fleur, of all people, stood in the archway looking apprehensive as she took a few hesitant steps forward. I tired to look politely interested as she took in her surroundings with a slightly open mouth. The blood, the rubble…the atmosphere the room contained was overwhelming. I hadn't wanted to return here, to be faced with this job, but someone had to do it.

"Tonks, I was wondering eef I may speak with you." She swallowed, she looked closed to tears and I was sharply reminded that her fiancé was in the hospital wing, bitten, and to her it must have seemed like the end of the world.

"Sure, what did you want to talk about?" I sat down on one of the fallen pillars and Fleur slowly joined me.

"You 'ave experience with ze werewolves," she began suddenly, and I hardly had time to recover myself. "You 'ave been zer for Lupin on ze full moons. I was thinking…" she blinked away her tears and sniffed in an act that seemed so unlike her. "If per'aps you could 'elp me. Prepare me for ze transformation…"

I gaped at her. This was Fleur, the woman who had been the bane of the Weasley's existence for over a year now, the very woman who had entranced every man to the point of me hating her, and she was asking me for help like I was some sort of equal or something.

She was close to tears now and I was getting desperate. I gently wrapped my arms around her shoulders and drew her to me where she sobbed hysterically onto my shoulder; all the while I sat uncomfortably patting her back and making shushing noises.

"You know, it really isn't that bad," I said as gently as I could manage without freaking out. "Bill may not even be a true werewolf. And if he is, look at Remus. He lives a perfectly normal life except for that one night a month. That's all it is, twelve nights a year you won't be with him. Or there's the wolfsbane potion, it's tastes awful but it means you can spend the night with him. He'll just be a little furrier than usual."

I heard her laugh and she straightened up, all composed and elegant once more to the point you couldn't have told she had been crying even if I'd told you. "You really theenk Bill will be alright?" she asked in that tranquil, floating voice of hers.

"Absolutely." I nodded, smiled and stood up again. I raised my wand to blast a pile of rubble into oblivion but Fleur swooped down on me like she had done for so many of the boys in my life.

A quick peck on each cheek and she was gone, her beautiful voice echoing down the hallway.

"I 'ope you can find the time off work to come to ze wedding, Tonks."

-

Growing up, I hated my hair. It was dull, it was boring, and it was everything I tried so hard not to be.

On the second morning following His death, I crawled out of bed reluctantly and slipped into a steaming bath. I could see Remus through the crack in the door, still wrapped up in the bed sheets asleep. Despite everything, the death and the mindless slaughter, I felt at peace, happy almost. Better than I had felt in months…an entire year.

He stirred and one brown eye spied me watching him. He pulled himself up drowsily and smiled through his exhaustion. "Good morning Nymphadora."

Nymphadora. The name had never sounded so beautiful.

I grinned and heaved myself from the water, wrapping my body in a towel in one fluent motion and stepped into my room at the three broomsticks.

"Good morning." I returned, setting one knee on the mattress and kissing his nose. "I have to go into the office early. Sorry if I woke you."

"It was worth waking up." He smiled and raised an eyebrow, his gaze shifting into my hairline. "I see your appearance is back to normal."

I tugged at my hair and ran to the mirror. Pink…

My hair was pink, and it was brighter than ever and it was all Remus's fault.

-

The funeral was heartbreaking, worse than anything I'd ever witnessed before. The sun was shining, reflecting off the lake and the day was beautiful, more beautiful than it should have been.

Remus and I sat towards the back and I cradled his hands in my lap. I had avoided duties today, I had wanted to attend as a friend and former pupil, but even as I sat down I found myself scanning the crowd, coming to the realization that if someone were to strike they could wipe out some of the most important and influential members of the wizarding world.

A few nodded to us as they passed to gain seats and amongst them were Rufus Scrimgeour, who made a point of greeting me like an old friend. It was pitiful, really, that he had to stoop so such lengths merely to appear polite and in touch with his community.

Everyone sat and the service began. Remus tightened his grip on my fingers. Everyone was crying all around us. A few people got up to speak but I neither heard nor cared what they were saying. I knew who Albus Dumbledore was and I would never need reminding of how great he was.

The merpeople in the lake gave their greeting and the centaurs appeared at the edge of the forest. His body burst into flames and the centaur's let loose a spray of arrows and it was over so suddenly. I looked to Remus and he nodded, his face tired and pale, and we stood, hand in hand.

"I have to make sure all the kids make it onto the train," I said dully and he nodded again.

I drifted away from him, he didn't offer a kiss as I left and I didn't want one. I felt that if just one person were to touch me I would break.

Hogsmeade was unusually quiet. I didn't speak to anyone as I herded the children onto the Hogwarts express and briefly I saw Ginny and Harry near by, but Hermione and Ron were nowhere to be seen. I didn't wave; I merely nodded through the crowd and helped a first year heave her trunk off the platform.

-

_Flashback_.

"Wait here, miss Tonks. The headmaster will see you shortly," Professor Mcgonagall sighed tiredly. "When will you learn, Nymphadora?"

I rolled my eyes at her retreating back and stood in front of the large oak door. Charlie would be waiting for me outside, no doubt. Probably hiding behind the statue at the end of the hall. That is, if Mcgonagall hadn't caught him.

The door opened and Dumbledore smiled down at me. He gestured with his hand and I followed in after him.

He sat down at his desk, folded his hands in front of him and asked, "So what colour was it this time, Nymphadora?"

I grinned. "Lime green."

"How delightful." Dumbledore straightened his glasses and shook his head. "Although, I'm afraid it's school policy to remind you that your hair is to remain only natural colours…"

"Ah, I've been thinking about that!" I said happily. "It is my natural colour, if you think about it! I can _naturally_ change my hair colour…" I waited eagerly for his response.

Dumbledore laughed. "That is most defiantly a fair point, Nymphadora. But I still believe you are retrained to black, brown or blonde in lesson time."

I rolled my eyes and stood up, straightening out my school robes. "Yes sir. I'll try."

"And I would like to make a point that my favourite colour is violet, although it bares no point to the conversation." He winked. "I believe Mr. Weasley will be waiting for you, you'd better not keep him long."

I nodded reluctantly and turned from the room. As I left I squeezed my eyes shut and my hair turned a bright violet.

-

**Uh…no. Don't like that.**

**Owell, it has been a week since I last wrote anything. Think I'm rusty. Guess I'll just have to practice, won't I?**

Lupinslady…ah, no problem. I'm so sorry I didn't update in so freaking long. Aww, all those kisses made me feel all floaty! 

_**Dramaqueen04….hmm, I might, I might not. No idea, really. Depends how I feel, but so many people have asked me to I guess I probably should! Thanx so much! Xox.**_

_**Pinkpixie37….ouch, that could hurt. But thanks anway! **_

_**Mariyana….131 pages! WOW. That's good going, I feel all giggly now. Nice one on sleeping in class, guess I'll be doing that too, hehe.**_

_**Jumphighly…yay, I'm safe. Goody. Uh…I'm scared. I'm in uncharted territory, most of the story has been pretty much made up on the spot so far so…uh…my brain better start working real good.**_

_**Deillishangel…of course I'll continue it, where I get to is another matter…thanx for reviewing!**_

_**Fawkes309….-cries- I'm so scared! I have to use my own brain power to make a plotline now…eek.**_

_**Dancer8428….no, I have no freaking idea what to do. Having a minor panic attack at the moment. Oh no….**_

_**Celi…yay, cuteness, always a good thing!**_

_**Little tussi…brain…work….argh….this took so long to update, I'm so ashamed….**_

_**Roguesirius…aww, ronniekins. Stupid poisoning, someone has to pay for that. Glad you enjoyed it.**_

_**Wandless….yeh, well, I had no plotline and I was getting bored, and people were telling me they were getting bored, so I made an executive descision and made the skip. That chapter was hard to write, the hardest yet. There's only so many ways you can say "I'm upset." But I think you're right, it needed more description. Owell.**_

_**Princessdza….yeh, I tried adding more stuff but It didn't feel right. Owell. I don't think I'll ever find my true love. Mostly because it's ME. Good things don't happen to me. Besides, if I found my true love, I'd spend less time writing! Haha! Bad for you, good for me.**_

_**Godsgracie12…no, no. thank YOU.**_

_**The female nerd…there's always something to look forward to in my story…I'm so glad she's over the whole depressive thing. It was depressing to read and depressing to write….onto the FLUFF. And the uncharted territory…uh…aw crap.**_

_**Autumnbreeze25….oh no she's HYPER! Aww! Run for your lives! You done the next chapter yet? (I'm kidding. Hehe)**_

_**Katesmaster….AWW! thanx! No ones said that, a few people slagged it off, a lot said it was good, but only you said it ws the best! Thanx! It's not the last chapter, please restrain Errol. Hehe…update on Friday, eh? It's uh…-cough-…Sunday. Please don't hurt me.**_

YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE USEFUL? IDEAS. GOT ONE? GIMME GIMME GIMME! I'M DESPERATE. HELP A BOGRAT IN NEED AND…

REVIEW, PLEASE. XOX.


	26. girl talk

_Disclaimer: I. Don't. Own. Them. I don't own anything. -Cries-_

Ginny wasn't sharing the wedding spirit, and I thought for a while she was just upset because of _his_ death, but I soon learnt it was something more. Charlie pulled me to one side after breakfast in the burrow on the first day of the summer holidays and took me into the deserted lounge. Everyone else was in the kitchen so we were quite free of interruption.

"Tonks, would you talk to Ginny?" he asked, and I could see from his face he was more than a little concerned. "Ever since she returned from Hogwarts she's been…drawn out. She isn't talking, and for Ginny, that's really strange."

I frowned. "You don't think she's just upset because of Dumbledore-"

"No it's not that. There's defiantly something going on. Would you talk to her? I know she thinks of you as some sort of sister." Charlie slapped my shoulder companionably. "I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything. She's in her room."

Curious but feeling like I was intruding on something, I climbed the stairs until I reached Ginny's room. It was all silent. But then, wizarding families didn't listen to music as much as muggle teenagers did, so really, what was I expecting?

I knocked gently on the door and opened it with a click. Ginny was lying with her head back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. She looked fine, in absolute perfect health, despite the fact her eyes were red and swollen and she looked terrible.

"Hey Ginny." I said softly. "Welcome home."

She let a slight smile touch her lips but it was quickly gone. She didn't say anything else.

"How are Harry, Ron and Hermione?" I asked politely, sitting down on the mattress. "I didn't get to see them after the funeral-"

I stopped. Something in that sentence made Ginny's eyes water and she suddenly sat up and hugged me round the waist.

"What's happened?" I asked, stroking the hair from her eyes and rubbing her back.

Ginny sniffed. "They've gone. And they might never come back."

"Who's gone? Who might never come back?" Ginny was acting strangely. I had never before in my life seen her cry, at least not like this.

"_Them_." She buried her face in my shoulder. "My brother and Hermione and…_Harry_."

_Ah. That makes sense._ "Of course they'll come back!" I insisted. "They've just gone to his aunt's house for a month-"

"No, there's something more. But I'm not allowed to tell you."

"Ginny-" my mouth went dry. "If they're in some sort of danger-"

"They're not. At least, not yet." Ginny pulled back and looked at her hands in her lap, fidgeting with her fingers. "And they've left me."

"Oh, Gin. They're just protecting you." I stroked the tears from her cheek with my finger and smiled consolingly. "They care about you."

"I don't want to be protected. I want to help." She lay back down on the mattress and resumed staring at the ceiling. "And why didn't you tell me about you and professor Lupin?"

I laughed and readjusted the pillow underneath her. "It was kind of a secret. I'll keep mine and you keep yours, eh?"

She smiled at this and reached for my hand. "You're not going to go away, are you Tonks? I don't think I could stand it if everyone left. I don't even see Charlie or Bill as much as I used to, and I haven't seen Fred or George in months."

I let the smile fall from my lips and held her hand with both of mine. "Unfortunately, I've no idea. If I get called away, whether it's for the Order or the ministry, I have to go. It isn't really my place to say when or why I leave."

She nodded with a grace beyond her years. "I know that. Stay safe."

"Always." I looked around the room, it looked barely lived in, unusual for a teenage girl for everything to be so impeccably neat. "So anything interesting happen this year?"

And she told me, in detail, about her and Harry. It was so sudden, so out of the blue that I couldn't make sense of it at first. Then she told me about the last few days and how he had grown distant and how he had broken up with her.

She didn't cry and I gave her credit for it.

Ginny finished her story with a sad look in my direction. "I don't really know what to do." She said finally.

I sighed and gave a small smile. "You what the cure for heartbreak is?" I asked softly.

"No?"

"Ice-cream!"

-

"So did you and my brother ever date?" Ginny asked over the bowl between us, the tip of her spoon half submerged in the ice cream.

"Which brother?" I asked, sucking on the tip of my own.

"You've dated more than one?"

"I haven't dated any."

She looked at me disbelievingly. "Seriously. What went on between you and Charlie?"

I paused for a few seconds, looking at my twisted reflection in the curve of the spoon. "Nothing, really. We were friends. We still _are_ friends."

"Mum always thought there was something more."

I laughed. "Your mum wanted me to marry at least one of her children!"

She frowned and looked sadly at the ice cream again. "I suppose I'm stuck with Fleur now, aren't I?"

"Aw, she's not so bad when it comes down to it." I took another bite and Ginny followed my example.

"I don't suppose there's any chance now that Bill might pick you instead?"

I shook my head. "Not a chance, sorry Gin."

She shrugged, her red hair tumbling down her back. She looked gorgeous without even trying. "Owell. I guess you'll just marry professor Lupin and have lots of werewolf cubs."

Now, there's a conversation stopper.

We sat together in companionable silence eating slowly. Ginny seemed happier than she had an hour before and I was quite enjoying her company. I missed the times in my life when I could sit and talk like the woman I am.

Ginny didn't seem to want to let the subject of Charlie drop. "So you didn't ever date? How about kiss?" she raised her eyebrow. "Or more…?"

I gaped at her. I'd forgotten she was sixteen and at _that_ sort of age... "No, nothing happened."

_You liar_, I thought. There had been one…a kiss. Only one, and we had fallen out because of it. It hadn't been mentioned by either of us since.

I mentally shook myself when Charlie himself entered the room. He smiled at me, ruffled Ginny's hair and announced, "Kingsley wants you, Tonks. Can't imagine why. He's in the garden."

I glared at him, hugged Ginny and left the room. I saw Charlie take my place at the table and pick up my spoon, digging greedily into the pot of ice cream we'd bought from the muggle shop.

Kingsley was in the garden as Charlie had said. He was waiting on the porch step and stood up when I stepped past him to stand on the grass in front of the house. "Wotcher Kingsley!" I said eagerly, he was another person I hadn't seen in months. He'd kept brief contact for a while but like Charlie that had eventually faded away.

"Hey Tonks." He shoved his hands into the pockets of his robes and looked around at the summer flowers. "Lovely day."

"Sure is." I waited for him to expand on this point, or perhaps further the conversation, but he just kept looking around at the greenery.

"Listen Kingsley," I said suddenly. "Can you get to the point? It's just I've got a heartbroken sixteen year old waiting for me in the kitchen and she needs a bit of girl time."

He seemed to snap out of something and nodded. "Sure Tonks. Are you returning to the office on Monday?"

I shrugged. "I guess so. No point returning to Hogsmeade if the kids aren't there."

He nodded. He didn't seem to want to say anything more.

I waited patiently for him to continue. "I won't be there," Kingsley said suddenly. "I'm still appointed to the Muggle Minister."

"I know."

"Williamson is continuing on my reign of terror. He's becoming the next head of office, just so you know. He won't give you any problems."

I wondered why he was telling me this when I already knew. It was possible I knew before him as I'd been into the office more. "Uh huh." I said. "I'll be careful." I looked around me for inspiration and my eyes hit the gazebo at the back of lawn. "Are you coming to the wedding?"

"You're getting married?"

"Don't be a dope."

"I don't know then. Depends on if I can get a replacement in." he looked up at the sky and squinted in the sun. "Actually I was wondering about that, Tonks. I discussed it with Williamson and we thought it'd be good for you to gain a little bit of work experience."

"You're scaring me now, Kingsley."

He laughed deeply and smiled at me. "Well I'm due to take a few weeks off from my duties for the Minister. After the wedding I was thinking that you might fill in my place for me."

That was not something I had expected. Not at all.

"I've booked you some time out for the next few weeks to help Molly and spend some time with Remus. There's no need to come into work next week." He smiled and nodded to me as he passed. "Enjoy your break Tonks."

I watched him leave, a broad grin on his face and he was humming.

"What about you?" I demanded. "Where are you going?"

"Order work." He replied and was gone.

-

The next few weeks were spent preparing for the wedding. However, I must admit, Remus and I managed to escape the worst part of it by spending our time together going on picnics, seeing muggle films or just whiling the day away. Molly and Fleur seemed to think this was a valid excuse and never brought the matter up.

The day before the wedding came around fast and unexpected. Not only did Harry Ron and Hermione arrive but also Bill was sent away (I let him borrow my apartment for the night) and all the men followed him. Apparently they had a "surprise" set up for him on his stag night. We didn't ask.

The girls however, -meaning Molly, Fleur, Ginny, Hermione, Fleur's sister and mother and I- were left alone in the burrow and free to our imaginations. Ginny and I had joked about getting Fleur an exotic dancer for the night but Molly had overheard and forbade us, so we were left with the embarrassing stories and toasts to the bride instead.

I stood up, swaying slightly, to make a speech. I regret to say that I had a glass of champagne in my hand and had taken to the effects a little too quickly. "I must admit," I began quite surely. "That I didn't like Fleur at first. However, over time I learnt to see her as a friend and a valued member of the extended Weasley family." I raised my glass. "Fleur, I've known Bill for a good few years now, you couldn't be in safer hands."

Fleur, crying, stood up and wrapped me in a hug. "I weell _always_ consider you a friend, Tonks!" she said tearilly.

I sat back down in between Hermione and Ginny. Gabrielle was sat next to the youngest girl and I noticed quite fondly that Ginny was glaring at her. I suppose, if she had to like Fleur she didn't have to like her family.

Molly had allowed Ginny and Hermione one glass of champagne each and I saw Ginny was handling it quite well, whereas Hermione had become red and giggly and somewhat tipsy. I didn't even try and sneak her a second glass like I had Ginny.

"Ees it true?" Fleur's mother asked me suddenly. "Zat you 'ave been dating a werewolf?"

I swallowed the rest of my drink thinking I might need the strength and nodded. "Sure is."

I waited for the oncoming cries of surprise but they never came. "Zen I 'ave to say, you are a strong woman!" she said, taking her hands in mine.

Molly was another one who had had too much of the drink. "Our Tonks is a generous girl! Although I must say, it's a wonder he hasn't accidentally bitten her yet!"

I shook my head. "Oh, don't worry, Molly. Remus would never do anything like that. The wolfsbane keeps him quite under control."

"Of course, dear. But what about the rest of the month?" she gave me an incredibly significant look and I reminded myself that any couple with seven kids obviously couldn't keep their hands off each other!

This, however, was not a subject that Ginny, Hermione and I really wanted to discuss so I looked around for inspiration and asked, "So where did you say you were going on honeymoon, Fleur?"

The evening ended soon after that but I had no doubt the boy's were still very active. As I couldn't return to my own apartment and there were far too many guests in the house, I was on a mattress on the floor in Ginny's room with Hermione and Gabrielle. Ginny had ever so kindly, albeit grudgingly, given Gabrielle her bed so was lying next to me. I could see her eyes wide open and I smiled at her softly. I could hear the other girl's soft breath and muffled breathing through the darkness.

"Do you think you're ever going to get married, Tonks?" Ginny whispered shakily.

"I've no idea." I smiled, although I wasn't sure she could see it. "I don't know if werewolves are allowed."

She sighed. "I hope I find someone I love as much as you love Lupin."

I reached out to hold her hand. "Of course you will. Everyone does at some point or another."

"I hope so." Her eyes were beginning to fail her now and I could see her blinking rapidly. She _had_ drunk a lot of alcohol.

"Go to sleep, it's gonna be a busy day tomorrow and you're exhausted."

"Mmhm." She murmured and lets her eyes fall shut.

Marriage had never been something I had considered in detail before.

**Aww. –Sniff- how cute. Yeh, I know, very little Remus/Tonks In that chapter. Next will be more, I swear. I quite like this chapter though, thought the relationship with Ginny and Tonks was in need of recovery. Plus I just wanted to justify where Charlie was in Tonks's life when she was younger. I know he's appeared a lot but I love his character.**

_**Lupinslady…I've been planning it from the start! Love it, Fleur's not actually that bad…-cough- thanks for reviewing! Xox.**_

_**Katesmaster…. damn. THINK. And uh…-cough- already thought of the Harry being the final horcrux thing. That's far too depressing though. I want a happy ending, and do you really Think Remus could he happy thinking he failed Sirius and James? Owell, keep the ideas coming though! Ooh, so is your sister reading this swell? That's cool. Whoop, may the force be with you, (kates)master. Xox. Please…Errol scares me…. WORSHIP THE RABID COCKERAL!**_

_**Princessdza…YOU MADE ME CRY. I am not actually JK sat in a chair but how great would it be if I were? Everyone is bound to find true love, I guess. Just wish it would hurry up and give me a boyfriend already. Xox.**_

_**Little tussi…yes indeed. Go the Bograt! This fast enough for you? Heheheh. Fluff is coming, I promise!**_

_**Celi…lol, almost, but not quite. Fleur's far too pretty to be human…**_

_**Wandless…yeh, I couldn't really think of more to add really. Trust me, Tonks at work is coming big time…thanks for reviewing, sorry bout the spelling mistakes!**_

_**Dramaqueen04…aww, gracias amiga! I love writing flashbacks, they're so freeing. Thanks for the review!**_

_**Autumnbreeze25…I want lime green hair too! But then I also want pink…hmmm. See you on IM. Keep the ideas coming.xox.**_

**Got an idea? Let me know! REVIEW!**

**And HAPPY HALLOWE'EN EVERYBODY!**


	27. dancing

_Disclaimer: If I WERE JK, would I be writing fan fiction? Uh…no. Don't own a thing._

_Dedicated to princessdza, who thinks I'm JK Rowling (I'm not)._

I was woken bright and early at six o'clock by Gabrielle prancing round the room singing at the top of her voice in French. Now, French is a beautiful language, but not when being yelled in your ear that early in the morning.

Ginny groaned, rolling over onto my mattress and ripping the cushion out from beneath my head. She threw it at Gabrielle and buried her head under her own.

"Wake up! Eet ees ze day of my sister's wedding!" she announced happily.

"Well duh." Ginny grumbled, but I wasn't sure Gabrielle heard.

Hermione raised her head blearily and squinted up at the window. "The sun's hardly even up!"

Gabrielle beamed and pranced from the room.

"Cow." Ginny murmured, and fell back to Sleep.

-

We were woken at a more reasonable hour at eight by Molly. She looked close to tears and more than a little stressed, so I reluctantly got out of bed and into the queue for the bathroom.

"Tonks! Why aren't you dressed? The service starts at ten!" Molly shrieked at me as I walked into the kitchen in one of Remus's shirts and a pair of jeans.

"Relax, I have an hour." I said, sitting at the table and helping myself to a piece of toast.

"And what about your hair and your makeup?" she said sternly, eyes red. "You won't have time to do any of those things if you don't go and-"

"Molly, chill!" I laughed. "I can handle it."

I did, however, comply with her request and disappeared upstairs at around half nine to change. I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror. Dresses had never been my favourite item of clothing.

"You look nice."

"Charlie, get out."

He smiled at me, leaning against the doorframe, his arms folded, as he looked me up and down. "I'm being serious, you look lovely."

I nodded at his suit. "You don't look so bad yourself. Scrub up all right, don't you?"

He laughed and straightened up. "I haven't seen you so elegant since our seventh year."

He had to bring it up, didn't he? "That's because until I joined the Order you hadn't _seen_ me since seventh year."

He looked around Ginny's room and all the mess the girls had made. "Save me a dance, Tonks? For old times sakes?"

I looked at myself in the mirror. I had been forbidden to have pink hair and had chosen a chestnut brown instead. I was not best pleased; though I was sure Remus would love it.

"Sure, for old times sakes." I agreed, tugging at my hair.

He smiled. "See you down stairs soon, Tonks." And left.

I grumbled at my reflection, which grumbled back. I'd borrowed a dress from Molly's younger years, brown lace and absolutely gorgeous. She'd wanted Ginny to wear it, but she was a bridesmaid so couldn't.

I had hardly bothered with make up; it wasn't my thing at all. I figured a dress was pushing it enough.

"You look beautiful."

Remus, the one man I did want to see, and the one phrase that because of him meant everything. I turned away from the mirror and walked to him, kissing him once on the cheek.

"Are you ready?" he asked, offering me his arm.

Chuckling, I took it.

-

The service was held in the Weasley's field, an unlikely place you might think but it scraped up pretty well. There were drapes everywhere and flowers in the trees in the orchard and not a single gnome in sight, I was pretty impressed.

Ginny looked gorgeous, walking behind Fleur and next to Gabrielle. She wasn't beaming like the other two, she had a soft, forced smile as she passed us and she wasn't overly thin like the French girls so her dress looked more stunning than ever planned.

The vows were said and the rings shared. Before I realised it, Bill was kissing the bride and we were all cheering. They walked hand in hand down the aisle, Molly crying and Ginny looked more than relieved it was over.

Remus reached for my hand and we walked silently onto the closely cut lawn where the dancing began. The newly weds were the first to take the spotlight, dancing close to each other and looking deep into the others eyes.

Hermione and Ginny came to stand beside us. Hermione was watching them, smiling slightly in that awed way a lot of teenage girls adopted when they saw something incredibly romantic, but Ginny was scowling and firmly turned her back on them.

Molly and Arthur were dancing now and a few other couples were joining the twirling couples. Remus cleared his throat, stood before me like true gentleman, and offered me his hand. "May I have the first dance?" he asked politely.

I smiled, my heart fluttering slightly. "Of course."

Remus didn't seem to want to take his eyes off me as we swayed to the music, but I didn't mind. Remus made me feel special, like no other man ever had. He made me feel beautiful, and deep down; every woman needs to feel beautiful at some point or another.

He held me to his chest and I could feel his heart beating through his robes. "I love you." He whispered into my ear.

"I love you too." I replied, and I meant it more than I ever had before.

We danced for twenty minutes, Remus holding me close as we twirled and swayed gently. Then he brushed some hair out of my eyes and kissed my lips. "Do you want a drink?" he asked.

I nodded, and he led me by the hand to a table where the Delacour's house elf was serving food and drink. He handed me a glass of wine and we sat down together, watching the movement of the crowd.

Gabrielle had seized Harry and was forcing him to dance with her, although he didn't look happy about it. Infact, he looked slightly transfixed, like every man was around the Delacour girls.

Ginny was sat alone on the grass, her knees tucked beneath her, not caring about grass stains. She too was watching Harry, and she didn't look happy either. In fact, she looked quite close to tears. She caught my eye and looked away quickly, her hand covering her eyes and her shoulders began to bob. She stood up and ran from the lawn as quick as she could in her heels.

"Go check if she's alright." Remus said concernedly. "I'll be here when you get back."

I nodded and hurried after her, back to the house and into the kitchen. She was leaning over the sink and sobbing uncontrollably.

"Ginny?" I asked softly.

She jumped and whipped around. "Tonks," She breathed, and ran into my outstretched arms.

"Hey, don't cry." I insisted, rubbing her back.

"I'm being stupid." She said miserably.

"No you're not." I hugged her and wiped away her tears. "Look, Harry cares about you. Don't worry about him and that stupid blonde-"

"It's not that. I don't want him to go away," She whispered, looking at the floor, her shoulders still shaking and her voice weak.

"I know you don't. But sometimes it has to happen. He'll be fine, I'm sure."

Whether she had meant to or not, she'd flat out told me Harry was up to something, and I'd bet everything it was to do with tracking down Voldemort, because that seemed to be what Harry did best in life.

She sniffed and wiped her eyes. Then she looked at me with a whole new excitement in her voice. "Did you see Ron and Hermione?"

I grinned. "No, what were they doing?"

She laughed and all traces of her sadness were gone. "They were shooting glances at each other. Ron's going to ask her to dance."

"This'll be fun to see."

"Mm." She looked out the kitchen window. "Please don't tell anyone you found me here…"

"I won't say a word." I winked and took her hand. "You ready to go back out there and catch the show?"

She nodded firmly, checked her makeup in a mirror and stood up straight. "Five sickles he trips her up."

"No way am I betting for that," I said as we walked out the door. "The odds of that happening are far too high."

"I saw you dancing with professor Lupin," Ginny said slyly, glancing over at me. "You looked _very_ cosy."

I blushed and said nothing.

As we reached the dancing again, Harry came running up to us, his face stricken with worry. "Ginny!" he said nervously. "I, uhm…"

"Want to dance?" she asked politely, with far more self-control than I could have mustered.

He grinned, nodded way to many times to be natural, and let her drag him away.

I settled back next to Remus and let him wrap an arm around my shoulders. "Everything sorted?" he asked.

"Uhm hmm." I leant against him, my eyes slightly out of focus as I took in everything about him: his scent, his breathing pattern, even the slight roughness of his clean-shaven jaw as my cheek grazed his.

A few meters away Ron was talking loudly with Fred and George, glancing over at Hermione who was trying to engage Fleur's mother in a combination of French and English conversation. It wasn't working very well, however, because her concentration lapsed whenever she caught his eye.

"Do you ever think about marriage?" Remus whispered.

Oh god, there it was. The topic that could both shatter and strengthen a relationship, posed before me as severe and beautiful as the full moon.

"Sometimes." I mumbled, my heart quickening with every breath and I was certain he could hear it.

"Do you ever…. think we might get married?" he asked uncertainly.

My heart stopped and I froze. What could I possibly say to that? 'Sometimes' couldn't be repeated again and that meant I had to give a yes or no answer.

"Of course." I replied shakily.

The muscles in his jaw twitched and I knew he was smiling.

He didn't get the chance, however, because at that point Ginny approached us with Harry in tow, all smiling and unknowing what they had walked in to.

"Professor Lupin," Ginny said confidently. "Can I have a dance?"

He laughed, stood up and bowed to her, taking her hands in his and moving onto the dance floor.

That left Harry to look uncertainly at me, his mouth opening and closing several times as he tried to speak. "Come on then, Harry." I said brightly, standing up with a whole new level of energy. "If you're going to be _so_ _insistent_ about it."

Harry smiled in relief and I grabbed his hand. Ginny and Remus were swinging round in an exuberant dance nearby and I copied their lead, Harry and I laughing and smiling as we became dizzier and dizzier and the world turned to a blur.

Then Ginny stopped and Harry halted as well and we watched Ron and Hermione shakily walk onto the dance floor, looking at the floor, the ends of their fingers barely touching as they held hands.

We exchanged grins and made way for them. Harry immediately grabbed Ginny again and Molly snapped up Remus so I stood there in the middle of the floor feeling quite lonesome.

Charlie Weasley grinned stupidly as he strode towards me. "Just like our graduation ball, eh Tonks?" he asked, taking me by the waist and the hand.

"Cept we were slightly more drunk then."

He grinned again and began to move his feet, leading me round in a circle. "They look like they each have a disease," Charlie said, nodding towards his youngest brother and Hermione. "Come on, I've got an idea."

"What are you going to do?" I asked suspiciously. "Don't do something stupid that could ruin it all or you'll be in trouble."

"What're you to do if I do?" he asked triumphantly.

I smiled sweetly. "I'll tell your mother."

"Fine, you win." He looked sulky but led me over to them anyhow. I gave him a dangerous look and he shrugged. With a harsh shove he sent Hermione flying into Ron, where he caught her and glared at Charlie, who winked.

Hermione, however, seemed quite content and smiled up at Ron as if he had just saved her life.

Charlie sniggered and spun me round a few times as the song ended. "Thank you for the dance, Tonks. And uh…don't go back to your apartment for a few days, alright?" he said cheekily, letting me go.

I tried to ignore a stab of fear and wandered back to Remus through all the different couples. Whether it was a spur of the moment thing or if he'd just missed me, Remus's mouth descended on mine immediately.

Harry and Ginny were dancing close to us and Hermione and Ron were still clutching onto each other, so it only seemed right that we join in for the last dance of the evening, surrounding by young and new love.

**SQUEE!**

**Fluff ahoy! **

_**Princessdza…ooh, goody, I am glad. I thought they were getting worse and worse, so I'm glad you said that! Absolutely positive I'm not JK (wish I was, blah) if I was, I'd send you my autograph! Muah! Xox.**_

_**Fawkes309…hmm, thank you! I was worried about them, but if you think they're good then I'll take your word for it! Updating as fast as I can manage, SO glad you're enjoying it! Xox.**_

_**Mouseykins…. NEW REVIEIWER! YAYNESS! Way too loveable in a GOOD way or---? You know, you're not the first one who's said you almost see fleur as human…collective mind? Interesting…. hehe, the marriage discussion in this chappie was especially for you! Remus has…sandy hair, no beard/moustache (blah), sandy eyes, kind of longish hair (like hasn't had hair cut in a while), few laughter lines but generally young. How do you perceive him? Thank you SO SO SO much for reviewing! Made my day! Xox.**_

_**Aumnbreeze25…light purple tips would be cool, kind of like that idea. Hehe, the men TRASHED her flat, there's going to be an explosion from Tonks…see you soon darling! Xox.**_

_**Little tussi….AW! thank you! You made me so happy! Yes, I am young, but a lot maturer than other girls my age. Happy you enjoyed it! Keep reading…Xox.**_

_**Lupinslady…well…she does have half a million kids…multicoloured wolf cubs! WOW! So cool! I want one! Xox.**_

_**Celi….mm, me too! Glad you enjoyed, keep reviewing!**_

_**Wandless…no, we don't either, but I like wishing people stuff. Good question bout honeymoon, I've no idea. Thanks for reviewing! Keep on reading! Xox.**_

_**Dramaqueen04….DON'T SAY THAT! THAT'S FAR TOO DEPRESSING! Good point though…thanks for reviewing! Xox.**_

**REVEIW! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!**


	28. aftershock

_Disclaimer: I don't own them. I am not JK Rowling. However, I do love chocolate…._

_Continues on from where chapter 27 left off…_

The last dance ended and I pulled back from Remus, dazedly looking around. I hadn't noticed the music cease and only when Remus stopped moving did I actually realise the whole thing was over.

Fleur and Bill were hugging and kissing everyone before they left for their honeymoon in Egypt. They hugged and kissed Remus and I and waved everyone off before apparating.

Remus sighed and took my hand as we began to walk back to the house. Our shoulders bumped as we walked and Remus kissed my temple lovingly, taking his hand from mine and draping it over my shoulders, pulling me closer.

Molly was sobbing hysterically and poor Arthur was left with the job of comforting her. Harry and Ginny had escaped somewhere unknown and the rest of the guests were beginning to depart at the front door. Ron and Hermione, however, were sitting on a bench in the orchard, both looking very nervous and blushing furiously.

We ignored them, letting them have their privacy and we slipped into the house. Already something was cooking on the stove for an evening meal and the house was full of delicious smells.

"I'm going to get changed." I said teasingly to Remus, who looked me up and down with a small smile on his face.

"Shame, I like that dress." He replied, running a long finger down the side of my waist.

"I'll be right back," I said with a laugh, and slowly navigated my way up the stairs to Ginny's room.

The room, however, was already occupied. Ginny and Harry were perched on her bed snogging. They jumped away from each other quickly, however, when I entered and looked at me horrified as if I'd walked in on something much, much worse.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Alright then, I'll change in the bathroom. Enjoy yourselves." I grabbed my change of clothes, threw my shoes back into their box and made for an exit. At the door, however, I turned to them and said, "and it's a lot more convincing if Harry _doesn't_ have lipstick kisses all over his cheeks. Clean them off before Fred and George ruin your lives." I nodded and left, laughing at their shocked faces and Harry hurriedly wiping his cheeks.

Feeling so much more comfortable in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, I draped the dress over the foot of Molly's bed and made my way back down stairs. Remus was already changed, sitting in the living room with a book in his hands.

At about five paces away, he looked up and said, "you smell wonderful."

I looked at him strangely and stopped dead in my tracks. "How can you possibly know that?"

"Past experience and…" he tapped his nose, "I can smell you. Added bonus of being a werewolf."

I laughed, shaking my head and sitting down beside him. "I found Ginny and Harry, they're hiding upstairs."

"Hermione and Ron came in," he answered. "Hermione went to read her book and Ron's upstairs, probably looking for Harry." He sighed again and looked at me, a smile on his face and I'd never seen him happier. Then, suddenly, he leant over and kissed me just out of the blue, no warning.

I _love it_ when he does that.

He pulled back and watched me closely for my reaction. I looked him over and said, "What was that for?"

He laughed. "Well, I'm hoping you'll remember how much you love me when you see your apartment."

-

There was an unbelievable mess everywhere. Several plates from the cupboard were broken, there were streamers and banners everywhere, a burn on the rug and a bra that was most certainly _not mine_ hanging over the bathroom door.

Remus smiled weakly. "Do you still love me?" he asked.

"Yes, but Charlie Weasley is dead."

"How do you know it was Charlie?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Because I _know_. He hasn't changed a bit."

We mostly tidied up the muggle way (household spells were not my speciality) and retired to our bed around midnight.

The next day started my term in the muggle prime minister's office for Kingsley. I had been told to wear smart muggle clothing and have a "suitable appearance," whatever Kingsley had meant by that. There was nothing wrong with my appearance as far as I was concerned, but I kept my hair chestnut from the wedding just in case the muggles took offence.

Kingsley had given more pointers as well, like the apparition points that were safe from muggles and what jobs I'd be doing. Turns out it'd be mostly filling in the Prime minister on what was going on in the world and writing paperwork. It was nothing big, but I did feel honoured to have it.

I rolled over and slammed my alarm clock with one hand, but it danced out of reach and fell off the cabinet. I poked it with my wand and it soon shut up.

"Uhm…. what time is it?" Remus asked from my shoulder. Sometime in the night (or could it have been just before we fell asleep?) he'd wrapped himself around me and his head was in the crook of my neck.

"About five in the morning," I said back, pulling away from him but he held on.

"Don't go."

"Oh…I have to." I looked between my clock and Remus and back at my clock. "I really do."

He groaned and rolled away from me. "When will you be home?"

"I've no idea, I'm sorry. It could be really, really late." I kissed him. "I'll come home as soon as I can, I promise."

He nodded and stroked my cheek with his left hand. "I really do love that, you know that, don't you?"

I nodded, an adoring smile on my lips. They were still tender from his last kiss. "You know I do. I love you too."

The smile that lit up his face was something I would always treasure.

I reluctantly crawled out of bed and hit the shower. Remus watched me going around the room getting changed into my muggle clothing and doing my hair. I kissed him again and apparated to the assigned point.

Kingsley had been right. I was mostly assigned paperwork and the job was quite boring. It became quite embarrassing, actually, when someone arrived with a signature for me to sign and handed me a pen. Now, I don't ever use pens, at least not the clicky ones. I examined it closely, trying to figure out how to make the little ink bit come out whilst the woman watched me with impatience.

"It works, you know!" she snapped. "Have you never seen a pen before?"

I smiled at her politely and hesitated a guess by trying to twist it. She sighed dramatically, snatched it away from me and pushed the end.

Now, really. How was I supposed to know? Ridiculous muggle devices. I don't know how they survive without magic.

The day passed without much more catastrophes and when eight o'clock arrived and it was time to go home I was exhausted. I packed away my desk, made sure my wand was in my coat pocket, and turned for the exit.

However, the muggle prime minister stood in my way. It was the first time I'd come into direct contact with him and he was blocking my path. The office was deserted.

"What happened to Shacklebolt?" he asked immediately and in a tone that I thought was quite rude.

"He's taking a break for a few weeks."

"I didn't agree to that."

"You're not his boss."

He mouthed at me silently for a few seconds and put his hands on his hips. "Young lady, do you know who I am-?"

Only Scrimgeour ever spoke to me like that, and I resented him for it. As far as I was concerned, he couldn't tell me what to do. He hadn't assigned me here, Kingsley and Williamson had. The muggle meant nothing to me.

"I know exactly who you are, prime minister." I said tartly, slinging my bag over my shoulder. "So don't think you can try that line on me. You have no idea the seriousness of the situation and you don't know what could happen to you if you get on my bad side. I could make life for you very, very difficult."

Thinking perhaps the ministry might shoot me for being disrespectful, I added grudgingly. "Sir."

He looked like he'd never been spoken to like that in his entire life, and I figured he probably hadn't, at least, not directly.

"I am perfectly well the situation-" he began defensively but I held up my hand to stop him.

"Don't embarrass yourself. Now I have a boyfriend to get home to and it's full moon tonight so he's going to going to transform into a carnivorous beast any moment now." It wasn't actually full moon, but the expression of horror on his face was so worth lying for.

"You're not be serious…" he looked at me in terror and took a few steps back.

I laughed. "What? You've never heard of a werewolf before?"

I left him with that comment, turning on the spot and apparating back into my apartment.

Before me, however, was not Remus and for a second I thought I'd apparated into the wrong apartment. Then the woman got up to hug me.

Andromeda and Ted Tonks. I gaped at them and my mother grasped me firmly around the shoulders. "Nymphadora!" she said happily. "Remus has been telling us all about _everything_!"

I looked to him looking helpless by the kettle. Then I looked back to my parents. "What are you _doing_ here?"

"Well I popped by to bring you some of your stuff we dug out from the attic and we found Remus here instead. So I rushed back to tell your father and we thought we might take you both out for dinner!"

"Uhm…. sounds lovely." I said desperately. "Remus?"

"Wonderful." He agreed, bringing four cups over to the small table in the centre of the living room. He levitated a squashy chair across the room and he went to bring another when I pulled him into the seat and sat curled up on his lap. Whether my parents were here or not, I was desperate for some cuddly moments with my boyfriend.

I sipped at the coffee mug in my hands, revelling in the caffeine rush it gave me. I didn't want to go out to dinner with my parents, to have to discuss my future and Remus's condition and how serious we were about each other. I wanted to curl up with Remus in bed and sleep.

There was silence for a long time. Then my father cleared his throat and said, "So how was work, Nymphadora?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Boring. Depressing. I better be getting overtime."

I felt Remus's reassuring hand stroking the base of my back and his arm tighten around his waist. He was here for me and that was all I needed.

My mother, of course, had been in contact with Sirius in their younger years and had been told about Remus's "furry little problem." She must have told dad too because neither of them were looking at him and they were exchanging nervous glances.

Getting increasingly annoyed, I glared tiredly at them and yawned. "Listen, I'm exhausted," I said simply. "Do you think we could go out for dinner another night? I really just want to eat and sleep."

Mum looked disappointed but dad looked pleased to be given an excuse to leave. "Well, if you say so, darling," she said, standing up, still not looking at Remus, even when she addressed him. "Lovely to meet you, Remus." She said, and dad nodded to him as they kissed my cheek and let themselves out.

I groaned, lolling back onto his shoulder. "What were they doing here? Why did they have to come? I've no patience with them at the moment. They're so insulting."

He reached for my hand. "How do you mean?"

"Well they wouldn't even look at you!" I stood up, grabbing the half drank cups from the table and pouring the contents down the sink. "They storm in here and then don't even have the decency to be nice to you."

"Nymphadora, really, it's no big problem." He stood up after me and wrapped his hands around my waist. "It's something I'm used to. Don't worry about me, I wasn't offended."

I looked over my shoulder at him. "No, but I _was_."

Remus brushed some of my chestnut hair out of my eyes and it turned pink at his touch. "Don't worry about it. Please. Just…get some sleep, all right? I'll make something for you to eat and I'll wake you up when it's ready."

I love that man. I really do.

**Small heart attack there, I almost lost half the chapter. Panic over now though. Phew.**

**So…you like? I had incredible writers block here, I really did. Be kind.**

_**Kates master…no problems, you came back and that's all that matters. Uh…I laughed at your imperious prime minister idea, hilarious. No idea who the prime minister is. Meh, I'll make a name up. Otherwise, brilliant ideas, I will incorporate them as the plot suits them! Thank you, you've given me another few chapters' worth! Gracias! Xox.**_

_**Little tussi…. yeh, I know, no worries, I wasn't offended .I actually took it as a compliment! Hehe, I couldn't really think of a lot to put in the apartment scene, but Owell. Thanks for reviewing! Xox.**_

_**Niham…oooh, newbie! Aloha! Glad you liked that chapter, it was a joy to write! Thank you for your compliment, it was so heart touching! I hope I continue to please you!**_

_**Autumnbreeze25…you'd look good with purple, I think. Red can be quite harsh. Hehe, it's always Charlie who gets the blame…ahh. The joys of being the old best friend. I want a fluffy action movie, that would be cool…you should write one, hehe. As always, thanks for everything! Megs. Xox.**_

_**Lupinslady…Charlie is just being Charlie, I guess. I love Ginny. Infact, I love all the Weasley's! I want to marry them all…cept Percy. Mrrr. Xox. Thanks for reading!**_

_**Kwala…. you stayed up till 5 in the morning reading this! Aww! –Hugs- how sweet of you! Aww really, aww. Thank you so much, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Xoxox. Megs.xox.**_

_**Wandless…. ill try get in some more Ron and Hermione, we'll see how it goes. Thanks so much! Xox.**_

_**Mouseykins…. I think Tonks and Ginny make great sisters. Or kind of sisters. Whatever, I love it. Oh, I love caladan's works! She's so brilliant! Not how I imagine them, but fantastical all the same. I admire her so much! I love Gabrielle too, she's such a convenient character! Xox.**_

_**Dramaqueen04…I loved writing that bit with Hermione and Ron. Aww I hope your book poverty sorts out all right, and glad I can help you get over your loss! Xox. Thanks for reviewing! **_

_**Faskes309…. oh yes…marriage conversations are going to be around very very soon…. Brace yourself, or whatever. That moustache in the movie was awful! I mean, really…what the hell is going on? Where'd it say he has a moustache! Homework sucks, I have eight pieces this weekend. Grumble. Thanks for reviewing! Xox.**_

**You know the drill. REVIEW! Now…. I need to sleep….**


	29. missing you

_Disclaimer: despite popular belief, I'm not actually JK Rowling!_

_It was defiantly one of those days. You know the one. You wake up and you almost cry at what you see staring back in the mirror. Then you get two failed essays back and you actually genuinely tried hard on them. Then, the moment you step off the bus to the moment you step inside the door it's a torrential downpour. That, and you're throat feels like hell so you were coughing throughout the entire day._

_I hope everyone's days went better than mine did. It was so brilliant I only cried for ten minutes when the home time bell rang!_

We re-organised the dinner with my parents for the week after. It was a few days after full moon so Remus was feeling at his best and it was more convenient for me. My time in the muggle prime minister's office hadn't been the most, uh…fulfilling mission of my life. I really had no idea how Kingsley managed to drag himself into the office every single day, but at least now I knew what he meant by "character building."

I borrowed Molly's old dress again as it seemed my parents were taking us to quite a fancy restaurant. Remus put on his best dress robes and I thought he looked hansom, but undoubtedly my parents would find fault in the slightly frayed hems and the faded colour of the material.

"Whatever they say to you I want you to know I don't care." I announced suddenly as I straightened a necklace around my collarbone and looked back over my shoulder as he frowned uncertainly, picking at his robes.

"What if they hate me?" he asked, in an almost childish fashion.

"They won't hate you. Of course they won't. They might show some…uh, mild prejudice at the beginning, but they'll soon switch around." I smiled at him gratefully in the mirror. "Think if it were _our_ little girl, Remus. Wouldn't you like to meet the love of her life?"

He sighed and came up behind me. "You look – ow!"

Remus had spread his fingers over my hand and immediately drew back. There was a horrible burn across his fingers and palm and I looked down at my own hand accusingly.

I'd forgotten I couldn't wear silver.

Remus had screwed up his face in pain and the burn looked hideous. I pulled him into the bathroom and shoved it under a running tap. I wasn't sure if that would work, but what else could I do?

He looked at me apologetically; like this was his fault and I hurriedly took the ring off, shoving it into a draw. "Remus, I am so sorry, I completely forgot!"

He shook his head and withdrew his fingers from the water. "It's fine. Really. We should go, we'll be late."

Typical Remus, acting like nothing is a big deal. I frowned at him, rolled my eyes and took a roll of bandages from the bathroom cabinet and spread some burn oil over it. I had no idea if it would do any good, but it made _me_ feel better.

We set off reluctantly a few minutes later. Remus was certainly acting a lot braver than I felt and when we reached the restaurant doors I turned to face him desperately. "We can cancel-"

"You said it yourself, they have a right to meet me." He smiled and kissed me. "Now come on. You're an auror. You shouldn't be frightened of your parents."

The restaurant was insufferably posh and stuffy. I think it was French, but I wasn't sure. I didn't speak many words of French and had no inclination to start now, the way they were fussing over us, pulling at our coats and Remus's robes and trying to hang them up for us. Like we couldn't do it ourselves?

My parents rose from their seats when they saw us approaching and I was happy to see they were making a slightly warmer effort to greet Remus as well. It seemed they'd had a little chat, which was good because I knew that if they didn't I would do it for them.

"Nymphadora!" my mother said, kissing my cheek and moving onto Remus. Thankfully, she kissed his cheek as well. "And hello, Remus! Oh my, what happened to your hand?"

He began to make up some excuse but I quickly intervened. "I accidentally touched his hand when I was wearing a silver ring. Entirely my fault." I smiled at the three of them, shocked and seemingly unable to speak. "Dad, how are you?"

"Fine, thank you, Nymphadora."

"Have you ordered already?" I asked politely, sitting down like it was just another meal. Like I wasn't introducing my parents to my boyfriend. To the love of my life. To a werewolf.

"No, we decided to wait."

"How thoughtful."

I made an exaggerated point of stroking Remus's hand throughout the meal and not only for my parent's benefit. I felt incredibly guilty about the whole thing, why had I been so stupid? I made a note of throwing out anything silver the moment I got home.

My father still seemed to be scared of Remus but my mother was making an excellent effort. She'd slipped out of defensive parent mode and into gentle hostess. She wanted this to be perfect, for my sake I hoped.

"So how long have you and Remus been dating?" she asked politely over a fork full of salmon and cucumber.

"Well, uhm." We exchanged bashful smiles. "Technically? We dated for a year and then went on a uh, slight hiatus and joined back together again." I grinned at him lovingly. "I haven't looked back once."

Remus turned slightly pink and examined the tablecloth but I could see he was happy. Mother was beaming and father looked uncomfortable.

"So how is work these days, Nymphadora. We hardly got a chance to talk the other night."

"Mm, it's fine." I said forcibly. "Could be better."

"You don't sound very enthusiastic about that, dear. Are they working you too hard-" my father started but I rolled my eyes, tugging at the tight waist of my dress.

"Its fine, dad. Really." I cut him off again, taking a bite from my dinner. All this money and it still tasted like cardboard.

"No, I really think he's right," Remus said softly from the left of me. I glared at him in betrayal but per usual he stared me down. "You spend all day at the office. There are plenty of other auror's, you shouldn't have to be allocated all the work."

"Whose side are you on?" I said angrily, unable to believe that Remus was ganging up with my parents against me. "Thing's have been better since Scrimgeour became minister," I said then quickly corrected myself. "Well, actually, no they haven't, but they've been better for _me_."

"You never did like him." Father said, "but I can't see anything wrong with the way he works."

"It's not that I wish any harm to the guy; I'm just saying I could happily sit by while someone knocks his head off." I shrugged, the serious face in the smiling ones around me.

Remus reached for the salt and immediately drew his hand away, cursing. He had removed the bandage so he could use his knife and fork and had absent-mindedly reached for the silver salt dispenser. Twice in an hour was not his greatest achievement. Usually it was me who was so careless.

My mother wrapped her napkin in ice from her glass and held it to his hand. The burn had spread right across his palm now and was even threatened to extend to his wrist. She smiled sympathetically.

"Keep that wrapped around your hand, I'll get the waiter to bring more ice," she said, nodding to a passing waiter and holding up a jug.

Remus grinned and thanked her, trying to pull his hand away but my mother still had her fingers clamped firmly across his palm, holding the ice onto the skin. He swapped a sheepish smile with me and I laughed into my dinner.

Dinner after that was far more relaxed with my parents asking Remus what he did and where he was from. They were surprisingly acceptable over his lycanthropy and the fact he had little income.

In fact, they genuinely seemed to like him, as shocking as _that_ sounds.

My mother was currently rabbitting on about Sirius and how much she adored him, about the theories she believed made him innocent and I just sighed and gave up. Remus was there taking it all with a pained expression and Order regulations or not my mother deserved to know.

"Mum," I said interrupting her and giving Remus a pointed look. "Sirius is dead."

Her smile faded and her mouth drifted slightly open.

"Mum, I'm sorry," I said whispered. "But you were right all along. He was innocent."

"I'm glad someone kept faith in him," Remus said quietly. "He was glad to know you believed in him all along. He always remembered you."

Mum smiled and unexpectedly hugged him. Then she out her napkin to her eyes and dabbed them, saying, "oh, Nymphadora. And you never got to know him."

I blinked a few times, letting it sink in whilst I processed that and remembered my mother knew nothing about the order. "But mum, I did." I said clearly. "I knew him for about a year."

"How?" she gasped.

"I can't tell you."

"Surely you must-"

"Mum, don't press. Just, believe me. It's how Remus and I met."

My mother seemed to find an adoring delight in her favourite cousin bringing her daughter closer to marriage but I let it drop.

We parted ways soon after dessert and Remus and I walked hand in hand for a while down the busy London streets, silent but content with the way the evening had presented itself.

_Sirius. If you could see us now. If you could see Remus, how well he's doing. I miss you. We both do. Life wasn't the same when you left, I think you were the glue binding Remus and I together. We needed you and you may have thought you were simply an ex-convict locked in a house but you were wrong. You were so wrong. You were everything to both of us and so many more…_

I knew the kids had left before Molly even said a word. She was pale and shaking and the Granger's were sat around the kitchen table with her and Arthur and when I entered the room through the fireplace she dived at me, sobbing hysterically into my shoulder.

Ginny looked pale and her eyes bloodshot and when I looked to her she slowly nodded, like she was agreeing to death certificate. The kids would be fine, they had to be. They always pulled through.

"Oh Tonks!" Molly wailed. "I went up to give them breakfast and they were gone! And – and- Ron left this on his pillow…" she shoved a peice of parchment into my hand, wailed again, and threw herself into a chair.

Remus frowned as he read it over my shoulder. _Mum, I'm sorry, but I had to go with Harry and Hermione. You'll understand one day. Ron._

The Granger's were looking pretty upset but holding up all right. I sat next to Ginny at the table and she immediately wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face in my shoulder.

"Why did they leave?" Mrs. Granger asked softly. "Where did they go?"

No one answered. Then Ginny's muffled voice said, "They went to find Voldemort. They're going to defeat him."

Molly let loose a strangled sob and Ginny buried herself again.

"But why Hermione?" the girls father asked, scratching his chin. "She was always such a good girl…"

Once again, Ginny emerged when everyone was unable to give an answer to this, and her tone was harsh, like the Ginny I knew and loved. "You couldn't possibly understand!" she snapped. "She isn't doing some school project anymore! She's going to do something that will change the world! There's a reason why she met Harry in first year, it wasn't just luck, it was fate! She supposed to help them, and she will, because _that's what Hermione does_."

Mrs. Granger sighed and a few tears slipped down her cheek. "If we'd known this was going to happen, then we'd have never sent her to that school."

I let out a slow breath in attempt to calm myself. Whether they meant it or not, that was a direct insult to our world. "Look, Hermione would have been affected no matter what. Even muggles are feeling the change."

"Hermione knows she is going into a risk," Remus, ever the diplomat, said calmly. "What she's doing will result in her influencing both worlds. What your daughter is doing is saving many lives. You should be very proud."

But they weren't and I could see it in their eyes. Molly, however, through the grief she was sharing did have the motherly instinct enough for her son to smile happily. "I'm glad they're there to look after Harry. He does seem to attract trouble."

Then she stood up like nothing had happened and began making tea.

Remus stroked my knee reassuringly and Ginny hugged me tighter. Why I was the one receiving reassurance was beyond me but I suppose the feeling was shared.

Ginny and I escaped upstairs whilst the adults talked. I didn't want her to be alone, not when she might be feeling so fragile.

We sat on her bad and talked – about boys, mostly, and when we immerged back downstairs an hour later Remus smiled at my tomato red hair and ran his hand through it. "I like it." He said with a nod. "Suits you much better than pink…"

"I like pink!" Ginny and I said in unison.

He laughed, forcibly I thought.

When Remus and I stepped out into my flat after the brief floo home, Remus took my hand and looked at me intently. "We didn't want to say this in front of Ginny," he said seriously. "But Charlie Weasley has gone missing. We haven't seen him for three days."

My heart sank.

**NOT CHARLIE!**

**Sorry replies are short but I wanna go sleep now…it's been a long hard week.… **

**Wandless…aww, if you could see me I'd be blushing. I know, but schoolwork is getting in the way of my life. Stupid reality. I know, but Owell. Thanks for reviewing! Xox.**

**Mouseykins…. I want a werewolf boyfriend! It's so unfair! Gracias, I love them too! Xox.**

**Princessdza…you're such a sweetie! Thank you so much! Xox.**

**lupinslady…I know, its about 80,000 words now, can you believe it? I'm such a freak…muah! Xox.**

**Little tussi…FLUFF LOVERS UNITE! Gracias amiga! Xox.**

**Kates master…they will get back together, I promise you. Andromeda doesn't know a lot at all…muah! Xox.**

**Dramaqueen04…oh god essays. Tell me about it! I have three this week, two of them psychology related! Stupid teachers…I hate school, it gets in the way of my life. Xox.**

**HPBeatles…. thanks! Xox.**

**Bella1305pickles…you have an incredibly name. Charlie! Aww! Xox.**

**Autumnbreeze25…. mm, free Weasley's. I'll have mine on a plate, thanks. Rufus is a little -----. I hate him. I love Remus. I want a werewolf boyfriend, they're so interesting. Till next time. Megs. Xox.**


	30. aduro lunolucis

_Disclaimer: don't own anything._

_I met a guy who looks like Harry! I almost cried with happiness, I think I scared him. He's in the year above me and g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s. I was jumping up and down and screaming "you're Harry Potter!" he just laughed and shook his head and readjusted his glasses… -sigh- you're all invited to the wedding, of course. _Aumtumnbreeze25_ already has bags on being a bridesmaid…any other takers?_

_This chapter took forever. I know, I'm sorry. It's a lot harder now because I'm not just filling in the gaps from some one else's plot line, I'm creating my own, and I'm trying to keep you all happy. School isn't exactly helping either. I cannot believe the amount of work I've been given, I've reached breaking point and to be honest by the time I've finished all my homework, cooked and eaten dinner and sat down to write it's half nine, I'm exhausted, and I just want to sleep. Anyhow, there's my excuse, take it or leave as you choose._

_Charlie Weasley has gone missing_.

What if he didn't come back? What if he was dead? Could I possibly live anymore knowing that my best friend wasn't safe?

The worst part was not knowing why. If we knew why he might have gotten into some sort of trouble we might have been able to trace him but…nothing.

I worried about him and the kids every day. We had heard nothing from Harry, Ron or Hermione and not only were Voldemort's forces growing but things weren't looking so good for the Order. The fact remained, really, that we just didn't have that many members, and the Ministry, despite their acceptance of His returning, weren't doing all that much to solve it.

Sure, they were sending auror's out to fight and people had become increasingly aware of the dangers around them, but sometimes I thought that Scrimgeour was more intent on keeping the people happy than keeping them safe. And all around us people were dying. They were being tortured. Families were being broken up and the nation was becoming nervous. Who could blame them? Things were not looking their best, and we were scared. Terrified.

Remus disappeared mid august to go back to the werewolves and that was yet another weight on my mind. I needed him here as a grounding point, but Order business, once again, got in the way.

We knew something had to be happening. It was far too intense; too many people were turning or dying for Voldemort to be sitting idly by and watching it happen. Something big was going on beneath the surface and none of our spies could tell us anything. Half of them were dead already.

With Remus and Charlie and Harry, Ron and Hermione all gone, Ginny and I clung to each other like we were our only last hope. I truly believed that if I kept by her she wouldn't go looking for either of her missing brothers. I had to give her something and by doing that I was receiving the anchor I needed to not go off on some hopeless mission myself.

It was six weeks before we heard anything from Charlie. One of our spies had reported seeing a red haired twenty-ish male captive with the Death Eaters and Voldemort himself. He was badly wounded and I feared the worst. He could have already shifted into insanity; my only hope was that Voldemort still had reason to keep him.

Following the leads for several more days I began to form a plan. There was little time to waste and I knew that Charlie wouldn't last that long. Voldemort wasn't renowned for keeping his prisoners too long.

I told no one but Ginny my plan. I knew that I had to have someone behind me, at headquarters that knew my general whereabouts and intent, if only to tell Remus if I didn't come back. This was something I had to do. For both of us, Charlie and me.

-

"I'm coming with you." Ginny said predictably.

"No, you most certainly are not." I looked her in the eye and made sure she knew I was absolutely clear about this.

"What if you get hurt?"

"What if _you_ get hurt? I'd never forgive myself and your mother would throttle me."

She glared and I glared back. I was the older woman here. I was the auror. I was supposed to be the responsible one, so why was I so reluctant to leave her behind?

_Because she reminds you of Charlie._

"You can't come." I said firmly.

"I'm not a child."

"I know you're not, Gin'…"

"So why are you treating me like one?"

I sighed, shook my head and cursed her stubbornness. "Ginny, do you understand that I went through three year's of intense training to learn how to do all this? You've had six years of basic defence training, which will be nothing, _nothing_, compared to the death eater's."

She grit her teeth and set her jaw, giving me a look of malice. "He's my brother. I _want_ to come."

I remember being that Age. I remember thinking that I knew more than I did and wanting to help and then I remember failing because of it. We can't fail now. Ginny was young, she was inexperienced. But then, so were the three teenagers out there saving the world…they were exactly like Ginny.

"You can come." I said softly. "But you listen to what I say and you do it exactly."

-

_I owe the Weasley's everything; I'd known that for years, since I was Ginny's age even. They had kept me going throughout those hard months, made sure I ate and I was warm and safe. They never let me down. God, don't let me let them down. Not with this. Not with the thing that I owe them most for in the world:_

_Charlie. Don't be dead. Please, don't be dead…. or worse. Please be able to recognise me, to recognise Ginny. Please know that I am your friend, your oldest and most loving friend and I don't want to hurt you. Please Charlie. Please._

-

Ginny opened her mouth to speak but I shook my head firmly, plastered against the wall, listening closely. She was beside me, her breath muffled and her body straight. I had disillusioned us both but I took no chances. I didn't want us to just step out in front of Bellatrix so she could aim at us with no problem at all.

Aunt Bellatrix. I resent the fact I'm related to her in any way. "Stay here," I mouthed and Ginny firmly nodded.

Charlie wasn't conscious. Either that or he was stunned, lying there on the floor. He couldn't be dead, that wasn't an option. Bellatrix and her death eater's were hovering around a chamber off to the right. I had no intention of disturbing that chamber; I had a fair idea of what was in there. I just wanted to get Charlie and go. I could report our findings to the order and ministry later and form a strike team. Right now was not the time.

I needed a distraction, anything to turn their attention away from Charlie. I was nowhere near stupid enough to try and take them all on. I couldn't stun, or even kill all of them in the time it would take them to hit me.

Unfortunately, Ginny had been struck by the same idea. She was running across the hall, I could hear here hurried footsteps and her breathing as she ran past me. I tried to grab her but that's harder than you could imagine with an invisible friend.

Bellatrix had heard the same signs I had and her head snapped round to stare at where Ginny must have been. I was torn. I was left with a clear path to Charlie but Ginny was in trouble. She had disobeyed my orders and jeopardised everything because of it.

Snap decision. I dived in front of Ginny just as Bellatrix raised her wand. Some thing stuck me…the world went fuzzy and then pain. I was screaming, I knew it, and I bit my tongue in the process. Coming to, I tasted blood and heard yelling in my ear. Ginny was telling me we had to move, we had to get going, we had to get to Charlie before they took him away for real.

It was like waking up in the morning, except I was far more alert. Bellatrix had that insane smile on her face again and we dodged spells like they were bludgers, thanking the disillusion charm and our blind luck that we weren't hit.

I dived at Charlie and grabbed his hand and Ginny's. One of the basic's we learnt in auror training was how to apparate with an alongside passenger. Well, this was harder, I had two, and less time to concentrate, but somehow…it worked.

I let out a sigh of relief and let my head slam against the floor, breathing heavily. We weren't out of danger, we were close by to the chamber's Bellatrix had inhabited because I hadn't wanted to try going too far, but right now we were safer than we were and that thought alone was one enough to make me almost cry in happiness.

Charlie, his head pressed into my shoulder, shifted his head and looked at me. "Tonks? What's going on?"

Ginny jumped on him with a squeal and even I grinned dazedly. That last apparition had taken almost all the energy from me and the spells Bellatrix had set on me were…exhausting to say the least.

The woods around us were dark enough that we could move silently and undetected but too dense that we also could not see more than five foot in front of us. I raised my head, squinted into the darkness and stood up with a groan. Charlie followed suit and Ginny, still clinging onto him, jumped to her feet.

"Ginny, can you apparate?" I asked softly.

"No, I haven't learnt."

"Right." I bit my lip and looked at Charlie. "You're in no condition, either. You'd splinch yourself."

He nodded, still looking around slightly dazed. "I don't suppose there's any time for an explanation-?"

"No. Later." I looked up through the trees to the night. In the forest, something howled.

"We should get going. Be on your guard. And keep quiet, don't say a word unless you have to."

Charlie gave me a look as if to say 'when did you get so bossy?' but I ignored it. What did they know about this sort of stuff? I had spent three years having it drilled into me and now I had a duty to protect and if I was rude about I'm sorry, but I'm just doing my job.

We set off slowly, mostly because I was spent and Charlie had done something to his legs and they were sprained and painful for him to put too much pressure on them. I could fix minor wounds, cuts, bruises and breaks but for anything as serious as what he'd be travelling on I'd daren't touch them. I was no healer.

Something, a wolf, I guess, howled a little closer and I felt a shiver run through my body. There was something about that howl, something that reminded me of.

"It's full moon." I said blankly, my heart dropping. And that howl…

Another one, closer, but in a different direction. Not even a werewolf could move that fast which meant there was more than one. Then, closer, further away again, another direction….

They were howling to each other. More than ten of them, an entire pack full, loose in this forest, and I'll bet we were the only humans around. The only flesh. The only fresh meat.

"Are they…werewolves?" Charlie asked. I nodded. "And I'll bet they haven't taken any wolfsbane, have they?"

I shook my head, thinking furiously. I was reluctant to hurt them, what if they were like Remus? But then, if it came down to it…it wasn't just myself I was protecting this time. And I would protect Ginny from Remus if he attacked her.

"Aduro Lunolucis," I whispered quickly to the two red heads. "Don't aim for the chest, just the legs. Knock them out of the air if they jump for you and by all means blind them, but don't aim for the chest!" at their shocked expressions I added hastily, "it shoots a jet of pure silver. A direct hit may kill them, and we don't want that if it's not necessary."

A small part of me whispered to myself that Remus had gotten me questioning things. He had influenced me enough that I questioned the enemy, simply because I had a loving affiliation with them. Surely, someone always means something to someone somewhere?

Ginny looked as ready as the auror's I worked with but Charlie, who didn't like to harm any living creature, looked reluctant. He stared at his wand and back at me, grinding his teeth together thoughtfully.

"It's either you or them." I said sharply.

Charlie glanced at Ginny and nodded. He, like me, would do anything for her. We would both fight to the death, and it seemed the time to prove ourselves may well have come.

The battle cries had surrounded us now and I could feel them creeping up on us from all angles. There seemed to be no way we could escape this time. We were blocked in. A wolf appeared from out of the din and let out a low, feral growl. Instinctively, I moved in front of Ginny and I felt Charlie do the same but really, it would have done nothing. If a wolf wanted to take us out if could do so by just alerting the rest of the pack.

Then a wolf dived for us, its head right up to my chest and its hair slightly greying. It growled and turned to face the wolf threatening us and I couldn't help but reach forward and stroke his back.

_I love you, Remus._

There was carnage. Ginny and Charlie did as I said and only aimed for the legs but I was slightly more accurate and aimed for the sensitive part in between the shoulder blades if I could. Wolves began to back away, even when not under the wolfsbane a werewolf has the intelligence to know when it's beaten. If it weren't for Remus, defending me, mostly, we'd be dead. All of us, even Ginny.

The wolves faded away and I knew, we had to get out of there instantly. If they didn't come back the death eaters were sure to come looking.

Charlie took Ginny by the hand and I held onto Remus the moment we heard more voices in the distance. I didn't care if we got splinched, we'd be gone.

-

We apparated directly onto the Weasley's kitchen floor, crashing against the dishes cabinet as we fell. In fact, the only one still on their feet was Remus. He looked over me with humour in his eyes but my head was so heavy and my limbs so tired I couldn't even muster a smile.

Molly and Bill thundered down the stairs, their faces a mask of hopelessness. They had their wands drawn towards us.

Ginny stood up, brushed herself off like it was some sort of daytrip and Molly grabbed her. "Where have you been?" she shrieked, pulling Ginny away form me like I was a convicted criminal. She was glaring at me with more anger than I had ever seen. "Tonks! Where did you take her?"

I shook my head dumbly and pulled myself up off Charlie. He too was looking dazed and more than a little peeved but overall he looked glad to be home. I watched Molly putting two and two together, looking to Charlie and back to me as she hugged him and looking uncertainly at Remus, who had his head pressed against my hip and was watching me concernedly.

I scratched behind his ears, thinking that would be the end of it but Molly continued to scream at me. I took it, trying to look as if I was guilty about something and just concentrated on remaining vertical. I was so tired the world seemed to spin before my eyes.

Charlie put his arm around me and Remus nudged at my leg. I was swaying and I knew any second my legs would give way beneath me.

Charlie got me to the couch in the living room and let me pass out.

-

"It was really terrible. I've never seen Tonks scared before. I mean, she's an auror."

Something was heavy on my stomach. I tried to shake what felt like cotton wool from between my ears opened my eyes a crack. The candles above me, though dim, were harsh on my sore eyes.

"Well there's only so much you can take, Ginny." Charlie replied and a wet cloth on my forehead shifted as he spoke. "Just because she's an auror it doesn't mean she's invincible. She's still human."

That thing on my stomach moved and was lifted away, leaving my skin cold. Then it licked my nose.

"Remusss." I whispered with a small giggle. The wolf pressed his nose against my cheek and I tired to raise my hand and stroke behind his ears but I could hardly lift my fingers.

The cloth was taken away and I opened my eyes a little more. Molly was hovering in the doorway with Ginny, rocking on her heels and white as a sheet. I tried to grin at them and Molly let out a sob. "Oh Tonks, I'm sorry!" she shrieked.

"Wha?" I murmured. My eyelids drooping again but I forced them open. Charlie was leaning over me with the cloth and he had a proud little smile on his face.

"I should never have yelled at you!" Molly cried and I blinked a few times, processing this information.

"Uhnevermind." I said, tipping to one side so my head could properly see Remus, his whiskers grazing my cheek. That did make me smile. I always adored waking up next to Remus.

"Let her sleep, let her sleep." Molly said, ushering her children out of the room. Ginny leant over to give me a quick hug before she left and Remus settled on the carpet, watching me. He made such a cute wolf.

-

I was slightly more responsive in the morning when I woke up at ten to midday. I heaved myself off the couch and yawned, pulling the blanked I'd kicked off during the night around my shoulders. I stood up, my woollen cloak flowing behind me as I stumbled into the kitchen where all sorts of gorgeous smells were wafting through the door.

Molly let out a cry of happiness and pushed me into a chair. There was no one else in the kitchen except us and when I peered through the window to the figures in the garden she smiled. "I told Charlie and Remus to enjoy the sunshine so they're out in the orchard picking apples. Ginny's upstairs. Her letter from Hogwarts arrived today so we're popping into Diagon Alley later this afternoon. You're welcome to come if you feel up to it." She looked at me adoringly. "I'll just get the boys in from the garden, it's lunchtime."

"I'll get Ginny," I said, all traces of drowsiness gone and I stood up eagerly. Molly looked ready to protest but I gave her a look and stood at the bottom of the stairs and yelled "GIN! DINNER'S IN THE CAT IF YOU DON'T COME DOWN!"

At this, Crookshanks snaked into the room and looked at me expectedly. Ginny was bounding down the stairs and jumped on me from the seventh step, almost toppling us both. She hugged me and jumped up and down with excitement. Crookshanks hissed and ran out of the way of the hysterical teenager.

"You're awake!" she yelled, letting me go finally and grinning widely. "Why didn't you call me?"

"Not been conscious long," I replied, shoving her into the kitchen. I was ravenous and the sooner we all sat down to eat the better.

Remus and Charlie were just coming up the path as we sat down. They were talking animatedly with smiles on their hansom faces and carrying basket's of apples behind them.

Charlie hugged me and stepped aside. Remus gave me a loving look and held out a piece of fruit. "Apple?" he asked happily.

When he got so playful I've no idea but one glare and he was hugging and kissing me like I'd wanted.

Over a bowl full of vegetable soup (there was an apple pie in the over as we spoke) Charlie took a glance at mine and Remus's hands, entwined on the table.

"You've come along way since I first knew you, Tonksie." He said and I cringed. I hadn't heard that childish name since I was Ginny's age.

"Well, I've changed an awful lot." I said and exchanged a look with Remus. He hadn't seemed to want to take his eyes away from mine since he came in.

"I know," he said defensively. "I just had no idea you'd become such a powerful witch. I've heard stories about the type of things you've done and the things you've faced. I had no idea."

I shrugged. "You're saying my job's dangerous and you work with _dragons_?" I laughed. "I'd rather have my job thanks!"

"Are you coming into Diagon alley with us this afternoon?" Ginny asked hopefully.

Remus slipped his hand onto my leg underneath the table. "No, I don't think so Gin. I might try and get some more bed rest."

She nodded and seemed to absorb that excuse pretty well. "Are you going back to Hogwarts?" I asked, spying her booklist on the kitchen counter.

She frowned. "No, I don't think so. Mum's going to help me with most of the lessons; a lot of them can be done from home. And professor Lupin has offered to help me with the defence against the dark arts stuff and Charlie's an expert in creatures, so that's two lessons sorted at least." She sighed. "Muggle studies I suppose dad can help with but he does seem to get a bit eccentric about it sometimes."

"I have a certain amount of skill in potions." I said helpfully. "And transfiguration. It was a few years ago, but I did get outstanding on most of my Owls and NEWTs." Charlie sniggered and I threw a piece of bread at him. "What are you laughing at? Dragon-boy."

He gave me a grin. "Tonks, you somehow managed to knock over your cauldron in the exam and burn a hole in the floor."

I rolled my eyes and turned to Ginny to explain. "It was Charlie's fault, he was pulling faces at me. Nothing I could do really. Besides, I managed to save most of it and I still got outstanding." I stuck my tongue out at him.

He didn't have much answer to that, really.

Then someone's head appeared in the fire. A head I had never in my life expected to see…

**Ooh! Who do you recon it is! I want to hear your thoughts….**

**Again, sorry it took so long to be delivered. I've kind of been weighed under and with the writers block it's been one tough cookie. Anyhow, I hope it was okay. I liked this chappie, I thought it was like a little story in itself…. kind of. Whatever. **

_**Pinkpixie37…. yes, Charlie. Muahahaha. You know you love me really. Wish my parents were as accepting as mr. and Mrs. Tonks are. Xox.**_

_**Lupinslady…lol, I sometimes feel it never will end. It has to. Eventually. But not yet. Charlie lives! Xox.**_

_**Wandless…sorry you didn't like it, hope the next was better. I'm not the type of author who enjoys writing constant fluff. They're at war, they need to fight. Fluff will fit in around fighting, I'm afraid. That's how it goes. There will be much fluff later but right now they're fighting. Xox.**_

_**Princessdza…I LOVE chocolate. Live for it. You're very very welcome, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Xox.**_

_**Fawkes309…. he's back and safe! And –gasp- I may even give him a girlfriend at the end of it all? Good/bad? What do you think? You make the call. Xox.**_

_**TrubySCS3…. do you think there should be a fluffers anomonous? I reckon so. We all need help. Charlie? Save the world? Of course not. –Cough- I love the dragons released onto voldemort idea! Thanks! You're so cute, thank you! Xox.**_

_**Kates master…. I had no idea so many people would come up with the reply of "NO! NOT CHARLIE!" I'm shocked I haven't got death threats yet. Yeesh. Aww, I hope your friend is okay! Xox.**_

_**Little tussi….lol. Another "not Charlie" remark. Love it! Gracias! Xox.**_

_**Celi….hahaha! Seriously, the amount of people telling me not to hurt Charlie is hilarious. thanks for reviewing!. Xox.**_

_**Dramaqueen04…sure thing! I'll check that out! A deed for a deed, as they say. Xox.**_

_**Tillylongbottom…. Omg! I'm so glad you reviewed! Xox.**_

_**Mouseykinds…yay! Werewolf's daughter fan! I do a little dance every time aumtumnbreeze25 update! I'm like her biggest fan! Relax, I wouldn't kill Charlie. yeesh. Xox.**_

_**Autumnbreeze25….yes, Charlie. muahahah…-sneeze-…..hahaha. I love Ginny. Ah yes, I'll remember. I'm left handed, but I have no scar…not yet anyway, bound to burn it at some point what with my culinary skills. Thank you, not everyone liked that note, but I didn't think he'd actually talk to them. Speak soon! Xox.**_


	31. you ruined everything!

_Disclaimer: I don't own anybody. _

I almost choked on my own breath and I felt Remus stiffen beside me. Pictures, photo's, I'd seen them constantly in _that_ house for a year straight…

The bodiless head looked around quickly at something behind him and grit his teeth in pain, suppressing a groan. "I need to speak to Harry Potter!" he yelled as if he himself couldn't hear his own voice.

Charlie drew his wand but Remus dived for the fire, kneeling on front of it pale and sick looking. I stood behind him, my wand hand shaking, pointing it at the mans forehead.

His grey eyes flicked to mine and back to Remus. "Harry isn't here, we don't where he is," Remus said stiffly. "What do you want with him?"

The man flinched but I wasn't sure it was because of Remus's words. He looked behind him again and shifted his head painfully. "I need to speak to him. Please, I can help him. I need to know where Harry Potter is!"

"We don't know!" Remus said forcibly and with far more aggression than I had ever expected of him. "What do you really want with him? Has Voldemort sent you? How dare you disturb this family? Haven't you caused enough trouble already?" he growled and for a second I thought he seemed more wolf-like than I had ever seen him.

The man in the fire looked around desperately and his eyes fell on me, looking calmly back at him. "I need to pass on a message to Potter," he said quickly. "Tell him – tell him, that I have it. And I know a way."

He shuffled and something green flew past his ear and he let out a cry of pain. Remus glared at him and I could see his lips repeating silently the cryptic message he had told us. Then the man pulled a regretful face, aimed at me, and said, "to the last of the Black Line. There is hope yet; the loss of my brother will not have been in vain. Nymphadora. Keep your head low and your heart high. They'll be coming for you."

Whether he was just passing a message on or whether he had figured out that I was Nymphadora was beyond me and I never got the chance to ask him because half a second later he had ducked out of the fire with a shout and the connection ceased.

There was silence all around the room. The Weasley's looked between us hopelessly and Remus and I exchanged deeply significant looks.

Then, Ginny asked softly "who was that man?"

Remus stood up slowly and straightened his back so he reached his full height. "That was Regulus Black." He said softly, like he was asking someone to pass him a teacup.

"Regulus- Sirius's little brother?" Charlie asked disbelievingly.

I nodded, unable to speak, the message ringing in my mind. _Keep your head low and your heart high. They'll be coming for you._ What did that mean? Did that mean what I thought it did? Could that possibly mean what I had feared for so many year's since I was a child…that I would be faced with the Noble and Most Ancient house of Black? That I would have to live up to and face my bloodlines? The most evil of wizards…

But most of all, this meant that Regulus Black was not dead and he knew all about Harry and possibly even more that we did. Was he trusted? Could he be trusted?

"RAB." Ginny muttered, staring at the empty fireplace and blinking more times than could possibly be natural.

We all waited for an explanation patiently but she didn't continue. She stood up hurriedly and said, "I have to write to Harry!"

We let her go, thinking nothing of it at the time. Remus, still white in the face and rather ill looking fell heavily into a seat. "He's alive…" he breathed.

I placed my hand lovingly on top of his in an act of security. "How?" I asked.

He shrugged, and all wolfish tendencies were gone from his nature. He was tired and wise again and gentle. Everything I loved and admired about him returned to his character.

"What did he mean, 'They'll be coming for you'?" Charlie asked horrified, looking to me. "He said your name! How does he know you?"

"I've no idea." I said. "I guess he must know I'm a metamorphmagi from my birth, it was a pretty big thing, one of _us_ in the family. I suppose he put my age and appearance together and decided I was Nymphadora. Good guess."

Remus watched me with concern and placed his hand across my fingers. "You don't think that means Bellatrix, do you?"

I tried to remain calm and keep a controlled composure, if only for his sake. "Could mean the whole damn Black family. I dunno. What does it matter? A supposedly dead man is handing out prophecies and I'm supposed the respect and obey them?" I stood up and began clearing up the cups from the table, if only for something to do. "Sounds like some sort of sick joke, if you ask me."

I avoided their eyes as I began to wash pots and dishes. Remus especially was watching me closely as he dried the pots next to me. It was like they were all trying to read what was on my mind, but I betrayed no worry.

Because I _was_ worried. I'd thought Regulus was dead, we all had, and then suddenly he starts talking about Harry and people "coming for me" and Ginny starts going all strange and mumbling things like "RAB". I wasn't having it. I had just repaired my life, had almost gotten things worked out without old supposed-to-be-dead cousins suddenly appearing in the fire and expecting things of me. I resented every part of my Mother's family, bar Sirius, and he was dead.

I stopped._ Sirius. Did he know? Would he have guessed? Would he have…_

_Forgiven him?_

-

"I want to know what made you leave." I said later that night as Charlie and I were clearing away the dishes. He was now fully back to health and I was back to my previous strength so I figured it was time to delve into something more taxing than light polite conversation.

"Leave to where?" he asked, glancing over his shoulder as he pushed a baking tray onto the top shelf.

"You went after a death eater, didn't you?" I asked plainly. "Charlie, please tell me you didn't go after Bellatrix-"

"Don't be thick." He said suddenly, even harshly.

"Good, because that's not your job."

He turned to fully face me, standing over me like he was some sort of higher species. "When did you get so arrogant, Tonks? What makes you think you're any more capable than I am?"

I raised an eyebrow and stared back. "Charlie, I've told you before. I've had to witness things that could make you go insane. I've had to deal with all types of magic, far more than you have. Please don't assume that I am weak."

He was hiding something and we both knew that I wouldn't be sidetracked easily. I put a hand on my hip and said directly, "Tell me why you left."

He ignored me. "Who was the one who saved your over sized head back in seventh year, eh?" he glared me down and I merely smiled back.

"Need I mention that I was the one who came to find you after your little plan went wrong? How and why did Bellatrix manage to capture you, Charlie?"

He shook his head and muttered something that sounded incredibly like "conceited," and continued to put away the dishes in silence.

"You should leave capturing dark wizards to those who know how," I went on. "You've not been trained. You don't know powerful magic, as much as you'd' like to think you do. You can't be the hero, Charlie. Not this time. You're not at Hogwarts anymore."

Without another word I turned on my heel and apparated from the house.

-

I monitored closely as Ginny crushed up the dried leaves with her fingers and added them to her potion. It was far more advanced magic than she should have been doing in her respective sixth year, but I thought we'd take a day off.

"Am I doing this right?" she asked nervously.

"You're doing perfectly." I assured, giving the potion a slight mix. "Now, wait four minutes and twenty seconds," I read aloud, "and add the sunflower roots." I flicked a page ahead in my textbook and shrugged. "Not that much more to go, Gin, should be ready in fifteen minutes."

Her eyes lit up and she sat back, examining the book closely again. I had leant her my old auror textbooks so we could play around for a little bit. So far today we'd already made one love potion, several antidotes including a snakebite venom antidote, an exploding fluid, and a failed veritaserum (unfortunately our victim – Fred- began revealing truths that we hadn't asked him to reveal and Molly caught us, destroying the potion.)

We had decided to move onto something Ginny had wanted to do ever since we first met – changing your human appearance with potions. I would have helped her learn by using transfiguration, but I had never been so great at that. Why bother changing your appearance with a spell when you could just do it mentally?

"When you left Hogwarts did you wonder whether you'd ever see your friends again?" Ginny asked out of the blue and I knew this was something she'd wanted to bring up for a while now.

"All the time," I said simply.

"And did you ever meet any of them again?" she asked hopefully.

I thought it over. "A few of them," I said dully. "Charlie, obviously. My friend Hannah joined the Worcester Wolves and I saw her a few summers ago, although I couldn't speak with her. Another one, well I saw him briefly when I was in my first year of training. He'd been smuggling something illegal into the country and the ministry was locking him up for a few weeks in Azkaban."

Her eyebrows rose quite suddenly and her mouth fell open a little. "And you don't know anyone else?" she asked.

"Well I've heard from a few of them since, most of them are married now." I checked the potion as something to do and gave it a stir. "A few of them even have kids."

Remus and I had discussed the matter of children and had come to the conclusion that it was too dangerous. What if the child had a tendency to get more violent around full moon? Or had some sort of problem? Or was furry? Hell, we didn't know what could happen, only that it was safer not to. Even so, I still wanted a child. Something I could hold in my arms, something that was part me, part Remus.

"I think this might be done," I said, examining my watch and the potion closely. "Now, what colour do you want your hair to turn?"

"Hmm…purple." She said decisively. "Kinda…lilacy."

I screwed my face up and felt the familiar rush of warmth and excitement and felt my hair grow and change. I opened my eyes and lifted a lock of lilac hair, took my wand and severed a strand off and threw it into the cauldron.

It bubbled and hissed and turned purple.

I stirred it one last time, filled a glass and handed it to Ginny. "Now, if you die, it's not my fault."

She nodded and eagerly took the liquid away from me, drinking it down in one gulp.

-

"GINEVRA WEASLEY WHAT _HAVE_ YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR?"

I flinched. Ginny grinned. "Don't you _love_ it, mum?" she pulled at one of the hairs and I tried to shrink into the background but unfortunately Molly spotted me.

"What did you do to my daughters hair?" she screeched and I blinked a few times before answering it.

"Just…modified it," I said weakly. "It'll be gone in a few weeks."

"A FEW WEEKS?" she rounded on Ginny who was examining her reflection in the back of a spoon. She looked stunning. "You change it back right now, young lady!"

"No, mum, I like it." She grinned and stood up, clearing her books and cauldron from the kitchen table and pocketing the rest of the potion in a bottle. There had to be enough top-ups there to last a year but of course she'd never tell Molly that.

"Molly she's old enough now that she can decide on her own appearance." I said gently. "It's not like she's starving herself to make herself thinner or completely altering her appearance. It's just her hair colour, and it won't last long." Then I leant forwards and added in an undertone, "c'mon, Molly. Don't you remember what it was like at that age? Finding your footing in the world? Discovering who you are? This is all part of it."

She frowned and watched her daughter who was grinning broadly and looked happier than she had in weeks. "Oh fine, I suppose." She snapped. "But I will not have her dying it green!"

I laughed and made a note of not having my hair green for a while, at least in front of Molly.

-

Work was getting tense. I was no longer assigned paperwork – the lower auror's got that, the ones still in training. I felt a small annoyance as I remember being at that level, but then I reminded myself that everyone had gone through that. It was part of the training.

More than once I was called out in the middle of the night or half way through dinner or – to my annoyance- whilst in a particular intimate moment with Remus. I would come back exhausted and all I ever wanted to do was sleep.

I lost weight drastically and both Molly and Remus began nagging until I was forced to morph into a more "healthy" weight appearance whenever they were around. I also found I had less free time and I couldn't tutor Ginny as much or have simple things like dinner with Remus. Nights were becoming shorter both because of the approaching winter and my schedule becoming tighter. I was far more prone to fits of crying than I had been before and found myself one night whilst writing a follow up report on a death eater's escape and bursting into tears because my quill ran out of ink.

The pot of ink was right in front of me but the fact my quill had betrayed me was what made me so emotional. Remus came over to look at me strangely and said softly, "Darling, what's wrong?"

I held up my quill, laughing and crying at the same time. "It ran out," I said pathetically.

I value him for not laughing. He simply took the pen from my hand, dipped it in the pot and put it back in my hand. "You need to sleep," he said clearly.

I shook my head firmly. I'd reached the stage of feeling like I was floating rather than walking, drifting rather than thinking…

Not for the first time did I find myself being pushed into bed by Remus. He tucked the covers around me, kissed me good night and turned out the lights.

When I woke up in the morning all my reports were written perfectly and in my untidy scrawl.

**_All right…_a lot happened in that chapter I quite liked it really. Anyhow, you're the one's who matter, so tell me what you think!**

_**Lupin-n-tonks101 uh…no. No. no.no.no. Lol, doing good! Hope I surprised you! X.**_

_**RedLA…NEW READER! I hope she's in the next book a lot. Awesome, thanks for reviewing and keep reading! X.**_

_**Chaotic pink chocobo..NEW READER! Thasnkyou! Keep reading and thanx for reviewing!**_

_**Lupinslady…unfortunately it does. Stupid world. Reality is so overrated. Yay, another bridesmaid! Xoxoxxox. You like green? –Snicker-**_

_**Kates master….uh…no. No. No. No. No. No. Nice one! Teenage years suck, can't wait to be rid of them. And the force be with you, my friends! (There IS two of you, right? hence the WE?)**_

_**Autumnbreeze25…adults? Worrying? When did that begin to happen? Hehe. Of course I dance when you update! Don't be scared! IM rocks. You'll always be Anne to me. –Grins- xoxox.**_

_**Little tussi…heheh, cliffies ARE fun. You can defiantly come! Want to be a bridesmaid? Need a few more. Like green? Xox.**_

_**TrubySCS3…. aww, thanks! –Cough- I'm sorry…. NEW REVEWIER! NEW REVEWIER! NEW REVEWIER! NEW REVEWIER! NEW REVEWIER! Happy? –Grins- sure, your brother likes Harry potter romance stories? Cool! Xox.**_

_**Aeron lefay…cheers to you too! Thanks! Xox.**_

_**Dramaqueen04….aww, thanx! You made me smile! Xoxox.**_

_**Wandless…sure, another bridesmaid! Lol, blonde Harry…I want to see that! Xox.**_

_**Princessdza…oh, sorry. I tried to make it as clear as I could. Owell, I'll try harder next time! Ginny's awesome, she's so cool. I love her. Cool, I was worried I wasn't updating quick enough. Stupid school. Another bridesmaid! Oh yes! Hehe, I played badminton with my Harry look a like. He's so pretty! And he was showing off and stuff (that was just plain funny) and he turned red when I spoke to him! Think –hope- I have a chance with him! Thanks for everything! Xox.**_

_**Mouseykins…Godzilla! Oh you made me laugh so hard – not good in class! I wish Remus would teach me a few lessons but lets not go there! Thanks for reviewing! Xox.**_

_**Celi…lol, me too. Would I? Xox.**_

_**Fawkes309…he won't come between them, don't worry. Okay, so Charlie can get a lil lovin. Uh…not sure if my Harry look a like is a fan…. great chat up line, though! Might try that! He's a geek – sigh- I love him, I want to marry him! Fancy being a bridesmaid? Xox.**_

**see you soon, ladies! (and truby's brother, of course -laughs).**


	32. messages

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything…thought I do wish I owned that Harry look-a-like at school…-sigh- oh Spence…_

_Thank you so much to Jumphighly who pointed out that the last few chapters have been a bit out of character where Remus and Tonks are concerned. I'm sorry about this, it's sheer laziness on my part and there is no excuse. I shall try much harder in future. Thank you._

I realized suddenly and painfully that this war had never been about things ending. It was about the world changing and people changing their views to fit a new age. We should have learnt from the first war that things couldn't change unless we made them, that one person simply going away wasn't enough to make an impact. People's views had to change. We had to change. We could no longer base prejudice on the simple accusation of "incomplete blood" or a damaged family line.

The victims of war were not only those who had died. They were the families of the lost, siblings and parents and friends and admirers. They were the ones who cried. They were ones who died for us, for the cause, for a better world. For the future.

I thought about all those who had left me in the period of the war and my mind and heart settled on Sirius. God, Sirius, I miss you. The things I would do to have you back, the people I would—

Its over. The world might as well be over for me now. I always thought that to be an auror in the time of war would be glamorous, special, a hero's work. I was none of those things. I was an arrogant little girl who got under the adults feet when they fought. I was the one disrupting everything, causing the problems, unrighting everything we had fought so hard for.

-

"I want to know why you left, Charlie."

It wasn't me that spoke those words the second time, but Remus. I overheard the conversation in the kitchen as I sat with Ginny going through her schoolbooks. I cocked my head to one side to listen and Ginny paused, her hand half suspended over the page as we exchanged a silent agreement.

"I think it's important." Remus added patiently at Charlie's silence and I knew he must have been reluctant to be as rude to Remus as he was to me. "You breached Order rules, not to mention put one auror and your own sister in danger when they came after you."

I heard him sigh. "You were there," he replied. "Surely, you must have seen-?"

"I saw or heard nothing." Remus said calmly. "I was with the pack the entire time in the southern end of the forest. We only travelled north when we smelt human flesh."

That froze my blood to my bones but I knew Remus was only carrying out orders. If he didn't follow the pack or showed reluctance to hunt he would be quickly counted as a traitor.

"I went after the dragons." Charlie muttered softly.

I had never understood Charlie's obsession with Dragons. It seemed to me like they were nothing short of a quick path to a painful and fiery death.

Ginny and I gazed mindlessly at each other, horrified at what we heard.

"Tonks was right, I was trying to be a hero." He sighed and I could just imagine his posture, his face staring at the floor in embarrassment, his ears tinged red. "I know I should have alerted someone-"

"What dragons?" Remus cut in sharply.

Silence. Then, "I can't believe the werewolves didn't hunt them. You-know-who has a whole load of them, breeding, I guess."

More silence. Remus's footsteps echoed towards us across the flagstones in the hall and Ginny and I busied ourselves with her charms homework. Moments later the second oldest Weasley brother followed looking just how I had expected, head hung low and a shamed expression on his face.

Remus exchanged a glance with me, significantly annoyed and apparated. Charlie watched me curiously for my reaction, coming to sit in the seat beside me.

"Why the hell would you risk your life for a few dragons, Charlie? Why didn't you tell someone? What did you think you could do? Tame a few wild dragons then and there and fly them home with you? What were you thinking?" I hissed.

Ginny watched us awkwardly, her fingers tracing the print on the textbook as if she was following the words, but her eyes were focused between us.

Charlie sighed and felt the back of his head. "Not this again, Tonks. I get it, okay?"

Biting back a retort I pretended to fiddle with my wand in front of me, practicing one of the spells. "You see, Gin?" I said clearly, "Incarcerous" and several thick ropes appeared form the end of my wand and wrapped themselves around Charlie's chest. He glared at me in betrayal. "Stops your enemies attacking you in a fairly productive manner."

"You sound like Mad-eye." He said bitterly.

"Good, there's a reason why he's lived so long." I said stiffly, turning back to Ginny. "Now you try. Charlie, stay still."

-

I knew perfectly that Remus was capable. I knew that he had dealt with more horrors than I could ever handle and I knew that he was strong enough to look after himself, but that didn't stop me worrying about him.

When he didn't return for four nights I began to think the worst. Before, I had kept faith. But now Dumbledore was dead and Voldemort was ahead of us and we were losing and I was scared that I could not function if Remus was forced to leave me forever. Could I continue fighting? Would I want to?

He crept into our room and I knew it was him from his footsteps and not just my wishful imagination. He pulled back the covers and I rolled over to face him.

"Remus?"

"Go back to sleep." He whispered, but there was something wrong with his voice, like there was no strength in it.

"Where've you been? You didn't say a word, I've been worried-"

His shoulder was freezing against me and his skin felt clammy. He was soaking in either water or sweat or…

"Lumos." I muttered and my wand immediately lit in my hand. Remus was panting hard, laying half on the sheets, his face grey and his chest and arms smeared with blood and cuts and bruises. He avoided my gaze, his body shaking in the cold of the winter night air.

"My god, Remus. What happened?" I said breathlessly, feeling an unending need to scream. He shook his head, trying to pull the covers back over himself.

His chest was littered with burn marks, some of them still with a sliver of silver imbedded in the cut. Someone, whoever had done this, had known that he was a werewolf.

I jumped from the bed, ignoring the chill creeping across my body and soaked one of my t-shirts in water from the sink. I gently applied it to his chest, rubbing away at the silver before it could soak into his blood stream. He watched me with blood stained eyes and his lips slightly parted in a silent yell of despair.

After that, there was little I could do but to take him to St. Mungo's and wait.

-

He was slightly more comprehensible in the morning when we shared breakfast from a tray in his lap. I sat with him on the spindly hospital bed having been grudgingly allowed the morning off work by Williamson and what I assumed was a nudge on Kingsley's part.

"We've lost any werewolf assistance completely now," Remus said fairly calmly, one hand wrapped around his teacup and the other rested on my knee. "Voldemort has offered them freedom and fresh meat. Far more than we can offer them."

"But there must be others out there," I insisted desperately. I couldn't bear to imagine the attack on Remus last night, full grown men firing silver at one the had called their own, Applying pain so brutal Remus barely had the strength to return to me.

"Of course there must be a few of them, but the majority have joined the fight against us." he shrugged and chewed his toast. I hadn't touched mine.

"I hate it when you leave like that!" I said sharply. "I know you have important things to do for the order but why can't you tell me – anybody – where you're going?"

He sighed, set down his toast and shook his head. "Because if I told you then you'd want to come."

"Damn right I would!" I stood up from the mattress feeling the need to pace. "Then tell someone! Tell Charlie, or Arthur! Hell, tell Ginny, I don't care! But I hate it when you're out there Remus, I really do." I perched my knee on the bed covers and gave him a pleading look. "What if something happened? I couldn't live without you."

He picked the tray from his knees and put it on the bedside table, drawing his hand out and pulling me forwards so I was inches from him. "I promise, Nymphadora. I'm sorry. I didn't think it would affect you this much."

"Of course it does." I settled myself against him, resting against his shoulder being careful not to rub his chest. "I know you have things you need to do without me. But we're a team now. We can't function if we don't tell each other what's going on."

He nodded, a smile on his face. "Yes, Nymphadora."

-

We heard from the Golden Trio briefly a few weeks later through Hedwig, Harry's owl. She bore a letter for Molly and quickly departed after a brief rest to the Granger's to deliver them Hermione's letter. We assumed her note must have been similar to the one Ron and Harry wrote, albeit less defined in the form of details. Muggles couldn't understand this war.

As it turned out, Regulus Black had found them, and was helping them. We didn't know why or how, but he was alive. Voldemort hadn't killed him as the rumours had said, and that scared me. That meant that whatever we might have heard or the people we thought were dead might not be.

Even more unsettling, however, was when an owl flew the Weasley's window and dropped a letter at my feet. The crisp, red envelope glinted in the light of the fire and unfurled dangerously.

Before I could even reach to throw the thing into the flames it exploded. A hideous, shrill voice erupted from the letter, drilling into the core of my mind and echoing through my soul. That hideous, bitter voice, the one that haunted my teenage years, the one who took Sirius away from me…

Aunt Bellatrix. "Do not betray your blood heritage, Nymphadora. You have hidden from the truth for far too long. Your father may have poisoned your purity, but the Black blood still runs through your veins!"

I sank into a chair as the letter shrivelled up and burnt on the kitchen floor. I put my hands against my head and fisted my eyes. Distantly, I felt Remus's hand rubbing my back.

Keep your head low and your heart high. They'll be coming for you.

Ginny shuffled uncertainly in the doorway, her muscles tensed and her face scared. "I think I'd better tell you about Harry," she said softly. "He won't like it, but this isn't going to end unless we help him."

-

So now it all made sense. Harry's reluctance to share the load, his fierce determination to do it all himself. Everything since when the kids left up until now.

But now, of course, Molly was panicking about all three of them, particularly Harry. An emergency order meeting was called and matters were discussed, from the kids issue to the werewolf's lack of support. Scrimgeour was fighting, but he didn't have the knowledge we did and we weren't willing to share in case there were spies in Scrimgeour's direct office.

It was agreed, after hours of discussion, that plan of action was to aid in the search for the Horcrux's. If those were destroyed, Voldemort could be killed, and that was the root of our problem. It wouldn't take our problem away completely, but things would perhaps be made a little easier for us.

_I know, chapters are becoming fewer and far between, but my college is just LOVING the amount of essays I'm giving them atm, and keep piling on the workload. Because, you know, you gotta love writing essays on a book you don't actually like reading. Bear with me, please. I'm as frustrated as you are._

_Some of you may have noticed that gave an announcement the other day about review replies at the end of chapters. It is now not allowed, so I won't do that anymore. I will be replying directly to your replies via personal message. If I accidentally miss your review or it takes me some time to reply, I do apologise._

_Megs. Xox._

_Hopefully, the end of the war will be soon. Not next chapter soon, soonish. Thanks for reading, please review!_


	33. wait with hope

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything at all._

_Remember, I will be replying to reviews via PM. If I forget to reply to your review, it's a mistake, not a personal insult. Please, no hate mail._

_Note: Remus should NEVER grow a moustache._

On the good news side of things, Harry managed to destroy one of the Horcrux's later that month on the lead up to Christmas. Or at least, we hoped it was a Horcrux. We really had no way of knowing.

Nevertheless Nagini, -Voldemort's snake, we were told- was dead, by Harry's own hand. We weren't told details; we never were in case the owls were intercepted. We hoped, particularly Molly, that the kids could find time to return home over Christmas, if only for a little while. She wanted to recapture the family spirit and go back to how things used to be and how they should have been now. Children shouldn't have to grow up too young.

As much as I wanted to, I could not ignore Bellatrix's warning like I had Regulus's. Although I tried not to think about it, I couldn't help but feel the Black blood flowing through my veins and feeding my body. It was what was keeping me alive and torturing me at the same time. It was something so raw inside of me, so much a part of my mother and Sirius that to a certain extent I felt a flash of pride until I remembered the rest of my mother's family…her sister's, Bellatrix and Narcissa, who had tortured parents into madness and produced their own spawn for the family. Draco, another little brat to spread the teachings of the Black line. The one responsible for the death of the greatest wizard of our time. Him and Snape. I hoped they were dead.

Remus and I lived in fear that the next person I would see would be Bellatrix. As much as I hated It, I was frightened of her. She had hurt me in the past and had killed Sirius, proof of her power and her resent towards those who were classed "blood traitors".

The next Black I saw, however, was not Bellatrix. Regulus appeared on my doorstep like he was a casual acquaintance on December 23rd, his dark hair cut short and his robes straight and ironed. He'd made an effort to come see me.

Unfortunately for him, though, my reaction was one of pure instinct. I raised my wand and sent him flying backwards against the hall wall, where he lay dazed and slumped for a few seconds. There were a few shouts from the neighbouring flats and a few keys turned in the locks. I cursed myself, cast an invisibility spell over Regulus and hid my wand just as Mr. Buxton from down the hall peered out from behind his door.

"Are you alright?" he slurredly asked, raised a silver-curling eyebrow.

I tried to put on a pleasant face. "Yes, mr. Buxton. Those kids from downstairs are just playing knock-a-door run again."

He nodded suspiciously and glanced down the hall as if expecting to see one of them peeking from between the railings of the stairs. Then he raised his chin, swept the hall once more and turned back to his own flat.

Remus appeared at my shoulder, looking round me into the hall. I cast the visibility spell onto Regulus and he stood up and composed himself once more, his features a replica of a young Sirius, concern evidently unmasked by the friendly smile he wore on his lips.

Remus pulled me back inside by the arm he had wrapped around my waist and slammed the door shut, drawing his wand as I did. I could feel his harsh breath on my cheek as he growled, "What's he doing here?"

A soft knock on the door. "Nymphadora, I just need to speak with you," Regulus called. "I'm unarmed, I'm here to protect you."

My initial thought was liar and Remus seemed to agree. He looked to me quickly and wrenched open the door. The moment Regulus appeared in his sight, he disarmed him, tied him up and dragged him inside before any of the neighbours could question what the commotion was.

My cousin hit the floor for the second time with an unsatisfying thunk. He rolled over, wincing as he struggled to raise himself to his knees and found himself facing the deadly end of both Remus and my own wands.

"What do you want?" I asked levelly, my wand hand steady an inch from his forehead.

He gave me a tired look and winced again as he shuffled his feet. "Nymphadora, please. I'm here as your friend."

"You're here as a Black." I corrected. "Tell me why I shouldn't kill you for what you did. You're a death eater."

"No. Not any more. Please, Nymphadora. I'm not here to hurt you. I know --- I know about the Order."

My wand hand faltered for a second, a second I became increasingly angry with, but I recovered quickly. Remus stood stock still, watching uncertainly as Regulus shuffled to his feet.

At our silence, Regulus hurriedly continued. "I have information that could help you, Nymphadora." All the time he spoke to me as if he didn't adnowledge Remus's presence. "I know Bellatrix's whereabouts, I know what she is going to do. You have to believe me; she is going to stage an attack. She has people working inside the ministry-"

I opened my mouth to interrupt, to ask how he could possibly have known all this and why he was telling me, of all people. But he continued on hurriedly, like time was quickly slipping away from him.

"Azkaban is not safe. Bellatrix is planning a break out for the remaining supporters of Voldemort." He stared pleadingly up at me and I felt something move inside that I shouldn't have felt. I didn't want to feel pity or trust for this man, he was everything I tried so hard not to be.

"Please, Nymphadora." Regulus begged, holding his hands out to me. "I know what they're planning, I can help."

The two men were watching me closely. I bit my lip in consideration, turned to Remus, and said, "Contact Slughorn or Moody. I want some veritaserum."

Regulus sighed and began to stand to his feet, but a quick sharp shock to the back of the knees solved that problem. "Don't you move." I said sternly as Remus poked his head into the fire. "I won't trust you until I hear it coming from the potion."

-

After a brief chat with Moody, Remus and I took Regulus in for questioning at Order head quarters. I still hated that place, with it's fading wallpaper and threadbare carpet and the smell of death in the air. Regulus, however, lit up when he saw his childhood home, a reaction so very different from Sirius's that it made me feel sick inside, and I had to turn away and stare at Kingsley instead. Remus wasn't looking much better. Though we had been back to this place plenty of times since his death, there was still something about it. Maybe it was because it had been neglectfully kept for the last year. Or maybe it was the presence of dark magic in the walls. Or maybe it was just because Sirius wasn't here anymore, and that still hurt.

My cousin was harshly forced into a chair, although I doubt with time he would have done it himself but with far more dignity. Then he lifted his chin and opened his mouth expectedly.

No one spoke. No one moved. We all just stared as Regulus waited for the inevitable.

I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what he had to say, but I forced myself to stand beside Remus and watch as Moody slipped the potion onto his tongue. He closed his mouth and when no one dared to move, I stepped forward.

"Do you know who I am?" I asked calmly. Remus set his hand on the small of my back for comfort and only then did I realised I was shaking.

Regulus nodded. "Nymphadora Black." Then he set his head on one side as if surveying me for the first time and said, "cousin." I shuddered.

Remus pulled me back and took my place in front of him, but before he could ask any form of question, Regulus had begun to speak. "And you. I know you. You are the man-wolf my brother fought so hard to protect. You're Remus John Lupin."

"Do you know the whereabouts of Bellatrix Lestrange?" Remus asked like he had never heard him speak.

"No." he admitted, and my heart sunk.

"Do you know what she is planning?" Remus asked in a politely forced voice.

"She's planning to break the rest of them out of Azkaban," he said. "And she wants the Horcrux's. She doesn't want Harry Potter to find them."

Scared by a seventeen-year-old boy, I thought. How pitiful. Is this what the Black family had turned to being? I hoped he wiped out every last one of them.

"Where will Voldemort strike next?" Moody growled.

Regulus stared for a few seconds, the pits of his eyes echoing the darkness of the room and the stubble on his chin giving him a menacing look. Then, without losing eye contact with Remus, he lifted his shoulders quite gently in a helpless shrug.

"Where is Harry Potter?" Moody asked, as hostile as I'd ever heard him speak to a prisoner before.

He watched moody for a while, restraining against the powers of the truth serum. Then he lifted his chin again, looked me in the eye and said:

"Voldemort has him."

-

It's funny how everything can change. When you think your enemy is against you and they turn, and you think the boy who lived is indestructible and he's not. We all knew it was dangerous for Harry to be out there, but somehow we never quite came to the realization that things might go completely and utterly wrong. Or at least, worst than they were already.

The change in the Weasley household, in Remus, and the Order was all down to Harry. Whenever an owl flew through the window, everyone held his or her breath and we feared the worst. Nothing ever happened; we knew that if the kids were dead we had no way of knowing. It was all about the waiting, and we knew nothing.

Regulus, whether by an act of pure foolishness or just blind hope, was set free and allowed to join the order. He continued to supply us with valuable information and worked as a double spy for us. This, however, appealed to none of us as it was far too fresh in our minds what our last double-working spy had cost us. His presence at Order headquarters and in the meetings pained both Remus and I. Neither of us voiced our feelings on the matter though we both knew it was there. We couldn't help but feel that the wrong brother was alive, the wrong accused and the wrong man offering us safe security.

Then, like we should have predicted, everything changed once more. Regulus found where Bellatrix was keeping Harry. It was a miracle Voldemort had not killed him yet, and yet a nightmare to think of how he must have been toying with him, finding pleasure in his pain and extracting the information he was never given. Ron and Hermione, we were told, were with him and though that made my heart ache I was glad in a way that Harry was not alone in this struggle.

Then, hours after we had heard Regulus' information, everything happened at once and not at the best of times. I left work with no excuse, simply a nod to Kingsley who wordlessly followed me to the apparition point and we arrived at Grimmauld Place quicker than we had ever before. Regulus was waiting for us in the hall, admiring the elf heads still mounted on the wall as if he were simply home for a family visit. Remus was close by, watching with interest as Regulus stalked the corridor, taking in turn the morbid decorations.

And so here we were. The last hope for our last hope. Remus, my cousin, Kingsley, Moody and I.

-

Things seemed to be in a consecutive blur as the operation was undergone. I was told to wait towards the back exit of the Riddle Manor and watch for signs of movement. I didn't protest, not when lives were at stake and every second meant another death. The rest of them went on inside to take on what could be the dark lord himself, and I felt a prickle of admiration and pride as Remus squeezed my hand when he passed.

I hovered between the bushes, still and alert and waiting for something to happen. Minutes passed. There were no lights on in the great house and no sounds were made except for the rustle of the vegetation and a few owls.

There really was little I could see in the dark. Every movement seemed to make me paranoid and I had to remind myself every time I jerked to look at something that every movement I made was a further chance for the enemy to spot my position. I was the backup. I was the one who was meant to take the message back home that everyone was dead and gone and our last hope had died.

But I could never leave them in there, not Harry, not Remus or any of my friends, even Regulus. I wasn't one to abandon hope without fighting first, and I would be the one who died trying to save the people I loved.

There was a flicker of a wand spark before it was wiped towards the back door. Two figures, one carrying an excessive load of rags. One taller than the other.

Then the wand light flickered again and the two men ran down the lawn towards me, stumbling in the night and I caught full view of them. One lank, black greased haired, hook-nosed man and a boy, blond like his mother and my aunt, no older than Harry.

And there, in his arms, was the body of Harry potter.

I halted my movement for a few seconds, waiting for the rest of my party to follow them from the doors but when they didn't emerge I took the decision upon myself to act. They were almost past the bushes segregating the lawn and I shot a jet of sparks towards them, toppling them to their knees. Harry slipped from Snape's grasp and tumbled lifelessly into the darkness.

They retaliated immediately, shooting back in my direction but I crouched down and hid myself so they only had luck on their side if they wanted to hurt me.

Then they were up again and running on. I sprinted after them as silently as I could manage but my balance had never been the best and in the night I was useless.

One of the sparks hit my shoulder and I was thrown backwards into the shrubbery, Snape and the Malfoy child disappearing into the dark with Harry.

-

A simple stunning spell. That's what it took to immobilise me, a basic stunning spell that first years at Hogwarts could have blocked, and I never saw it coming. The problem with auror's are we sometimes forget the world doesn't know the advanced magic we had been trained to repel or rectify, and that gave us a false misconception that the simple spells a) weren't used and b) weren't at all effective.

They were, and it had bloody hurt when I hit the ground. But it hurt more to think I had let Snape escape, for the second time, and take Harry with him, to God-knows where.

As far as I knew, the others were still inside. I heaved myself up onto one elbow, cursing my own stupidity and the bruises that followed. Gritting my teeth, I stood up on my twisted ankle and preformed a spell to numb the pain.

There was really little I could now, but wait until the others returned, and hope I could be of more use next time.

-

Before I knew what was happening, Remus had run towards me, grabbed my arm and pulled me into a sidelong apparition. We landed on the kitchen floor of Grimmauld place with a livid Molly bustling around a crying Hermione and a tense Ron. Moody was sipping from his hip flask tiredly and there was a panicked buzz to the air.

Kingsley helped me to my feet like a true gentleman and Remus held my arm, leaning against the table heavily. I gave him a questioning glance but he shook his head and asked in a strained voice "what are we going to do?"

Hermione dissolved into instant tears, falling into a chair beside Ginny, Ron rubbing her shoulder, his jaw tightly clenched in anger. I looked around the room for an explanation.

"Snape took Harry." Ron said bitterly. "We were ambushed last night and now Snape's taken him to the dark lord. He fled with him the moment he saw you guys arriving."

Regulus massaged the slight beard on his chin, his grey eyes examining me closely and I felt like I was under some sort of interrogation. Hermione continued to sob into her arms, sprawled across the table in complete despair.

"The Malfoy boy is with him," I added, though it seemed unnecessary when they all nodded.

Remus sighed tiresomely and I knew it was hard for him to ask his next question. "Regulus, do you have any idea where Snape may have taken Harry?"

Regulus was still watching me, and his eyes never left me when he said, "he's probably taken him to the Dark Lord."

Hermione sobbed harder and Ron stood up to his full height, his shoulders broader than I remembered them and it seemed suddenly that Ron Weasley had grown up and become a man. "Harry destroyed the last Horcrux last night," he said shakily, albeit confidently. "He's a threat to Voldemort. Snape's taken him so that Voldemort can kill him."

And so we knew, as we all joined the heart-wrenching silence that followed, that this was the end, in some form or another. And this night would be forever classed at the end, or the beginning, or indeed the downfall of the last war.

I just hoped we won.

**_Oh, HA! CLIFFIE! You like? Yes, I know, it's been two weeks since I last updated, but life's got in the way of things, as it does._**

**_REVIEW, PLEASE! IT IS MUCH APPRECIATED AND KEEPS BOGRAT HAPPY…particularly seeing as Bograt has exams in less than a month and will be revising over the Christmas holidays. –Cries-_**


	34. endings and sweet farewells

_Disclaimer: this is it kids. We're reaching the end of the war. Eeek!_

The forces of Azkaban were unleashed upon us almost immediately, like they had heard us thinking. We knew Voldemort had been planning this and again he was three steps ahead of us. The growing army and Harry's disappearance couldn't not be a coincidence. Harry was too important, too precious…

Too young.

Thanks to Regulus we were given the information we needed to track down Voldemort's position. It was, although we never mentioned it until later, surprisingly easy to find him. Too easy, we decided, but what were we supposed to do instead? Sit back and watch an innocent boy be tortured to death because he had the unfortunate duty of being "the boy who lived"? Instead we ran headlong into a battlefield and we never looked back.

The protection of the order became no long just a revolt against Voldemort. It was for this boy, this one boy, who deserved life because his had already been so tainted. We knew we would lose people, but we couldn't lose this war.

The wizarding world and the unwilling muggle world were brought together that night, in the last epic battle between good and evil in what we hoped would be many, many years.

-

Hogwarts was, yet again, transformed into a bloodbath. The few remaining students were driven from their beds and forced into a safer place. The older students, those over seventeen, refused, and fought alongside us, and there was nothing we could do because we had no time to argue and they were respectively adults. Auror's from the ministry, professors, civilians from Hogsmeade, family of those chosen to fight, all gathered together in the fray to show Voldemort that we would not go down quietly.

I was pulled by Remus from the chaos and dragged down secret passages only a marauder could know towards the second floor. I briefly registered where I was and who I was with when we slipped into the girl's bathroom.

I looked around at Kingsley, Regulus, Moody and Remus in horror. Here we stood, at the end, in front of the opening to the Chamber of Secrets, and it all made some sort of twisted sense that Voldemort should finish it here, when in a way this was where it had all started.

"We need to get underground." Kingsley voiced and we all stared at the sink in bleak interest, wondering how we could possibly get down there. All the time, seconds ticked by and Harry could already be dead.

Someone skidded round the corner into the room and we jerked to attention, our wands pointed towards the intruder.

Ginny held up her hands, her eyes wide and stepped back slightly. She glanced over her shoulder, back to us, and hurried forwards, confident we weren't about to blow her to pieces. She looked around the room, examined the sink and leant close to the plumbing.

We waited, though we weren't sure why. Ginny couldn't speak parsel-tongue. She drew herself back up to full height and hugged her arms across her chest. "What are we going to do?" she asked softly.

"You're going to get out of here," I said seriously, pointing at the door. "You shouldn't be here."

We didn't have time for this. I couldn't' be bickering with her now, we had to get down there.

Suddenly, Ron and Hermione took Ginny's place in the doorway, looking at all of us in turn before hurrying forwards, the limp body of a death eater hanging behind them. Their faces were deadly serious and Hermione gave her wand a flick and the body soared over our heads and fell broken against the wall.

There was silence, and then the sinks began to move.

"It's the dark mark," Hermione explained, ever eager to share her knowledge. "Voldemort has it set that only a death eater's presence can open the chamber."

We didn't ask, we merely threw ourselves into the dilating entrance.

It was dark when I hit the floor in an almost elegant heap and there was a musty, untouched smell to the air and the choking stench of rotting flesh. Remus touched my elbow and we lit our wands. The three children landed next to us, our footsteps muffled by the breaking of tiny bones under our feet. No one rebuked the children for following us when Ginny took the lead in front with Kingsley. Moody hovered around them, his magical eye flicking over the darkened tunnel. Remus and I followed up behind, poised at the ready.

We ran for several minutes before rounding into a chamber, the chamber, and paused. Because, really, that's all we could do when faced with such a horrific sight. Death eaters, more than we could have ever perceived, a hundred of them, clustered in the chamber with Voldemort at the back delivering instructions. There were statues everywhere, pristine and untouched, like they had been built days before.

The worst thing was, though, that we couldn't' see Harry anywhere, which was either really good or really, really bad.

Something slammed into me from behind and I sent a curse heading their way. A short, round faced boy ducked to the floor, his hands over his head and peered through his fingers up at me.

"Neville?" Hermione asked, leaning forwards to help him up. I gave him a brief glance before turning away from him and staring back at the death eaters. Harry's life could be slipping away with every second.

"What are you doing here?" Hermione hissed, and I heard the faint flapping noise of her brushing the dirt away from his clothing,

"I wanted to help. I couldn't just let-"

Remus hushed him and he quietened down. And we continued to stare and watch and wait and pray that Harry wasn't dead already.

"There," Moody growled, pointing a knarled finger towards the statue of Salazar Slytherin. A thin, withered and pale body lay under the shadows, gently stirring in the musty air. One of the lenses on his glasses was broken and he didn't have his wand next to him.

Ginny made to take a step forward but Ron held her back with one arm wrapped around her stomach. I felt something shift inside me as the boy slowly lifted his head, one hand against his forehead, clutching at the thin scar.

Unfortunately, Voldemort seemed to have noticed the movement as well, because he swept across the chamber towards him, his twisted snake like face bared in a sort of wicked smile. Harry jumped to his feet immediately and swayed on the spot. A small line of blood spilled from the lightening bolt and down the side of his nose. He quickly wiped his eyes and glared at Voldemort, a feat I don't think I could have achieved myself.

Hermione gripped my arm tightly, her nails digging into my robes as she held back a sob of despair. We had to do something.

And then we were in the thick of battle, somehow. Someone shot at us in the shadows and barely missed and then they were upon us and we were trapped, pressed against the chamber wall in the defensive.

Soon we were scattered and I couldn't see the children anywhere. Moody was fighting close by but otherwise I was alone. A death eater fell at my feet, but it was pointless, as another quickly took its place and then there were ten of them, all aiming at me and my defences growing weak, the spells I had cast around myself in protection growing steadily thin and shattering.

A curse hit my arm and pain shot through the nerves like a wave. I could have screamed, I wasn't sure if I did but I was on my knees soon after when fire hit my back, and then I definitely was screaming.

I never lost hold of my wand all that time and when the pain began to cease I fired randomly into the crowd at any of the masked beings who threatened my path. Shakily, I forced myself to a standing position, set a barrier spell back around myself and continued to fight.

I spotted a flash of red hair to my left and one glance told me Ron was there, less than a meter away. Sparks continued to fly between us and I thought for a second that one of the death eaters might have turned on his allies but it was only a brief misconception because soon I was looking that death eater right in the eyes.

Those eyes. Those deep, black, echoing eyes that told me more than any promise of allegiance ever could, and I knew that, unbelievably so, Severus Snape was on our side, even after what he did.

We fought together, Ron, Snape and I adjoined against the decreasing number of death eaters.

Harry had joined the battle too, I saw, except his was quite different. He was holding the wand of one of the fallen and was brandishing it heroically at Voldemort. The Dark Lord threw back his head and laughed as he sent a jet of green light towards Harry, who nimbly danced out the way and fired a curse.

Then, almost like the chamber had held its breath, we heard the words, "avada Kedavra."

A flash of green light, momentarily blinding and it felt like the prickle of fingertips against your spine. The world was silent except for the faint rumble of something in the castle above but no one moved, we didn't breathe. Both Harry and the Dark Lord were on their knees, blasted by the shock and I could feel my heart pumping life around my body, my breath caught in my lungs as tears rolled down my cheeks, waiting…. waiting…

Then slowly, Harry lifted himself and drew himself up to his full height, a gleam of triumph in his eyes and a defiant grin on his face. Voldemort collapsed limply to the cold hard floor, his arm splayed out across the stone and his wand rolled lightly from his fingertips.

Aunt Bellatrix gave a sickening wail and threw herself onto his body. Then in one fluid motion, she took up Voldemort's wand and pointed it at Harry.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

Bellatrix twisted in the air as she was thrown backwards, and I found myself mouthing the words silently long after I had said it, staring at my wand. The world moved around me, but I continued to stare at my hand.

I was just as bad as her.

The remaining death eaters were rounded up in silence. Most of them seemed to go quietly, few disobeyed. When it came to Snape and the Malfoy boy, however, we were at loss. Should we let them follow unchained or be safe?

Moody barely gave them a chance. He rendered them unconscious and when I shot him a look of annoyance he shrugged, winked and turned to deal with the next death eater.

We left the bodies in the chamber for the ministry to deal with, but not before checking thoroughly that Voldemort was dead. Then we left that horrible place forever.

As we were leaving, something moved in the corner of our eye and sprang at Remus. A tired, withered little man clutched him around the neck, his wand forgotten and his nerves driven by insanity. Remus struggled and gasped as we shot the man off him, Moody binding his hands and placing his under the collective spell holding the other death eaters.

Remus continued to groan, however, and held on tightly to my shoulder, one hand still paused at his neck and I realized, with absolute horror, that Peter Pettigrew had a silver hand.

Thankfully, he had only held on for a second so the damage wasn't as bad as it could have been, but Remus's throat was red and sore and I worried it might close up.

We hurried into the upper levels of the castle.

The ministry relieved us of our burden by taking the death eaters and sending people down into the chamber. Remus was sent into the great hall where Madam Pomfrey dealt with him and the rest of the victims of the war. Harry, however, refused to go, on the account that there was nothing she could do for him and he wanted to stay with his friends. For the whole journey from the underbelly of the castle he never let go of Ginny's hand, a simple act that made my heart ache every time I saw them curled up together.

The entirety of the castle seemed to split itself down the centre. We were either celebrating or grieving for the lost and it was only then, when I was watching what was left of the Order share a drink for those no longer with us, that I realised Regulus wasn't there and I hadn't seen him come up from the chamber.

I sighed and stared at the goblet of wine, my reflection gently stirring in the deep crimson of the liquid. Then I raised my glass, drank the contents and thought back to those who couldn't be here to see the end.

-

Dragons. I had never truly appreciated their complexity or beauty until Charlie showed me the damage they had done across the country when the Giants attacked. He said that because of them we won the war. But of course, Charlie would have said that, just like I could have said it was all down the auror's.

Snape was cleared and he proved innocent under veritaserum. As he told us, he didn't so much kidnap Harry to take him to Voldemort directly, but to take him to Voldemort to defeat him. And he said something about Dumbledore, though I was never really clear on this, when he said Dumbledore needed to die or wanted to die for Harry's sakes, so that he could be independent.

So things wrapped themselves up in the end, didn't they? Or more rather, they felt like they should have done, really, but didn't. After all, it wasn't truly the end because there was so much more that came afterwards that it was more of a pausing.

The children were sent to hospital, and predictably Harry's face was on the Daily Prophet and every other sort of magazine or newspaper for the following three months. He lived at the Burrow for a year after before taking up sporadic auror training and finding his own place close by with Ginny, Ron and Hermione.

Percy Weasley made up with his parents, though I doubt the boys will ever truly forget what was said during those few months of madness. Nevertheless, the family was adjoined once more and they were all the stronger because of it.

Remus and I got engaged weeks after the final battle. It was the gentle, typical, romantic start to my happily ever after that I wanted and expected from Remus. And, as promised those many months ago, I had my natural hair colour on my wedding night.

And as if life couldn't have become any more perfect, we were blessed with our first child mid November. Selene Marie Lupin, who thankfully took after her father more than me. We had questioned her birth on the basis she might have inherited some of the more wolfish traits, but she turned out normal enough, counting aside the slight change in her eye colour once a month. She grew up to be this gorgeous and talented young woman who proved us proud time and time again. Charlie, my best friend for so many years, was crowned Selene's godfather, or as he began to address her, Enna, which stuck. Enna, like all witches in our line of heritage, was invited to Hogwarts when she reached the proper age and became, quickly, one of the smartest young ladies in her year.

Altogether, the world began to function again. Harry and Ron married their respective girlfriends and bore their own offspring and in later years Harry took up the position of Hogwarts headmaster due to "a high demand".

I, of course, continued my Auror duties and Remus took several different jobs and settled on privately tutoring wizards in defence. He enjoyed it, and it brought the money in so that by the time Enna was in her teens we were living quite comfortably.

We lived a quiet life after Enna left for Hogwarts, though we never forgot those we lost and the days we lived in war. After all, who could? When the cries of the innocent and the blood of the desperate stained your sleep and haunted your past, all you could do was hang onto what was safe and familiar and try to move on.

Some things never leave you, some scars never fade….

END.

_**Yeah, please don't kill me. We all have different perceptions of who is evil and what should/will happen in book 7. These are mine. Please do not ridicule me for having certain opinions, i.e. that Snape was working for Dumbledore all along. That's what I believe, accept it, or just don't read. Up till now I have remained in what I hope was a neutral stance, but the ending had to tie up all those loose ends, didn't it? Flames will be laughed at.**_

_Okay, really. The amount of death threats/hysterical reviews I've received since the last chapter was hilarious. Seriously, did you guys HONESTLY think I would kill Harry! For a start, this story has a SEQUEL. For those of you have forgotten, it's called **the Werewolves Daughter by autumnbreeze25**. Go read it, it's worth it! There is a link under my favourites…_

_Last of all; thank you, thank you, and thank you. Everyone who reviewed: I love you, I really do. If it weren't for you guys, I would have stopped writing months back. So, merry Christmas, happy New Year, (just thought I'd mention, I turn 17 next week, Jan 2nd, hint hint), and please, give me one last review, even if you haven't reviewed before. _

_The eternally grateful Bograt. Xox._


	35. A final word

**I would just like everyone to know, there is a prequel to this story currently in writing. ****For those of you who don't know, it's called Resolution Incursus, and it follows the relationship between Charlie and Tonks throughout their education years. I suggest you read it, I've tried hard on it, and I'm having so much fun writing it. **

**Ta ta for now.**


End file.
